


Where There Are Shadows

by Hellas_himself



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Feyrhycien - Freeform, Multi, Post-A Court of Wings and Ruin, a court of frost and starlight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-09-15 08:49:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 93,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16930161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellas_himself/pseuds/Hellas_himself
Summary: Set months after the events of A Court of Frost and Starlight, Rhysand has come to see that Feyre is unhappy. When Lucien finally comes back from the Mortal Lands, Rhys decides to do something about it. Once the truth of their feelings come to light, Rhys finds himself going down a path he had never dared to dream of.





	1. Chapter One

-Rhys-

Feyre was sleeping. She had been for quite some time now. We had spent the day around Velaris, looking for pieces of furniture and art for the new house. And when we’d come back to the townhouse, I saw her yawn and carried her to bed. We missed dinner, but I didn’t care… Not when I knew why Feyre was over working herself, trying to be busy to avoid thinking about it.

She missed her friend. Lucien. And she was worried for him, no matter how much I told her he was happy with his new friends. It was the same mistake we made with Nesta, we had both imagined he would find home with us. To heal here. But Velaris was no place for him. He was far too proud, far too hurt. He was who my mate would have been if I had never brought her here, if she had not met our family.

I felt guilty. I had not fully forgiven him. Even when he had proven to be Feyre’s only friend before we had come into her life. As good a friend as one could be in their situation. I had done ugly, horrible things Under the Mountain, and somehow- everyone had forgiven me, in their own way.

Why should Lucien not receive that, too?

I pressed a kiss to Feyre’s temple, and she sighed out with contentment. She wouldn’t be up for a long while, and I would use this time to my advantage.

I knocked.

Once. Twice. A third time. I heard a muffled curse and the stomping of feet. Lucien opened the door to the apartment he stayed in -rarely- here at Velaris. He raised a brow, his mechanical eye whirring as it looked for glamours.

“To what do I owe this honor?” he asked rather sarcastically.

I produced a bottle of liquor, one from the set of three he had given Feyre at Solstice. He smirked, standing aside to let me pass.

The apartment was rather bare, save for a sofa by the fire. A dining table enough for two. His belongings still packed in a corner in the hallway that led to the bedroom. He would be leaving again.  

“Save your criticism. I don’t want your charity,” he said, going to sit on the sofa. Rather, he plopped down with an undignified huff. I took the liberty of looking for glasses to share our drinks but found none. I raised a brow, I was certain that Mor had sent him a dining set in an attempt to appease my mate.

“They’re at the estate. Vassa loved them more than I did.”

“That’s no problem at all. Mor will be pleased to hear it.”

Lucien watched me walk back to his living room, and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa. I undid the top, setting it down next to me. I offered him the first drink and he took it. As he drank, I twisted my mating band.

“Feyre doesn’t know you’re here,” he said as he handed me the bottle.

“She will when she wakes up.” I drank until Lucien cleared his throat.

“What could be so important that you’d come here without telling her? You told her about… him.” Tamlin. I nodded, passing the bottle back to him.

“You.” That was all I could offer.

He looked at me incredulously, holding the bottle in both hands as if he worried he would drop it.

“Feyre misses you.”

Lucien considered me for a moment. “Could have fooled me,” he said and finally drank. 

I sighed. “You are both undeniably stubborn.”

“I hope you tell her that. Maybe she’ll chuck one of these at you,” he said as he raised the bottle for emphasis. I managed to chuckle. And Lucien smiled.

“I realize that _I’ve_ been… stubborn about you. About where your loyalty lies.” He made to speak and I raised my hand enough to ask for a moment to explain. “You were her friend. Her only friend, before me. Before Cassian, Az and Mor. Even Amren, although how that happened, I rather not get into.”

“You did what you could. Even after she tore Tamlin’s court apart, though I must say that he did this to himself… You stood by her side. And I can’t pretend I don’t know what some say of you, of her. And yet here you are, still working for us. With us.”

Lucien looked at me, that mechanical eye whirring. Again, I thought of how similar he was to the Feyre that called for help that fateful day, and I called in my bargain. But no one had come for him, not the way someone needed to heal.

“I don’t need your pity,” Lucien said, his voice low, like gravel.

“Is that what you think this is?”

He let out a laugh and shook his head. “Whatever it is, I don’t want it. Thanks to you, Tamlin… Well, you already know. I’ve found my place, I can get myself through.”

“Have you ever considered that Tamlin hurt you as bad as he did Feyre?”

A low growl, and for a moment, I thought the fire burned a little brighter. And then he was standing up and storming towards the door. “Get out.”

“Did I hit a nerve?”

“You’ve made your point. Now go.”

I rose to my feet, but I did not walk. “What point is that?”

“I know that I didn’t do enough,” he said, a pained expression on his face. “For Feyre. I let him break her apart.”

“As you were.”

“Don’t pretend to understand.” He was by the door, and still had not made to open it.

So I walked towards him, taking in the sound of his heart beating, the way he watched me, unsure of what to expect. “I understand well enough. We’ve all been ensnared, at one point or another.”

“He was my friend, Rhysand. He took me in when no one else would.”

“You don’t owe him anything.”

“He needs help. It’s the least I could do…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, not anymore. He wants nothing to do with me. He doesn’t believe me.”

“Why do you care?”

“Didn’t it hurt you to be called Amarantha’s whore?”

Low blow. But bold. Hands in my pockets, I remained where I stood.

“I did what I had to for my family. And I would do it again, no matter what anyone thought.”

“Tamlin was my family.” This was nearly a whisper. He leaned back against the door.

“You’re Feyre’s family. She wants nothing more than to see you happy.”

“And you’re here to convince me to stay? You think I want to live here, to rely on your charity?”

“No. I’m not here to convince you of anything. You are free to go as you please. And so what if I put coins in your pockets? What difference does it make?”

Lucien took a long swig from the bottle, pushing himself off the door. He walked towards the dining table to set the bottle down, but I saw the crack in the wood. The cracks forming in the glass. He turned, leaning against the table. He crossed his arms to try to hide how his hands trembled.

“I was the one Feyre ran to when he hurt her. When she was having nightmares, when Tamlin forced her to stay inside. Even if it was all to tear him apart, it was me. Out of every gods damned male in Spring, she ran to me.” I saw the image in his mind, of Feyre in his bedroom. Of their embrace. And the moment Tamlin found them together, as if he had interrupted something. 

“How can I even explain that to Elain?” That question was more to himself than to me, but it was all I needed to understand his stubbornness in being as far from Velaris as possible.

“You love her,” I said. “You love Feyre.”


	2. Chapter Two

-Lucien-

 

It took me far too long to comprehend the words that had left Rhysand’s mouth. And once I did, it felt as if his hands were around my neck. It was hard to breathe, and I felt a nauseating mix of shame and guilt. Shame, because I had allowed myself to give in to how I felt and guilt, because she was my mate’s sister. Elain wanted nothing to do with me, but it felt so wrong to want anyone else.

But I _did_ love Feyre.

I managed to breathe out; his hands were not on my neck. They were in his pockets. Gone was the air of arrogance the bastard always had, replaced by something else. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, what he was feeling. And though his eyes were on me, he was somewhere else, putting the pieces together.

The first time Feyre had come to me, had been mere days after returning to court with Tam. She’d found me near the stables, the way she had yelled my name right as I was getting ready to mount my horse… It had fractured something in me. _Don’t leave me alone here_ , she had said and burst into tears. And every time after that, if Tamlin fucked up, if she was afraid or upset in any way… I was the only one who managed to calm her down.

And maybe all of it had been an act, but I had _wanted_ to be there for her.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said at last, bringing Rhysand out of his musings, “She has you. All of you.” He looked at me as if seeing me for the first time, and under that gaze, I wanted nothing more than to leave.

“It doesn’t matter?” he repeated, his voice cracking. How he had maintained control over himself was beyond me. Had Azriel told me he was in love with Elain, I was certain I would not be able to just stand there and talk.

“I love her, Rhysand. I always have. Since the first time she caught the fucking Suriel. Before she fell in love with either of you, I loved her.” I had to stop, my emotions were getting the best of me. I shouldn’t have drunk so much. There were gods damned tears in my eyes.

Pathetic.

“If you don’t plan on killing me, I am leaving. Tonight.”

I walked back towards the door, whether that meant my death or a reprieve from his gaze, I didn’t care. But Rhysand caught me by the wrist, making me stop. Making me stand before him. There was the High Lord of the Night Court. Lethal. Terrifying. Until he spoke.  

“It does matter. Feyre is a gods damned wreck, trying to pretend your absence doesn’t hurt. It matters because I need her to be happy. Yes, I am her mate. We are her family. But you… she needs you, too.”

I tried to pull away, but he would not relent.

“Don’t leave.”

“Is that an order?” Cauldron boil me, I thought.

“Stay. One more day.”

“I’m in love with her,” I said, wishing it was enough for him to leave me be.

He chuckled, letting go of my wrist. “I don’t blame you.”

The bastard turned on his heel and opened the door, saying nothing more as he walked away and towards the townhouse. Where Feyre slept, where he would be when she woke up. I shut the door, as if the physical act would somehow erase these cursed thoughts from my mind. Instead, I remembered the sound of her closing the door behind her in the library. Knowing the guards that did a poor job of pretending not to follow her would see. Would tell Tamlin. And I, whether in my ignorance, or my pride at being the one she ran to, had smiled at the sight of her. Feyre had worn a velvety green gown, as if she had thought of me when she dressed. Her hair was braided and I had wished to be the one to undo it. She had walked around the table where I had been sitting, coming to stand far too close and leaned against the table. _Keep me company while I read?_ , she had asked. And I had been all too eager to comply.

I finished the bottle by the time the fire had died down to nothing. Why couldn’t _this_ fire die? I threw the bottle into the fireplace and it shattered. I went to gather my things to leave, and even made it to the door. Vassa and Jurian, they would be home, waiting for me. But I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. To leave. I could be home faster than it took Rhysand to get home. To her. I could leave all this behind, and when I could look him in the eye and tell him I no longer desired her, maybe then I would come back. Laughing at myself, I let my pack fall to the floor. I would never be able to come back. And I couldn’t leave. Not if it meant breaking her heart.

I tried to sleep, but all I thought of was the journey from Spring to Winter. We had made it, together. Even if Cassian and Azriel had saved our asses in the end, we had survived that together. Without Vassa and Jurian to keep me busy, I couldn’t help but think of the nights we spent huddled together for warmth. Of my arms around her. Of how she breathed so softly when she slept. Despite the mark Ianthe had left on me, Feyre felt safe. She had saved me, even if she would have left without me. Feyre felt like home.

Morning came, and with it, the onslaught of the sun in my face. I realized I had managed to burn some of the bedsheets in my sleep. I had dreamt of my father and my brothers, holding me back as they killed Jesminda in front of me. Except when she cried out for me, it was Feyre. And suddenly we were Under the Mountain together. Feyre was struggling with the riddle. In my dreams, she never solved it. We never made it out of there.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and went to shut the curtains but ended up pulling them completely off. I cursed, letting them remain on the floor and went to wash up. I felt like complete shit. With some more effort than usual, I dressed into far less wrinkled clothing. I had brushed my hair, not bothering to braid it. I went in search of food and found nothing. At least there was water to drink.

The thought of going out into town for any reason, even for food, was daunting. By now, Feyre would know that Rhysand had come here. Whether he told her what we spoke of, she would still know that I hadn’t left. But I felt like shit, and I needed more than water to get rid of this feeling.

I was walking aimlessly around the city, sometimes stopping to admire a painting or a dress in a window. How many times had I walked here, looking for something to give Elain, only to change my mind? Elain would not want any of the things that caught my eye. They were all undoubtedly Feyre. Even the fucking flowers being sold reminded me of her.

I ended up on the street where the art gallery was. She held classes most days, classes she had invited me to. Classes I had refused. The thought of seeing her through the window set my heart racing. I couldn’t face her, not after what I admitted to her mate. Solstice had been a complete disaster. We had both let our tempers get the best of us. She had always gotten under my skin. And I loved her for it.  


I turned on my heel and headed back to the apartment, and maybe this time, I would find the strength to leave.


	3. Chapter Three

-Feyre-

 

“You did _what_?” I stared at my mate in complete disbelief. I would have felt bad for the look on his face any other day. For any other reason. But not this.

“All we did was talk.”

I rolled my eyes. I had expected to be waking up to anything else. Not Rhys, drunk, and walking in our bedroom this late without Cassian and Az tossing him on our bed.

“Feyre, darling-”

“Don’t _darling_ me! This was _my_ screw up. I was supposed to fix this.” I knew I was shouting. But gods, this was unbelievable. “Lucien is mine,” I said, moving my hands towards my chest, “My mess.”

Rhys’ voice was scratchy, “I just want you to be happy, Feyre. And I know that he’s the reason why you’re not. I thought that being your mate would maybe persuade him, considering…”

I crossed my arms. With an exasperated sigh I said, “You got him drunk. That’s not persuading.”

He chuckled at this, and I wish I had something to throw at him. “Oh. He wasn’t drunk when I left. I went to Azriel’s. I got drunk there.”

“Where is _he_?”

“I told him it was safer if I came alone.”

I had to laugh at that. I’d deal with Az later.

“For a drunk, you’ve still got your wits.”

“Why, thank you.” He grinned, and I threw a pillow at him. Rhys let it hit him, and his laugh was just… any other time I would have loved it.

“What did you tell him.” It was more a demand than a question. My mate sighed, getting out of his jacket. He unbuttoned his shirt and came to sit on the bed. He kicked off his shoes and then turned to look at me.

“I asked him to stay.”

“Stay? Why? Was he leaving?”

Rhys took my hands in his and kissed them. “He was. But I asked him to stay. You two have a lot to talk about.”

“But he just got here.”

“He won’t leave.” I glared at him but Rhys shook his head. “I didn’t do anything. I swear.”

I leaned back, Rhys letting go of my hands. Lucien wasn’t too fond of Rhys. From his perspective, I couldn’t blame him… But Lucien didn’t know Rhys like I did, and I wanted him to. Probably more than what was logical. They respected each other and tolerated each other, mostly for me. And Elain, even if she refused to acknowledge his existence.

“You’re such a prick, you know that?”

“But you love me for it.”

I gave him a smile but he didn’t fall for it.

“I’m sorry that I crossed the line.”

“It’s just… I don’t get why he hates being here. Is he that mad at me?”

There was a sudden, strange feeling through our bond that made me feel a bit too warm. Embarrassment? What could Rhys be embarrassed about?

“Perhaps the liquor loosened his tongue far more than anticipated. But I promise, it was only out of goodwill.”

“Rhys.”

He was still for a moment, and I knew that he was making sure everyone in the house was asleep. And even still, he put up a barrier. No one would hear whatever he had to say. My stomach was twisting in knots. What could be so terrible that Rhys would be so cautious? He came to kneel before me, once again taking my hands in his. I’d never seen him this way, so unsure, except that night in the cabin. When I’d accepted our bond.

“Say something, or show me.” My voice was nearly a whisper.

He sighed and shook his head. “Lucien loves you.”

“I know. We’re friends.”

“No, Feyre. He is _in_ love with you.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Rhys. That’s ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous would be another Suriel telling you something that a fae male has kept from you.”

Gods, that damn look on his face. I had to smile even as tears lined my eyes. Rhys wouldn’t lie to me. Not about something like this. But if it were the truth… I remembered how he and Cassian fought after I had accepted our bond.

“Did you…”

Rhys laughed. “No. Hell, no. He is in one piece. At least when I left. I can’t speak for now-”

I hit his arm, making him laugh again.

“That’s not funny.”

Rhys breathed in and let it out. He nodded. “He’s horrified.”

“What about you? How are you… fine with this?”

Rhys shrugged. “I don’t blame him. I mean, look at you.” He moved so that he was closer to me, close enough to kiss me. On the lips. Then my neck.

“Rhys, I’m serious.” When he sighed, I felt goosebumps on my skin. He kissed my neck again and sat up straight. All the playfulness left that beautiful face, replaced by the sadness I hated he still felt.

“Once, I would have lived alone without you. As long as you were happy,” he said, and it hurt me as I knew it hurt him, to even think about that. “And now you’re unhappy.”

“Oh, Rhysand. You make me so happy. All of you do.” Now I was the one getting close to him, my hands on his face. The way he leaned into my touch broke my heart. He closed his eyes, and I knew that he was thinking about every time he had lost me. So I kissed his forehead, and embraced him. When his arms came around me, I sighed. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. Not yet, that was what I felt through our bond. I wouldn’t intrude on him, but I knew that if I tried, he would keep up those walls. So I held him until he at last said, “You should go to him.”

Mortified, I pulled away. “What?”

“Just talk to him. You owe each other that much.”

I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell him how wrong he was, except that he was right. I needed to face Lucien, and tell him how I felt. How sorry I was for how I treated him on Solstice. And I needed to listen to him, no matter what came of it.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” he repeated.

“I’ll talk to him. I just need to know why you’re acting like this somehow changes anything between you and me.”

“He’s a good male, and he is your friend. You two have endured the same pain- together. And I know that if he leaves, you’ll be heartbroken.”

“I would be heart broken if Cassian or any of you left.” I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them.

“It’s not the same.”

With an exasperated sigh, I let myself fall into his embrace. He was drunk, and I was tired. This could wait until the morning. He was asleep before I had even gotten comfortable in bed, but I still pressed a kiss to his cheek and pulled the covers over us both. I huddled close to him and hoped for sleep to come.

When it did, I dreamt about Lucien and me, on the night of the Summer Solstice. Dressing how I did on purpose. Knowing Tamlin was going to find us that way and think that something was going on between us. But it was Rhys who found us, and I tried to explain myself. But I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do anything but watch him and Lucien at each other’s throats.

I didn’t even bother with breakfast. I drank coffee faster than I should have, but I needed to get this over with. Rhys was still sleeping, not surprising. I’d left him a note. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and started my walk. It shouldn’t have felt so terrifying to visit my friend. Even going to Nesta’s didn’t leave me this way, anxious and wanting to just turn back and forget it. Let him leave. I laughed at my own thought. As if I could force him to stay.

I stopped in front of his apartment, staring at the door. What would I say to him? I knocked and waited, then knocked again. “Lucien?” I called, maybe he was asleep. If he was as drunk as Rhys last night, I wouldn’t doubt it. But after knocking again I realized, Lucien was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if Rhysand's dream is NSFW but it's a little saucy ;)

-Rhys-

 

I was dreaming. I knew it the moment I began walking through the halls of Tamlin’s home- it was as it once was, before he had destroyed it. Before… Amarantha. I’d had this dream before. Too many times.  I walked up the stairs towards the room Feyre once slept in, because Tamlin never shared his bed with her. _Asshole_ , I thought to myself with a smirk. I was in front of her door, as I had been once, ages ago it seemed. And I knew what was happening on the other side. I still knocked. Heard the irritated growl at being interrupted. Even now, Tamlin’s annoyance was something of a delight.

But of course, the dream wasn’t exactly like the memory. No, this time it was Lucien that answered the door. Bed sheet wrapped around his waist. He wasn’t exactly annoyed, not with me, if only that he was not with… I looked behind him to see Feyre on the bed, smiling. Of course he would be bothered to be apart from her. Nothing compared to being with her, inside of her. And if that was where this dream was headed, I wouldn’t bother to force myself awake.

Feyre held out her hand to me. _There’s room for one more_ , she said, as I had said to her once before. Lucien merely stood aside as I walked into the room. And then she was undressing me, taking her time because she knew that I was aching for her. I heard the door close as Feyre traced over my tattoos. And to my surprise, Lucien walked over to where I was standing and helped her finish undressing me. His hands felt like being caressed with flame, and I _liked it_. And then we were a mess of shadows, of flame and Feyre’s precious light.

I groaned, waking up with a splitting headache. Instinctively, I reached an arm out for Feyre, and felt her side of the bed cold. Not surprising, but unfortunate. I could have used a morning tumble in the sheets. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, and looked up at the ceiling. I should have never gone to Azriel’s. The Shadowsinger had liquor I didn’t even dare keep here for Cassian and Mor’s sakes. I felt like shit. I sat up after laying down for what seemed forever and spied the piece of paper on her pillow. I reached over for it, feeling my head spin. _Going to Lucien’s. Be back soon._ I smiled for a moment, but then I realized how long I had slept. She still wasn’t home. Down the bond, I reached out to her, but found nothing. Perhaps they were still talking.

I almost fell asleep in the bath, getting out when the water was gratefully cold. I looked at myself in the mirror while I dried. I _looked_ like shit. I got dressed, our bed a mess of sheets. It was welcoming. But I needed something in my system, or I wouldn’t be worth a damn.

When I made it downstairs, Azriel was in the kitchen nursing a cup of tea. He looked tired, but he looked better than I did.

“You look like a wet dog,” he said seriously and then laughed.

I smiled. “How long have you been here?”

He shrugged and took a sip of tea. “Not long. I’m waiting for Elain.”

“Garden?”

He merely grinned. “She wants to have lunch outside.”

“I’m glad to hear it, brother.”

Azriel set his cup down. “And Feyre? Did you talk to her?”

I slouched in my seat, nodding. “She left this morning to talk to him. I suggested it.”

He was aware of the time as well. “Do you need me to-”

Azriel would set aside his own happiness for me, for any of us. I shook my head. “No, you enjoy your afternoon with Elain. It’ll be fine.”

Az reached over and took my hand. “I want to feel sorry for you, honestly, but you invited Feyre to join us back at the cabin. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the first time you’ve suggested inviting others into your bed.” He gave my hand a squeeze and let go, the both of us laughing.

“Had it been anyone else…,” I shook my head. “Fuck, you’re right.”

After drinking for quite some time the night before, I had told Azriel of the things I had said to Feyre that had gotten me kicked out of the birchin. Of Helion’s offer to sleep with him, Cas and Mor- to which Feyre couldn’t understand why _not_. He tried and failed at hiding his surprise that his High Lady would have thought of him that way. Of Cassian’s remark when they first met. Feyre had always found it hard to understand how any of them denied themselves to each other. Naturally, I wondered if that was what Feyre liked. Someone else. For us to share.

“I know,” he said with a shit eating grin. “And there’s nothing wrong with that, if that’s what you think she feels. We’ve all had our fun. We’ve had forever to know what we like. Feyre hasn’t. Not really.”

“I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.”

“The worst that could happen is that Lucien leaves Velaris and Feyre decides she wants Cassian in your bed.”

I had to smirk. “Asshole.”

He smiled. “Honestly, if she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, he’ll leave.”

“And if she does?”

Azriel considered me for a moment too long, and very seriously he said, “I hope you and Lucien know how to share.” Then he snorted- actually snorted- and laughed so wholeheartedly I had to join him. No matter what came of this, seeing my brother smile and hearing him laugh was worth every second of it.

Still laughing he said, “You know… It’s possible that it’s _you_ that wants to bring someone in-” He didn’t finish his sentence because I kicked him under the table, just when we both sensed Elain before she walked in. Like two children that had been doing what they shouldn’t have, we sat upright in our seats and talked about seeing Cassian later on about that one thing regarding the Illyrian camps.

And then Elain walked in, if she knew we were bullshitting, she didn’t let on. She was dressed in a gown a very familiar blue. And she was blushing, perhaps because I was sitting with Azriel and she had expected him to be alone. Or, because he was looking at her as if the sun had risen, and I was not even there.

“Hello,” she said to us both.

“Morning,” I said getting up, and quickly amended myself, “Afternoon.”

Azriel remembered himself and got to his feet, going to retrieve the basket she was holding. “Let me,” he said to her. She quietly thanked him and said, “But it’s empty. We have to fill it.”

I chuckled and Azriel gave me a look that promised he was going to kick my ass later. With a hand on my heart, I said, “I’ll see you both at dinner, I hope.”

They nodded at the same time. I had to keep myself from laughing. I didn’t let myself smile until I was in the hallway and they were rummaging through kitchen. She asked for his opinions and I wondered if she knew that he would just accept whatever she chose. But I kept walking, leaving them be. He deserved this, whatever it was.

After an hour of reading and signing documents, I decided to try calling out to Feyre again. For a moment, I thought that she would block me out again. But I felt it, that pull. I felt the disappointment, the regret that she felt. And it broke my heart. _He wasn’t home._

_Do you need me?_

A pause and then, _I’m alright. Mor invited me to lunch._

 _Don’t have dessert without me_ , was my reply and her laughter set my heart ablaze.

I decided to go for a walk, to get some air. What Azriel had said… Maybe he was right? I heard a knock on the door as I went down the stairs. I already knew who it was.

I opened the door and found Lucien standing there. Of course they hadn’t run into each other.

“She isn’t home,” I said before he could speak, but moved aside to welcome him in. He considered me for a moment, and I wondered if he was going to call me an asshole. Instead, he walked in.

“I can’t do it,” he said before I had even closed the door. “I walked right by the art gallery and went the other way.”

“She’s out looking for you, you know.” I crossed my arms. He looked at me incredulously. “She’s been gone since this morning.”

“Mother above,” he said with an exasperated sigh.

“Care to join me for lunch? I’ve only had tea and after last night we both could use it.”

I was walking towards the kitchens but the look on his face stopped me.

“What?” I asked.

“Is this an act?”

“I could ask the twins for an apron, I’ve made a few meals out of necessity.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and I smirked. “You. Being so calm about this. Is it an act.”

“Damn. Here I thought I was finally going to get to show off in the kitchen.” He rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not an act. Feyre has forgiven you and I… I have not. Think of this as a start.”

I held out my hand, and he looked at it before his eyes met mine. And though there was uncertainty in his gaze, he took my hand. A firm handshake. His skin _was_ warm, maybe too warm. Or maybe, I was just reimagining the dream I’d had…

“Fucking shit I was right,” I said as we let go and started for the kitchen.

“Right about what?” he asked, following me.

“Nothing.”

Lucien went on about starting off on the wrong start and being unsure he could trust me. So I stopped, Lucien nearly crashing into me. I turned around and as if discussing the weather, I said, “I had a dream about you.”


	5. Chapter 5

-Lucien-

Rhysand said nothing more of his dream. I was too stunned to say anything else. I sat down as he busied himself in the kitchen, mulling over how he had said it. As if dreaming about me were of no consequence. As curious as I was, I doubted that the High Lord would be paying me another visit with another bottle of liquor.

It was slightly entertaining to see Feyre’s mate busy himself with someone as simple as this. But then, I started thinking about Elain. In acceptance of the bond, she and I would have shared a meal together. However plain, however grand. But I knew Elain would never accept. And I wasn’t sure that I wanted her to. Not now, when I loved her sister.

“Alright,” Rhysand declared, gratefully bringing me out of my thoughts.

 The High Lord walked over…

….and handed me a bowl of fruit.

“Such a complex dish,” I said sarcastically, taking it from his hands.

“Sorry to disappoint. I’m hungry now, and I don’t feel like waiting to be sated.”

He sat across from me, but only after he had brought out bread, cheese, berries, small pastries that I was certain Elain had made. He piled his plate high and was going to eat but paused.

“You don’t like it.”

I couldn’t really explain it, comparing the acceptance of a mating bond to another High Lord serving me food, even if it was as ridiculous as fruit. It had happened before. “Does Feyre know I’m here?”

Rhysand shrugged. “She’s with Mor. I would let them be.”

That was enough for me. So I ate, avoiding his gaze when he wasn’t busy lost in his own plate of food.

“What do you want to drink?” he asked, getting up to get the glasses.

“Water.”

“How dull, however, very wise.”

He even poured the damn water for me. Rhysand drank, watching me all the while. How Feyre or anyone managed to be around him when he was so… “Get on with it,” I spat, and drank.

Rhysand pursed his lips and shook his head. “I am only thinking.”

“What about?”

“You, staying a bit longer.”

“How much longer? Was today not enough?”

“I won’t be sure until you speak to her.”

“Tell me, Rhysand,” saying his name with a little more bite than was needed, “Would it entertain you to see another Archeron sister reject me?”

He considered me as he drank a little more, with an intensity in his eyes that unnerved me.

“No, it would not.” He set down his glass. He leaned a bit forward, and I was smart enough not to slouch. “I would rather see what happens if she accepted you.”

I was going to shout rather colorful insults at this bastard of a High Lord but the door opened and a very happy looking Elain walked in. Followed by Azriel, who placed a scarred hand on her back, leading her from the doorway.

Rhys turned in his chair. “Are you two following me now?”

“Ignore him,” Azriel playfully said to Elain, setting a basket on the counter. “He’s probably still drunk.”

“Picnic go well?” Rhys asked and Elain nodded. She looked at me and I hated that the sight of me took away the joy that she exuded only moments before. I hated that there was something inside of me that did not want Azriel near her, when I knew, logically, she had no desire to be near me. To know me.

“Hello, Elain.” I wasn’t sure she had heard me. I wasn’t sure why I even said anything at all.

“Hello,” she replied and continued walking, the Shadowsinger following after her as if I weren’t there.

“Still drunk,” Rhys muttered to himself, and poured himself some more water.

“Did you know she was here?”

“I don’t know where they went. I don’t pry into the business of others.”

I laughed at that. Bastard. “Azriel had to know.”

Rhysand shrugged. “I told him to keep her occupied… But I suppose a lady cannot be told what to do. Especially not an Archeron.”

I looked at that smug face, and I realized he was right. Elain may be the softer of the three, but she was still one of them. Beneath that shy demeanor, I imagined was something _dark_ that would have caused her to be my mate… and now drew the Shadowsinger to her.

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Feel the pull to her, and know that she thought nothing of you.”

Rhysand slouched a bit, crossing his arms. He didn’t meet my eyes.

“I drank. A lot. Trained with my brothers until I was exhausted and my body gave out on me. Sometimes… Sometimes I cried. To Mor. They all tried to keep me afloat. Especially when she was hurting.” Rhysand stopped for a while, lost in his thoughts.

I had seen that hurt. Watched her fall deeper into the despair that I had felt for far too long. And I had done nothing when she stopped eating, nothing when she stopped sleeping. Not until she’d come back from Hybern with Tamlin and I.

“I should be glad then, that Elain is… content. Here. Taken care of.”

“It doesn’t make it any less painful.”

The understanding in his eyes made me uneasy.

“I think it’s time I go home.”

“Are you sure? The twins will be preparing a true meal soon enough.”

“Thank you, Rhysand.”

He followed me to the door, going as far as opening it for me.

“Try not to leave without saying goodbye,” he said and I was not sure who he meant.

The walk back to the apartment was a blur. I walked without paying attention to anything. Trying and failing at not thinking about what Rhysand had said. About Feyre accepting me, how I felt. And I couldn’t believe that the High Lord of the Night Court had been so… vulnerable. Especially around me.  

I approached the door to my apartment and reached into my pocket for the key. I managed to unlock it before I heard the sound of footsteps racing towards me. I turned. I couldn’t believe it.

Feyre screamed my name, her voice broken. And then she was flush against me, wrapping her arms around me as if I would disappear if she let go.


	6. Chapter 6

-Feyre-

“What’s wrong?” Mor asked after finishing her second plate of food. She reached over and put her hand over mine.

“It’s nothing,” I said. Rhys had told me through our bond that Lucien was home. My home. But he had asked me to wait, to let Lucien calm down. I would have protested, but he was right… I needed time to calm my own nerves, too.

Mor tugged on my hand.

“No one’s going to hear us,” she said with a wink. “Now spill.”

I sighed, turning my hand up to hold hers. Morrigan was the first female friend I’d ever had. If there was anyone I could confide in about this, it was her.

“I’ve probably failed at hiding how much I miss Lucien.”

Mor smiled sympathetically. “I have to agree.”

I let out a laugh. “Well, shit. Thank you.”

“Honesty is my power,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“So, Rhys-”

Mor straightened, “What did my cousin do?”

I squeezed her hand, slightly pulling on her arm.

“Rhys went to go talk to him. Last night.”

Curious, Mor leaned over to me. No one paid us any mind. To anyone else in the little café, we were two friends sharing a bit of gossip, which we were, except the gossip was about me and Lucien.

“I guess he thought that if Lucien heard how much I missed him from my mate, that he would stay a little longer so we could actually spend time together.”

“Did it work?”

I felt my face getting hot as I nodded. “The thing is… They both got drunk and Lucien… Well, no, Rhys realized that Lucien is in love with me.”

Mor raised a brow and then her eyes widened. “But he’s mated to your sister.”

“I know,” I said through gritted teeth. I sighed. “But that’s why he doesn’t stay. Wouldn’t it hurt to see the one you love with someone else?”

Mor winced, she and Azriel still hadn’t talked out their situation. I quickly apologized.

“It’s alright, Feyre… We’ll get there. Eventually.”

“So I went to visit him this morning, and he wasn’t there.”

She sighed and leaned back, still holding my hand. She rubbed her thumb across my palm absentmindedly. “How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know… And what’s weird is that Rhys is so… He’s _fine_ with this.”

“Feyre, my cousin would do anything if it meant you being happy.”

My face felt even hotter. “I mean, he’s always joking about it. Not about Lucien, but I mean, someone else. Joining us.” I tried to cover my face with my other hand.

Mor was quiet and through my fingers I saw her trying not to laugh. And of course, she couldn’t help it.

“Feyre, you’re adorable,” she managed to say as she continued to practically cackle at my expense.

“Mor!”

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“I know, I know.” She cleared her throat again. “Exploring ones… desires isn’t a bad thing. We’ve all done it. And maybe Rhys thinks that you should have that chance too. Or maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe it’s my cousin that wants to do the exploring.”

After insisting on paying our bill, Mor and I walked home together. We talked about going to Rita’s soon, about finding a new outfit for it. But I stopped walking as I felt Rhys reaching out to me through our bond.

_He’s going home._

I gave Mor the biggest hug and kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for brunch. I’ve got to run.”

“Run where?” she yelled as I ran in the opposite direction of home.

“I’ll explain later!” I shouted back.

I ran until I was at his apartment, until I practically screamed his name. The look on his face when he saw me was heartbreaking. I nearly crashed into him, crushing him in an embrace. I was afraid of letting go, afraid that he would leave if I did.

“I thought you were gone,” I said against his chest, my voice breaking. But I didn’t care.

I heard him let out a shaken breath, and then his arms were around me.

“For someone who can catch a Suriel, you certainly have terrible skills at finding your friends.”

I managed to laugh and I realized I was crying. I looked up at him, at that handsome face. He was warm, from the rich color of his skin, the gold and russet of his eyes. He stilled as I dared to reach out to brush his hair away from his face, to see those scars. Brutal. Beautiful. Like he was.

I gave him a smile, feeling completely stupid. “But I’m here now.”

He was going to speak, but he only nodded, and pulled me in for another hug. He kissed the top of my head. “Feyre, there’s something I need to tell you.”

I pulled away from him and nodded. “So do I.”

“Should we go inside?”

“That would probably be a good idea.”

His apartment was as bare as expected for someone who had no plans on staying. I understood it, but it still hurt. I wanted him here. In Velaris.

The fireplace roared to life when we walked to the sofa. I took off my jacket as he sat down on one end, I on the other, setting my jacket down in the space between us.

We adjusted ourselves so that we faced each other. How many times had we sat down together? I started playing with the hem of my shirt, feeling unsure of how to even start. Maybe it was because of the fire or maybe it was Lucien, but what I had inherited from Beron was wanting to come to the surface. When my fingertips singed my shirt, I cursed and Lucien closed the space between us to look at my hands. He took them in his, saying nothing.

“This happens sometimes,” I said as best I could without sound as nervous as I felt. “But not as much as before.”

He nodded. He knew what I meant, back when Tamlin refused to allow me to learn the gifts I had received. Even his own.

Lucien let go of my hands, but didn’t move away from me. We’d been close before, closer than this. It wasn’t unusual. Even if my motives had not been wholly innocent then. We managed to look at one another, waiting for the other to speak.

“Lucien, I’m sorry,” I said at last. “I didn’t treat you how I should have when you came by for Solstice.”

“I didn’t either.”

“I was an asshole. I deserve how you reacted. I should have been happy that you’ve found friends, that you feel at home with them. I didn’t give you the respect you gave me when I found my place.”

“Feyre…”

“I was just jealous.” He raised a brow. “I wanted you to be at home here. In Velaris, with me. With my family. I wanted you to stay here and fall in love with this city the way that I did. I wanted you with me, not because anyone was forcing us to be around each other the way he did. But because you wanted to. And it wasn’t fair of me to just assume that you would. Especially not after I used you, back in Spring. To hurt Tamlin. I shouldn’t have, but you were, you _are_ safe. I’m safe with you.”

I felt out of breath. And I was crying. We said nothing for a while, even when I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. We just looked at one another. _Do I need to moderate?_ I heard the smile in my mate’s voice. During the onslaught of emotions I felt, I must have forgotten to check my mental shields. _Prick_. _Now you can wait till I get home._ He was laughing as I shut him out.  

“Feyre,” Lucien began quietly, “Velaris is beautiful. But it’s not mine.”

“It could be.”

He smirked. “You’ve always been a pain in the ass. You know that, right? Since the very first day Tam brought you to court.”

I nodded, smiling at him even though I didn’t stop crying.

“You reminded me of wildfire. And I can admit, you grew on me.”

“I know.”

He dared to caress my cheek before he wiped my tears with his thumb. “Your mate’s arrogance has rubbed off on you.”

I laughed, placing my hand over his. “Please. Don’t act like you’re not an arrogant prick either.”

He truly smiled then.

And as if waking up from a dream, he pried his hand from mine.   

“I knew from the moment we returned from Hybern that something was off. But Tamlin had fucked up. And I was angry at myself for not standing up for you. So when you came to me, even if it was just an act, I obliged. I thought maybe that would make up for it. But then… I realized that I _wanted_ to be the one you ran to.” That admission made my heart race.

“It wasn’t always an act,” I whispered.

He looked heart broken.  “You’re making this harder for me.”

I took his hand in mine, needing him to understand. “I did have nightmares. I hated being alone… You were all I had.”

He seemed to tense, but he didn’t let go of my hand.

“Staying in Velaris is hard for me, Feyre. At first, it was because of Elain. But I can’t leave this gods damned apartment without something reminding me of you.”

“Oh.”

“It is wrong for me to feel this way. To desire anyone but my mate, even if she hates me-”

“Elain doesn’t hate you.”

The look on his face would have made me laugh any other time. Incredulous. Irritated. The face he always made when I got under his skin. But then I realized what he was saying.

“You don’t want Elain,” I stated.

He shook his head. There was that fire again, inside of me, rising to the challenge. Something told me Lucien’s flame was ready to play, too. I looked at our hands, mine completely covered in tattoos, and his with small, silver scars. I could almost imagine the tattoos on his skin, if his hair was as dark as his father’s, he could pass as Illyrian.

I looked up at him, needing to hear him say it to me. Not to Rhys. Not to anyone else.

“Lucien-”

“Feyre, I love you.”


	7. Chapter 7

-Rhys-

Cassian arrived at the townhouse in a simple grey shirt, sleeves rolled up. He was tying up his hair as he walked into the living room where I was laid out on the sofa. He made himself comfortable by lifting my legs so he could sit, so naturally, I used him as a footrest.

“You bathed,” he said with feigned surprise.

“I knew you were visiting and I wanted to make a good impression.” I grinned.

“Az told me you two got pretty fucked up last night. I’m heartbroken there was no invitation.” He placed his right hand over his heart.

“I assumed you were… busy.” Nearly every night that Nesta went out, Cassian was ensuring she arrived home safely, something no one talked about, for his sake. Which is why he ignored what I had said.

“I get it. I’d invite him to drink with me all night, too.”

“Don’t feel too bad. You know that I enjoy looking at that pretty face of yours.”

We both laughed.

“So tell me brother, what brought on this night of getting shit faced without me?”

I sighed, putting my hands behind my head. I looked up at the ceiling.

“You know that Feyre has been trying to hide how much she misses that fox.”

Cassian whistled, his hands resting on my legs.

“I can admit, he’s earned her trust, her friendship after all that has happened. So I paid him a visit.”

“Of course you did.”

I rubbed my eyes, letting out a groan. “I started drinking there, with him. Hoping that he’d give Feyre a chance to talk to him.”

“Fucking hell.”

“He loves her Cas.”

Cassian grimaced and shook his head. “Fuck.”

“So I asked him to stay. I told her to talk to him.”

Cassian hit my shin in shock and I cursed.

“You did what?”

“I need her to be happy, Cas.”

He passed his hand over my shin in apology, and to try to undo how much that hurt. “Rhys… she’s not going to leave you. Not for him. Not for anyone.”

“I know.”

“Then what the hell?”

I sighed and sat up, crossing my legs. This was Cassian. If anyone would understand what I was feeling, it would be him. I knew they all would, but I felt so _odd_ speaking of such things now. At my age. After all I’ve done.

“Have you ever… well, I’m sure you have. We all have tried different things. But I mean, now?”

“Rhysie- what are you asking me?” The bastard was grinning. I rolled my eyes.

“I’ve been joking with Feyre about inviting someone else to bed with us. You, Az, and Lucien- and she never says yes, but she never says no either. Well, on Solstice she did but that doesn’t count. I was being ridiculous.”

Cassian’s grin grew even more. “Rhys, I’m flattered you would want me in bed with you, but Feyre? We kicked each other’s asses when you came back from the cabin with her because I made a joke.”

“I know. But… what if she likes that?”

Cassian looked too amused and I wanted to punch him in the face.

“I think the question is, what if _you_ like that.”

“But at my age? And I’m married, mated. A High Lord, not that I give a shit- but is it odd?”

Cassian howled, his laughter so loud I was sure that he could be heard outside. But it made me smile. Even if I felt like an idiot. Beron and Helion were older than I were. While I did not care what the High Lord of the Autumn Court did, I knew Helion slept with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted without a care for what anyone thought. So why was I making such unnecessary excuses?

“Rhys. There’s _nothing_ wrong with realizing your tastes are different. No matter how old you are. And if Feyre feels the same way, with all respect to my lady, I say try it.”

I ran my fingers through my hair.

“Are you attracted to him?”

I didn’t meet his eyes as I thought about it. And then I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I barely know him.”

Cassian smirked. “He’s a pretty male. Almost as pretty as you. But those scars and the metal eye give him a very rugged kind of appeal.”

I kicked him, making him laughed.

“But he’s mated to her sister. I don’t even want to imagine the kind of hurt that would bring Feyre.”

“Does she feel the same way?”

“I don’t know. Through our bond, I can feel how much she trusts and cares for him but maybe because I love her so much I can’t tell. Or I’ve simply refused to see it all this time.”

Cassian patted my leg. He looked thoughtful, really choosing his words with care.

“I don’t think you’re worried about your age, or what anyone would think of you. Because you’ve never cared about that. In trying to make Feyre happy, you learned that Lucien loves her. And in trying to learn about what she likes, you’ve realized _your_ desires have changed. Now there’s a chance, however small, that all three of you could have what you want and I think that’s terrifies you. Because like all things that make us happy, there’s a risk of it being ripped away from us.”

His words were like a knife to the heart, and I felt my eyes sting. Because for all the bullshit we talked, for all the jokes- my brother had the biggest heart. Despite the terror I knew he was capable of, Cassian was the softest of us, the strongest fucking Illyrian I knew. Not for the power, but for the intensity in which he loved us. And _that_ was why I couldn’t stand Nesta. She treated him like shit every chance she got, putting him down as if he didn’t do that to himself. No matter how much we loved him, cherished him- no matter his strengths or his place in Court, Cassian never felt good enough. And Nesta dug into his insecurities when all he wanted to do was pull her out of whatever dark fucking pit she was in.

“Rhys?” My brother looked at me with concern. I blinked and realized I’d gone lost in thought. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” I sighed. “You’re absolutely right.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “We should go find Azriel. He spent the afternoon with Elain.”

After tormenting Azriel with our teasing, the bastard walked away. We were on the ground, laughing like the assholes we were. Until Cassian cursed, looking at his shirt. I started to laugh until I got hit. Right in the side of my face.

“I just washed my hair,” I said in complete mortification.

“I’m going to kick your ass!” Cassian yelled and scrambled to his feet to charge at Az.

Azriel who had taken the liberty of using Elain’s wheelbarrow full of what looked like shit. Smelled like shit. And after being in the sun all day, was as warm as shit. Her fucking fertilizer.

“You’re dead,” I growled out and went after him.

There was a shit and dirt fight between the three of us, until the door opened. Cassian and I stopped. Azriel let go of the wheelbarrow and straightened. Elain was standing there, staring at us as in utter confusion. And disgust.

“They deserved it,” he said as seriously as he could. Elain let out a sigh and walked out to the garden, ignoring Cassian and I.

“At least it wasn’t,” she paused as she approached Azriel and whispered, “you know.”

Cas and I exchanged glances. It wasn’t shit. Elain carefully looped her arm in Azriel’s patting a clean spot on his arm.

“Let me show you how to get rid of the smell. I know it isn’t pleasant, but you were right, it is better than what is used back home.”  

“Hey! What about me?” Cas whined. I thought I saw Elain’s mouth twitch as she led Azriel back into the house. He looked as innocent as she was.

After scrubbing myself raw beneath the running water, I ran a hot bath. I got in and felt ready enough to sleep until I sensed her. When she walked into the bathroom, her eyes were brimming with tears. Her nose was red. I was going to get out but she shook her head.

“I need this.” She kicked off her shoes and got in the tub, completely clothed.

“What happened to your shirt?” I asked as she made her way to me.

“I got nervous.” 

She made herself comfortable on my lap lifting her arms as she turned to face me. I lifted up her shirt and pulled it up and off her, tossing it aside. Feyre seemed uninterested in taking anything else off, merely resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her.

“Cas and I spent our afternoon cleaning up dirt and fertilizer. Elain should be happy now. And I’ve ordered more of whatever that shit was although Azriel started it.”

“Do I want to know?” she asked, and then sniffled. I told her about what happened, let her see it as I had. She laughed quietly. “You’re a bunch of babies. All of you.”

“Will there be a punishment?” I asked with a smile. She poked my side, making me laugh.

“I don’t know. Maybe. When I don’t feel like this.”

“Do you wish to talk about it?”

I thought maybe she wouldn’t say a word as she began to absentmindedly trace her fingers over my tattoos.

“He told me that he loved me.”

“Did he?”

She nodded. “I asked him not to leave. To stay. As if I could even give him anything.”

“And then?”

She let out a little whimper and she was crying again.

“Rhys… I’ve never felt so torn. Not even after Tamlin. When I thought loving you was too soon.”

I found it hard to speak. “Do you feel the same way?”

“I don’t know, Rhys.” The way she sounded, what I felt through our bond broke me.

“Feyre.” She was devastated. I said her name again, Feyre letting me cradle her in my arms. I closed the space between us to kiss her. First her lips, and then where ever there were tears. She laughed nervously, remembering when I had kissed away her tears an eternity ago. When we had no certainty of a future. But we had one now, and I was going to make sure we lived it.


	8. Chapter 8

-Lucien-

 

“Say something, please,” I said quietly. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

Feyre shuddered. She looked at our hands once more, and I wished to know what was running through her mind.

“Feyre, please.”

“Stay,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Stay with me.” She said those words as if it solved everything. As if she had no idea what they implied. She let go of one of my hands, if only to reach out to me. To wipe away tears I hadn’t realized had fallen. To pass her fingers over the scars on my face. I had to force myself not to shudder at her touch.

“Stay with me. Don’t go.”

“You’re mated, Feyre. Married. You’re asking me for something that isn’t possible.”

“You don’t know that,” she said with a little more strength. It seemed she _did_ understand what it implied. If her mind was set on this, I knew that there was no changing it. Stubborn, absolutely stubborn. “We can figure it out.”

Looking at her ring, the one that Rhysand had given her, I finally found the strength to let go of her hand and sighed out. I scrubbed at my face. How easy it would be, to allow myself to entertain this fantasy. And I hated myself for knowing that I would, I would stay and give in. To her. In whatever capacity she allowed, that Rhysand would accept-

“Do you know what you’re saying?” I asked her, looking at her at last.

“Yes,” she said quickly. “I don’t know… But don’t go. Not yet. Please.”

“You speak as if I won’t ever come back.”

She let out a laugh, shaking her head. And I just _felt_ it. The shift in her emotions.

“You won’t, Lucien. You’ll go home to Vassa and Jurian, and never look back.”

She said their names with such… It wasn’t disdain as much as it was hurt. Jealousy. I pinched the bridge of my nose, reminding myself that if we both lost our tempers, nothing good would come out of this.

“At least allow me the chance to think,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as irritated as I felt.

Feyre looked like a scolded child and I felt like an ass. I took one of her hands and brought it to my lips.

“Give me time,” I pleaded, “You need it, too.”

“Alright,” she managed to say. “Take as much time as you need.”

I dreamt that it was the Summer Solstice. The sun was shining on Feyre, her cloak at her bare feet. She wore the white gossamer that left nothing to the imagination, her body covered in the paint that matched her tattoos- just as she had been Under the Mountain. I still knelt down before her, I still kissed her hand.

And then she was leading me away from Tamlin, from Ianthe and the Spring Court faded the more we walked until we were in Autumn. Here, beneath the trees, the setting sun, Feyre stopped. She turned to me, taking my hand and placing it right above her heart. With her guidance, I pushed aside the fabric that covered her breasts until she felt that I didn’t need further encouragement. Sometimes, she giggled, but mostly, she breathed in sharply depending where my fingers were.

Then I was on my knees, undoing the jeweled belt that held it all together. I didn’t let it fall, I looked up at her as my hands passed over her thighs, taking the poor excuse of fabric with me until it was on the ground. And then I saw my hands, stained black, and across her skin, the evidence of my touch. _You’ve missed a spot_ , she said, and when I saw where her hand went, I might have been able to burn my father’s court to ash.

I woke with a start. My hair was plastered to my face and I was sweating. I’d fucking singed the bed sheets. Someone was knocking on the front door. And somehow, I knew who it was and the desire to get up and answer dropped significantly. Except, the knocking did not cease.

“Did I wake you?” Rhysand asked, smiling as if he didn’t know the answer to that. I merely rolled my eyes and walked away, leaving the door open for him.

“I suppose I’ll just make myself at home then,” he said as I locked myself in the bathroom. I took my time with everything, even when I heard him walking around the apartment. Even as I heard the very loud sound of something heavy hitting the floor. Multiple times.

And then I smelled food.

With an aggravated sigh, I finally walked out and found the bastard sitting at a table that didn’t belong to me. With another chair across from him. There was enough breakfast on the table for two, three at most. The curtains had been drawn and there were two cushioned seats across from the sofa that was not mine, either.

“Think of it as… a gift.”

“Do you usually gift males with furniture?” I said, my voice still rough from sleep. I sat down and I did not want to admit that this was far more comfortable than what I’d had before.

“Usually, males are content with a rise in station and a lovely salary. You have those already.”

I rubbed my eyes. It was far too early for retorts and sarcasm.

“Can I interest you in some coffee?” His voice was teasing. Playful.

And as annoyed as I wanted to be, I nodded. I needed it. He didn’t eat until I had started, didn’t drink anything until I did. Insufferable.

“Feyre says good morning,” he said, and I nearly spit out my coffee. He continued on. “She’s painting at the gallery until noon today. We’ve matters to attend to, being the High Lord and Lady and all.”

“How is she?” I asked, not caring about his attempts at pestering me. Rhysand considered me for a moment before he replied.

“That is actually what she and I would like to discuss with you.” His voice had lost all its playfulness. All the teasing. It was soft, and honest. And for some reason, that made me far more nervous. “We would like to invite you to have dinner tonight. It would just be the three of us.”

“Where?”

“The House of Wind.”

Rhysand produced a pen, placing it on the table alongside a slip of paper. He rose to his feet.

“If you accept, just write it down. I’ll come for you.”

“And Feyre?”

Rhysand laughed, and the sound eased some of my concern. “She could come for you, but I cannot guarantee you would make it across the city.”

I must have looked mortified because he laughed even more.

“I’m only teasing. We wouldn’t have our lady carrying a guest I invited.”

He walked around the table, stopping only to place a hand on my shoulder. The contact was strange, but not uncomfortable. Our eyes met, but I did not look away, even if I wanted to. “I hope you’ll say yes,” he said and then he was gone.

I muttered a weak ‘thank you’ for the food, and the furniture and I heard him yell ‘you’re welcome’ from outside.

Insufferable indeed.

I washed the dishes; three cups. Three plates. Three sets of cutlery. I would have called it strange, but this was Rhysand. Of course it had to be ridiculous. I put away the food that had not been touched, for another day I decided. I realized that he had managed to put three bowls in the fucking cabinet. There were wash clothes and hand towels in one of the drawers.

In the living room, there was a small table in one corner that had not been there before and it was stacked with books. I tried to discern the title of one that stood out for its deep red color and it disappeared, the books on top hitting the books beneath with a loud thump. Somehow, I knew to look at the slip of paper, still where he’d left it. _That did_ not _belong to us. Nesta must have forgotten it before she left._

Interesting.

I wrote back. _Or maybe, it’s yours._

The slip of paper disappeared to my surprise, returning shortly after right before me.

_Why would I read that, when I’ve been quite apt in the art of pleasure for centuries?_

I rolled my eyes and walked away from the table. I walked down the hallway and stopped, looking into the bathroom. A new rug on the floor. Two robes, both black, hung on the wall. And the various soaps lining the bathtub made me roll my eyes.

I walked into my bedroom, not even surprised to find it covered in white sheets, more pillows than anyone would ever need.

And then I saw my closet.

“For fuck’s sake, Rhysand.” Every shirt and tunic, every jacket, every pair of pants were black. My actual clothing barely made it in, pushed on the far end. Even my fucking boots were clean and placed besides other shoes and boots that weren’t mine but I knew, somehow, would fit.

I pulled out a black tunic that at least had silver lining on the sleeves and collar in intricate designs. And attached to it was a tag- _In case you say yes_

It was nearing sun down and I was staring at myself in the mirror. It was strange to see myself in all black. I avoided the color because of my hair, my mechanical eye. It brought them far more attention than I wanted. And I had been correct, the fucking boots fit perfectly. The bastard was full of himself, but at least he knew his measurements.

I went back to the table and sat down, taking the pen, the paper free of any prior words. Very interesting.

_I am inclined to say yes. But only if she is aware that you’ve invited me._

I watched it disappear, almost regretting it. Until I saw his reply.

_Feyre has been fretting over a dress since she returned from holding court. What do you think?_

I actually smiled.

At seven sharp, Rhysand knocked on my door. He stood there with his wings tucked behind him, grinning.

“My, my, even a fox looks sharp in black.”

I rolled my eyes. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“I’m the High Lord of the Night Court. Anything else would be ridiculous.”

I imagined that a few more hours around him, and I would be rolling one of my eyes out of my skull. I locked the door to the apartment and set the key in my pocket.

“Any preference to how you’d like to be carried?”

It was an effort not to say the words that came to mind.

“Just don’t be a prick about it.”

He feigned shock. “I promised Feyre I would not provoke you.”

Rhysand stretched out his wings, and I had to admit, it was still something of a sight. I walked towards him, to his outstretched hand. But he didn’t give me time to decide how we would go about this. He scooped me in his arms and took off.

I would have punched him in the face if I was sure he would not drop me.

“Rhysand, you fucking prick!” It was hard to even hear myself over the wind.

“That’s not how I usually expect to hear one scream my name. I’ll have to work on that.”

I crossed my arms, Rhysand laughing as he flew over Velaris.


	9. Chapter 9

-Feyre-

We were both trying to catch our breath, and I laughed, rolling on my side. Rhys put an arm around me, pulling me close to him. “The floor is all wet,” I said. He’d carried me from the tub and to the bed. How he had not slipped and fallen was beyond me.

“I don’t care,” he said softly. He was exhausted. With good reason.

“Hm… I guess I really don’t either.” It was worth it. I closed my eyes, sleep wasn’t far off.

“Feyre… Can I ask you something?”

I nodded, eyes still closed.

“Have you ever… looked at another female and found her to your liking?”

“I’m an artist Rhys, I find beauty in everyone.”

I thought he was going to drift off to sleep, but he rephrased his question.

“Have you ever desired a female?”

I opened my eyes and adjusted myself so that I was looking at him. He looked so sad, confused. And through our bond, I felt an overwhelming fear of rejection. I reached out to brush his hair away from his face.

“Why do you ask?”

“Have you?”

“I don’t know. I guess being with you, I’ve never thought about it.”

He looked away from me. And that was when it hit me, all his teasing, the reason he felt no threat to Lucien’s love for me-

“Rhys, are you attracted to males?”

From the look on his face, the mortification in our bond- I knew the answer. I sat up, gently pulling on his arm so he would sit with me. But he wouldn’t look at me.

“I am,” he said, painfully. As if that would make me question his love for me.  

“Rhysand, do you have any idea how honored I am that you would trust me with this?”

He finally looked at me. “I suppose… The fact that your beloved fox has these feelings for you… I just thought that-”

Rhys rubbed the back of his neck. He was nervous, in a way I’d never known him to feel. So I took his hand in mine. How could I love him, want him any less?

“I’ve never said yes,” I said quietly, “Because Helion was an absolute no.” That brought out a laugh from him. The thought of sleeping with Lucien’s father… I shook the thought from my mind. “Cassian and Azriel… I would find it very hard to believe you three have never… Well, maybe not after Mor… but before that.”

Rhys chuckled and I saw him blush.

“But, they’ve got enough to deal with, with both my sisters. I wouldn’t want to make it worse.”

“So you would have said yes?” Some of the playfulness returned to his voice, his demeanor. And I smacked his arm. We both laughed.

“Maybe,” I said, my face so hot I imagined I was crimson. I couldn’t even fathom being tangled between the three of them, how it would feel. I would probably die from it. And by the look on Rhys’ face, he knew exactly what I was thinking.

“But that’s not the point.”

Rhys pulled me close to him. “No?”

I shook my head. “Is this what you want Rhys?”

He stilled. I caressed his face, Rhys closing his eyes and sighing.

“Let’s try it,” I said. He looked at me in disbelief. “If this is what you want, I want to- need to- give you the chance to have it.”

His voice was shaken. “But the fox is in love with _you_. And we don’t know his… preferences.”

“But if he got to know you, the real you… At worst, we walk away from this as friends who probably know far too much about each other.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes at me. “At best, you both can have what you want. And nothing would make me happier.”

Rhys considered me for a moment. “Do you desire him?”

“I…” My mind went straight to that night on the Summer Solstice, when Tamlin had found us together in his room. How it had felt for him to hold me, comfort me. “I don’t know.”

“Are you certain you feel alright with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I love you, Rhysand. For all that you are.”

He pulled me in his arms and kissed me so fervently that I barely had time to notice the tears that lined his eyes. Because I accepted him, and he had feared I wouldn’t have. And I would give him more than words, I would _show him_ that I did.

Hours later, I stood on the balcony at the House, looking over Velaris. When Rhys had first brought me here, I’d met my family, even if hadn’t known it then. Cas had offered to invite everyone to his home for dinner, to let Rhys and I have the townhouse to ourselves, but I felt this place was perfect for what we meant to do. What we were going to ask.

I was unnecessarily adjusting the plates when I heard them arrive. The sound of Rhys landing, Lucien’s irritated voice followed by my mate’s laughter. I looked at them from where I was standing by the head of the table. Lucien was running his fingers through his fiery hair.

And he was wearing black.

Rhys placed a hand on Lucien’s shoulder, guiding him inside. I had never really seen Lucien dressed in black finery. Only in green, in blue and the occasional grey. It suited him.

Rhys approached me, greeting me with a soft kiss, but still holding a promise for something more. I couldn’t help but blush, couldn’t help but smile. Even when Lucien looked at me, as if he had never really seen me before.

“You look beautiful Feyre,” he said softly. My hair was pinned into a loose knot, allowing for some curls to fall naturally, a hairstyle I wore sometimes to paint. My dress, which Rhys had suggested I wear, was lilac. Though it lacked the jewels and beading that most of my gowns had, it was far from simple. The top, separated from the high waisted skirt, had no sleeves, my tattoos on full display. And the fabric was sheer over the low plunge of my neckline. Then there was the back of the top; _that_ was completely bare. 

 “Thank you,” I said, forcing myself to move from where I stood. I gave him a hug, and when his arms came around me, I felt the surprise at touching bare skin and he quickly broke our embrace. Rhys was wise enough not to laugh.

I guided Lucien to his chair, and then walked over to where Rhys was waiting for me. I felt Lucien’s eyes on me as I walked towards my mate who pulled out the chair. Who leaned over to place both hands on my shoulders and press a kiss to my cheek. And then he sat across from Lucien.

We poured each other wine, passed around the various trays of food. I hated the quiet, the formality of this. I was wishing that we were in the townhouse, sitting on the floor by the fire. I could easily picture it, the three of us lounging about, maybe with books. Or sweets. Or both. I saw Rhys being an arrogant prick and Lucien meeting that arrogance with sarcasm and wit, while I ignored them both, content. Happy. But if I wanted that, whatever that meant, it wouldn’t come from silence.

I finished what was left of my wine.

“So, Lucien,” I said, feeling utterly nervous and wishing I hadn’t spoken at all. “I wanted to thank you for joining us.”

He set down his fork and knife. “Thank you for inviting me. Both of you.”

“The House is not usually where we like to spend our time,” Rhys said, “But there are matters to discuss that we felt were better spoken in private.”

I gave him a grateful smile before I looked at Lucien.

“I know that I’ve asked a lot from you,” I said to him. “But I don’t want you to think for one moment that your feelings aren’t being considered.”

He looked at me, and that mechanical eye seemed to see right through me.  

“The fact of the matter is, Lucien, that you love my mate,” Rhys said. “And that has opened up… an opportunity.”

“What kind of opportunity?”

Rhys looked at me and through our bond, I could feel his hesitation. I reached out and placed my hand over his. _It’s alright,_ I said to him, _there is nothing to be ashamed of._

He looked at Lucien, who seemed just as curious, just as anxious to hear whatever it was Rhys was trying to say.

“For some time now, I have entertained the idea of bringing someone else to…,” he paused to look at me and what I saw in his eyes set my blood on fire. “To join us.”

“Join you how, exactly?”

“In bed.”

“A male?” Lucien asked, brow raised.

“Male, female- I’ve no qualms with either, so as long as Feyre is also in agreement.”

Lucien poured more wine into his cup and drank it all as fast as he could.

“So, what you are saying is…,” he paused and ran his fingers through his hair. “What _are_ you asking me?” His question was directed at both of us. I wasn’t sure Rhys was going to speak again. But I knew what he wanted, I could feel it as real as my own desires.

“I’ve asked you to stay with me, Lucien. Here. In Velaris. With us,” I said, motioning between Rhys and myself. “To get to know one another. And maybe… maybe Rhys and I could have what _we’ve_ wanted. And so could you.” There was pride, and sheer gratitude down the bond.

“You’re mated,” Lucien said, his voice like gravel.  

“You would have my blessing to court Feyre, if that is what she wants.” Rhys’ words made my heart flutter. “And if you share the same preference as I do, I suppose I would have incredible luck.”

He considered Rhys for a moment. “You hardly tolerate me.”

Rhys shrugged. “You are pretty enough.”

I glared at him until Lucien laughed. Wholehearted, unabashed laughter. I couldn’t remember ever hearing him laugh that way, so freely. It made me smile.

“What do you say, fox?” Rhys asked once Lucien had sobered down.

“Am I to be your mistress, Rhysand?”

I tried really hard not to laugh.  

Rhys smirked. “A mistress implies infidelity.”

Lucien’s mouth twitched. He drank a little more wine.

“Is this what you really want, Feyre?” Lucien asked, and I heard it in his voice. He was afraid I was going to reject him, too. How could they think I would push them away?

“I don’t know, Lucien,” I said honestly. I felt my heart ache at the thought of him leaving. “I only know that when you’re gone, it feels like something is missing. And knowing how you feel about me… knowing how Rhys feels… If there is any chance that this could work, I’m willing to try.”

Lucien leaned back against his seat, the expression on his face unreadable. Rhys was staring at nothing, nowhere. The only sound I heard were their racing hearts, and the wind outside.

Lucien’s voice broke the silence. “What do I tell Elain?”

“Elain,” I said, feeling nervous speaking of my sister. “Elain has been forgiven so… easily, and I’m guilty of that. But she if she wants nothing to do with you, why does it matter?”

Rhys looked at me with surprise, but I felt pride through our bond. I knew that Rhys treated Elain far different than he did Nesta, and I knew that I had to stop making excuses for my sister, both of them. If I was bothered that Elain rejected Lucien… I had to acknowledge how terribly Nesta treated Cas. At least Elain was quiet. Nesta was… I sighed. I would deal with that another time.

“Then I accept,” Lucien said softly. “Both of you.”

“Are you certain?” Rhys asked, as if all of this were a dream.

“Only if I have a say on how those tattoos of yours work. If I see one gods damned flower, I’m pushing you over that balcony.”

Rhys burst into laughter.

I looked at my arms, at the tattoos that symbolized my bond with Rhys, my agreement with Bryaxis, and the promise I had made with Rhysand that no one else was privy to.

“I accept,” I said quietly, although both males heard me. I was still looking at my tattoos, and the thought of sharing one with Lucien _and_ Rhys… It made me feel warm, it felt _right_.

“I accept as well,” Rhys said and that was when I looked away from my tattoos, and up at him. He smiled, holding out his hand to me. As I took his hand, I turned to Lucien and reached out to him.

And then we all felt it, the physical proof of whatever this bond between us was, what it would become. I let go of their hands once the sting of it passed, and slightly lifted up my shirt enough to see the sun and moon together in intricate black lines, reminiscent of the lines on my arms- but no flowers. They sat right below my left breast, on the ribs. By the way Lucien and Rhys pressed a hand to their chests, I knew theirs sat in the same place. I let go of my shirt and smiled.

“I suppose you won’t be pushing me off the balcony,” Rhys said rather smug.

“Maybe not tonight,” Lucien replied which only made Rhys laugh.

“You two are insufferable,” I said and though they both laughed at me, I felt inexplicably happy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a mention/allusion to abuse in a conversation here but nothing more.

-Rhys-

 

I looked at myself in the mirror, dressed in nothing but pants. Cassian and Az would be arriving any moment. I stared at the tattoo on my chest, twin to the one on Feyre… And Lucien. Feyre was curled up in bed, and Lucien… He was in a room down the hall.

I hadn’t slept. I had thought only of what we had done. Of Feyre asking Lucien and I to spend time together first. So I had invited him to train with me and my brothers thinking that he would decline because of Azriel. But the fox _accepted_ , seemed eager for it. I did not know how to feel, that he would be so inclined to be anywhere near me.

I had not tried to test out what this bond would bring us. I had done my best to avoid even touching it. With a sigh, I went after my boots and a shirt.

Lucien was slipping into a shirt when he opened the door. I hadn’t even knocked.

“Good morning,” he said, turning to go fetch his boots.

“Feyre will probably meet us whenever she deigns to wake up,” I said, crossing my arms as I leaned against the doorway.

Lucien chuckled. “I’ll be sure to tell her that. Perhaps she’ll knock your ass into the ground.”

I grinned. “It’s always a good day when I’m under Feyre.”

He rolled his eyes.

I led Lucien through the House until we took the stairs that led to where we would be training. Cassian was the first to arrive, crushing me in an embrace. He gave Lucien a wicked grin.

“It’s always good to have more company. Better practice that way.”

Lucien seemed unsure how to answer.

“You’ll be sparring with him, Cas. I need to practice my swordsmanship with Azriel.”

Cassian gave me a knowing look. “Come on foxy boy, let’s get started.”

I gave my brother a grateful smile. And then Azriel arrived, his shadows whipping around him until he landed.

“No Feyre?” he asked, as he came to embrace me.

“Not yet,” I replied. “She’s still asleep.”

Azriel only nodded. He glanced over to where Cas and Lucien were.

“Smart,” Az said, perhaps more to himself than me.

Cassian seemed very amused with Lucien. The fox was strong, sometimes sly, but able to keep up with him.

“I’m impressed,” Cassian said with a huff, reaching for the dagger strapped to his leg. He tossed it at Lucien who caught it easily.

“When you’ve spent most of your life having to look over your shoulder, I suppose one learns a thing or too.” Lucien was smiling, even as Cassian produced another blade.

Azriel and I weren’t practicing as much as we were taking turns watching, listening. I observed Lucien out of curiosity, where Azriel watched him like a protective older brother. Lucien fought the way a survivor did, his offense fueled by the need to keep going. But I imagined that centuries with Tamlin had taught him to be defensive, his safety becoming greater than fighting back.

“You’re losing focus, High Lord,” Az said with a smirk. He nearly managed to knock me off my feet.

When Feyre arrived, the four of us had lost our shirts along the way. She was just watching, a look of contentment on her face. She blushed whenever one of us looked her way.

  _Do you like what you see?_

Her eyes widened. _Keep it up, prick. I might just want them in on this too._

I laughed, Azriel not confused in the least. _We need a bigger bed._

When Lucien and I paused to drink water, Feyre made her way to Azriel. My brother finally looked relaxed, even smiling at something she said.

“So,” Cassian said, “Those are new.” I knew he had not missed my tattoo, nor the one that Lucien shared.

“Indeed,” I said, looking at him as I drank my water.

Cassian put an arm around Lucien’s shoulder. The fox met his stare.

“So I guess you’re sticking around for a while.”

“So it would seem.”

Feyre squeezed between Cas and Lucien, beaming. “Good morning.”

Cassian pressed a kiss to her head. “I’ve been dancing with your fox all morning.”

“So I saw.” She got on her tip toes to give each male a kiss on the cheek before she came to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Rhys.”

“Feyre, darling.” I kissed her, more so when Cassian made sounds of disgust.

Feyre pulled away, turning around to face Cassian. I made my way towards Lucien, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to guide him in the opposite direction. Just as Feyre tackled Cassian into the ground.

“We do not want to be in between that,” I said. Azriel was sitting on a bench, polishing his blade. But I knew he was watching Feyre, too. I had to admit, Feyre seemed to move much like Cas did, like watching a smaller mirror image of him. They were spewing taunts at one another, laughing at each other.  

“Is this a normal occurrence?” Lucien asked, and I grinned.

But it was Azriel that answered. “Feyre’s been putting Cassian in his place since the first day we met her.”

“Sounds about right,” the fox replied, a smile on his face.

“Isn’t she exquisite,” I said, not caring if anyone replied.

“I feel sorry for anyone who crosses her,” Lucien said quietly.

In that regard, we three agreed.

Morrigan arrived, dressed in her usual red. She came to settle beside me. “How long has this been going on?”

“Not long,” Azriel said. “But Feyre needs more practice.”

Mor giggled. “I hope she heard you.”

I sighed. “It will only serve to make her want to train harder. Feyre has a soft spot for Azriel.”

“She does not,” the shadowsinger muttered, but he smiled. Mor pretended not to notice.   

“Have they been torturing you all morning, Lucien?” Mor asked and Lucien seemed a bit surprised but recovered quickly.

“Nothing more than cheap shots at my pride, but otherwise an excellent warm up for the day.”

“Hm.” Mor smiled something wicked but said nothing else.

Feyre took Mor with her to the gallery, with Cas and Azriel returning to the Illyrian camps.

Which left me alone with Lucien.

The House was far too quiet without the others in it, and it was starting to unnerve me. I paced around my room, perused the library but found nothing that called out to me. I was certain I’d read most of them, anyway. I was tempted to go pose for Feyre at the gallery, but I knew she’d sooner toss me out on my ass and send me back here. To Lucien.

I went looking for him.

Whatever I had been ready to say died on my tongue when I found him at last. He was lying on his bed, playing with fire. He was not even looking at the flames that danced around his fingertips. He was lost in thought, one arm under his head, staring up at the ceiling. The repetitive movement of his hand and the fire was comforting. But then I realized I was staring.

I knocked on the open door, and the flames dissipated, his hand going to rest on his stomach.

“Bored, Rhysand?”

“Actually, yes.”

He raised his head slightly enough to look at me.

“Care to go for a walk?”

“Where?”

I took him to walk along the Sidra. I knew that if we went into the city, we would end up at the gallery. Lucien seemed much more relaxed here in the open air any way, surrounded by trees. I imagined if he were in his usual green, he would look made for this- for nature.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Lucien said, shoving his hands in his pockets. The day had taken a slight chill.

I shrugged. “It’s peaceful.”

“It is.”

We continued to walk in silence for a time.

“Why don’t you show it off?” I asked, truly curious.

“Show what?”

“Your fire.”

Lucien looked a bit taken aback.

“I… I’m from the Autumn Court. I figure it’s an assumption anyone would make.”

“Did Tamlin encourage you to hide it?”

Lucien tensed a bit. “Tamlin felt it was for my own good.” I knew he regretted the words as soon as he said them.

I stopped walking. I did not look at him, merely keeping my eyes on the Sidra. How it glittered in the sun. Tamlin was a fucking bastard. I shoved my hands in my pockets. Lucien stood beside me, embarrassed.

“Cassian taught Feyre how to fight, physically. When I see how much progress she makes… It’s incredible.”

I heard Lucien sharply inhale.

“But it always wasn’t so… She was terrified to have the freedom to fight. To learn. And yet, she can tackle the commander of my armies to the ground and kick his ass.” I was grinning. Feyre pulled on our bond. _What are you so smug about, prick?_

_You are exquisite._

I could almost see her rolling her eyes. I sighed.

“Such a beautiful day, is it not? Come on, there’s a trail my brothers and I take to go fishing.”

I had started to walk away, but Lucien had grabbed me by the wrist. He quickly let go, but it was enough to get me to turn around. He was angry, no doubt at himself, and I knew somewhere deep inside, he was angry at Tamlin, too. Even if he did not want to believe it.

“You’re not going to mock me?”

I raised a brow. “Whatever for?”

Lucien made to speak but stopped. He eyed me with utter disbelief.

“It is easy to accept a wrong when there is physical evidence of it,” I said, closing my eyes. I fought off a shudder- I could still _feel_ Amarantha’s hands on my skin. I could still hear her fucking voice. But she was dead. I opened my eyes and turned to the Sidra. Lucien’s gaze was too much.

“When your heart and mind are manipulated, it is harder to see it. To accept it. But abuse is abuse, Lucien. Even if Tamlin never laid a hand on you,” which I was certain he had, “He wore you down. Not just physically. But your spirit, too.”

Lucien turned to face the Sidra, and we stood side by side in silence. I was not sure where Lucien’s mind was, but I was contemplating tearing Tamlin to shreds and appointing someone else to rule over that fucking court. _Rhys, what’s wrong?_

_Bad memories, love. All is well._

_Lucien?_

I considered my words, the truth in them took me by surprise. _Perhaps… He needed this, too._

“You mentioned a trail,” Lucien said at last.

“Come on, I’ll show you where I pummeled Cassian into the ground for stealing my bait. And the tree Azriel accidently broke.” We were walking now, side by side.

“He broke a tree.”

“He hadn’t meant to, but we were racing and he might have gotten… shoved off course. He still won. You’d think that being what I am, the fucking shadows would take a liking to me.”

Lucien chuckled. “Poor little High Lord.”

I rolled my eyes. “I plan on bringing Feyre here when it’s warmer. I want her to make Azriel eat shit.”

“I thought she favored him.”

“She always has.”

“And Cassian?”

I huffed a laugh. “They have the same spirit. Those two… That’s how I knew I loved her.”

“Because of Cassian?”

“Right here!” I exclaimed. The ground seemed to dip in slightly. “Bastard puts up a good fight.”

Lucien eyed the ground and then looked at me if I had lost my wits. It only made me laugh.

“Come along now, fox. The broken tree is not far, and I would like to have lunch sometime today.”


	11. Chapter 11

-Lucien-

 

Of all the things I had witnessed since choosing to stay in Velaris, seeing Rhysand knee deep in a river, with his sleeves rolled up was by far the strangest. Gone was the arrogant prick of a High Lord, and in his place was an Illyrian completely in his element. This was how we were having lunch, he had declared and asked me to start a fire.

I could have easily set the fire anywhere, but I felt useless, standing there as he tried to fish with his bare hands. I gathered wood and made a proper fire, just in time to start catching the fucking fish he threw at me.

We sat across from one another, only the fire stood between us. He produced a dagger, stabbing it right through two of the fish and offered it to me. After I had taken it from him, he produced another and stabbed it through two more fish… and held it over the fire.

“Close your mouth, fox. Something might just fly in it.”

I glared at him, which only made him laugh. And that was when I noticed it, the way the fire was mirrored in his eyes…  I averted my gaze to the dagger in my hand, twin to his. Like our tattoos.

After some silence, I found myself looking. Again. There was a hint of melancholy as he stared into the fire. He had not bothered to dry his pants, and kept his sleeves rolled up. His tattoos reached his wrist on one arm, and the other… it matched the tattoo on Feyre’s hands. Strange, I thought, that now I would share a mark with him, with Feyre.

“Something like this would have been a luxury during the Rite,” he said, and I was not sure if he had meant for me to hear. I did not know much of Illyrian culture- but everyone in Prythian knew about the Blood Rite they held each year. He and his brothers, as he so lovingly called them, had made it out together. The three strongest Illyrian warriors in all of history.

“I think fish was the first decent meal Feyre and I had when we… left.” I didn’t know why I said it, but Rhysand seemed to wake up from whatever dream he had been in.

“I don’t recall ever thanking you, for getting her through it.” He was sincere and it unnerved me.

“We got each other through it.”

“All the same, fox. Thank you.” He said nothing else, and turned his dagger.

We chose to walk back after we ate, Rhysand laughing when we passed the broken tree once more.

“Fucking Az,” he muttered to himself.

“I’m surprised you’ve not built a fort around the damn thing,” I said in complete jest, but by the look on his face, I imagined I had just given him an idea that would surely bring Feyre a headache.

“Are you skilled with wood and hammer?” he asked, and I felt that there was some underlying message behind his words. Especially with the wicked grin on his face.

Cautiously, I replied. “I suppose.”

He sighed happily. “You have made my day.”

“Is this something Feyre will not approve of?”

“Nonsense, fox. She’ll be delighted.”

With my approval, Rhysand flew us back to the townhouse rather than the House of Wind. Cassian and Azriel were there, lounging in the sitting room. I saw no one else when Rhysand and I walked in, and by the look on the Shadowsinger’s face, I doubted Elain was home.

“Lucien here gave me the perfect idea for the broken tree,” Rhysand exclaimed and both Illyrians were quick to listen. He sat down on the armrest beside Azriel, leaving me to sit beside Cassian who clapped me on the back for the idea Rhysand was explaining.

“One fort?” Azriel whispered. “There are three of us Rhys.”

“We can build three forts _around_ the tree, Az,” Cassian suggested, and the Shadowsinger was actually considering it.

“Three forts,” Rhysand said, “the tree in the middle. Each fort has its own weaponry. But same rules, no powers. No wings.”

“What if the tree becomes a casualty?” Cassian asked.

“Only a jackass would manage to hit the tree, Cas. It’s on the fucking ground,” Azriel said.

I remained silent, in complete disbelief. I was sitting in a room full of children.

Feyre arrived with Mor at her heels, the three Illyrians still planning their forts. Rhysand was on the floor, scribbling on paper with Cassian and Azriel giving him critiques. She took one look at them and pulled me by the collar of my shirt.

“Feyre, darling, you won’t believe the wonderful idea Lucien has come up with,” he said to her, not taking his eyes off the paper.

“Of course, my love,” she said as she guided me away from them and up the stairs. Mor was chuckling behind me.

Feyre led us into an unused bedroom, sitting down on the bed. She leaned against the headboard as Mor dropped the bags I had not realized she’d been carrying on the floor. She climbed onto the bed and with the grace of a lazy cat, she curled up beside Feyre and rested her head on Feyre’s lap. I stood against the open doorway, crossing my arms.

“You survived a day alone with Rhys,” Mor said, sighing as Feyre ran her fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes and Feyre giggled. My mouth went dry at the thought of Feyre doing the same to me. I knew I would not fall asleep, as Mor seemed to be.

“Whatever you did,” Feyre said, “thank you. They’ll be preoccupied long enough that we might get to take a nap.”

“Shall I leave you to it?”

“No,” Feyre said, “Come sit. Tell me what you did today.”

Mor seconded Feyre’s words, sleepily patting the mattress. Feyre continued to play with Mor’s hair, watching me as I sat down on the bed, leaving a decent space between us. Feyre noticed this, but said nothing of it.

“We went for a walk,” I began. I told her of the strange landmarks her mate had shown me. Of Rhys fishing with his bare hands.

“I need to see this for myself,” she said, after she and Mor had laughed themselves to the point of tears.

But then Mor did fall asleep, and Feyre carefully moved to let Mor sleep on the pillow and then she made her way towards me. I thought she would sit, but instead, she laid back, resting her head on my lap. My heart did leaps in my chest.

“I’m glad you two had a lovely time,” she said softly. Her eyes were closed, her hands folded on her stomach. She crossed her legs at the ankles. I did not know where to look, where to rest my hands.

“Tell me of your day,” I said, needing a distraction.

She made a content sound. “I taught at the gallery. Mor made a very lovely tree.”

“What did you paint?”

I felt her go still and then she sighed.

“Trees.”

“Trees,” I repeated.

“Autumn trees.”

I nodded, even though her eyes were closed.

“And then we had lunch with Amren. Which I should warn you, she’s joining us for dinner tonight.”

“Spectacular.”

She laughed. “Mor decided this room needed new sheets and curtains, but I wasn’t sure you would like them.”

“You got me bed sheets?”

She shrugged and stretched out, her arms raising and gently hitting my chest. And then she turned on her side, curling up beside me.

“If you ever decide to spend the night. Or need somewhere to hide from everyone, you should have your own space.”

“I have my apartment.”

She seemed disappointed. “I know… It’s just wishful thinking.”

And then I realized I had placed my hand on her head, and I was stroking her hair. Feyre yawned. Who knew that painting and shopping for bedsheets made one so tired?

“It was probably the lunch they had.”

“Rhys, stay out of his head,” Feyre whined, only getting more comfortable where she was.

I looked up, Rhysand was standing at the door. I froze but he waved me off, coming towards me- Feyre. When he was standing next to us, he placed one knee on the mattress to lean forward enough to kiss her with such fervor that I was surprised he hadn’t shoved me out of the way. And then he pulled away, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. But it was in his eyes… there was an amusement that lingered there. Or maybe…

“Where are you going?” Feyre asked, still remaining where she was.

“High Lord bullshit.”

With an irritated growl, she waved him off. “Lucien, why have you stopped?”

My hand was resting on her shoulder. Rhysand only chuckled. I rolled my eyes and began to run my fingers through her hair again. The sound she made was unholy.

“I’ll see you at dinner, darling,” he said, looking at her with such a hunger I felt I was intruding.

“You’re missing out,” Feyre murmured, and placed a hand on my thigh, as if I were a pillow. Surely she had to know what she was doing to me.

Rhysand looked me in the eyes, that hunger still lingered.

“Hm. Maybe I am.”

The prick left without another word and I finally remembered how to breathe.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've all had a great holiday!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda fluffy? idk

-Feyre-

 

I had not imagined just how much I _needed_ to be so close to Lucien, not until I made the choice to lay beside him. And when Rhys came to kiss me, with Lucien right there, I could picture how it would be. The three of us together. I thought I would dream of it, but I didn’t sleep long enough for that. I woke up, comfortable, and warm.  And Lucien was still playing with my hair. I knew that he was flustered, between Rhys and his shameless flirting, and me- did Lucien know that I wanted to be close to him?

I yawned, and Lucien retracted his hand. I sat up and turned to him, giving him a lazy smile.

“Sleep well?” he asked. I stretched my arms up, aware that he noticed my shirt had ridden up slightly.

I put my arms down and gave him a smile, “Thanks to you.”

Lucien blushed. As I made to get off the bed, he moved so that his legs weren’t in my way. He held out a hand, which I took, even if I didn’t need it. I liked the way his hands felt holding mine, and I wondered what it would be like to feel those hands elsewhere. Still holding his hand, I closed the distance between us, coming to stand in front of him. He looked up at me, and I saw his jaw clench. I heard the way his heart raced.

“Mor is still asleep,” I said softly.

“She hasn’t moved an inch,” he replied, clearly not understanding.

Tentatively, I moved so that I stood between his legs. The way he looked at me made that fire inside of me come to life. And the sudden spark of it made me let go of his hand. I laughed nervously, Lucien giving me a smile. He reached out for my hand again, bringing it to his lips. And with my free hand, I touched his scars.

“I’m so glad you stayed,” I whispered. He looked up at me, letting go of my hand… to place it on my waist.

“So am I,” he managed to say. I looked at his eyes, then at his lips, feeling something flutter inside of me. His other hand found home at the small of my back and ever so gently, he pulled me close to him. I pressed a kiss on the top of his head and heard him chuckle against my chest.

And that is how we remained, Lucien holding me close, even when Elain was walking down the hallway to her room. Her eyes found mind, but I didn’t freeze under her gaze. She showed not an ounce of emotion and continued on as if she hadn’t seen us at all.  Lucien’s grip on me tightened.

“How Rhysand survived when you were with Tam… I’ll never understand.”

“Did she…” He didn’t let me finish the sentence.

“No. It’s this gods forsaken bond... As if it knows that I’m evading it, and her.”

 When he looked up at me, I kissed his forehead. Elain, their mating bond- we would deal with that later. I needed to cheer him up. Needed to show him he wasn’t doing anything wrong.  

“Come help me pick out something to wear for dinner.”

He raised a brow.

“Rhys had his turn yesterday,” I said with a grin, and at this, Lucien allowed himself to smile.

Rhys arrived just as Lucien was looking at the two gowns I held up, one black, the other blue. He sat beside Lucien who seemed a little nervous at Rhys finding us in our bedroom. But Rhys rested his arm on Lucien’s shoulder.

“I like the black one,” he said. I rolled my eyes.

 “Of course, you do. But, my love, it’s Lucien’s turn.”

Lucien was trying not to laugh as Rhys gave a resigned sigh.

But Rhys didn’t need to give input. Lucien, I learned, was just as bad as Rhys in the selection of clothing. So in the end, I took two gowns with me to the bathroom and left them sitting on the bed discussing tulle and silk. Pricks, the both of them.

I chose the red one, similar to the ones Mor always wore. I slipped out of my clothes and boots, freshening up before I slid into the dress. They were still talking, mostly about dinner. Rhys told him that Elain would be there, and that he was free to choose how he spent his evening. Lucien remained silent.

Rhys was grinning something wicked when I walked out, and Lucien, at least, seemed to light up at the sight of me. How had I never noticed that before?

“Won’t Mor be pleased,” Rhys said. “Where is she?”

“She went home to change,” I replied. Rhys got off the bed but didn’t come to me, he went to go look at his own clothes.

“Rhys needs a lot of time to get dressed,” I teased. My mate turned to blow me a kiss and I laughed.

“Fox, I believe Feyre needs assistance. I must excuse myself,” he said and walked into the bathroom. I heard the sound of the bath. I made my way towards Lucien, turning so that my back was to him.

“Would you?” I asked quietly. I didn’t think he would, but then I felt him caress the exposed skin of my back and I let out what I hoped was an inaudible gasp. He was slow in taking my hair and bringing it over my shoulder. Dinner suddenly lost its appeal, and I knew that Rhys would certainly agree.

I was gravely disappointed when he didn’t let his hands wander and started to button my dress. Slowly.

When he finished, Lucien stood up behind me and I let him turn me around to face him. I might have been trembling, wondering what he would do, what he would say. He looked at me the way Rhys did, wanting. Needing. And I realized how willing I was to fulfill that need, to satisfy his wants.

He placed his hands on my shoulders. He seemed to have trouble speaking.

“I believe I’ll go change. For dinner.” And it felt like a blow to the stomach.  

I nodded, putting a smile on my face. I didn’t move until he had left the room, and I breathed out, placing a hand on my stomach.

Rhys stepped out of the bathroom, dressed as perfect and handsome as always.

“Where did he go?”

I said nothing, and Rhys was quickly at my side, already looking at me with worry.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why won’t he… do anything?” Why was I on the verge of tears?

Rhys gave me a smile before pulling me against him. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“Perhaps it is too soon for him.”

I nodded. I hadn’t been direct with Lucien, and I should not have assumed… But Rhys was right.

“I will admit, I was a bit disappointed I didn’t walk out to find you in his arms.”

“Would you have liked that?” I asked quietly.

“Perhaps more than I want to admit.”

“Would you have joined us?”

His kiss was all the answer I needed.

After dinner, I found Lucien outside sitting on the bench. He was drinking wine by himself, and didn’t seem surprised when I sat down beside him.

“Dinner was a little overwhelming,” I said. Amren had known, as she always seemed to know everything, that something was going on between us three. But she was silent on the matter, merely complimenting Lucien on his attire. Mor chimed in as well, telling Lucien black brought out the red of his hair and the gold of his mechanical eye which she found intriguing. _You should wear it more often_ , she’d said.

He huffed a laugh, offering me his glass. As I drank from it, he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I wanted to disappear,” he said with a smile.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I wasn’t sure I would make it through.”

“I think it’s safe to say they all like you, in their own way.”

“That is sweet of you to say, Feyre.”

I handed him back the glass, and he took it, only to set it aside on the little table there. I dared to placed my hand on his thigh, palm up and was surprised that he took it.

“I really don’t… I don’t understand why Elain refuses to even look at you. And I don’t know how you sat through dinner, feeling the weight of that… nothingness.”

Lucien considered me then, giving me the softest of smiles.

“I couldn’t dream of leaving your side because of a mild discomfort. I’ve done it far too many times before. I refuse to fail you again.”

“Lucien… You’ve never failed me.”

He sighed, perhaps knowing there was nothing he could say to make me agree with him.

“Does it feel… strange?” he asked. I didn’t have to ask to know what he meant.

“No.”

He let out a shaken breath.

“It feels like this is how it should be. How it always should have been.”

He said nothing.

“Lucien…” He looked at me and I couldn’t speak, there was that look again. I was blushing, my body felt like it was on fire. Could he tell? Could he see what he was doing to me?

“Yes, Feyre?”

“I’m sorry for being… forward.”

“Forward?”

At first, I thought he was truly unaware of what I had been doing. And then that devilish smile blossomed on his face.

“Lucien!” I smacked him on the arm, which only made him laugh.

“Feyre, you have nothing to be sorry for,” he said, trying not to laugh again. “But this is sudden, and new. I don’t wish to ruin it.”

I nodded and was going to look away, but he placed a hand on my cheek so that I could look at him.

“To even touch you this way, I think I will wake at any moment.” I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. And then I felt him brush his thumb over my lips and I might have held my breath. I opened my eyes.

“Are you going to kiss me, Lucien?” I asked, wanting him. I wanted him. I needed to know what it was like to be consumed by his fire. A fire I knew I could withstand.

“Do you want me to?” His voice was rough.

I nodded. “Yes.”

Lucien let his hand go from my cheek and to my neck, and I felt goosebumps over my skin. He looked at me, silently seeking my permission. He didn’t have to, but I knew _why_ he needed to. So I nodded, giving him a smile, giving him _consent_.

 And at last, Lucien closed the space between us and brushed his lips against mine- testing the waters. Then Lucien truly kissed me. It was hungry, needing, demanding. And I kissed him back with the same vigor, all of me wanting this. Wanting him. I wanted Rhys to feel this fire, to know how it tasted. And my mate, completely aware of what was happening, returned the sentiment. That only fanned the flames and I thought I heard Lucien hiss when my fingers grazed his scalp as I grabbed his hair, but he didn’t pull away, that only seemed to encourage him.

But of course, we had to stop and breathe. Our foreheads touched, and I giggled- I felt drunk, dizzy. Lucien placed both of his hands on my face and made me look at him. He was smiling and it unraveled something inside of me. He kissed me once more, but it was softer. I was the one with tears in my eyes now. Lucien only kissed them away, just as Rhys had done so long ago.

We were still looking at one another like two drunken fools when Rhys joined us on the terrace. I turned to look at him and he smiled. He sat beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder. I reached out to Lucien and he took my hand. We said nothing for some time, just staring out at the night sky. How peaceful this was, how _normal_.

Lucien looked at me and I smiled, pulling him towards me. Even Rhys laughed as I caught Lucien off guard and kissed him. Lucien looked scandalized when he sat upright and adjusted his tunic but Rhys only laughed some more.

“Better get used to it, fox.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Rhys feigned innocence as I glared at him.

“Perhaps,” Lucien said, taking my hand and kissing it as he looked at Rhys, “It is you who should prepare himself.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? Idk lol

-Rhys-

 

I watched as Feyre bid Lucien goodnight, their kiss nothing like the wildfire I had felt through our bond. But it was warm, promising. Everything a budding romance should be.

“Are you sure?” Feyre asked Lucien once more.

The fox pressed another kiss to her lips. “In time, love.”

“Alright… well, good night, Lucien.”

“Good night, Feyre.” He looked at me, smiling. “High Lord.”

I grinned. “Fox.”

Feyre was blushing as I walked her to our bedroom. She had wanted him to join us in bed, if only to sleep. To get used to it. But Lucien was still in shock that Feyre had accepted him, that _I_ had accepted him. But I also knew that Elain was home, and Lucien was far more kind and considerate than anyone in his situation would be.

Feyre threw herself back on the bed, giggling like a child. I closed the door and leaned back, just looking at her. The joy that radiated from her was enough to light the entire night sky.

“What?” She had propped herself up on her elbows and was looking at me.

“You’re happy.”

I didn’t think anyone could blush deeper.

“Was it obvious?”

I had to laugh.

“We should bring him with us tomorrow.”

I raised a brow, making my way towards her. She let me pull her to her feet and turn her around. She laughed as I began to undo the buttons that Lucien had done up for her earlier.

“I want him to see you the way I see you. How everyone in Velaris sees you.”

“Which is?” I passed my hand over the skin of her back. The way she inhaled sharply made me smile.

“You’re full of yourself, Rhys.”

I turned her to look at me again. “Feyre, I meant it.”

With a tender look on her face, she placed her hands on my chest.  

“You’re kind, and just. You listen to everyone, no matter who they are. No matter how small their grievance. And you never mistreat them.” No, outside of the Hewn City, I could be myself. And that Feyre had ever understood it-

I gave her a small smile. I could see it in her eyes, the ghost of a memory. Her first example of how High Lords behaved. And a terrible one, at that.

“Lucien knows nothing else but… Beron. And Tamlin… Personally, I mean.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“He can sit with Mor. And then afterwards, we can all go check on the house together.”

I chuckled, bringing my hands to her face. Gods, she was perfect.

“Whatever you desire, darling.”

“I like the sound of that,” she said, getting on her tip toes to kiss me.

Morning found me trying to hide my face under a pillow that was being pulled away from me.

“Not yet,” I grumbled. I had just closed my eyes, or so it seemed.

I heard Feyre laugh, the sound of someone being shoved and then-

“I woke up earlier than I wanted, High Lord. Count yourself lucky it was Feyre who pulled me from sleep.”

My retort was incoherent as I got up, sitting back against the headboard. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes to find Feyre as giddy as a child on Winter Solstice- Cassian, she looked like Cassian.

And then there was Lucien, doing his best to look at my face as he held a tray of breakfast in his hands. Feyre cleared her throat.

“Oh.” I pulled the bedsheet up over my lap.

Lucien rolled his eyes and Feyre took the tray from him.

“Good morning,” she said as she set the tray down on the bed before she climbed on to sit across from me.

“Aren’t you going to join us?” I asked as I accepted the coffee Feyre handed me.

To my surprise, Lucien sat beside me, leaning back on the headboard as well. Feyre eyed us both as she drank her coffee, and I suddenly wondered what exactly my mate was up to.

“Feyre tells me you two have some matters to attend to with your Court.”

I nodded. “Do you wish to come with us?”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You’re our emissary, fox. You’ve a right to be there as much as any of us.”

Feyre was still grinning like a devil, especially when I excused myself to get dressed, taking the bedsheet with me. Lucien watched me the whole way, even when I couldn’t see him. I just _felt_ it. And then of course, I heard Feyre giggling as Lucien snapped at her.

“A lovely view indeed,” she said and I couldn’t help but laugh.  

Lucien did join us as we held court, even going as far as being able to answer questions pertaining to the Mortal Realm. Nothing that wasn’t common knowledge to myself and the others, but nonetheless he answered so graciously that those who asked left pleased. He spoke to my people, Feyre’s people, as if they were his.

 _Are those butterflies I’m feeling?_ Feyre gave me a glance and I merely smirked. But she was entirely right. She took my hand. _I don’t blame you_ , she said, mimicking me. I truly smiled then, keeping my eyes on Lucien as he held the room’s attention.  

I brought them both to see the house, nearly finished. Feyre was almost in tears at the sight of it; a house with a nursery, I had said. I stole a glance at Lucien. For him, there would be a place for him, too.

I noticed Lucien tense a bit as he looked at our future home. I did not need to read his mind to know that doubt of where or how he would fit in once we were settled was threatening to take hold. And that would not do.

I threw an arm around his shoulder.

“You and Feyre will be able to go on hunts together,” I said, looking at the expanse of trees beyond the house. “Something I was told she enjoyed with you.”

“I hope there are no Bogge out there,” Lucien said with a sly smile. She pinched his side, eliciting a laugh from him. Much better.  

“No,” I replied, trying not to laugh, “But Feyre might return claiming you died of a terrible accident.”

It was my turn to get pinched by Feyre, leaving Lucien and I in a fit of laughter.

Everyone was at Rita’s after dinner, winding down after a long, long day. Lucien and Feyre took turns giving us a very drunk retelling of the Bogge they’d sent after those gods forsaken daemati twins. Feyre did a terrible job of imitating Lucien, leaving us all in hysterics.

After another round of drinks, Mor pulled Cassian out of his chair to dance. Feyre snorted, and then yelped as Lucien went to do the same. He spun her around until they were dancing beside my cousin and Cas.

Azriel watched quietly, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“You have lovely taste,” Amren said, not taking her eyes off Lucien.

I took a drink of my wine. “Hm… I suppose I do.”

“She’s happy.”

I gave her a nod, my eyes now on Feyre who gave me a smile.

“Are you happy?” The question surprised me. And not only because it came from Amren.

“Come on, Rhys!” Feyre shouted.

“Yes, Rhysie!” Cas yelled, “Come dance with us!”

Another drink, and I set my glass down smiling as a very giggly Feyre struggled to keep step with the music. “Very,” was my reply, leaving our tiny ancient one grinning.

“I had no idea you were such a good dancer,” I said to Lucien as I placed a hand on his waist, pulling him, and Feyre, to me. The fox wasted no time in letting go of her hand for mine, Feyre giggling between us. She rested her head on Lucien’s chest and we three managed to somehow move in sync together.

“I could say the same of you,” Lucien replied, but there was no bite, no teasing. He was content.

After another song, Feyre tugged on Lucien’s shirt.

“I’m going to go make Azriel smile,” Feyre slurred and squeezed herself between us. I chuckled when I saw the pair dancing in the shadows, slowly.

“You’re still dancing with me,” Lucien mused, making me look at him.

“Shall I stop?” I grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Everyone is watching,” he whispered.

I leaned forward a bit, and whispered in his ear. I enjoyed the way his heart raced.

“I can’t blame them.”

The fox was blushing when I straightened, and we continued to dance together until Mor stole him away. Cassian lifted me off the ground, making me laugh. All the while, Amren watched us, her eyes alight.

Azriel returned Feyre to me, my brother rather flushed. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before coming into my arms.

“What did you do to him?” I whispered as we danced, slowly.

“I told him… you know. About what you said.”

I merely nodded.

“And I told him that he didn’t have to worry about Lucien anymore.”

“No?”

She looked up at me, her eyes glazed over. But she was smiling.

“I told him he was ours.”

At the townhouse, Azriel was half asleep on the bed in the room he shared with Cassian. Feyre and Mor were fussing over Cassian’s hair.

“You should grow it out as long as Lucien’s,” Mor said.

“That’s not wise for a warrior,” he said, but still smiled as they brushed his hair. I was nearly asleep beside Az, just watching Feyre. She and Mor had taken turns dancing with Lucien and I, and then with each other.

“What is taking him so long to get a drink of water?” Mor asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Who?” Feyre replied. She was heavily focused on braiding Cassian’s hair.

“Your pretty fox,” Azriel said and we all looked at him in shock. He rolled over, giving us his back. Cassian howled, and Mor smacked him. But Az was done for the night, not even Cassian’s booming laughter would wake him up.

“I’ll go find him,” I offered, Feyre visibly relieved.

He was in his room, Nuala and Cerridwen had put up the midnight blue curtains Mor and Feyre had purchased. It boasted silver and gold thread fashioned into stars. He was lying on his back, the bed covered in the same dark blue fabric with far more detail than the curtains. His hair looked like living flame against all the blue. I finally remembered why I was standing there.

I knocked on the open doorway.

“Your absence has been noticed.”

“I am far more drunk than anticipated,” he said. I smiled.

“I believe we all are.”

He chuckled and made great effort to look at me from where he was.

“Tell Feyre I meant to join you all, but this bed…”

“May I?”

He nodded, closing his eyes. I walked right over and let out a sigh as I sat down.

“She will surely understand. I wouldn’t get up from here either.”

He rolled onto his side.

“You don’t have to.”

The fox was blushing, but he still met my gaze. Without a word, I removed my shoes, setting them on the floor quietly. I undid a few of the buttons of my shirt, rolled up my sleeves and lay down beside him. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I still reached out and brushed some of his hair from his face.

“You’re not what I imagined,” he said quietly.

“And what did you imagine?”

“I thought you to be far more…” The apprehension in his gaze made my heart sink.

“Cruel?”

“Gods no, Rhysand. Why would I think that?”

I couldn’t answer that. Not with liquor in my system, making me feel more exposed. Lucien didn’t push it. He let out a soft laugh, and I felt my heart do leaps.

“I don’t think you cruel. Far from it, in fact. You’re rather soft.”

“Soft?”

“Whereas I… I’m not.”

I was not sure what he meant. Not at first. Until he reached out to touch my face, and I stilled. When his hand found my neck, I could already see it. There was a spark in that russet eye, as if he knew where my mind had gone. Lucien moved closer, his hand finding its way to my hair, and he pulled. Hard. All my nerves burned away, and were replaced with white hot desire.

“I would very much like to kiss you, Rhysand.”

“Rhys,” I said quietly, afraid of speaking any louder. “You can call me Rhys.”

Lucien chuckled.

“I would very much like to kiss you, _Rhys_. But I’m drunk. I would prefer to have my wits about me the first time.”

“Another time then,” I said and he nodded, letting go of my hair. He massaged my scalp, making me laugh.

“Are you truly going to stay?” he asked, draping an arm over me.

I chuckled. “Not even Nesta could make me leave this bed.”

His laughter made me smile. I reached out to caress his face, and relished in the way he leaned into my touch. The smile when I leaned over to press a kiss to his temple.

“Sleep well, Lucien.”

“I’m certain I will,” he said and before I could say anything else, he was fast asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't completely NSFW but it is a little saucy so proceed with caution lol

-Lucien-

A loud sound roused me from sleep. I heard a terrible attempt at whispering. Cassian had carried Feyre to my room by the sound of it, and he was unfit for walking.

“They look cozy,” Cassian said, and I heard Feyre giggle. “If the bed was bigger, I’d join.”

“Just bring me over there,” she whispered rather loudly.

I made to move to get to her, until I realized Rhys had me flush against him, his arm around me. His breath on the back of my neck was giving me goosebumps.

I felt it when Cassian deposited Feyre on the bed, and I heard when she kissed him. Loudly. I didn’t even have a moment to react before he chuckled.

“Don’t worry foxy boy, it was only my face,” he said slyly. I rolled my eyes.

“Go back to Az,” Feyre whined as she crawled towards me.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay, darling?” Cassian purred in imitation of Rhys.

Feyre giggled as she pressed herself against me and I did my best to bring an arm over her.

“Goodnight, Cassian,” Feyre said and Cassian chuckled.

“Sweet dreams, my lady,” he replied which only made Feyre laugh as he left the room.

Feyre let out a sound of utter contentment.

“You’re so warm, Luce,” she said. I was caught by surprise, but quickly found my wits. _Luce._ I kissed her forehead.

“I _am_ sleeping beside a living furnace.” Rhysand was incredibly warm.

“Gods, I wish I wasn’t so drunk.”

“No?”

She shook her head.

“I wanted to do… things.”

“What things?”

A slight pause and then-

“Can I show you?”

The tone of her voice sparked the fire in my veins.

“Yes.”

She kissed me, gently pushing Rhysand’s arm away. And then she pushed me on my back, getting on my lap. I wanted to tell her the door was open, but her hands were on me and nothing mattered.

“Maybe Rhys will wake up,” she said with a devil’s smile before she leaned forward to kiss me again. The thought of Rhys waking up to find us in such a compromising position set my blood aflame.

Then she pressed kisses to my jaw, stopping only to place my hands on her waist.

“You’re allowed to touch me,” she said through kisses.

And then she brought her lips to my neck and I let out an unholy sound. She giggled, pressing another kiss to my neck. “I want you to,” she said as she expertly undid the buttons of my tunic to kiss across my collarbone.

“Feyre, are you sure?”

She sat up, looking down at me with darkened eyes. With my hands still on her waist, Feyre placed her hands over mine, guiding my hands up her sides as she pulled her tunic up. I let out a breath when I saw the very thin camisole underneath. Her tunic was thrown somewhere in the dark room.

“Can I?” she asked, gently tugging on my tunic. I swallowed.

“Yes.”

She needed my help to take it off.

Feyre had seen me shirtless countless times; training with Tam. Right before bed. Early in the morning. Sometimes, at night, when she’d had a nightmare. But it was never like this. Never with her looking at me with desire in her eyes.

Feyre traced over the tattoo below my heart and I swore that I felt a spark between us. She let out a gasp, completely amused by this. And by the way she looked at me, I knew that I was fucked.

She found my neck again, and the sounds she made- gods, how did Rhys survive being near her every day? Then she bit my neck, and I let out a growl that only encouraged her. And somehow, I found my own courage to touch her. To caress her thighs, avoiding where I truly wanted to touch her, earning a small whine from her. She kissed me, and I bit her lower lip just as I slipped a hand beneath her camisole. She let out a gasp when my fingers passed over her tattoo, and I stopped.  

“Did that hurt?” I asked, suddenly afraid.

“No,” she said. She sounded… surprised. Intrigued? I sighed with relief. “When we’re not drunk, Lucien, I want you to stop being careful. I want you to be as rough as you want to, need to.”

If I wasn’t already hard, aching, I knew this would have done it. She giggled.

“Rhys says I have a wicked mouth.”

I forgot how to breathe.

And then she began trailing kisses down my chest, and I had been doing my best to be quiet. Until her mouth was pressed against my low stomach, right above the band of my pants. Once she was clumsily trying to undo them, I found the will to pull her up.

“Feyre,” I breathed out and she found my mouth again. What she was about to do…

“I’m sorry,” she said, winding her fingers in my hair. “I should have asked.”

“It’s not that.”

“Am I doing too much?” She stopped everything she was doing to sit upright. I bit my tongue.

“No,” I said, carefully sitting up and wrapping my arms around her loosely. “Gods, Feyre… What I wouldn’t give to show you just how much I want you.”

“Then what is it?”

“The door is open.”

She said nothing for a moment before she started laughing.

“I really am too drunk.”

“I’m surprised I haven’t woken up the house.”

“I like the sounds you make,” she said and kissed me. I groaned into that kiss and Feyre adjusted herself on my lap. I hissed, making her giggle. “We might have to go to the House.”

I chuckled, and Feyre let out a sigh, resting her head on my shoulder.

“You are both unfit to fly me there,” I said, which made her laugh softly. I pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. “And I wish to make love to you and Rhys at least once before I meet my death.”

She kissed my neck again. She was going to be the death of me.

“I like the sound of that.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, very much.”

She let me lay her down on the bed, one arm cradling her. My free hand rested on her waist. She reached out to twirl my hair and she smiled. I felt as if I were dreaming and any moment I would wake up. Alone. The thought was sobering.

I kissed her, slowly, and I felt Feyre’s hand trailing down until she’d found what she wanted. I shuddered.

“Fuck, Feyre,” I groaned. “You’re killing me.”

She stroked me once, slowly, before pressing a soft kiss to where she had bit me. It took all of my strength to bite my tongue.

“Can I sleep with you?” she asked, her arms innocently at her sides. I chuckled.

“Of course, love,” I replied. I properly settled into bed.

I held her close to me, laughing when Rhys placed his arm over me again.

“How has he slept through all this?”

Feyre gave me a knowing smile. “He’s dreaming about us.”

*

My head felt as if it were about to split in two, forcing me awake. I was on my back, Feyre had her head on my bare chest, one leg draped over mine. Rhys was on his stomach with a hand right above my heart. I didn’t want to leave, not when they were so peaceful. Feyre felt so right against me, and Rhys… My heart was fluttering at the thought of last night. With him. With _Feyre_. But I needed to drink water. A lot of it.

My chest felt ready to burst, these two were nothing that I expected and everything- everything- that I wanted. With regret I pried myself from them, telling myself they would be there when I returned. I knew the twins would be awake, and perhaps, I could bring them breakfast.

But all of that went to shit as I was getting off the bed. Elain was standing in the hall, looking in. Looking at me. Her face, as always, was expressionless. And yet, I felt so ashamed. I saw where her gaze fell and my hand immediately went to my neck. She looked at me again. I went to speak and she walked away, leaving me flushed and embarrassed.

I grabbed my tunic off the floor and washed up in the bathroom. I didn’t put it on, not at first, staring at myself in the mirror. Feyre had left a mark on my neck. I let out a breath- I’d need to glamour that even with my tunic back on. I traced over the tattoo we shared. Had Feyre touched it last night? I couldn’t remember. But it felt warmer than the rest of me. I decided it was of no consequence.

After pulling on my tunic and fixing my hair, I made my way down the hall. Mor was still asleep on Cassian’s bed, and I imagined he had pulled the covers over her. Cassian himself was asleep beside Azriel, his arm and leg over the edge of the bed, Azriel curled up by the wall. The sight of them eased the way Elain left me feeling.

I sighed, and made my way to the kitchen. No one was there. I drank several glasses of water, but the ache didn’t cease. I hated the reason why. I hated that I cared.

Elain was tending to her garden when I found her. I don’t know why I went out there. I don’t know why I approached her, maintaining a good distance between us. She ignored me while I stood there, the fucking mating bond wanting her, wanting me to get closer. Did she feel this agonizing pull every time we were under the same roof? Sharing the same space?

“Elain, may we speak?” I asked, my voice as shaken as I felt.

She said nothing at first, ripping a weed out of the ground and tossing it like it was nothing. Like I was to her.

“What is there to speak of?” Her voice was quiet, I’d expected nothing else. But the lack of emotion in her tone, it hurt. Why did it hurt? Why did it matter?

“I need to know that I am not… that what I do is not hurting you. This bond is-”

“Nothing you do can hurt me,” she said, looking up at me at last. Still, there was nothing in those eyes.  

“Then why do you ignore me?”

She looked truly confused then, but returned to her flowers.

“Elain… _please_ …” I hated that word. I hated that it was directed at her. I felt sick.

“Where there are shadows,” she said, a wistful look on her face, “There is fire.”

I wanted to ask her what that meant. I wanted to tell her that I did not want this gods forsaken bond. I wanted to say so many things but I was going to be sick.

So I did what I did best.

I left.


	15. Ch. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little CW for a bad hang over. 
> 
> There's Feyre and Cas as my ultimate Brotp <3

-Feyre-

I woke up to find Rhys holding Lucien’s hair as he emptied his stomach in the toilet. My mate held Lucien’s hair with one hand, and rubbed his back with the other. Rhys looked exhausted, shadows lingering in his eyes.

“We really outdid ourselves last night, didn’t we?” I gave him a smile.

“I was having the most delicious dream,” Rhys said with a sigh but continued to comfort Lucien.

After he was finished, the three of us washed up at the sink. Looking in the mirror, I saw the mark on Lucien’s neck and I blushed. Rhys gave Lucien a gentle pat on the back.

“It seems I wasn’t the only one who had a good night.”

Lucien managed to roll his eyes.

“We’ll have a good breakfast and spend the day in bed,” I said, tying up my hair in a loose bun. I passed both males towels to dry their mouths and faces. “We could even have a bath…”

“Maybe,” Lucien said.

“Food first,” Rhys declared, an arm around Lucien’s shoulder to lead him out.

Nuala and Cerridwen prepared us an absolutely heavenly hang over breakfast.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked Lucien.

“Yes,” he said quietly. His voice was scratchy.

“And you, my love?”

“I haven’t slept so well in a long time.” He gave Lucien a smile, and he smiled back.

When we made it back upstairs, I pulled Lucien into my room. Rhys slipped out of his clothes, remaining in his undershorts. He climbed into bed and let out a sound that made me laugh. I shut the door, my face burning at the memory of how we’d forgotten that detail last night.

Lucien stood there as I pulled my pants down and kicked them away. I joined Rhys who quickly rested his head on my chest. Lucien climbed in after me. He curled up beside me, draping an arm over my stomach.

“This was not how I planned this morning,” Lucien grumbled. “But this is rather nice.”

I ran my fingers through Rhys’ hair as Rhys tenderly caressed Lucien’s arm. It felt as if we had always been this way.

“Lucien’s asleep,” I said with a sigh and closed my eyes.

_He was going to leave._

I tensed. _When?_

_I had felt this… ache in my chest. But it wasn’t from you. I woke up all the same… I followed that feeling until I found him about to walk out of the townhouse._

I felt tears sting my eyes.

_He looked terribly ashamed and I asked if he would tell me what was wrong. And he did._

Tears streamed down the sides of my face as Rhysand showed me how he had taken Lucien by the hand to sit down on the sofa. How Lucien told him of his discussion with Elain. I wasn’t sure if discussion was an appropriate term for it. All the while Rhys had held Lucien’s hand and listened. Until Lucien felt too sick to continue on, and that was when I found them in the bathroom.

_He has no reason to be ashamed._

_I know, darling. We must give him time._

I nodded. _I know. But I won’t have him suffering, either._

A soft chuckle from Rhys. _No, we will not._

As soon as Rhysand was asleep, I carefully left the bed. I got dressed and left the room, shutting the door and hurrying down the stairs. The fire I inherited from Beron was running through my veins, but not in desire. Not in joy. It was a different kind of flame, the kind that would burn anything in its path.

But I stopped myself.

I couldn’t confront Elain with this fire. So I walked into the living room and sat in front of the fire place. I wondered if I could light it. I sure felt myself ready to catch fire. I touched the logs of wood and sighed. I closed my eyes. Why was it so hard to be angry at Elain?

I let out an aggravated groan and when I opened my eyes, the wood beneath my fingertips was smoking.

I heard a small gasp and turned around to find Elain standing there.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” she said. I wiped my hand against my pants and stood up, facing her.

“There are a lot of things I didn’t know I was capable of.” There was far more bite in my tone than I’d wanted.

“Are you alright, Feyre?”

I felt guilty for being angry with her. I felt anger at myself for feeling any sort of guilt.

“No,” I said honestly.

“Whatever’s the matter?”

A slight pause. “Why do you ignore Lucien?”

Elain looked surprised.

“What have I to say to him?”

“I don’t know, maybe tell him you don’t want him. That you reject the mating bond.”

She flushed.

“I didn’t think-”

“No!,” I shouted. “You didn’t think, Elain. He is your mate, even if you don’t want him to be. If you don’t want him, let him go. Reject the bond- you’re the only one who can.”

Her eyes began to water, but I didn’t care. Lucien, my best friend. She was hurting Lucien.

“I don’t know why I’ve treated you like you’re so weak. So helpless. You’re one of us, Elain. You’re as much an Archeron as Nesta and I.”

“Feyre, I’m sorry.”

“I’ve made so many excuses for you, Elain, but you did nothing either.” I felt guilty saying it, remembering the paints she gave me. The attempts at keeping Nesta and I close. The tentative relationship we had after the war that I was extremely grateful for. But even after all this time, it hurt. She had let it all fall on my shoulders, just as Nesta had. Just as our father had.

“Is this because you love him?” Her voice was small, but I felt such an ache in my chest.

“He is suffering, Elain. Can’t you see that?”

“But Feyre…”

I was going to speak again but Cassian was standing at the end of the stairs, looking at me. Elain was in tears but I still walked away, I needed air.

I knew Cassian followed me outside, even before he sat down beside me on the grass. His warmth was comforting.

“It’s chilly out.”

“You’d think winter would know when to give up.”

“Winter the season, or Kallias?”

I rolled my eyes, but I still managed to laugh.

“Maybe Kallias should make it winter everywhere.”

“There’s a part of him in you, too, you know that, right?”

I nodded, bringing my knees up to my chest.

“You and I… We’re the same. Our souls are the same,” he said softly as he picked at the grass. “We share the hunger to survive. To live despite whatever life throws our way. We have so much hurt, but so much anger, too. And it can eat at you. Even with all these siphons, sometimes, everything becomes too much. And I feel like I don’t know how to let it out without burning everything to the ground.”

That made my heart ache.

“You don’t have siphons, although- between you and I, I’d kill to see you in the Rite.”

I poked his side, and he laughed.

“What I mean is, we’ve yet to find a way to help you sift through all these powers of yours. But you know, Fey, we can’t do that if you keep it to yourself.”

“I know,” I said and sighed.

“And fighting with your sister… I know that it hurts. Whenever Rhys and I get into it, I always feel guilty after. Even if I’m in the right. I have a family because of him, I have a life worth living.”

“How much did you hear?” I felt my face get hot. He had been there the entire time, but he wouldn’t admit to that. He was far too good to me.

“Enough to know that you and Elain have a lot of shit to work out. Especially if you’re serious about being with Lucien.”

“I just don’t understand her.”

Cassian shrugged. “Maybe Elain doesn’t really know how to balance between a bond she never wanted, losing that bastard of a fiancé… And now the possibility of something with Azriel.”

“They’re so good together.”

“About damn time, if you ask me.”

I giggled. “Az looks so happy, even if he tries to hide it.”

“Some things will never change.”

“I love you, Cas.”

He threw an arm around me.

“I love you, too, Feyre.”

I rested my head against his chest.

“I know you’ll defend him. And now that he’s… whatever he is to you both. I will too.”

“But?”

“You know that you should give Elain a chance to explain. You two get along, I wouldn’t want to see you breaking apart.”

I nodded. Nesta had completely distanced herself from all of us. Everyone was tired of seeking her out. It hurt, but I was at a loss. But Cassian was right. I couldn’t bear to lose Elain, not after all we’d been through.

“I will,” I said quietly.

“Not now,” Cassian said. “You’re hung over.”

“So are you.”

“Yes, but I’m not fighting my brother over a male.”

“That’s not what this is.”

Cassian laughed, even when I elbowed him.

“Come on, asshole. There’s still bread left and I want to eat it before Mor wakes up.”

“Music to my ears.”

We walked back inside, hand in hand, to find Mor sitting at the table with half a loaf of bread in her hand.

“Come on!” Cassian yelled and Mor groaned.

“Too loud.” She nodded her head towards the counter. “There’s still some left. And grab the butter. Azriel is asleep, and I want to enjoy this all before he wakes up.”

I kissed Cassian on the cheek before I walked over to Mor, softly caressing her cheek before I pinched her chin. I earned a joyful squeal. I sat beside her as Cassian split the bread between us and we put far too much butter on it.

By the time Azriel made it to the table, the three of us were half asleep in our chairs, and not a loaf of bread in sight.

“Assholes,” he said, sitting down with a huff. I giggled and forced myself on my feet. I walked towards Az and wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Second cabinet on the right, top shelf,” I murmured.

“No fucking way,” Cassian said. Mor was too tired to protest. “Why does he get one all to himself?”

“Because you two are gluttons and Az got as shit faced as we did.”

Azriel smiled, if only to piss Cassian off even more.

“I’m going to bed.” I let go of Az to stand up straight and allow him to go fetch his precious bread for breakfast. “And Cassian?”

“Yes, Feyre?” He said my name with complete annoyance.

“Bottom cabinet, at the end.”

I was at the stairs when I heard Cassian yell triumphantly to find the bowl of apple pastries I’d hidden there just for him.


	16. Ch 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! 
> 
> I've been busy with personal writing projects as well as tumblr challenges and fics. I really need to get back to this one and finish it... lol anyway, hope you enjoy!

-Rhys-

Sundown was a few hours away, and Lucien still slept. I’d climbed back into bed after Feyre let me go from a rather fervent kiss, but I never fell asleep. I’d been like this, just looking at him. I felt ashamed of how I’d behaved towards him before Solstice. Before even Feyre was in any of our lives. But here he was, by our side. Allowing me to be close to him.

I brushed his hair from his face, and ended up tracing over his scars. He held physical marks of what that bitch had done. And yet… looking at his face, at those brutal scars, I felt nothing but _butterflies_ as Feyre liked to say.

“Tell Feyre to paint my portrait,” he grumbled. I felt all of me go warm. I’d been caught.

I chuckled. “But that would take ages… and here you are, in my bed.”

He looked at me and smirked. That only served to make my heart race faster. 

“You like that, don’t you?”

I brushed my thumb over his cheek and sighed.

“Honestly? Yes.”

Lucien chuckled and rolled onto his back.

“Gods, how long have I been asleep?”

“Since we had breakfast.”

“Where is Feyre?”

I raised a brow. Lucien looked at me before breathing in slowly and letting it out.

“She’s probably asleep,” I said, enjoying the way he was blushing at where he had traced her scent. “We should go make sure she hasn’t drowned.”

I saw the surprise in his russet eye and enjoyed the way the gold one seemed to gleam a little brighter.

“You would be to blame,” he said as he stretched.  

I got out of the bed and began to walk towards the bathroom. I wouldn’t pester him on the matter.

“Rhys,” he called, and I turned to find him sitting at the edge of the bed.

“Yes?” Hearing him say my name that way… I felt my heart fluttering again.

“I should go fetch a change of-”

I snapped my fingers, if only for Lucien to know that I’d already taken care of it. He rolled his eyes and slid off the bed.

“Show off.”

I followed him into the bathroom with a grin.

Feyre was not asleep, she was far from it. She’d tied her hair up high, loose curls falling about. She was practically enveloped in bubbles and seemed perfectly content to remain that way.

“You’re awake,” she said, looking at Lucien with a blush that mirrored his. She quickly set her sponge on the little wooden tray beside all her soaps.

“It was hard to sleep when someone was staring so intently.”

“Rhys is a mother hen,” she said and moved so she was sitting on the opposite side of the tub.

“Forgive me for caring,” I whined and stripped out of my undershorts. Lucien gaped at me and I fought the urge to laugh as I made my way to the tub. Feyre kicked me from where she sat.

“Come on, fox, we won’t bite.”

Feyre flushed crimson and I was surprised she didn’t go beneath the water.

Lucien made quick work of undressing himself and we both gave him the privacy of getting in without us watching. No one looked at each other until we were well hidden beneath Feyre’s sea of foam.

She kicked me again for that, too.

“How are you feeling?” Feyre asked.

“Better,” he replied. “Although there is something I’d like to ask- discuss.”

Feyre gave him her attention, even when he looked towards me. I gave him a nod of my head.

He brought a hand to rub the back of his neck, the action causing water to trickle down his forearm, and his chest. But I quickly returned my gaze to his face. Feyre didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she’d been looking, too.

“I was thinking that perhaps… for a short time, I should stay in my apartment.”

I said nothing, even if the thought of him feeling so uncomfortable in my home unnerved me. But I understood the reason why. And Feyre, she did not betray the fact that she knew what he had yet to tell her. Even if her eyes betrayed how hurt she was.

He turned to face her. “It’s not to be away from you. Either of you. But, I need… air.”

From Elain.  

“Understood,” I said, as Feyre said, “I think we should stay together.”

We both looked at her in surprise.  

“Let’s stay at the House. Just the three of us,” she said nervously and added, “The townhouse is too crowded any way.”

I smiled at her- my sweet, perfect Feyre. Lucien and I shared a glance and I knew he was thinking the same.

“You are both welcome to stay. With me, I mean. At my apartment.”

Feyre made an excited sound.

“Rhys practically renovated it.” He sounded annoyed, but he was beginning to smile.

“Rhys?”

I shrugged. “I was being friendly.”

She looked at me incredulously.

“Would you prefer I admit that I’d hoped for this?” I waved my hand at them both. Feyre’s arms were around my neck as she covered my face in kisses before I knew it.  

Lucien was laughing from where he sat. I smiled and held my hand out to him, and when he took it, I pulled him towards me. He rolled his eyes but he was grinning. Feyre settled onto my lap, her legs no doubt over Lucien’s. I wrapped my arm around him and couldn’t fight the smile as Feyre squealed and kissed me again.

After a very interesting bath, we ended up taking turns getting out of the tub. I got out first, not caring for modesty as I went to find my towel. Feyre sighed but down the bond, I knew where her mind had gone. However, the townhouse was not the right place, not for what she wanted. What I wanted.

Wrapping the towel around my waist, I went to fetch Feyre. I held the towel out for her even though I knew Lucien would not look, not until Feyre gave him permission.

“I’m going to get dressed,” she said, giving me a kiss once the towel was wrapped around her. She walked over to Lucien who had a towel around his waist and was drying his hair with another. My mouth went dry. She kissed him and walked away, doing a poor job of pretending she did not see where my gaze had fallen.

“What do you say about having dinner here, and leaving after?” I asked as I went to look for the oils for my skin.

“Rhys… This morning…”

I turned, holding the little jar in my hand.

“Is how things will be when one of us needs the other.”

He meant to speak but stopped. He just gave me a smile.

I held out the jar. “Melts in your hand. It irritates Feyre because I take my time.”

“Are you asking me to help you irritate her?”

I shrugged. “She likes how it smells.”

He looked at the oil that was solid in the jar.

“Could I put that in my hair?”

I scoffed. “Of course. But I have other things for that.”

I heard Feyre let out an aggravated sigh. Lucien didn’t need any more incentive.

Feyre was fidgety during dinner. Sitting between Lucien and I, she did her best to pretend that she did not enjoy Lucien’s scent mingled with mine. Or that she was thinking of inappropriate things unfit for the dinner table. Luckily for her, Amren was busy with Varian and everyone else was still miserable too notice or care.

Elain had not joined us, and that too went unnoticed.

But we’d left, my Inner Circle aware of where we were going. Cassian was the only one who teased us about it, earning a slipper to the head from Mor. Needing another night to recover, they were staying at the townhouse again.

Feyre was leaning back against Lucien’s chest, a book in her hands. Her feet were on my lap. She’d been like this once she had found the table stacked with books, all those nasty thoughts now obsolete. As if they had never been. She looked sleepy, especially as Lucien played with her hair. We had all changed into more comfortable attire. And I had to admit, the domesticity of it all felt absolutely _right_.

Lucien and I talked about trivial things, teasing Feyre at times, but she was wholly engrossed in the book. Every now and then, she would adjust herself but it was only to read more comfortably. Even as she tried to keep her eyes open.

When she fell asleep, I took the book from her hands and brought it to the table. Lucien cradled her in his arms and motioned for me to follow. He carried her to his bed where I pulled back the covers and he gently lay her down. I tucked her in and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“I hadn’t expected her to fall asleep so soon.” Lucien’s voice was barely a whisper.

I turned to face him. “It’s been a rather long day, hasn’t it?”

The fox nodded and I approached him. I heard his breath hitch.

“Shall we have a proper chat?”

He swallowed. “Certainly.”

We relaxed on the sofa, such a difference to the night I’d come here, drink in hand.

“I still wanted to thank you,” Lucien said. “About this morning.”

“I meant what I said.”

“Even still.”

“You’re welcome, fox.”

He smiled.

“I never thought…” He paused and motioned his hand between us.

I chuckled. “Neither did I.”

“You know that I love Feyre… But I’ve grown rather fond of you, Rhys.”

Mother above, I couldn’t contain my smile. I felt like a young male all over again, inexperienced and fucking ridiculous. Lucien looked just as flustered as I felt.

“I’ve grown rather fond of _you_ , Lucien.”

He let out a sigh of relief.

“…Had you expected anything else?”

He chuckled, but I felt the shift in his emotions as clear as if they were my own.

“I know it’s not a secret, what happened to me in my father’s court. What he did to her, to Jesminda.”

I said nothing but nodded.

“When Feyre came back, maybe out of jealousy or Tam making me feel bad for coming to her defense… I told her that Tamlin had gotten what I did not. Jesminda was never coming back. It never occurred to me that I’d been given another chance with my best friend. The chance I never had with Jes. Feyre is the first love I’ve had since then… And you, I’ve not felt anything like this.”

Were those tears in my eyes? I let out a shaken breath.

“I suppose I’m afraid that I will wake up at any moment, and I will be in the Mortal Realms by myself again.”

“I promise you, this is very real. And so as long as you wish, you will never be alone.”

He blushed at that.

“We will figure things out, with Elain. You will not endure that alone.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, looking away.

“When she… when she died,” I said quietly. I paused, still remembering the sound of her neck snapping. That would be a conversation for another day. “The moment I felt the bond snap into place, I left. Here was this woman turned Fae who hated me. Wanted nothing to do with me. Who went home with the one who murdered my mother, my sister.”

Lucien didn’t correct me. Tamlin had not shed their blood, but he had betrayed me and given his father their whereabouts. That was enough to blame Tamlin for it, too.

“If it were not for my family, I wouldn’t have survived it. Being without her. I loved her, just as much as I do now. But her happiness mattered more, it has always mattered more than anything else.”

“Which is why you sought me out.”

“Neither you or Elain want this bond. And until it is severed, we will carry this burden with you.”

Lucien nodded. I rose to my feet, holding my hand out to him. He took it, and I thought I felt the tattoo on my chest burn. He must have felt it, too. Once he was on his feet, he passed his hand over his chest, a curious look on his face.

“I think the same happened last night,” he said.

“Oh?”

He blushed. “I was too drunk to be sure.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled.

“We’ve yet to discover what it does.”

“I’m certain we’ll figure that out.”

I felt confident enough to close the distance between us. I stood several inches tall than Lucien, and with a finger under his chin, I bade him look at me. But I froze once his gaze met mine.

“Are you nervous, High Lord?” Lucien whispered with a wicked smile as he brought his hands to my waist. I realized I wanted there to be less space between us.

“As long as this is what you want, I have nothing to worry about.”

I let go of his chin to caress his cheek, passing my thumb over his scars.

“Then I suppose you have nothing to worry about.”

I smiled, closing my eyes as I leaned forward to press my lips against his. I’d bedded fae across genders, done things I was certain Feyre would flush crimson over, but never had I _felt_ so much simply by kissing another. Only with Feyre. And what had been fire and need with her, there was no rush between us. I was able to appreciate the softness of his lips, the way his body felt pressed up against mine. This proximity- this was much better.

We continued to kiss, softly, even as we began to move until the back of my head hit the wall. I laughed. Lucien was smiling at me sheepishly. Adorable, utterly adorable. I placed my hands on either side of his face and kissed him again.

“I believe, fox, that I will never tire of this,” I said, trying to catch my breath. To steady the wild beating of my heart.

His soft laugh did not help. “You must have won the favor of an old god of luck.”

“Have I?”

“I believe I will never tire of this, either.”

He pulled me in for another kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the few cutesie moments, this is nothing but smut. That's it. Nothing else. By now I don't care about it but the first time I posted this on tumblr I was red in the face lol

-Lucien-  
Rhys, on the outside, was the epitome of strength. Broad shouldered, muscles seemingly carved of stone. Even naked, as he’d been this morning, he exuded confidence and sex. I knew that somewhere, deep inside, lurked a creature of darkness. I knew that his power was unlike anything Prythian had ever seen. And yet, he melted in my arms. Every kiss, every little sigh was so contrary to what he showed the world, what he had shown me. This was a different kind of strength, to be vulnerable. And that he let me see it…  
He did nothing without my consent. Even as we fumbled like two idiots to undo the buttons of our shirts. Once we were bare from the waist up, he pulled me close to him. Pressed up against one another like this was setting my blood aflame. I wanted more than kisses, and that thought alone made me freeze.   
“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”   
“No,” I said. We both sounded out of breath.   
“Lucien, what’s wrong?” He cupped my face in his hands, and gods the look in his eyes.   
“I want you. Badly.”  
He looked confused. “I return the sentiment. If you’ve not noticed.”  
I’d noticed. I felt my face go hot. “I haven’t… Not in a long while.”  
His features softened and he pressed a soft, chaste kiss to my lips.   
“We do nothing you are not ready for.”   
“And last night with Feyre…”  
“She would have stopped the moment you no longer felt right.”  
“Liquid courage,” I said with a huff. Rhys laughed.   
“I love it when you blush,” he said and I rolled my eyes. “And when you do that.”  
“Rhys.”  
“Yes, fox?”  
“Kiss me again.”  
With one hand at the back of my neck, and the other on my waist, Rhysand kissed me. It was both strange and wonderful to feel so safe in his arms, to feel so fucking ridiculous as if I’d never done any of this before. But I didn’t care, not when his kisses grew bolder. Not when he grazed my lower lips with his teeth, but only to kiss me once more.   
And then we were undressing one another, until it was skin against skin. And that was when Rhys showed me another side to him, one where he wanted only to please me. One that left me spent on the living room floor, smiling like a fucking fool.   
He collapsed beside me, his skin glistening with sweat. I reached out, running a knuckle up and down his spine and he sighed.   
“Calanmai… When Feyre was here, with you. That was the last time.” I was whispering. Rhys turned to look at me.   
“Fire Night.” He had met Feyre on Fire Night, the one before Feyre broke the curse.   
“Tamlin was a mess and that left me… he asked.” I stopped. “Ask is a kind word.”  
“Far too kind,” he said, his eyes darker than they’d been before. “But I’ve been there… Far too many times than I like to remember.”  
Something seemed to break inside me. Remembering how we had all treated him, not realizing or caring what was happening to him when he was alone with her, how she behaved when we were around. And for all those years… It was sickening.   
“Feyre… She broke Ianthe’s hand, well, she made her break her own hand.”  
“Did she?”   
“Yes… for…” I knew I had no reason to feel shame. Especially not now when Ianthe was gone… But I still felt it. And that it had been Feyre who’d found us, who’d put a stop to it.   
“It’s alright, fox,” Rhysand said softly, bringing me from my thoughts. “She did the same thing to me… The most powerful High Lord in all history and I could not bring myself to do anything but threaten her. Shatter that filthy hand… It seems the threat did nothing.”  
“But Stryga did.”  
He chuckled at this, all that darkness fading away.   
“I never thought that anyone would understand.”  
“Especially me.” His voice was soft, far too understanding.  
I nodded.   
“There are… assumptions. But I’ve never spoken of this to my brothers. Nor my cousin.”  
“They truly love you.”  
“I know.” He turned so that he could pull me close to him. “And they’ll love you, too.”  
“I’m not sure if I’m prepared for that.”  
He laughed. “You’ll learn.”  
I rolled my eyes, only making him laugh more until I pushed him onto his back. He cursed under his breath.   
“It’s your turn, High Lord.”  
*  
I practically had to drag Rhys out of the bathroom, he had nearly fallen asleep in the tub. He walked to the living room and collapsed on the sofa and buried his face in the cushions.   
“Rhysand. There’s a damn good bed in my room.”  
“It’s too far.”   
“Don’t make me carry you.”  
“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t want to.”  
“This is how we ended up in the hallway.” And then the kitchen table. Bathroom counter. In the tub.   
“I see why you fell in love with Feyre.”  
“Bed, Rhys.”  
His response was incoherent. I sighed and went to the bedroom, retrieving a pillow and a blanket. Feyre was sprawled across the entire bed, the covers kicked off.   
I returned to the living room and lay down on the floor beside the sofa. Rhysand turned to be able to look at me.   
“What are you doing?”  
“Sleeping on the floor.”  
“You have a bed.”  
“You’re not in it.”  
With an aggravated sigh, Rhys slid off the sofa and ended up right beside me. He pulled me flush against him and kept an arm around me. My eyes grew heavy, especially as Rhys was warm enough that we didn’t need a blanket. But I still pulled it over us and let sleep take me.   
*  
It was her laughter that roused me sleep. I opened my eyes to find Feyre standing a few feet away from us, a smile on her face. Rhys was curled up beside me and that’s when I realized it.   
“If this is what I’m going to wake up to every day, I have made a very wise decision.”  
I sat up, pulling the towel over my lap. The blanket was at our feet. She laughed again.   
“Good night?”  
Even though I blushed, I rolled my eyes.   
“You two,” I said, pulling his towel over him, “Are insufferable.”  
“Is that what gets you going?”  
I sighed, laughing softly. I nearly said yes. “You’re completely insufferable.”  
“Hm.”   
The look in her eyes woke up that fire inside of me. As if I hadn’t had enough last night.   
“Want to help me wake Rhys?”  
I smiled. “How do you propose we do that?”  
She looked at my lap. “I think you might know… Of course, if it’s alright.”  
I nodded, unable to say another word. I watched her pull her trousers down and kick them off to the side. Just as Rhys had done last night. Next came a flimsy scrap of red which was thrown aside. She was blushing, playing with the hem of her sweater. Was I dreaming?  
Feyre pulled her sweater off. I wasn’t sure where to look first. At her lips, curled into a smile. At the way her chest was rising and falling, her breasts- gods, her breasts. And the tattoo we shared. As she walked towards me, my eyes fell on her legs. Until she was right in front of me, lowering herself onto my lap.   
“Good morning,” she said softly, wrapping her arms loosely around my neck. I let out a shaken breath, slowly bringing an arm around her, placing my hand on her back. The other, I dared to cup her breast and Feyre let out a sigh. How was any of this real?  
Her mouth found mine and I felt her hand run down my chest, down my stomach until she found the towel wrapped around me. She made a displeased sound, making me laugh, until her hand went under. She adjusted herself so that she could stroke me as she kissed me. She continued this until I moaned into her mouth, making her giggle. She lifted herself slightly, enough to pull the towel away. She looked me in the eyes as she lowered herself onto me, even as a little moan escaped her lips.   
I had to be dreaming. I kissed her neck, eliciting a sigh. When she gripped a fistful of my hair to support herself, I nearly lost it. She didn’t cry out in pain as I bit her neck, but in pleasure. My hands found her waist, and I gripped her tight, moving my hips in time with her. Those little sighs, barely there moans were undoing me.   
“Good morning,” I heard her say. And then a yawn.   
“Now this, this is how I want to wake up every day.”  
Feyre let go of my hair to place her hands on my shoulders. I turned to see Rhys, half asleep but grinning. Feyre slowed down her pace, absolutely torturing me. She looked at Rhys all the while. I gripped her chin and turned her to face me, kissing her. I felt Rhys beside us, felt when he brought his fingers into my hair and tugged softly, enough to get my attention. He kissed me and Feyre let out a little moan. Her body was trembling, but I held her by the waist. After he bit my lip, he chuckled and went to kiss Feyre, slipping a hand between her and I. Then his fingers were right above where I entered her, moving in slow circles. Mother above- the way she moaned into his mouth, shuddering as she tightened around me.   
“Lucien,” Rhys said quietly. “Listen to the little sound she makes, right before she comes.”  
Some of Feyre’s fiery attitude showed, but Rhys didn’t stop his ministrations and she was biting her lower lip, trying to keep her eyes open. But then she let out a whimper that made Rhys chuckle. He kissed her, still touching her as she came.   
“And you, Feyre, darling,” he said, finally releasing her from his touch. “This one, gods, the sounds he makes.” He kissed me again.  
Carefully, with Rhys watching, I moved us both so that I was above her. I slowed my pace, going as deep as I could with every stroke, even if it was agonizing. But it was worth it, the surprise on her face, the way she dugs her nails into my back. I couldn’t take it anymore. Feyre placed a hand to the back of my neck to kiss me as I found release.   
Feyre wrapped her arms around me as I lay my head on her chest. We were catching our breath, our bodies slick with sweat.   
“Gods,” she breathed out before she started to laugh. Soon enough, I was laughing too.   
After a time, she let go of me to reach out to Rhys. I sat upright, Rhys giving me a grateful smile before he held himself above her. She blushed, laughing again as he settled himself between her legs.   
“Come along, fox, let’s thank our Feyre for such a lovely morning.”


	18. Ch 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while! I've been working on so many things at once I think I fried my brain. lol i'm still updating this on tumblr so I haven't even finished this fic at all. but yeah. happy Saturday!

-Feyre-

Rhys and Lucien were so different, but together, gods- I had died and gone to heaven, far more times than I thought was possible. Every part of my body ached, and laying between them, still entangled in one another, I had no intention of getting up. Even if someone was knocking on the door, and I knew who it was. I knew what it meant.

Lucien pressed himself closer to me and Rhys sighed in annoyance. He pressed a kiss to the back of my shoulder, reaching over to pinch Lucien’s cheek, earning a sleepy smile.

“I’ll get it.”

He got off the bed and walked off, closing the door behind him. I heard a muffled curse, Rhys saying something back. And then-

“You couldn’t be bothered to get dressed?”

Rhys was walking back to the room, followed by an overgrown bat who was going to regret interrupting.

“Is that Cassian?” Lucien asked sleepily.

Before I could answer, Cassian was knocking on the bedroom door.

“I hadn’t intended on being the one to interrupt your… honeymoon,” he said and I knew he was smiling. “But unfortunately, you are needed.”

“No,” I groaned. Had a week truly passed? I’d taught my classes at the studio, leaving them alone together and I’d come back to find them in a compromising position. And I loved it. To see them both so happy with one another, so vulnerable, it made me unbelievably happy. And it made for very interesting, very intense sex.

We had dinner with our family every night, catching up on matters of court, as Mor and Amren were all too glad to “sit in” for us. Especially Amren, who was glad we three had kept our “insatiable desires” away from her by staying at Lucien’s apartment.

The door opened, but only Rhys walked in. He closed it even as Cassian protested.

“There is a very unwanted guest in the Hewn City,” Rhysand said and began to look for his clothes.

“Let Cassian deal with it,” I whined, although I knew that we’d have to go. That I would have to go.

“I want to!” Cas yelled.

“That’s Mor’s fight, Cas,” Rhys added.

“Rhysand,” I said, getting up to look at him. “Of all the times to come irritate us.”

“I know, darling. But worry not. You two can rest. I’ll deal with it.”

Lucien sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Who is here?”

“He doesn’t know?” Cassian muttered from the other side of the door and Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.  

“Your… father.” Rhys said it as if it pained him. But I knew he would not tell Lucien about his true parentage, not yet. “And one of your unsavory brothers.”

“I should go,” Lucien said. “ _Can_ I go?”

I felt my heart drop. I was not sure if it was because I did not want Beron around Luce, or if it was because Lucien still felt the need to ask.  

“Whatever you wish, fox.”

“Rhys!”

Lucien mussed up my already messy hair. “It’s alright Feyre. They can’t hurt me anymore.”

I felt my face warm up. “I know… It’s just that-”

“If I’ve survived my family, I can handle some high sprung fae.”

Rhysand laughed at that.

*

Azriel and Cassian walked ahead of us, Amren and Lucien following after. Amren had insisted on coming.

“So what if Mor stays behind? The only message that red headed prick will get is that if he or his son insults her, it will be me they deal with.”

I had sighed.

“Besides, I can’t wait to see his face when he sees your fox.”

Indeed. Rhys had chosen Lucien’s attire for the evening. A white tunic, gold thread sewn into the end of the sleeves and its collar. Even his pants and shoes were white. And yet, he looked incredibly handsome.

Lucien had not protested, although he was very confused as to why he was dressed in white when we all dressed in black, save for Amren in her usual grey. He had stared at his reflection long enough that I was afraid he was second guessing himself, until Rhys had come bearing a circlet of golden suns. And it suited him, so much more than the green and auburn of his mother’s court.

I’d had Nuala and Cerridwen paint my skin, as they had done so long ago. I donned the scandalous black gauzy excuse of a dress, wearing it proudly. Wearing the diadem Rhys had crowned me with before I ever knew what it meant. So when we walked into that throne room, whatever attention had been on Lucien, on Amren, suddenly fell on me.

The music, the talking, all of the room went quiet. But all I could do was grin, much to Rhys’ amusement. He helped me up to my throne, twin to his own. Cas and Azriel stood to Rhysand’s right, with Amren and Lucien to my left at the foot of the dais. Lucien looked like a star that had fallen in this dark abyss, and its presence made the darkness want to hide.

“Lord Beron,” Rhys said with so much boredom, Cassian snorted. “I see you’ve made it a habit to visit without invitation.”

Beron stepped forward, along with Eris, giving Rhys a fake smile. Lucien stood a little straighter.

“Invitation? Well, now that you’ve made a whore out of my son, I did not think I’d need one.”

I dug my nails into the armrests of my throne, hearing the obsidian crack.

“Did you not expect me to hear of what you two are doing with my son?”

Rhys’ laugh was cold, dangerous. And Lucien, he turned to face Beron, unwavering.

“There, there, my darling,” Rhys said to me, taking my hand in his to kiss. “Beron is perhaps envious that Lucien stands to gain so much. Not even Eris will inherit as much as he.”

And when I looked at Lucien again, I realized it. What Rhys had done. And its impact was visible on Beron’s face, first the disbelief that Rhysand knew. Then came the anger. Lucien, the one he hated more than anything, would indeed gain far more than any of us. High Lord of the Autumn Court if he so chose to fight for it, heir of the Day Court- whenever the truth came out, and one day… Maybe one day Lucien would call _our_ court his as well. The look in Rhysand’s eyes only confirmed that hope that blossomed inside me.

My smile was genuine.

“My love, I’ve grown tired of sitting,” I said and rose to my feet. The room might have inhaled at once. Waiting. What would the High Lord’s mate do?

“Lucien,” I called, and he turned to face me. Behind that mask of indifference, I saw the relief in his eyes. “Come and sit.”

He didn’t hesitate, even if he was confused. When he sat down on my throne, I stood between him and Rhysand. “Carry on,” I said, waving them all off. Nervous chatter started about. Beron glared at Lucien, sitting on a throne. _My_ throne.

When Beron looked at me, I stared him down until he had the sense to walk away.

_That was bold, darling._

_They need to get used to it._

Rhys laughed softly. He tugged on my jeweled belt and I went to lean back against the armrests at the middle of both thrones.

“Lucien, I’ve been a terrible host,” Rhys said loudly for everyone to hear. “Do you want a drink? Or music?”

“Music,” Lucien said, softly at first. And then, a bit more confident. “I’d like music.”

It was terribly amusing to see them all scrambling to resume playing as they’d been before we’d arrived.

Rhys gave Cassian and Az leave to do as they willed, Cassian choosing to make the rounds amongst the crowds. It was Azriel who came to sit at top step of the dais, casual, but daring anyone to say anything. To do anything.

When Amren began to walk around, Lucien chuckled softly, watching the look on Beron’s face. She sniffed at the food and drinks, giving looks of disgust at anyone watching her. Morrigan’s mother looked mortified when Amren walked towards her, only to reach for a delightful little dessert on the table behind her. Amren stared the female down as she devoured it whole.

“Why does no one dance?” Lucien asked quietly.

“They’ve got their heads so far up their asses they can’t move,” replied Azriel. Loud enough for all to hear. I did my best not to laugh. Rhysand did, probably terrifying everyone but us.

But I wondered, had this court ever known anything else outside of darkness?  

“I’ll dance,” I said, pushing myself off the armrest. “Azriel.”

The Shadowsinger was on his feet at once, holding out a hand to me. I felt Rhys and Lucien’s gaze on me as Az led me down the steps. I’d danced Under the Mountain, even if I didn’t remember it. But the whispers had been enough. Rhysand’s guilt had been enough to know what I’d done. Except now, I chose to, I wanted to. I wanted to show my mate that I did not hold it against him.

I thought Az would go back to where he’d been sitting, but he didn’t leave my side. He did not let go of my hand until I started dancing. Azriel did not like being the center of attention, but it seemed his desire to infuriate Keir and everyone in the Court of Nightmares outweighed his introverted nature.

I looked at both Rhys and Lucien as I moved my body against Azriel, his scarred hands delicately on my waist. I recognized the look in Rhysand’s eyes and in Lucien’s. It only encouraged me further. Rhysand waved his hand and soon enough other fae danced around us, just as licentious and shameless as Az and me.

_You’re torturing me, Feyre._

_Someone has to._

He laughed, looking over at Lucien. He whispered something to him and Lucien only nodded. I turned my back on them, giving Az a stupid grin. He leaned over and whispered.

“I’ve smeared the paint.”

I took his hands in mine. He did not flinch.

“I finally understand the point of it.”

Azriel actually laughed, causing the others dancing to step away from us. Had they never heard him laugh? It was a beautiful sound, one I hoped to hear more often.

Cassian came to relieve Az who returned to Rhysand’s side. Rhys gave his brother a wink and I was surprised Azriel did not fade into the shadows. Cassian was far more bold than Az, and maybe that’s why Lucien finally came to step in.

“About damn time, fox,” Cas said with a smile, holding up his black stained hands. “Try not to get your pretty clothes dirty.”

“I must look like a mess,” I said, but Lucien leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“You’re driving me mad,” Lucien whispered to me.

“That was the plan.”

“Insufferable.”

“Try not to get your pretty clothes dirty,” I teased, poorly mimicking Cas. I brought his hands to my waist, and let him lead me.

The music changed as did the dancing, but Lucien seemed to know every step. Every note, I even caught him humming along during one song. All the while, Rhys watched from his throne. He didn’t even look away when someone brought him wine. The look in his eyes left me blushing.

When the music at last stopped, everyone applauded. Some were laughing, others were just smiling, a blush on their face. Others cheered and I could feel surprise down the bond, as if this weren’t normal. The tension in the room seemed to lessen, even if some whispered about Az and I, about Lucien. But I didn’t care. I was out of breath and smiling, joining them in the applause. Thanking the musicians, thanking those who danced with us. They all seemed completely confused, some a bit afraid. But nonetheless, the unease was gone.

I took Lucien by the hand, giggling, and led him back up to the thrones. He sat down as Rhys pulled me onto his lap. He pressed a kiss to my cheek. Only Keir and Beron had scowls on their faces. Mor’s mother had disappeared and Eris was too busy chatting up a pair of fae who looked like twins.

The music was now more relaxed, allowing the others to eat and drink, to talk. Cassian and Amren eyed me from where they stood beside a tower of chocolates with what seemed to be… pride.

“Why is everyone looking at me so funny?” I whispered.

Rhysand whispered against my ear, making me shiver. “You’ve done something no one has ever done before.”

“Being?”

“You treated them as your people. Not your subordinates.”

I was going to reply, but Keir had growled and it seemed Beron had ripped free of Keir’s grasp.

“Don’t,” Keir said through gritted teeth. That brought Eris from his attempt at seduction. He was torn between stopping his father or waiting to see if his father would dig his own grave. His choice did not surprise me.

Beron stood before the dais, fury burning in his gaze.

“You mock me with my own son? Your _ally_?”

“If Eris wishes to bed a member of my court, if there is mutual interest- who am I to deny them?”

Eris pretended to cough. Did he know that Lucien was not Beron’s child?

“You were never satisfied with what you had at our court. No, you fled to Spring and became Tamlin’s lap dog. And now you’re here, betraying your Lord and father. You are no better than that filth I carved to pieces.”

I hadn’t realized I was going to get up until Rhysand placed his hand flat against me.

“What was her name?” Lucien asked.

“What?”

Lucien leaned forward, and I saw how Beron stepped back.

“What was her name?”

“I’ve no need to remember the names of low born-”

Lucien had Beron by the collar faster than any of us imagined. Eris didn’t even bother to hide his amusement.

“Her name was Jesminda, _father_. And she had more honor than you.” Lucien’s voice was so calm, it made everyone anxious. “I am no one’s lap dog. I am no one’s subject. I have no court. And what I do with my life is no longer your concern.”

Beron looked afraid, but he quickly schooled his features to anger.

“You dare speak to me this way?”

Lucien let go of Beron who nearly stumbled.

“If you wish to remain High Lord, I suggest you shut your mouth and leave. You have four other sons who would gladly take your place.”

Lucien stormed off, Eris following after him.

Cassian whistled, clapping as he walked over towards the dais. And then Amren stalked around Beron before going to sit on the stairs before him. Beron towered over her, but I was surprised he had not pissed himself. She said nothing, but whatever he saw in her gaze made him step away and turn on his heels. Keir sighed and looked so aggravated that I nearly pitied him. Whatever they’d been up to, Beron had ruined it.

“My, my,” Rhysand purred. “I must say this has been the most entertained I’ve been in ages.”

“I almost don’t want to leave,” I said, noticing how wide Keir’s eyes went.

Rhys kissed my neck. I got to my feet, Rhys placing a hand on the small of my back.

“Enjoy yourselves,” he said to the court, and he actually meant it.

We walked down the dais, Rhys leading me away from the direction that Lucien had gone. He approached Keir and grabbed him by the wrist. He spoke dangerously low, that only Keir and I could hear.

“If you _ever_ bring that son of a bitch here without my knowledge ever again, I will find myself a new steward. I allow you to rule here in my stead. It is a privilege, not your right.”

He let go of Keir and continued on, leading me _out_ of the Hewn City.

“What about Lucien?”

“Amren is staying until he’s done.”

“What about-”

Cassian was howling behind us, and I heard Azriel sighing.

_Lucien has his own battles to fight, darling. We will be there for him when he’s ready._

As much as I wanted to, I did not look back and let Rhys bring me home.


	19. Ch 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I had no idea it's been so long between updates! I have been super busy with my own personal writing/published work. Writing other fics and just life in general. Seeing all your comments has been the sweetest thing.

-Rhys-

Azriel, with only a towel around his waist, stepped out of the bathroom as he dried his hair. We had winnowed into the townhouse, Azriel walking around all too pleased with himself. He and Cassian had teased one another at the state of their hands, leaving Feyre a blushing mess.   
“I’m going to bathe,” Feyre had said with a roll of her eyes. I’d watched her walk away, letting my gaze fall on the smeared paint on her arms and sides.   
“How is she?” Az asked me, draping the towel around his shoulders. He began to apply an oil similar to mine to his skin, watching me from the mirror.   
“She’s worried about Lucien.”  
“Amren is with him.” Azriel shrugged. “But I understand.”  
“You think it’s too soon to help Eris with that little… problem?”  
We laughed just as Cassian stepped into the room, holding a towel around his waist.   
“What’s so funny?”  
“Your clear lack of manners,” Azriel said. “You know Elain is home. You couldn’t get dressed in the other room?”  
Cassian glared at him. “It was bad enough I had to bathe there.”  
Az would have continued but let it go. Cassian couldn’t stomach being in Nesta’s old room.   
“Thank you,” I said softly. “Both of you, for…” I waved my hands at them.  
“Sparking more rumors about your love life?” Cassian teased. “Anytime.”  
Azriel chuckled, taking the towel off his shoulders and smacking Cas with it.   
“I’ll let you two wrestle it out in bed,” I said, making them both laugh.  
Feyre was putting on one of my shirts when I walked into our room. She had just finished buttoning it when I closed the door. Instead of pants, she had on one of my undershorts, the band rolled over itself to stay on her hips. I walked over and rolled the sleeves for her, making her laugh.   
“Next time we go down there, you should go like this.”  
She smacked my arm. “Only if you wear one of my dresses.”  
“You say that as if I wouldn’t.”  
She laughed again and leaned into me. I kissed the top of her head.   
“He’s alright, darling.”   
“How do you know?”  
“He made a High Lord nearly shit himself- in the Hewn City. I think he can handle Eris.”  
None of us had dinner. We lounged together in the living room, goading Feyre into trying to bring the fireplace to life. She did try, almost burning Cassian’s face when he leaned in too close.   
“Fucking shit!” he yelled and tumbled back onto the floor. Feyre shrieked, but once she saw him laughing, she smacked him so hard that Azriel started laughing. Soon enough, she and I had joined them.   
Elain walked into the living room, her eyes on the fire that her sister had made. Azriel cleared his throat, but still couldn’t manage to stop. Cassian was in tears. Feyre eyed her sister and neither one said a word.   
“Dinner is ready, Elain,” I said quietly. “We are simply waiting for the others.”  
She blushed. “Oh. Alright.”  
Elain went to sit right beside Azriel, leaning into him. She whispered something to my brother and sat up straight, adjusting herself to put some distance between them. Azriel did not look surprised, no, only his eyes gave him away.   
“We should take a walk to the Sidra. See if Feyre can get you to fall in,” Azriel suggested to Cassian.   
“You’re going to kill him, Az,” Feyre managed to say between a laugh, placing a hand on Cassian’s chest.   
“I didn’t start the fire.” His smile was soft, but his eyes were bright as he watched Cassian wiping the tears from his eyes.   
“Perhaps,” Elain said, “When the sun goes down, Feyre can bring the light.”  
Each one of us looked at her. Not quite confused, but surprised. Feyre’s cheeks went pink, as did Elain’s. No one was laughing anymore.   
“Light comes from Helion, no?” Azriel quickly inquired, breaking through the silence that had befallen us.   
“Um… Yes. I believe so.” Feyre looked grateful that he’d spoken up.   
Cassian finally had the strength to move, throwing an arm around Feyre’s shoulder once he was sitting up.   
“I’m sorry,” she said to him quietly. He just pressed a kiss to her forehead, saying something that made her smile. I did not hear it.   
I felt a pull; the same one I had felt before… It called to me, needing me. So I rose to my feet, everyone confused as I walked to the door, following it. I opened it before Lucien had the chance to knock. Lucien looked like an angel that had lost its way, the circlet on his head glimmering with the light from the townhouse.   
I did the only thing I could think of; I held my arms open and he crashed into me. I held him close, even though he did not cry. He merely held on to me, breathing slowly as if trying to compose himself. That thing that tethered us together seemed to breathe at last.   
“Come inside?” I whispered. Lucien tightened his hold on me before he nodded. I gave him a kiss, taking his hand as I closed the door. I lead him to the living room where everyone waited quietly.   
“Finally!” Cassian yelled. “I’m starving.”  
Azriel kicked him. “Don’t be an ass.”  
“I think it’s too late for that,” Feyre said sadly, making me chuckle.   
I looked at Lucien who had noticed that Elain was there.   
“We can go,” I said quietly that only he could hear. I would take him anywhere he wanted to go. For as long as he wanted, as long as he needed. But my fox was as stubborn, as resilient as my precious mate who looked at him with worry.   
“It’s alright. I could use a drink.”  
With a smile, I let go of his hand to wrap an arm around him. Cassian lifted Feyre up from the floor as Az and Elain walked to the dining table. We had not even sat down when Amren and Mor arrived, my cousin making her way right to Lucien. I was smart enough to let him go, Mor pulling him into her arms. She hugged him so tight I was afraid she was going to break his ribs. But the fox merely wrapped his arms around her, even though he was wholly confused.   
All of us remained silent, save for Amren who very loudly took a seat at the head of the table.   
“Thank you,” was all Mor said before she released Lucien from her death grip and went to sit on the opposite end of the table. We all sat down; Elain, Cas and Feyre across from Az, Lucien and I.   
“Mor, did Amren tell you what good a dancer Azriel is?” Cassian said, breaking the silence. Mor shook her head, her cheeks already full of food. She looked like a squirrel.   
“Why was anyone dancing?” she asked when she’d swallowed her food.   
“So first, that asshole walks up to us with that stupid fucking grin-” Cassian began retelling the events from the Hewn City. From Beron’s insults, to Feyre’s little stunt with the thrones. And when he began to tell her about Azriel dancing, the Shadowsinger cut him off to give her a less exaggerated version of it. Everyone was laughing, even Lucien. Even Elain.   
“And what of you, Cas?” I asked, doing my best not to laugh. He turned red in the face.   
“If dancing is any indicator of how one fairs in bed,” Feyre said, “I say whoever tumbles with any of you is very lucky.”  
Elain turned red, Mor nearly spit her drink out. Amren was grinning as Azriel and Cas tried to hide. I of course could not help but laugh, especially when Lucien finally smiled.   
“Our fox here is quite a dancer,” I said, bringing an arm around his shoulder. Lucien pinched my thigh from under the table.   
“Rhys needs to show you just how scared Beron was,” Feyre said to Mor, no doubt wanting to take the attention off Lucien.   
“Why don’t you try?” I said to my mate. Now we were looking at her.   
“I… I’ve never tried.”  
“Take Mor’s hand,” I said softly. “It is no different than when we show each other our thoughts.”  
With a blush, Feyre took my cousin’s hand. She closed her eyes, if only to avoid our gaze. Mor stilled, waiting. The moment I saw surprise in her eyes, I knew Feyre had done it. I could practically feel the anger that radiated from Mor, but it gave way to a surprise until she was grinning like a devil. She took Feyre’s hand and kissed it before looking at Lucien. Feyre looked as if she wished to hide away into shadows as Azriel did.   
“When you’re not busy,” Mor said to him, pointing her fork at Feyre and I, “You should come spend a day with me. I have a feeling we’re going to be very good friends.”  
“She’s going to talk you to death,” Cassian teased. He earned a bread roll to the face for that.   
By the end of the night, we were all making the trek up the stairs. Amren had left, as she always did, but only after she’d asked Feyre to set something on fire. She had, at the cost of a very lovely tapestry I would have to mend.   
Mor happily went to sleep in Lucien’s room, as she had been doing the week we were gone. Elain went into her room and shut the door, leaving the rest of us in the hallway.   
“Tomorrow, we should train together,” Azriel said. “With Lucien here, we can help Feyre hone in that skill.”  
“That’s a very good idea,” Lucien said, and Azriel merely gave him a nod.   
“Near water,” Feyre added.   
We bid each other good night, Cassian leading Az to their shared room with an arm around his shoulder, already planning for the morning.   
Lucien and I were still awake after Feyre had dozed off, curled up at my side. Lucien was tracing over the tattoo on my rib while I caressed his arm. He was tired, but something was keeping him awake. He had maintained an air of calm in front of our family, but here alone with me, I could feel that resolve chipping away. But I would not force him to speak about it, not unless he wanted to.   
“Rhys?”  
“Yes, fox?”   
“Would it be possible to include Azriel when we discuss Eris?”  
“If you feel it necessary. I know he wouldn’t mind.”  
He tensed a bit.   
“I can ask him.”  
He sighed and let out a nervous laugh.   
“He says yes, by the way.”  
Lucien pinched me, making me laugh. Feyre made an annoyed sound but remained asleep.   
“It’s not… emergent. But…”  
“If it matters to you, it matters to all of us.”  
He sighed and I held him a little closer.   
“I must warn you,” I said with a smile. “There is a slight chance the other might invite themselves. Think of it as… practice.”  
“Practice?”  
“For an eternity with a family that will never leave you alone.”  
He said nothing for a time, but when he did speak, it broke my heart.   
“I don’t believe I know how that feels.”   
“You will,” I said. “You will.”


	20. Ch 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the liberty of giving names to nameless characters in canon just to make it easier for me ;)

-Lucien-  
I did not know where I was going. But I knew that I had threatened my father, and my heart was racing now that my bravado had burned to ashes inside me. Members of the Court of Nightmares stared at me, but I didn’t pay them enough attention to care. I turned a corner and suddenly, everything around me was dark, and I was glad for it. Even when some halls had no light to be had, I continued on.   
I walked a few steps up, under a large archway. This was one long solitary hall. I couldn’t scent a single soul. I could not hear anyone. I opened a door to find myself in a dramatic, lavishly decorated room. Everything was black. The bed, the walls, the floor. It smelled stale, as if its owner had not come back in ages…   
I breathed out. I was in Rhysand’s bedroom.   
A nervous laugh escaped my lips as I walked to the bed, taking a seat at the end. I put my face in my hands. Breathing seemed easier now, even though I knew I had been followed. And I knew who it was. After what I’d done, I did not care.   
“For fuck’s sake, Lucien,” Eris snapped, walking into the room. “I thought you’d never stop.”  
I sighed. “Why are you here?”  
I heard the door close.   
“There are things we have to discuss.”  
“We have nothing to say to one another.”  
“I will admit, father’s reasoning for coming was… crude, to say the least. But I needed a reason to be here.”  
I rose to my feet and looked at my brother. To call him my brother seemed preposterous. After getting to know Rhys, getting to know his family- I knew that despite the blood we shared, Eris was not my brother. He was not family.   
“I left, Eris. What more do you wish to take from me?”  
Eris had the audacity to look hurt. I had to open and close my hands, willing the fire to stand down. Not here. Not for this.   
“I’m here for you, Lucien.”  
He dared another step forward but I couldn’t move. How dare he speak as if he cared?   
“I know that we have never… Things have never been right. Between us. Our family.”  
“I have no family.”  
“Have you forgotten our mother?”  
It felt like a knife to the heart. But he would get nothing from me.   
“The Lady of the Autumn Court has no need of my attention. There are four of you. And you all have made it quite clear what I mean to you.” nothing, nothing, nothing.  
Eris stilled and for a moment, I truly thought he might cry.   
“I never treated you the way they did,” he said quietly.   
“I’ve no time for your theatrics.” I began to walk. I wanted to leave, I wanted-  
“But you have time to entertain the High Lord and Lady of this court?”  
I stopped, breathing in through my nose.   
“Your silence made you complicit. And do not pretend you were kind to any of us, least of all me.”  
Whatever emotion he had displayed was gone. And at last I was looking at the bastard who had made my life miserable.   
“It is rather surprising that you would behave like your father.”  
“I have my faults, but don’t you dare compare me to Beron.”  
“Who said I was speaking of him?”  
For a moment, I was at a loss for words. But I would not give him the satisfaction.   
“Get the fuck out, Eris.”  
“Lucien,” he said with a sigh. “I should not have said that. I’m not here to fight with you.”  
“No? Because I have the feeling if I dragged your body to the court room, no one would bat an eye.”  
“Already taking advantage of being Rhysand’s lover, are we?”  
He laughed, but there was no mirth in his eyes.   
“Get the fuck out.”  
“The next time we meet, Lucien, will be at our mother’s funeral pyre.”  
I let Eris leave. Even if his words were full of certainty, I had nothing left to say. No fight left in me. Even now, sitting with Rhys and Feyre, surrounded by their family, I felt ridiculous having even brought it up.   
“If there is any chance that what he says is true,” Mor said softly, “We should look into it.”  
“I agree,” Azriel said. “It would be better to discover it was all a lie, than to ignore it and leave your mother without aid.”  
How could I explain to them the conflict inside me? I loved my mother, but I resented her. I could not forget every time she’d walked away when I’d screamed for her help. How she chose my father time and time again. And then there was the matter of Eris’ other comment.   
“Why would he say such a thing?”   
“Eris has always had a gift for causing others pain,” Mor replied.  
Rhys held my hand tight, and I saw the look that passed between him and Feyre.   
“If you allow us, fox,” he said to me, “We will find the truth of this.”  
“And if she is in trouble?”  
It was Feyre who said, “There will be no force alive to keep us from helping her.”  
It was Morrigan who accompanied me outside, leaving the others to their scheming, as Azriel so affectionately called it. She was busy playing with one of her many gold necklaces, a far away look in her eyes.   
“Beron cannot stand the thought of anyone having more than he does. Power is all he craves. It was why they practically sold me to Eris. For my power, and what that would have given him had we made any children.”  
She sighed. “You weren’t even born yet… But I’m sure you’ve heard the story.”  
I nodded. “He hated Jes for the same reason he hates Cassian.”  
Mor’s smile was one of disbelief. “Cassian has more honor than a single hair on Beron’s stupid head.”  
I managed to laugh. “I must agree.”  
Morrigan looked at me, and I suddenly felt that I was being assessed. She might have blushed, but she turned away so fast I thought I imagined it.   
“You are nothing like them. Perhaps it would be wonderful if Beron weren’t your father, no?”  
I crossed my arms. “A childhood fantasy…”  
She looked at me then, brow raised. “Care to share?”  
I laughed, giving her a shrug. “I had always wished that someone would come for us, mother and I… He’d claim her as his mate, or sometimes, he would just make ashes out of all of them. Beron and my brothers. It was like… sunshine. A small ray of light in all the darkness that we had to endure.”  
“Want to know something?”  
“Hm?”  
“I used to wish the same thing… Except, I wanted freedom from my mother, too. I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother that has love in her heart.”  
“My mother… Aurelie. The only times I’ve seen her smile were when we were alone. Telling me stories, teaching me how to use my powers. But…” I stopped, needing to breathe. Mor patted my arm, and I uncrossed them. We stood together hand in hand, her little rings and bracelets cool against my skin.   
“When Rhys felt Feyre’s panic after Tamlin had locked her away, he sent me to come for her. There are rules, you know, as archaic as they are. If we got Feyre out, we will get Aurelie out. And there will be nothing Beron or his sons can do about it.”


	21. 21

-Feyre-

Lucien pressed a kiss to the inner part of my thigh before he came to lay down beside me. I turned to face him, bringing a hand out to touch his face. I was still trying to catch my breath and he smiled.   
“I was supposed to be cheering you up,” I said softly.   
He chuckled. “At your side, or between your legs, rather- I am as happy as I can be.”  
I playfully pushed him by the shoulder and he laughed, pulling me close to him.   
“Luce, really. How can I be there for you?”  
He kissed my nose. “I haven’t the slightest idea.”  
“When Rhys comes home, we’ll have more answers.”  
We remained silent, holding one another. Rhys had left early in the morning with Azriel, the beginnings of finding out if what that bastard had said was true. My mate was quiet down the bond, he’d wished us good morning. He’d complained about the state of his clothes. But nothing more.   
“I think that I’m afraid of the answers.”  
“Whatever they are, Luce, we’ll face it together.”  
“Indeed we will.”   
Lucien and I sat up quickly, finding Rhys at the door. He must have winnowed in but I didn’t care. I scrambled out of bed and ran to him.   
“I should leave you two alone more often if this is how I’ll find you.”  
“Prick.”  
His arms were around me and I sighed. Then I was laughing when a very naked Lucien stood behind me to join us in our embrace.   
“Join me for a bath?” Rhys asked and neither of us refused.   
“Where did you go?” I asked, scrubbing Rhysand’s back as he washed Lucien’s hair.   
“Illyrian camps. Cas and I had things to discuss.”  
“Is everything alright?”  
“It will be.”  
I sighed. “And?”  
He chuckled, rinsing Lucien’s hair with a cup. He enjoyed going through the motions, especially when we three were here together.   
“Viviane says hello.”  
“You went to Winter?”  
“Az and I can’t go about spying on anyone without giving Kallias good reason for us being at the border. Well… we could, but I want him to trust me.”  
“Rhys… are you sure there’s nothing I can’t do?” Lucien asked, turning around. “I know the land, I know the monstrosity of where I once lived.”  
Rhys kissed him. “Soon. For now, know that Kallias and Viviane have granted us entry to their Court so as long as one of us is with them.”  
“What does that mean?” I asked, taking the cup from Rhys and rinsing his back.   
“It means that while Az and I are off doing whatever it is we will be doing, someone from our Court will be present before Kallias, all in good faith.”  
“So, like Summer but without all the lies.”  
Rhys chuckled. “Exactly.”  
“Amren still has our blood rubies,” I said as Rhys turned around and pulled me so that I was now between them both. I laughed as Rhys grabbed the sponge and Lucien undid my hair.   
“I can clean myself, you know.”  
“Yes, but it is far more enjoyable when we do it.”  
I left them both sleeping. I slipped into a pair of trousers, and over my camisole, I wore one of Lucien’s shirts unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up. My hair had dried a mess thanks to those two, so I tied it up the way I did when I went to paint. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the small tin of cookies and quietly went to the living room and laid out on the sofa.   
Half the tin and one chapter of a book later, a soft knock came at the door. I waited for it again before I set everything aside and went to answer it. My heart dropped a bit at the sight of Elain standing outside, fumbling with the little blue shawl over her blush pink dress. She looked at me sheepishly, and I realized we were both blushing.   
“Let me find my shoes.”   
I locked the door behind me after I’d found my boots, Elain waiting patiently the entire time. I hadn’t bothered to throw more perfume on, I knew Elain was aware of us being together. And to her credit, she made no comment about it the way Mor or Amren would.  
“I didn’t know you knew where we were. Location wise, I mean,” I said.   
“I asked Azriel.”  
“Oh.”   
We started to walk, away from the apartment and without a particular destination in mind. Only that we kept a good distance from others.   
“Feyre, I wanted to speak to you. Alone. I know that there are things I have to discuss with Lucien. And I will. I promise. But… you’re my sister.”  
I think we both avoided looking at one another.   
“Alright,” I said, wondering if this was why Rhys always shoved his hands in his pockets. Because my stupid trousers had none, and I really wished they did.   
“I am sorry, Feyre. I failed you as a sister, and please don’t deny it- You have always been far too kind to me. Everyone is. I was no better than Nesta. It changes nothing… But I want to fix it.”  
I sighed. “Elain… There isn’t anything to fix. I was just angry.”  
The look on her face told me she didn’t believe me.   
“I won’t make this about me. Or my… Well, this.” She motioned to herself, and then her ear. Being Made. “But I hope you’ll understand… I didn’t know. That I had to do anything.”  
“You didn’t know that you had to be the one to break it.”  
I’d stopped walking. We finally looked at on another. She was blushing.   
“Letting go of Graysen… I couldn’t find it in me to care about anything else. Even if it was wrong of me to do so.”  
“I’m sorry, Elain. For the things I said…” She looked at me in surprise. “And I am sorry that I assumed you’d understand everything about… this.” I motioned towards the city. A life amongst the Fae. “I’m still learning.”  
She giggled. “Are you?”  
“Gods, there are rules and customs that I’ve yet to even discover. And to think we live in the most relaxed court in all of Prythian.”  
“Goodness.” Elain adjusted her shawl. It was new, I realized.   
“You wear a lot of blue these days,” I said as we began to walk again.   
“It’s a lovely color. Especially for spring.”  
I rolled my eyes, but I smiled. “I’ll remember that for Starfall.”  
“Starfall?”  
I looped my arm in hers, telling her all about the celebration.   
“I think Rhys made adjustments to every dress,” I whispered as we came to a little bakery. We ordered hot chocolate and sat down to wait for our desserts.   
“It amazes me that these men -males- are so… contrary to how they appear.”  
I laughed. “Illyrian babies.”  
“Azriel has such a way with gardening. And I know, you know, about what he does. When he isn’t home.” Her cheeks were red.   
Home. I gave her a smile. Azriel found many reasons to sleep at the townhouse, especially now that Rhys and I weren’t there. He still shared the room with Cas… but I knew he preferred that than to going to his own home and staying up worried about her.   
“We should get together with Mor and find you a proper Starfall gown.”  
She chewed on her lower lip and I already knew what she was going to ask.   
“Do you think… Would she come?”  
Nesta. One mountain at a time, I reminded myself.   
“I don’t know… But it wouldn’t hurt to invite her. Either way, if she goes outside that night, she’ll be looking at the same sky as us.”  
Elain raised a brow. I hadn’t told her the whole truth of Starfall, I wanted her to have that surprise. And I knew that she would share that with Azriel, just as I had with Rhys.   
“I suppose…”  
“We can send it with a courier.”  
“I like that idea.” Elain took a long sip of her hot chocolate. Nesta had pushed Elain so far away that she feared going to visit her.   
“They won’t wear their leathers that night,” I blurted out and Elain nearly spit out her drink. “I mean, they’re dressed. Just not for a fight. They’re dressed like… Well, you’ll see.”  
She laughed, trying to calm herself when our tray of mini cakes and cookies was set on the table.   
“Oh Feyre, you’ve set the worst image in my mind. I might not be able to look at Azriel with a straight face ever again!”  
“Elain! Have you-”  
“No!” Her face went red. “No. But… they have no shame. Even your mate. Walking the house in nothing but a towel… The impropriety of it all.”  
She looked scandalized but I had the feeling she enjoyed the sight far more than she would admit. I couldn’t blame her.  
I walked her back to the townhouse, just in time to see Azriel walking down the steps. I snorted and Elain brought a hand to her mouth.   
“Hello,” he said and we both started laughing. The poor thing blushed and I threw an arm around Elain, holding her against me and kissed her cheek.   
“I’ll see you at dinner,” I said to her and then looked at Azriel. I gave him a smile which only seemed to deepen his blush. Elain returned the kiss and then hurried up the steps.   
“You weren’t going anywhere, were you?” She asked, taking him by the hand.   
“Not at all,” he replied and let her guide him back inside.   
I found Rhys and Lucien having lunch when I got back. Rhys’ curls were a mess and Lucien’s long hair was in dire need of a good combing.   
“Had fun while I was away?” I teased, making my way to Lucien whose back was to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.   
“We just woke up,” Rhys said with a yawn.  
I mussed up his hair before I kissed him and then took my seat between them. I noticed that they’d both tried to pretend they hadn’t scented Elain on me but I pretended not to notice.   
“I had a very surprising visitor this morning,” I said as I reached for the lovely pitcher of iced tea that the twins had made thanks to Varian’s little recipe he’d given us on his last visit. Both males remained silent, suddenly their meals were very appetizing.   
“Elain and I… we apologized to one another.”  
“How lovely, darling,” Rhys said, patting my hand before returning to his plate.   
“There are things that I think are better left for her to tell you,” I said to Lucien. “But I think that it’s going to turn out better than expected.”  
His sigh of relief broke my heart.   
“However,” I turned my attention to Rhys. “You and your brothers need a lesson on modesty.”  
“Whatever for?” He was completely taken aback.   
“There is a very big problem if Elain can imagine you three naked.”  
Lucien choked and Rhys howled, and I feared he’d fall back in his chair. But then I was laughing, too.   
“I told her about Starfall. And mentioned you wouldn’t be wearing your leathers.”  
Lucien snorted. “No wonder.”  
“It came out wrong!”  
“You’ve walked around the house naked,” Rhys said to me.   
“When no one’s home but us.”  
“And that time you had breakfast in a towel.”  
“Elain is my sister.”  
“Az and Cassian were there, too,” Rhys countered. Lucien nearly dropped his fork.   
I blushed. “I was famished.”  
“What is Starfall?” Lucien asked, as curious as he was eager to discontinue this discussion.   
Rhysand’s eyes lit up and I had the good sense to watch quietly as my mate began to describe his idea of how we three would dress that night.


	22. 22

-Rhys-  
Azriel was as still as stone, standing before the border of the Winter Court. If he stepped forward, he would be in Autumn. But he did not have to. His shadows had spilled out like ink and disappeared into the darkness. Dawn would not be for many hours, and it was too fucking cold for my liking. But Azriel, my brother was unmoved. I was certain a childhood in a cold cell had given him this thick skin, and I hated it.   
He and I had come with Mor last night, the Winter Palace a thing of wonder. Feyre would most certainly find it worthy of painting. It was carved of ice and white stone, with mountains behind it. Beautiful, impenetrable and fucking cold. Morrigan and Viviane had driven Kallias mad with their endless teasing. But I had not missed the smile on his face when Mor wasn’t looking. They were all asleep now. Only Az and I were out here in this shit weather.   
“You should consider warmth before looks,” Az whispered.   
“I’m fine.” I would be grateful for snow to fall, it would not be as cold.   
Lucien had warned that if any of us stepped into Autumn, Beron would know. Not the individual, but that someone had crossed the border. And with Beron’s disdain for Lucien, for me- the fox was worried the whole of the Court was on high alert. When he and Feyre had been surviving out there alone, Beron had known. His brothers had known and had followed them here. The fox was also concerned about his brothers. But that was why I was here freezing my ass off instead of home asleep. Leave the spying to Az, and if someone’s hands had to get dirty, it would be mine. I could level the whole of that Court with but a thought. I shivered then, but not from the cold.   
“Lucien was right,” Az said as a sliver of shadow snaked around his forearm. “Patrols close to the border, on all sides.”  
“Beron has actually made a wise decision.”  
Azriel snorted and the shadow faded into darkness.   
“For my shadows to get into every corner of that behemoth of a home, I would be here easily way passed dawn.” He crossed his arms. “Lucien gave me a short cut.”  
“Of course, he did.” I smiled.   
Azriel closed his eyes as shadows returned to him. I could feel that icy rage within him, the one that had yet to thaw, begin to rise. What had he seen? What were the shadows saying?   
He opened his eyes. “It’s a gilded version of where I was kept.”  
“Any sign of her?”  
He breathed out. “She has her own bedroom far from any exit. She’s asleep.”  
Mother above, she was alive. The relief I felt was short lived.   
“She’s injured.”  
“How bad is it?”  
Azriel let his arms fall to his sides, opening and closing his hands. His siphons began to glow and dim just as fast.   
“If Mor doesn’t kill them, I will.”  
The way he spoke, the tone of his voice… I knew that if we stood here any longer, I’d be trying to haul Azriel’s ass off of Beron and his sons- if I could keep up with him. I was the most powerful High Lord in all of history, but there was something inside of Azriel that even I knew was more than I could take.   
“Let’s get back to the palace, Az.”  
Azriel was staring into the darkness, as if he could see right to where Beron lay asleep. His shadows were all about him, a darkness as deep as my own. Darker than these early hours of morning.   
“Az.”  
When his hand came to rest on Truth-teller, I made a step towards him. He seemed to wake up, his shadows fading back to him.  
“Can I go back to Velaris?” His voice was broken. The look in his eyes…  
“Of course.”   
He was gone before I could say another word.   
Kallias sat quiet for a time, Viviane and Mor holding hands as they waited for him to respond to all that I’d told him. Azriel’s absence was not unnoticed. But I gave him half a truth, Azriel had gone back to the Night Court. What he had seen could not wait, and his High Lady was waiting. It appeased them all, except Mor, who hid her emotions far too well for my liking.   
“I don’t like this,” Kallias said quietly. “To spend fifty years down there in that pit of hell, to resurface to know that those like her continue to thrive… Of course, we expected it. I’m certain every court had those who followed her… and were quickly taken care of.”  
Viviane began to blush and I wonder… Had it been her who’d sought out any traitors?   
“I have to reconvene with Azriel, as well as Lucien. But I believe there is a way to rectify this without bloodshed.”  
Kallias regarded me in such a way that I was nearly reminded of Nesta. Even the palace reminded me of her, the ice of her eyes. Except, this icy palace held the warmth of a home, of family. But I had to think on why I was there- Until Feyre was ready, I would not intervene.   
“I would not do anything that would risk your Court, nor the friendship we’ve worked so hard to attain.”  
He sighed, his features softening.   
“Very well. I’ll keep an eye on the border.”  
“We’ll keep in touch,” Viviane said to my cousin.   
Kallias and I remained alone in his sitting room while Viviane and Mor went sledding. I was utterly grateful for the black furs he’d gifted me, even if I stood out amongst all the snow white and grey blue ice of his home. I was finally regaining some feeling in my toes.   
“High Lords can be cruel, sometimes merciless. But to harm your own wife, your family. That is a stain on what we are… Who else knows?”  
“Tarquin and Thesan. I’m sending word to Helion in the morning.” Everyone but Tamlin. I wouldn’t return to that ruin unless Lucien asked it of me.   
“I do not like to pry,” he began, leaning on the armrest of the sofa he sat on. “But I must ask… Had Lucien not been your lover, would you have gone to these lengths?”  
I didn’t have to think. “I would do this for anyone.”  
He must have approved because a smile blossomed on his face.   
“Go sit by the fire, you bloody fool. Lest your mate think I left you out to freeze to death.”  
Everything I had expected to find when I arrived at the townhouse went to shit when I walked inside. Feyre sat by the fire, Azriel at her feet. His body was trembling, even if he made no sound. She ran her fingers through his hair and was whispering so softly I couldn’t understand. I suddenly saw my mother in her chair, Azriel’s head on her lap as she calmed the storm inside him. I blinked twice, it was my mate. Feyre, comforting Azriel.   
When her eyes met mine, they were lined with tears. Cassian is outside.   
As I left the room, I thought I heard weeping. But it wasn’t from Feyre.   
“About time,” Cas said, giving me a look over. Assessing. “I was getting bored.”  
“Where is everyone?”  
“The second Az showed up, Feyre gave everyone a reason to leave.”  
“How thoughtful.”  
Cas nodded, crossing his arms.   
“I’ve never seen him like that… not since…” He closed his eyes and sighed. When my mother died, Azriel and Cassian had suffered as much as I had. But Azriel… he built more armor over his heart. He became colder, his shadows darker.   
We both managed to compose ourselves.  
“Eris was telling the truth about the Lady Aurelie.”  
Cassian cursed under his breath. Then he looked at me. He didn’t have to say it, because I knew it, too. Aurelie reminded Azriel of his mother.   
“Whatever walls he’s put up, he lets them down with Feyre… And I’m fucking glad for it.”  
I agreed with Cas. Wholeheartedly.   
“Remember what we spoke about? Before Az and I went to Winter?”  
It was amazing how quickly Cassian transformed into my Commander. Hiding all the emotion he’d displayed mere seconds before. He gave me a nod.   
“I want it taken care of.”  
“Do I go alone?”  
I could not admit it to Cassian, but it was moments like this where I wish Nesta had said yes. And I imagined he felt the same way. Especially for what I was asking.   
“No. You’ll be going with Feyre.”  
He nodded. “When?”  
“As soon as she’s ready.”  
“Understood.”


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a little context. When I was writing this, I had wanted to address several things that I felt hadn't been addressed in ACOFAS and ACOWAR. Tumblr has all that there. At the same time, I was writing my own work, dealing with 3 consecutive deaths in the family and just so much so a lot of the chapters from here onwards are super emotional. Super heavy. I don't change them because it was what I felt like I needed to write during a really shitty time in my life. So if things get confusing, I honestly don't mind answering any questions or anything. <3

-Lucien-

I was not entirely sure how I ended up walking along the Sidra with Elain. Nor how we’d made it this far without uttering a single word. Perhaps it was the moment Azriel arrived, and Feyre had ordered no one in particular to find some menial task to do. Perhaps it was when Cassian lied about needing to leave to the Illyrian Steppes, when I knew he had no intention of moving from where he stood outside. No matter the reason, Elain had declared she was going to walk, and I had offered to accompany her. It was strange of course, to want her and wish to be away from her. I would never understand how Rhysand lived this way, especially since he had wanted Feyre. He’d loved her when she hated him.   
When we finally stopped, it dawned on me that this had been the longest she and I had ever spent alone together. She seemed to realize that, too, and blushed. Could she feel the bond begging her to get closer?  
“Everything is so vibrant here,” she said. Her voice was soft, but lucid. Nothing like the Elain that had us watching her like hawks to ensure her safety. “Even the flowers.”  
“Feyre told me once that you’d appreciate them.”  
She smiled, twirling the end of her shawl between her fingers.   
“We never deserved her.” She still smiled but there was sadness in her eyes. “Even now, I have a home. I have a life. My garden. None of it would be mine if not for Feyre.”  
“She loves you.”  
“I know,” she said. “That’s why I feel terribly guilty. I am never sure how I can repay her for it.”  
“She would never ask that of you.”  
“Before he ever burst into our home… Feyre had never known what it was to wear a gown. To dance in senseless balls and laugh with friends. She never knew even the smallest luxury, because we were given the best of all she fought so hard to attain.”  
I knew that Tamlin had returned her family to wealth after Feyre had arrived at Court and knew how much that had grated on Feyre’s soul.   
“I lost my life, all of what I’d planned for my future. And I know that you understand the pain of loss, perhaps more than I ever will.”  
“I’ve had centuries to heal… You have barely seen two years.”  
“I’ve seen more than that.”  
Elain now had a knowing look on her face.   
“Once I woke up… when I truly began to live… I knew that you were never meant for me.”  
I inhaled sharply, feeling my heart race.   
“But I had imagined that you knew it, too.”  
I shook my head.   
“We Fae our taught the intricacies of such a bond. Males tend to realize it first, and feel the pull to their mates stronger than the female. If their mate is female, I mean… Knowing I had a mate, after Jesminda, I dared not let myself hope… But I had wished that we could get to know one another before making such decisions. I never assumed I was entitled to you, I could not believe I was worthy to have a mate.”  
The pity in her eyes made me look away.   
“I cannot deny that it hurt, all this time. Whenever you were sad, whenever you hurt- I felt it. And it pained me to be unable to do anything about it.”  
“I knew that somewhere in your future, there were shadows and light. That was your destiny. But I was mourning the loss of my life. Of my own love, and I did not spare you from it.”  
“I don’t blame you, not at all.”  
Her laugh was soft. “I know it hurt. I should not have been so cold. But had I known sooner that I was the one who had to sever this bond between us, I would have done it.”  
I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me.   
“Is that what you wish, Lucien, for me to sever our bond?”  
I could feel it, that fucking tether to her wanting me to say no. But Feyre, Rhysand- that was all my heart, my mind and soul wanted. Needed. This mating bond was a whisper compared to what tied me to them. What I had chosen.   
“It is.” I wasn’t sure she heard me. I wasn’t sure if I had spoken out loud.   
For the first time ever, Elain reached out to me. Took my hand in hers, and for one moment, the mating bond roared to life with such ferocity I thought I’d go weak. Elain’s eyes lined with tears, her grip on my hand tightening.   
“I didn’t know it felt this way,” she whispered, before letting me go. “It hurts.”  
“Because we are going against what the cauldron has decided is our fate.”  
“I never imagined…”  
“Perhaps…” I remembered how Rhys and Feyre had screamed, had writhed on the ground when the King of Hybern had severed their bargain. I could not fathom what we would feel. “Perhaps we should not do this alone.”  
As tears fell from her eyes, she laughed.   
“I believe you’re right.”  
Elain’s eyes widened and I turned to see what she was looking at. Cassian and Rhys were flying towards us. Rhys landed haphazardly and skidded to a halt in time for me to catch him.   
“Rhys? What is it?”   
His hands were on my face, his eyes searching mine.   
“What’s wrong? I felt it… You. What’s happened?”  
Elain was giggling as Cassian poked her side. “She’s fine.”  
I took Rhys by the wrists and gently pried his hands away.   
“I’m alright, Rhys.” I sighed.  
“I tried to sever the mating bond,” Elain said, her voice an octave higher.   
“We didn’t know it would hurt so much.”  
Rhysand pulled me into his arms.  
“That is something you shouldn’t do alone. Feyre and I promised-”  
I looked up at him. “If you’d given me the chance to go home, I’d have told you Elain and I did not want to do this alone.”  
Cassian snorted.   
“Rhysand?”  
I turned, Rhys still keeping an arm around my waist. I imagined he would not let me go until he truly believed I was alright. Elain was blushing.   
“How is Azriel?”  
I felt Rhys still, but he offered Elain a smile. “He’ll be alright.”  
Elain nodded and then gave Cassian a look.   
“Can you fly me up to the House of Wind?”  
We four stood in an open hall, the gauzy white drapes billowing in the wind. Elain set her shawl on a chair. Rhys was holding my hand, and I wondered which one of us was the most anxious. Cassian watched Elain’s every move. She approached me carefully, as if she finally felt the tether that had been grating on my soul since she’d come out of the cauldron.   
“This will hurt”, she said, as if needing to remind herself. Her brown eyes met mine.   
“Yes, it will.”   
Elain looked at Rhys in a way I knew no one in the Hewn City would ever look at him.   
“I need him,” she said softly.   
Rhys looked at me and I saw the fear in his eyes. Was he remembering what he had felt when Hybern had torn apart their bargain?   
“I need to do this,” I said to him.   
“I know, Luce.”  
“Feyre is worth it. You, Rhysand, are worth it.”  
He was teary eyed then. He kissed my hand before he let it go. Then Elain took my hands in hers, our bond was demanding acceptance.   
“Lucien, I-”  
Feyre and Azriel landed, their wings- twins in all but the scars he bore, extended out as if in challenge to some unseen threat. The look on their faces…   
Once her wings disappeared, Feyre ran towards us, Azriel not far behind.   
“You’re not doing this without us.”  
Elain looked at Azriel and he did not have to speak what was on his mind. It was clear in his expression. He’d see her through it. He placed a hand on the small of her back and looked me in the eye. As the mating bond deemed him a threat, I thought I saw him fight back a smile.   
Elain cleared her throat, forcing Azriel and I to look at her.   
“I’m not sure how this works,” she said. “But I’m grateful you’re all here.”  
“Are you ready, Elain?”  
She looked into my eyes and nodded.   
“Lucien… I refuse this mating bond and let you go.” Her hold on my hands tightened. I felt it, felt her- as if something in my soul was trying to root itself deeper inside. “I don’t want this.”  
It felt as if my heart were breaking. It hurt more than all those moments she’d denied me her attention. Her time. It hurt more than the torment I’d felt after Jesminda had died. My vision blurred, Elain and I holding each other’s hands as if it were all that kept us grounded. Something like a sob escaped me, and the tattoo on my rib burned. Nothing had ever pained me as much as this. But it had to end, it had to-  
“Elain, I…” She stumbled back as she let me go, Azriel keeping her on her feet. She was crying as Azriel helped her down to the floor. She clung to him for dear life. I could feel the anguish inside of her as the mating bond tried to remain in place. It hurt me to see her suffering, I knew she was trying to hold it in for Feyre’s sake. Feyre who was crying beside me at the sight of her sister. For Elain’s sake, I was willing to stop this. I was willing to choose Elain, if only to keep her from suffering any longer.   
But Elain let out a low growl, and for a moment, the pain was replaced by sheer disbelief.   
“Son of day,” she managed to say. “Don’t you dare.”  
My knees gave out, and it was Rhys who kept me from falling, guiding me down to the floor. My eyes never left hers. Even when Feyre fell to her knees beside me. I knew they were both speaking to me, but all I saw was Elain. Tears streaming down her face, her skin blotchy and red. Her nails dug into Azriel’s arms, but the Shadowsinger cared for nothing else but her comfort. His shadows snaked around Elain in an attempt to comfort her, until I realized they weren’t his… But hers.   
“Lucien,” she pleaded. “Let go.”  
And I did. Once I spoke the words, rejecting our bond, it felt as if I’d hidden the sun inside of my heart. I began to claw at my chest, needing to rip it out. I was soon blinded by it, Elain’s screams the only thing I heard until all my world went black.


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feyre and az are an awesome BroTP. I think I get carried away with feyre and any of her bat boys tbh but anyway. Everyone's illyrian tattoos and where they are is something i can never ever get right no matter how many times i read the books or look it up. So sorry in advance lol And, we finally see the Day Court and my interpretation of it and characters I made up for the sake of the story. <3

-Feyre-  
We had been in the middle of explaining some of Prythian’s holidays to Elain when Azriel stormed into the townhouse, scaring us all shitless. Despite the stone-cold mask on his face, I recognized the torment in his eyes. I must have said something because everyone left the room, just in time for Azriel to come straight towards me. He fell to his knees, defeated. There was a silent plea in his eyes and all I could do was hold my arms out to him. He began to weep, and I absentmindedly began to run my fingers through his hair.   
“It’s happening again,” he said at last, his voice so frail I couldn’t believe that those words had come from him. As if the child that had been imprisoned in darkness had fought through to the surface.   
“What’s happening again?” I asked quietly. I had never known what it was to have a caring mother, but I hoped that he could hear it in my voice how much I cared for him.   
“They’re hurting her and I can’t stop it.” His voice cracked, and I felt my own heart shatter.   
Rhys was quiet down the bond, but I didn’t need for him to tell me what Az had seen- Eris was right. I tried to still my wildly beating heart, to be strong for him.   
“We will, Az. We’ll make it stop.”  
He continued to weep into my lap, even as I tried to whisper comfort to him. His body trembled as the crying stopped, but then I realized why.   
Rhys was coming home.   
Once my mate was gone, Azriel let out a sob. I pushed him away, gently, but only to slide down to the floor with him. He let me embrace him, holding him close and I realized that the two females that had ever given him such affection were gone. I couldn’t fight the shudder that coursed through me, but Azriel seemed to find the strength to wrap his arms around me.   
“I love you, Azriel,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you and I will make sure we get her out of there. Whatever it takes.”  
The way he wept, I could see him as a child. Alone. Afraid. With no one there to comfort him. No one there to protect him. But I would. I didn’t care that he was a Shadowsinger, that he terrified even the most evil of fae. His heart, under all that ice and armor was still the same child tortured by his own blood. I was more than his High Lady, and he was more than my spy- he was my family. My friend. I would do anything to keep him safe. To see that ice thaw.   
Azriel now stood outside of Elain’s bedroom door in the House of Wind, arms crossed. He was lost in thought, hiding behind that mask. He had retained an air of calm as Elain suffered through the severing of the mating bond. Until the shadows had come. None of us had anticipated that, anything that we saw. What we’d felt.  
Gods, it had been a new kind of hell.   
After Elain had regained consciousness, my sister had wrapped her arms around his neck, weeping. He had taken her up in his arms and carried her off. Cassian had to pry me away from Lucien, from Rhys.   
“Lucien is sleeping. Rhys won’t leave his side,” I said softly. He looked up at me, surprised, but quickly composed himself.   
“Elain asked to be alone,” he replied. His voice was still hoarse from all the crying he’d done.   
I walked towards him but stopped half way. I held my hand out to him. He pushed himself off the wall and came to me, tentatively taking my hand. I led him away from the rooms, away from everything until we were outside on the balcony.   
“Gods, when Rhys first brought me here I was terrified.”  
Az said nothing as I let go of his hand to hold onto the balustrade and look over.   
“And then you two walked out and I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Beautiful, both of them.   
He might have blushed but I pretended not to notice.   
“You handed Cassian his ass.”  
I giggled. “Yes.”  
“Feyre?”  
“Hm?”  
“I need to apologize. I let my emotions get in the way of my job. I won’t let it happen again.”  
I turned to face him.   
“No. You will not apologize to me. Not for that. Ever.”  
There was surprise in his eyes.   
“I was wrong to send you out there, not thinking of what that would do to you. To Rhys. I didn’t think it through and it’s me who is sorry.”  
“I’ve been doing this for centuries-”  
I took his hand, looking him in the eyes.   
“It is my job to make sure that my family is safe. Sending you to spy on Beron’s home went against that. I know that you are strong. I know that if I asked you would go to Autumn, to Spring- both courts would be nothing but dust.”  
I kissed his hand, the burn scars soft. Softer than even my own skin. Beautiful, as Elain had said the first time she’d ever seen them.   
“But you still have a heart underneath all that armor, Azriel. You have a soul. And I have to protect it. Stop looking at me like that, you’re mine. You, Cassian- all of you. You are mine to protect. Not because I swore to be Rhysand’s wife, or because I wear a stupid crown. But because I love you.”  
His arms were around me before I could blink, so I threw my arms around his neck in response. He stood at his full height and I realized I was several inches off the floor. But I forgot about everything once I heard him sigh with relief. Now I was crying, and Az didn’t let me go until I’d stopped.   
He set me down on my feet, his hazel eyes a bit brighter. Especially in the setting sun.   
“I love you, too,” he said quietly, reaching out to brush away a stray tear.   
I blushed. “I swear it, Az.”   
“I know… But you know that I’ll do the same for you.”  
“Yes, I know.”  
My smile was interrupted by the familiar sting down my spine. Azriel chuckled when my eyes widened.   
“Seriously?” I turned my back to him. “Lift up my shirt.”  
I heard him clear his throat.   
“Az, just do it.”  
“I could just show you mine.”  
I made an aggravated sound and he laughed, finally doing as I’d asked.   
“What is it?”  
“I don’t know how to explain it.”  
He pulled my shirt down and came to stand in front of me, pulling his shirt off as he did so. I gasped at what I saw.   
Between his wings, down his spine, was the tattoo he shared with his brothers. But my artist’s eye caught the new whorls and intricate lines- It was beautiful.   
“What does it say?”  
As he turned to look at me, I barely got a glimpse of his muscled chest and abdomen before he’d put his shirt back on. Shame.   
“The ones I share with Rhys and Cas are for luck and glory. This one, I can’t translate it word for word. It wouldn’t make sense. But it’s what Illyrians pray during the worst moments in battle, for strength. For our brothers to protect us. And in this case… you.”  
His grin made me blush and then I realized…   
“Your name is on my back?”  
He chuckled and started walking back inside. I ran after him.   
“I need to know!”  
“Can’t you just let Rhys look at it? Or Lucien, I’m sure that would give him back his strength.”  
My face went hot.   
“I’m telling Elain my name is on your back!”  
Azriel might have choked on air.   
.  
Cassian looked ever the regal lord in his black shirt and trousers, an outfit I imagined Rhys had put together. His hair was tied up, but I had a feeling that Helion would have approved no matter how Cassian looked.   
The Day Court was a thing of dreams. Rhysand had winnowed us onto a grassy knoll where horses grazed, their white clad riders paying us no mind.   
“Darling,” he’d said before kissing me. Then he looked at Cas.   
“Lord Cassian.”   
Cas and I flipped him off as he winnowed away laughing.   
Rhys had not needed to tell us where to go. Helion’s city of residence stood before us behind stone walls so long I could not see the ends on either side. And they were high, it would tire me out to fly over them.   
I wished I had brought a notebook to take down everything I saw. Perfect blue skies, without a cloud in sight. Palm trees lined every walkway. There were crystalline pools filled with lilies, and flowers I had no name for bloomed to create symmetrical patterns on either side of the stone path Cassian and I walked.   
“Nervous to meet your father in law?” Cassian teased.   
“I already met Helion.” And he had made me all flustered. But now I knew why.   
“I remember the way you blushed.”  
“Shut up.”   
“I am worried about Mor. She doesn’t know that she fu-”  
“Cassian.”  
He chuckled just as we approached the large, white stone doors. Two fae stood guard outside them, dressed in white. Their skin was dark and gleaming, long black hair braided and decorated with gold. Curved swords hung from jeweled belts. And their eyes, both males eyed Cassian with the same look he always received from males at Rita’s.   
“The High Lord awaits,” one said and the doors opened outward.   
I gasped. Beyond these walls was a city like nothing I had ever seen before. The palaces and manses boasted high walls, open terraces and balconies, drapes of every color billowing in the breeze.   
A beautiful female with deep brown skin approached us. A white sash wrapped around her skirts and over one shoulder. A golden blouse beneath stopped right below her generous breasts and I was grateful that she didn’t seem bothered where my gaze had fallen. If anything, it made her smile.   
“High Lady Feyre, Lord Commander,” she said. “My name is Padmini. The High Lord has asked I escort you to the water garden.”  
“Thank you,” we said in unison.   
We passed markets that sold everything from food to jewels to silks. Some passersby dressed similarly to Padmini, others covered with only their eyes visible. And in those eyes, I saw happiness. Some wore tunics longer than the ones Lucien wore, with trousers that looked so comfortable I wondered why Rhys hadn’t found me an outfit like that.   
Some fae sat on beautiful rugs, playing instruments I’d never seen or heard before. I saw one market filled with mirrors, others with glass decorations. And the paintings, Cassian had to link his arm in mine, pulling me away to keep me moving.   
“If there is anything you fancy, my lady, please let me know. We can have them sent to the Night Court.”  
I blushed. “Thank you.”  
Helion’s home, a palace right out of a dream, had open halls, inviting his court inside. No matter who they were. I saw small children running in and out, Padmini catching one in her arms and spinning them around before she let them go.   
“He loves to see his people,” she said as we ascended the marble steps. “This is as much their home as it is his.” The doors that led inside were open and if I had thought the outside was beautiful, I was not prepared for the inside.   
Everything was carved from stone. The pillars that boasted what I assumed were images of old gods and animals, gold and diamond chandeliers hung from ceilings that looked like lace. All of it stone. My heart was in my throat. I could be here for weeks trying to capture every precious image we passed. The windows had gem colored glass, bathing everything in a rainbow of color. The little I saw of his throne room made me gasp. Where his halls were a rainbow, his throne room was the sun itself thanks to thoughtfully placed mirrors that reflected the light back onto the gold and marble.   
“For another time,” Padmini said.  
She led us behind the palace, down stone steps and then soft grass that tickled my sandaled feet. I could hear laughter as we neared and it eased some of the tension in my chest.   
The water gardens were pools that were stacked on top of one another and Helion, naked from the waist up, stood in the largest one at the bottom where all the water fell into. He was splashing water at two females dressed like Padmini, but instead of white, they wore yellow and blue. Others played in the pools with them, one small child managed to get Helion right in the face. His laugh reminded me so much of Lucien that it tugged at my heart.   
“Your guests have arrived,” Padmini said and stepped right into the pool. The other two females looked at us and I suddenly wished I had worn something else.   
After giving Padmini a soft kiss on the cheek, Helion walked towards us, stopping only to grab a towel that was folded on the stone that surrounded the pool. Padmini and the other females went off to swim.   
“I remember that,” he said to me. “I’d given it to Rhysand’s mother as a Solstice gift.”  
I blushed. It was similar to what the other females wore, but crème and pink. The bangles and anklets matched as well. Rhys had insisted I braided my hair to display the heavy, ornate earrings that he claimed his mother had worn as well. But Helion confirmed what I had already known.   
“The Lady of Night was never one to boast jewels. I am glad to see them being used.”  
His eyes fell on Cassian as he dried himself.   
“You look wonderful, Cassian. I’m flattered you’d wear so many clothes to visit me.”  
“I figured you’d like the challenge.”  
I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Helion grinned.   
“A challenge for another time. I doubt your Lady would appreciate us deviating from our course.”  
Helion led us to a sitting area beneath a white canopy where cold drinks and fruit awaited us. He sat down, leaving the towel around his shoulders.   
“So, Rhysand was very vague in his letter.”  
“There were matters that were better discussed in person,” I said.   
“I’ve heard of your little… arrangement. I had never wanted to assume, but I had a feeling Rhysand did not limit his tastes.”  
Cassian snorted. I think I was red in the face.   
“That’s not… It’s only part of it.”  
“Part of it?”  
I nodded, feeling far too warm for comfort. I was grateful that beneath the crème fabric over my shoulders, my pink top boasted wonderfully short sleeves.   
“We had a visit from Eris.”  
Even his stupid grin made me think of Lucien. Insufferable.   
“I heard about that, too.”   
“Did you hear his claims, then? About the Lady of the Autumn Court?”  
Helion eyed me as he drank from his cup.  
“I thought you and I had put that subject behind us.”  
“It appears the subject has violently made its way back to the forefront.”  
His eyes betrayed his calm expression. Good. He still cared.   
Helion gave a shrug. “I’ll entertain it. If only because I know with this heat Cassian will be taking that lovely shirt off before this visit is over.”  
Cassian laughed.  
“Beron, in his cowardice, has decided to take his hatred for Lucien out on Aurelie. And she is not safe.”  
I felt it. The sliver of power that threatened to escape him. I imagined if Beron were here, there would be nothing left of that smug bastard.   
“I told you how I felt about that.”  
“I know, Helion. But it’s another matter entirely that I need to discuss with you.”  
He raised a brow, but he did not bother with teasing.   
“Aurelie chose him, my lady. I cannot do anything more.”  
“But for your son,” I said much sooner and much stronger than I’d meant to.   
Helion nearly choked on his drink. But he quickly recovered.   
“I do not appreciate mind games, Feyre Archeron. I have no son.”  
“You’ve never wondered how Aurelie would have let that monster touch her after he discovered your affair? Or why he’s hated Lucien more than anything?”  
Of course he had. I saw it in his eyes.   
“What are you implying?”  
“Lucien is your son, Helion. Aurelie managed to hide it until he came into his powers, and Tamlin suppressed them. Because he felt it too, the power of a High lord. Even if it was only a whisper of what was to come.”  
“And you expect me to accept this?”  
“Of course not, I know that this is more than what you expected. But as your friend, as one who loves your son with all her heart… I ask that you come to meet him. Properly. Decide for yourself.”


	25. 25

-Rhys-  
I reject this bond. Lucien spoke the words, and I felt it when the mating bond was torn away from his soul. No, it was being burned. It burned the way our tattoo did, and through our bond, I knew Feyre’s was burning her, too. Lucien began to claw at his chest as fire and light coursed through him. His skin was scorching, but despite it, Feyre and I kept him from doing himself anymore harm. Even when he screamed, even when tears blurred my vision. I didn’t let go.   
And suddenly, it was as if he’d summoned the sun itself, cleansing him completely of the bond. And in response, as Elain screamed in agony, shadows snaked all around her… But they were not Azriel’s.  
All around us was sunlight and shadow, until at last Lucien fell back against me, and the light burst through the room, momentarily blinding us all. When I could see again, the shadows were gone and while Elain was slowly regaining consciousness, Lucien was not.  
*  
Feyre held my hands, palms up. Her brows were furrowed in worry.   
“I’ll be fine,” I croaked. They would heal, the burns we’d both received from holding Lucien back. Thanks to what had been inherited from Thesan, Feyre’s had already healed.   
“I know,” she whispered. She kissed them both before she looked over at Lucien. Asleep. Madja had saw to him and was now with Elain. He’d woken up once, but it was more like a fever dream than anything else. Madja had given him some tonic and he’d mumbled nonsense until his eyes rolled back and he was out again.   
Feyre rested her head against my chest.   
“He’ll be asleep for a long while,” I said to her softly. “You should get some rest.”  
“I could say the same to you.”  
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.   
“Stay with him. I’ll go first.”  
I wasn’t sure if she believed me or not, but Feyre went and sat on the chair beside the bed, leaving me to my own devices.   
Elain was not surprised when I quietly walked into her room. I closed the door but did not move from it. She was staring at nothing, but as pale as she was, she was a far cry from the Elain that had arrived here newly Made and utterly lost.   
“He’s asleep.” Her voice was rough, but it was still strong. No, the phantom that she had been was gone.   
I nodded.   
“He needs his father,” she said. “For what needs to be done.”  
“I know. Cassian and Feyre go tomorrow morning.”  
Her sigh was interrupted by a wheeze, and soon she was coughing. She reached for a glass on the small table beside the bed and drank it all. When she set it down, she turned to face me. There was a slight pause, and I felt my skin prickle under her knowing gaze.   
“Where there is fire, there is light.”  
There was a sparkle in her eye before she looked away, leaning back against the headboard. It was as if she had not said a word.   
“Thank you,” I found myself saying to her.   
Elain merely gave a nod of her head before she closed her eyes.   
“Tell him that I can hear him pacing, and that there is an empty chair beside my bed.”  
With a bow, I left the room and went in search of Azriel.   
*  
When I arrived at the House of Wind, I found Madja leaving Lucien’s room. She greeted me with a nod before walking away. I stepped into the room and found Lucien sitting up in bed, relying on the headboard for support. Our eyes met and I fought the urge to cry. I shut the door behind me.  
“I feel like shit,” he said, his voice hoarse.   
“Is there anything I could do to help?”   
I couldn’t raise my voice any higher. I’d break. Lucien motioned for me to come sit, and once I was beside him, he sighed. Lucien closed his eyes, reaching out to hold my hand. Our fingers intertwined. I felt my eyes sting as I recalled the sight of him trying to tear through his chest-  
“I feel hollow,” he whispered as he opened his eyes.   
“It will pass,” I quietly responded, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from his face. There were shadows beneath his eyes, and I did not like the way he was breathing. It was far too shallow. Far too weak.   
“I feel like I’ve been sitting amidst flames.” He touched his face and looked disgusted.  
“Care for a bath, fox?”   
“If Madja asks, I’ve never left the bed,” he grumbled.   
Slowly, I helped Lucien walk to the bathroom. I helped him into the tub and he let me brush and braid his hair. He handed me the sponge after he’d washed himself, sitting with his back towards me.   
We had never talked about it, and I suppose Feyre had seen them enough to never mention it. But I couldn’t forget how he’d received these scars from Tamlin. I could hear the whip as clear as if it were happening-  
“Where is Feyre?”   
I began to scrub his back.   
“Off to the Day Court.”  
“Why?”  
“If things get ugly, it would do us well to have the support of the other High Lords, and Lady. Viviane is still pushing for it.”  
Lucien turned to face me. There was a question in his eyes that he did not have to speak.   
Tamlin.  
“That is your call to make.”  
Lucien nodded, his face regaining some color, but not because he was feeling better.   
“I feel like I could drink the ocean.”  
“That would not sate your thirst, fox.”  
He managed a smile but then it faded, my heart dropping with it.   
“Rhys?”   
Gods, the way he said my name…  
“Yes, Lucien?”   
“What happened?”  
I paused. I knew what he meant. But how could I tell him the truth without having to explain another truth that would surely tear him apart in his current state?  
“You severed the mating bond. Once it was gone, you and Elain lost consciousness.”  
“How is she?”  
“Az told me she slept quietly through the night. He’s been keeping watch.”  
She had woken up before sunrise, weeping. I’d heard it from our room, that and Azriel speaking words of comfort to her. And then there had only been silence.   
“He’s good for her,” Lucien said, reaching for a towel.   
“So are you.”  
Lucien rose to his feet, wrapping the towel around his waist. I stood up and helped him out.   
“Perhaps… without it we can tolerate one another.”  
I pressed a kiss to his cheek.   
“Hm, I’m not sure about that.”  
He rolled his eyes and it only made me smile.   
“There you are.”  
“You know, High Lord, Madja did not mention your incessant pestering as means to my recuperation.”  
We made it to the bed where he sat down. I went in search of clothes for him.   
“I’m the High Lord, I make the rules.”  
He snorted.   
“Does your court know it is run by a child?”  
“Sleep. Tea and water only, broths or soft fruits only. No physical exertion of any kind. Not even sex.”  
I brought him his clothes which he took with a soft smile.   
“Is that what has you so strung up?”  
I could not make light of it. Even if for a moment, he’d given us proof of his parentage. How could I keep this from him?  
“No… It’s of no consequence. Let’s get you dressed, fox.”  
He grabbed my wrist, his hold weak. I was grateful the burns were healed, I knew he would never forgive himself for it. Even if he had no control over what had happened.   
“What is it?”  
I caressed his cheek, running my thumb over his scars. That mechanical eye of his… Gods, Lucien had no idea.   
“I was terrified,” I said quietly.   
He turned slightly, pressing a kiss to my palm. When my hand fell, he took it. He felt warm again.   
“Does it scare you, to care so much in so little time?”   
“Yes and no. Yes, because it’s new to me. To Feyre. To you, even. But no, because it feels right. As it should have been.”  
He seemed pleased by that and let go of my hand.  
“Be a good High Lord, and help your humble servant into his clothes.”  
I laughed, grabbing the first thing within reach.   
“You’re no servant of mine,” I said, getting down on one knee. I held his undershorts by his feet.  
“No?” There was finally some light to his eyes- the mechanical one had a bit more glimmer to it.   
I smiled, despite the tightness in my chest. Despite the strength it took to keep myself from crying again.   
“I’m yours.”  
*  
It was during our lunch on the patio that I felt Feyre through the bond. I felt Lucien tugging on my arm as I listened.   
Helion is coming back with Cas and I. He insists.  
Fuck.   
“What is it?” Lucien asked. I blinked and quickly finished adding honey to his tea. Madja had caught us leaving the room and I quickly scooped him up into my arms, earning a shake of her head. She scolded me, reminding us both of his restrictions.   
“Feyre and Cassian are coming home.”  
“That’s wonderful… Except you’re not smiling.”  
“It appears that the High Lord of the Day Court wishes to pay us a visit.”  
Lucien sipped his tea, and for a moment, I had a small reprieve in the way the sun seemed to relieve him. I caressed his face, earning a smile.   
“Did he agree then?”  
I was going to speak, but my precious mate walked onto the patio, looking like a goddess in her Day Court gown, something my mother had only worn once… And then Helion came along behind her, bewilderment in his eyes. He paused, unnecessarily smoothing the white fabric thrown over his shoulder.   
I rose to my feet, Lucien remaining seated. Feyre quickly went to harass him with kisses and checking him for any hurt.   
“You’ll kill him, Feyre,” I said as I closed the space between Helion and I. We shook hands, and after a quick embrace, we both were standing, facing Lucien who had finished saying hello to Feyre, leaving her blushing. I smirked.   
With a nod of his head, Lucien greeted Helion.  
“I would stand, but I’m rather afraid of that little healer.”  
Feyre linked her arm in his. “He’s on bed rest.”  
I didn’t tell him a thing, Feyre added and I was getting ready to prepare some excuse but then-  
“I’ve severed my mating bond… We’re both recovering. Otherwise, I would have been prepared to welcome you.”  
Helion regarded Lucien with curiosity. As if he were a puzzle he was sure to figure out.   
“Rhys, Helion, come sit,” Feyre said. I resumed my place beside Lucien, Helion sitting across from us. Feyre offered him tea, which he kindly accepted.   
“Your Lady was kind enough to explain the nature of your letter,” he said to me and then his eyes fell on Lucien. “And now I know why you didn’t come yourself.”  
“Have you come to a decision then?” Lucien asked and I had the good sense not to laugh. But I supposed after growing up under Beron’s wrath, surviving Tamlin, and dealing with me had left him without any fear of us.  
Helion, however, seemed to appreciate Lucien’s bravado.   
“I’ve not come to a decision. Not until I’ve spoken to you.”  
Lucien looked at Feyre and she offered him a nervous smile. Lucien looked at Helion once more. His mechanical eye whirled about and I did not have to sneak into his mind to know what he was thinking.   
“My mother is in danger,” he said quietly. “I care for nothing else. I’ve not the strength for anything else.”  
“I have no issue supporting Rhysand’s endeavor to save Aurelie. I should have been more precise with my words.”  
“Lady,” Lucien said. “Lady Aurelie.”  
Helion didn’t shy away from Lucien’s gaze as he set his cup aside.   
“Feyre tells me you can see through glamours.”  
Lucien looked at me incredulously and I just gave a nod.   
“Yes,” he motioned to his mechanical eye. “Ever since this was put in place.”  
“Is that what you were told?”  
“What does it matter? I can’t step one foot into Autumn without them knowing. I can’t help her with this fucking eye and its useless ability to do something Rhys could without a thought.”  
I took his hand, squeezing tight.   
“It matters, Lucien, because the moment I stepped foot here… I knew the truth. And because of that, I am obligated by blood and bond to fetch Aurelie from Autumn and put an end to this.”  
Lucien’s breath was haggard as he leaned back against the seat. Feyre pressed a comforting kiss to his shoulder.   
“And what truth would that be?”  
Helion, for the first time in centuries, looked nervous. Unsure of himself. Nothing like the proud bastard who was the sun to my night.   
“You are my son.”


	26. 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will only accept happy Lucien from now on lol like let the boy live 
> 
> I had way too much fun with Helion and this new journey for Lucien. Once again, Aurelie is the name I gave to his mother since we don't get one in canon. The same will be said for any other character for the sake of the story but I'll make not of it. lol 
> 
> Happy Wednesday <3

-Lucien-  
Son of day.  
Elain’s voice had echoed in the darkness. Sometimes, I’d hear Rhysand crying, asking me to wake up. I might have heard Feyre describing the color of the sun. But it always came back to Elain.   
She held the sun in her hands and gave it to me. And then I was falling, falling, falling. Until I was welcomed by a darkness so deep, so endless that I let it consume me.   
I looked at Helion, High Lord of the Day Court. There was something akin to remorse in his eyes. He looked at me, expectant, anxious. Feyre and Rhys were still at my side, they had known. Somehow. I wasn’t stupid- yes, I was stubborn and at times I was dense, but it did not take much to put the pieces together… Even if some of them were missing. But for now, I did not care.   
“I’m not Beron’s son,” I whispered, leaning forward as I brought my hands to my face. Beron and I- there was nothing there that bound me to him. Every childhood dream came to mind, the ones I’d confessed to Mor. However late, it was here. I was not Beron’s son. It was as if this terrible weight had at last been lifted from my shoulders, and I could breathe. I didn’t realize I’d been crying until Rhys pulled me into his arms. After kissing my tears, he took my hands in his.   
“I’ve theorized that losing your eye awakened another sense, to see beyond what others see. The mechanical eye was a perfect disguise for it,” Rhysand said.   
My eyes fell on Helion once more, his eyes were glossy. Had he been crying, too? Feyre and Rhys both took turns giving me a kiss and without a word, left us alone. Until of course, I heard him whispering filth into her ear as they descended the stairs. Prick.   
“I’m certain you would rather be in the midst of that,” Helion said, “Than sitting here with me.”  
“Unfortunately, I’m forbidden from any activity that brings me pleasure.”  
He smirked. I expected some kind of inappropriate retort, and I knew that it was at the tip of his tongue. But it was as if he remembered himself, remembered what he’d admitted and all of that arrogance was gone.   
“How… when?” I didn’t even know what I wanted to know, if I wanted to know.   
“A year before she was sold off to Beron. There had been a ball, it was the Equinox, after all.”   
I opened my mouth and then closed it.  
“During the war, the first war with Hybern- I rescued your mother. And that… well, that was when we threw all caution to the wind.”  
“But I wasn’t born during the war.”  
He chuckled. “No. You were not.”  
“So that means…” They had managed to have an affair far longer than I could have imagined.   
He shrugged.   
“Mother’s tits,” I muttered.   
“He discovered our affair, of course. But to admit it, to admit that he’d been bested- humiliated by her. Beron could never survive such a thing. And he never saw her as anything more than a possession.”  
I felt the power that threatened to escape him at the thought of Beron’s treatment of my mother. He unnecessarily smoothed his tunic and twisted one of the cuffs at his wrist.   
“I never knew,” he said softly. “I never even thought that it was possible that I would sire a child. Let alone with Aurelie. We had never dared to dream of such things. And then she went back to him. Chose him. And I let her go.”  
“I don’t believe that.”  
Helion still held hope for her. I could see it in his eyes. In the way he spoke of her. The way I had once dared to hope for Feyre, even at Tamlin’s side. Helion still loved my mother.   
“I know that my reputation is… well known across Prythian. But for her, for Aurelie- I would have given her the world if she’d asked it of me.”  
“But she never did.”  
My mother never fought against tradition. Never fought against Beron. Silent. Timid. Pawn.   
“I am not too proud to admit that I’d begged her to leave him. Once. But she refused. Had I known that you were mine-” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.   
“Would it have made a difference?”   
“Yes. No. It has and always will be Aurelie’s decision.”  
“Even though it was a fucked up decision?”  
I knew that my words were sharp, I saw in his eyes that I’d hit him low. But I knew that I’d made the same decision to stay with Tamlin and I only left because if I’d stayed my fate would have been worse than death. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.   
“I’m sorry, I should not be so short. I forget my manners.”  
Helion smiled.   
“You’re not wrong.”  
“It took me this long to get away from Tamlin… I can’t blame her, nor you for Beron’s actions. As I cannot blame myself for Tamlin.”  
Something vicious flashed in his eyes but was quickly replaced with… curiosity.   
“I do not understand how I never noticed. How many times had you come to my court?”  
I chuckled. “I think I’ve seen the Day Court more in the last few centuries than Autumn.”  
“I suppose we’ll have to ask your mother about that conundrum, won’t we?”  
I raised a brow.   
“We’ll have to get her out of there first.”  
Helion grinned and I realized how similar he and Rhysand were. I was not sure how I felt about that.   
“Leave the scheming to me. Your only job is to get out of bedrest.”  
I chuckled. “I think I can get out of that one.”  
He raised his tea cup at me. “A fox, through and through.”  
*  
Side by side, Helion and I walked through the halls of Beron’s home, led by guards that had met us at the border. Wards were useless against him, but he’d given them the illusion of control. Helion walked as if Autumn were his, and I knew if he wanted it, it could be. Was that what Beron feared?   
The throne room was perhaps as long as it was wide, trees lining it on either side instead of walls, breaking it up into various ‘rooms’ for other court matters. The leaves overhead kept out the sun… But one look at Helion and I knew better.   
I saw my brothers… half-brothers standing near Beron’s throne, an old gnarled tree with roots that grew right into the stone floor. It always looked as if Beron’s magic had to fight nature from reclaiming its rightful place. As if it refused to submit to his will.   
Beron looked as cruel and angry as he always did. But as Rhys had helped me into my fighting leathers, he’d told me not to falter. Not to let my eyes waver when he looked at me. So I stared him down as we approached the throne.   
And there she was, sitting on her small seat below his. My mother was still, her eyes on the floor. Behind her glamour, I saw the bruising. Old and new.   
Beron chuckled. “Lucien… I see we are still climbing the ladder. Was Rhysand not enough?”  
“I am not here on Night Court business,” I said as proud and arrogant as I could. “I’ve come to deal with family matters.”  
My half-brothers laughed. Save Eris. He had managed to step back beneath the shade of the trees. Watching. Waiting.   
“Family? You denounced your family after you chose that low born whore over your court.”  
“Oh, forgive me, Lord Beron. I should have been more concise. I am here for my mother.”  
I heard her little gasp, and I saw the way Beron looked down at her.   
“The Lady of Autumn does not have leave to go anywhere outside of this Court,” he said to which my brothers and others in the room laughed.   
I opened and closed my hands. How Helion remained so calm was beyond me.   
“I don’t believe anyone was asking permission,” Helion replied.   
Beron was now furious. I could feel it. I remembered the ferocity of his wrath. Everything that had made me happy had been burned to ash by it. When Beron rose to his feet, I fought the urge to step back as he stepped down. He grabbed my mother by the arm and forced her to her feet.   
“To your quarters,” he growled at her, but was met with a low snarl that silenced the room.   
“You will take your hands off her if you value your life.”  
All eyes were on Helion now. It was grounds for war for anyone to take a High Lord’s wife. But he had promised this would go without bloodshed. And I wanted to believe it.   
“You dare threaten me?”  
“It is no threat, Beron. I have come to claim my mate and no one, not even you can keep her from me.”  
The room might have held its breath. I was staring at Helion now. He had failed to mention that particular fact. But it was as clear as day now. My mother’s eyes were wide and she finally looked up at Helion. She had not known it either.   
With a look of absolute disgust, Beron shoved my mother away from him, but she barely missed a step before she was rushing to Helion’s side.   
Helion wrapped an arm around her, but his eyes never left Beron’s.   
“You have committed acts worthy of death,” Helion growled. “What do you say, my son? How shall we address this?”  
He finally looked at me, and I swore that my heart might burst in my chest.  
“She has seen enough violence,” I said softly, but I knew everyone could hear me. “But if she wishes for his head on a platter, we will surely gift it to her.”  
Helion grinned as he looked back at Beron.   
“Your marriage is forfeit. Your claim to her and her lands, her wealth is forfeit. Your claim to Lucien is forfeit. They are mine by blood and bond.”  
Beron was growing red in the face as he staggered back. A dog with its tail between its legs.  
At once, whispers erupted in the throne room. Beron would now be humiliated. Shamed. He would lose an insurmountable amount of wealth and property without my mother. They whispered if I could claim both Courts, if Helion would wage war against Beron. Some were surprised that someone as timid as Aurelie could have an affair and get away with it for so long. What a fool Beron had been to keep her at his side all these years. But the whispering stopped when Eris finally came to the front. He gave them all a look of utter repulsion before his eyes fell on our mother.   
Something silent passed between them before he looked at me and gave me a nod, bidding me farewell.   
“Be sure to sleep with one eye open,” Helion said, before he reached for my hand.   
Eris was smiling when we winnowed away.  
*  
I knew I needed rest. I knew that Madja would surely kick my ass when we went back home. I knew that Rhys and Feyre were waiting for us in Kallias’ palace. But I couldn’t move. Helion stood there, both hands cupping my mother’s face. Her glamour was gone, her eyes were lined with tears as she looked into his. And he… Helion looked at her the way Rhysand looked at Feyre.   
“I’m sorry,” I heard her whisper. Helion shook his head.   
“I should have told you… I should have killed him.”  
Her nervous laugh broke my heart. And then she looked at me and she sobbed.   
“Lucie…”  
“Mother.”  
When I held her in my arms, she began to weep.   
“I’m so sorry,” she said.   
“This was not your fault. None of it ever was,” I replied. I looked at Helion, and perhaps, my words were for him as much as they were for her. “I don’t blame you for any of it.”  
If tears lined his eyes, I was not sure. Not when it began to snow and he begged us to go inside as he was only wearing sandals and his legs were too lovely to get frostbitten. My mother laughed, a true laugh, and let him take her by the hand and lead her away.   
Our arrival was met with hugs and an assault of kisses from Rhysand, who only made my mother giggle. There were many tears. Far too many tears. But for once, they were of joy.   
“I’ve never forgotten what you did for my son,” my mother said to Feyre who couldn’t seem to leave her side. They sat beside the fireplace, hand in hand. Rhys sat on the armrest beside them, listening as he drank from his glass. Feyre insisted on looking at my mother’s arm, but there was no evidence of that old hurt.   
“We are fire made flesh,” she said to Feyre, looking at me with a glimmer in her eye that I’d not seen since I was a child. “It’s alright… He deserved what he got.”  
“So, Helion,” Viviane began, crossing her arms as she unceremoniously sat on Kallias’ lap. “Your mate is the Lady of the Autumn Court.”  
He poured himself a glass of liquor. “Yes.”   
“Your heir is also the paramour of the Lord and Lady of the Night Court.”  
He took a long sip before pouring again. “Yes.”  
“So when Rhysand marries him, Lucien will be High Lord of two courts. Three, if you decide to get rid of that bastard.”  
Helion shrugged.   
“Lucien will have three titles! Three!” she shrieked at Kallias who sighed in a way that reminded me of Azriel. The sigh of the long suffering.   
“Let them have their moment, my love. When it passes, we will discuss the matter then.”  
“That’s what you said on Solstice.”  
Helion put an arm around my shoulder, leading me away from the others. Now in white furs and actual boots for once, Helion looked as though he would survive the winter.   
“You and your mother are free to do as you will,” he said softly. I knew none of the others could hear. Not even Rhys who was now charming my mother. “All that I said to Beron… It was all for show.”  
I looked at him in disbelief. There had been truth to his words… But very much like Rhys, that choice was ours to make.   
“What if that was what we wanted?”  
He seemed surprised by that.   
I looked outside, watching the snow fall, the fae playing in it. The ice of the windowsill was a welcome relief, and I was surprised it didn’t melt beneath my touch.   
“I’d always dreamed of this. That her mate would find her and take us away. Like-”  
A small ray of light in all the darkness.  
“I dreamed of you,” I said out loud and felt my face go warm.   
Helion set his glass down on the windowsill and rubbed the back of his neck.   
“I was Under the Mountain… All those years. Knowing what she was to me, and ignoring it. She didn’t know, Lucien. What we were to one another. I had felt it right to spare her from what you and your mate have had to endure.  
“Her sons were all she lived for… Until they grew up to become worse versions of their father. And then you came along… I had never even thought that far. I had only wanted her to be happy. And we were so young. What the hell did I care for children? Except that when you were born and that news spread across Prythian I knew that I’d been lying to myself. It was deeper than the sting of her refusal to leave him. It was like an emptiness I could never quite fill.”  
He sighed.   
“You’re not a child, Lucien. I can’t raise you,” he said with a chuckle. “But the Day Court is yours, as much as it is mine. And I would like it very much if you went to experience it as my son. Nothing will be denied to you… Although I would prefer it if you kept Rhys away from the throne room. He might just charm the mirrors off the walls.”  
We both looked at him as he spoke with my mother and laughed.   
“I would love to go… But after my mother accepts the mating bond. Much, much after.”  
Helion’s laughter brought all eyes on us, and by the look on my mother’s face, I realized that though many things were broken and unsaid, there was a chance for things to change. A chance for us to have the life we had only dreamed of and never thought possible.


	27. 27

-Rhys-

Elain was fidgeting where she stood, declining the champagne a server had offered. Feyre was standing with her sister, whispering something I could barely hear above the music. Elain had chosen a gown of midnight blue, silver beading making it appear as if the sky had been cut to clothe her. Feyre was in black, matching me. The dress was relatively modest, until she turned around, and her back was completely bare. I grinned.   
That tattoo was brought up at the dinner we’d thrown after Lucien and Elain had recovered, my Feyre darling wearing a dress. And then Cassian had teased Az into taking off his shirt to show us all, but before he could protest, Elain was already nodding. I was not sure what surprised me more- that Elain quietly asked if she could see or that my brother had actually stood up at the dinner table and took off his shirt as if no one else was in the room.   
“They’re still not here,” Lucien muttered beside me. He smoothed down his black tunic for the millionth time tonight. Helion and Aurelie would be coming to celebrate Starfall with us before they took Lucien home with them… To the Day Court.   
“They’ll be here,” I assured him, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. I would not let anything, not even the anxiety over saying goodbye to him, get in the way of tonight.   
I heard Cassian before I saw him, the crowd letting him pass as he whistled at Elain and Feyre. Feyre flipped him off and he went over to lift her up and spin her around. Her laughter made me smile. I noticed Elain blushing- Azriel had arrived. But he was not wearing black. Or blue. But a very, very light pink shirt. Rolled at the sleeves and unbuttoned, revealing a white shirt beneath that allowed the tattoos on his chest to peek through.  
Cas came and threw an arm around my shoulder.   
“The night’s already interesting, and no one’s even drunk yet,” he teased. I rolled my eyes which only made him laugh.   
Feyre walked right to Azriel and was touching his shirt and whatever she was saying had my brother blushing. She took his hand and walked him right over to Elain. Once they had said their hellos, Feyre waltzed over to us.   
“I wish Mor was here to see that,” she said with a sigh and tugged on Cassian.   
He grinned. “High Lord,” he said to me and then looked at Lucien. “Fox.”  
As the fox and I watched Feyre dance with Cassian, I noticed Azriel and Elain walking side by side, away from the crowd. I smiled, leading Lucien right into it.  
“So this is Starfall?” Lucien asked as we danced.   
I kissed him. “Part of it.”  
Lucien chuckled. “More surprises?”  
“Did you not like your surprise?”  
Lucien made a show of needing to think about it before he laughed. His kiss made me stop dancing.   
“I loved it.” He pulled his collar a bit down to show the delicate gold necklace I’d given him after breakfast. It boasted an amethyst, cut to look like the sun. And mine, it had the moon. His eyes had lit up when he realized that the sun fit right into the crescent moon. And Feyre, she had excitedly asked me to help her put the bracelet that had the amethyst in a pattern, connected by little gold links.   
“I wish I’d known we exchanged gifts tonight,” he whispered.   
“We don’t. Generally. But I do.”  
He chuckled. “I suppose I’ll just have to find something special in the Day Court…”  
I smiled, even if I felt my heart sink.   
Lucien and I were sharing a drink when Helion and Aurelie arrived, the pair resplendent in white and gold. And with them… my cousin. When we had returned from Winter, Mor had been waiting for us. She had eyed Helion and Aurelie, and then took a very long, very uncomfortable look at Lucien before she turned around and walked away without a word. She had avoided Lucien ever since… But now she was walking right towards us.  
“Cousin,” she said with a smile. “I need your lover.”  
Completely taken by surprise, I watched as she took Lucien by the hand and led him away. I finished my glass and set it aside.   
“Welcome,” I said with a grin.  
“Forgive us our tardiness,” Aurelie said. “Lucien mentioned that Morrigan had been avoiding him since the last time we’d been here…” She looked up at Helion with a smirk. “Our son was utterly confused.”  
I tried very, very hard not to smile.   
“So we paid your cousin a visit… Lucky, that Helion should know where she lived.”  
“My love, I’ve apologized a hundred times…”  
Aurelie giggled and pinched his side.   
“All too easy,” she said with a sigh and leaned into Helion who seemed relieved as he wrapped an arm around her.   
“I’m glad you could make it,” I said, hoping to change the subject. At least for Helion’s sake.   
“Velaris is beautiful,” Aurelie said. “Lucien had tried to describe it in his letters but no words could do it justice.”  
“It’s all the more beautiful with you here.” I smiled and gave Helion a wink. “And you, Helion.”  
“Such a romantic,” he said with a roll of his eyes.   
Lucien pulled me away when he returned, Mor stealing Cassian away from Feyre. Feyre graciously sparked conversation with Helion and Aurelie.   
“What is it?” I asked as he brought us into the hallway where no one could hear or see us.   
Lucien opened his mouth and then closed it. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.   
“The nerve of him…”  
When he opened his eyes, they widened.  
“Did you know?”  
I placed my hands on his shoulders and let out a sigh.   
“I have been trying desperately to erase the memory.”   
“And Feyre?”  
“She knew who he was before they- Yes, she knew.”  
He grimaced.   
“We’ve made half the house uncomfortable before,” I said playfully.   
“But it’s not the same.”  
“Elain is only two doors down.”  
He sighed, trying not to smile and failing terribly.   
“You’re right.”  
“I always am.”  
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t let it get to your head.”  
The fox kissed me, the kind of kiss that we tried to reserve for when we were alone. When there would be little chance of anyone interrupting. And then his lips were on my neck and I cursed under my breath. He chuckled, grazing my skin with his teeth. And just like that, the bastard walked away with his hands in his pockets, a stupid grin on his face. I couldn’t help but smile.   
Lucien was dancing with his mother by the time I composed myself. He shot me a sly grin. He’d pay for that later.   
Feyre was standing against the wall, watching me. I approached her.   
“How is someone as beautiful as you standing here all alone?”  
She giggled, bringing her hands behind her back.  
“I’ve been waiting for someone.”  
“Such audacity to leave you waiting.”  
“I’m quite certain they’ll make it up to me.”  
I brought my hands to her waist.   
“I’m quite certain they will.”  
She brought her hands to my chest and got on her tip toes to kiss me. There was no urgency in it. No greed. But it still made my heart race. She wound her fingers in my hair, tugging slightly before we parted.   
“Shall we?” she asked, holding out her hand.  
We danced for a time, until we merely swayed from side to side. I knew I could remain just like this for the rest of the night. So as long as she was with me, I didn’t care what we did. Feyre was my peace, my world. She was home.   
“What is it?” Feyre asked softly.   
“Hm?” Our eyes met.   
“A thought for a thought?”  
That made me chuckle.   
“I love that we get to share this night with Lucien,” she said quietly.  
“As do I.”  
She sighed. “Az thought Elain would be wearing pink tonight because we had dropped one of the shopping bags and he’d helped bring them inside. The pink tulle was hanging out from one of the boxes that went into her room.”  
“I’m glad for the mistake. He looks damn good in pink.”  
Feyre giggled. “He really does.”  
I kissed the top of her hair.   
“Nothing is wrong… I am simply grateful that you are here with me.”  
“Of course. Why would I be anywhere else?”  
It felt like a knife to the heart. Like a festering wound that would not fully heal. My eyes stung, I felt my chest tighten. Like if cold, white hands had me by the neck.  
“I’m trying… It doesn’t go away. I can’t make it go away.”  
We stopped swaying. Feyre’s brows furrowed as she brought a hand to my cheek.   
“No matter how long it takes, Rhys, I will always be here with you.”  
She brushed my cheek with her thumb before she took my hands in hers.   
“I would go Under the Mountain for you, Rhys. I will always be here to pull you out of the darkness, to walk with you when it cannot be escaped.”  
I might have sobbed. I am not sure; the music was far too loud. But I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her scent. Feeling her gentle caress against my mental shields, down our bond as unbidden tears fell from my eyes. If anyone noticed, if anyone heard, I did not care. Not when Feyre was with me.   
“I love you,” I whispered.   
As we kissed, we heard everyone making their way outside. I would have remained that way until I heard the fox calling our names. He looked utterly confused as he approached us.   
“Is the party over?”  
I chuckled, wiping the tears away from my eyes. Lucien was going to ask me about it but Feyre took his hand.   
“We can talk later. It’s time.”  
“Time for what?”  
I grinned. “The actual celebration.”  
Helion was leading Aurelie outside in another direction than everyone else. I decided to lead them both quickly upstairs to one of the balconies where we could be alone. Except… I could see Azriel a few windows over, standing out on a balcony behind Elain, one arm around her and the other pointing to the sky. She was looking up, smiling.   
Feyre squealed with delight before pulling us both towards her. As we three settled in each other’s arms, the first flash of light flew overhead.   
“What was that?” Lucien asked softly before the sky came alive as the spirits flew above us. I stole a glance at Azriel and Elain was almost in tears, a bright smile on her face.   
“That is where this night gets its name,” I said to Lucien.   
“Are they truly stars?” There was a look of complete astonishment on his face.   
I did not get a chance to respond as Feyre yelped. When she turned, Lucien laughed at the sight of her face. But then he was hit, making Feyre practically cackle at his expense. She pulled him in for a kiss and then smeared the splattered star across his face. She was giggling as he did the same to her.   
“They are actually-” My words were cut short. Again. With a resigned sigh, I used both hands to wipe my face, but I knew it would do no good. They laughed as I wiped it on my shirt, making it worse. They laughed until the spirits continued to fly over, making us look up.   
Something warm and familiar blossomed in my chest as I wrapped an arm around each of them. I had felt this way the very first Starfall I shared with Feyre. We had laughed, just like this, that night. No mask. No bullshit. And now, we shared this with Lucien. And I would not have had it any other way.   
The fox turned around, grabbing me by the collar to kiss me. When he pulled away to breathe, Feyre did the same until Lucien pulled her away to take her in his arms. The sight of them was enough to set my blood aflame. When Lucien’s eyes fell on me, I smiled. He leaned forward to whisper something to Feyre and she nodded, turning to face me. I raised a brow, but said nothing as they both came to take me by the hand and led me away.   
*  
I woke up hours before dawn, Lucien and Feyre still asleep. I pried myself out of Lucien’s hold and that only made him roll over and reach out for Feyre. I smiled, getting out of bed. I got dressed and quietly left the room. I walked aimlessly. Lucien had been so concerned for me that I tried to explain what this night meant, in every good way. And in the ways I was trying so hard to forget. Except, that the words wouldn’t come out. But he’d understood enough. He and Feyre had tasked themselves with giving me another memory for Starfall, a good one. I smiled as I walked up the stairs to the patio. It was a damn good one.   
I found Helion there, still in his night clothes… which wasn’t much. But I was in nothing but pants. I couldn’t complain. I meant to turn around, to leave him be, but he spoke.   
“Can’t sleep?” he asked, not looking away from the view of the city.   
I crossed my arms, walking towards him. “No.”  
He sighed. “I can’t either.”  
I felt a tightness in my chest, so I breathed in and let it out slowly.   
“I am not ready for today,” I admitted.   
“Neither am I.”  
I raised a brow. Helion pressed his hands over his heart, as if to ease some of his anxiety.   
“Having Elli home again… It’s like she never left. Like I never let her go… But Lucien. My son. My family… What if I’m just another disappointment to him?”  
He scrubbed at his face. He reminded me so much of Lucien when he ran his fingers through his hair, a look of absolute devastation on his face, that it made my heart sink just a little more.   
“I’m his father… Gods… What can I do to prove that I’m worthy of him, of his mother? I walked away. I knew what he did to her, but I did nothing.”   
I leaned against the rail.  
“Every morning I wake up to see him asleep in my bed, and that smile that he gives me when he wakes up… I can’t believe that someone like him would want anything to do with me. I sometimes think I’ll wake up alone, that Feyre had never-” I paused and shook my head. “I don’t feel like I deserve them… You were there, Helion, Under the Mountain. You saw what I was, what I am.”  
I sighed. “What I mean is… Give yourself a chance. I know that he’ll understand.”  
Helion placed a hand on my shoulder.   
“Even if he weren’t my son… I’m glad that his heart is in good hands.”  
*  
The moment I’d been dreading all morning had finally arrived. Lucien had said goodbye to everyone, leaving the two of us for last. When Feyre finally let Lucien go, the fox needed a moment to compose himself. He was flustered, and for a moment, I was able to forget that he was leaving.   
“High Lord,” he said with a grin.   
“Fox.”   
I was going to miss seeing how he blushed. At how easy it was to incite his anger and-  
“It’s only till the Summer Solstice. Then I’ll be home.”   
Home. My heart might have stopped for a moment.   
“I know,” I said quietly. I knew my voice would break.   
We closed the space between us, wrapping our arms around each other. I knew that we could visit. I knew that Helion would allow us to stay in his palace. I knew that if I showed any reservation at his departure, he would stay. But Lucien needed this, his parents needed this. I could not take that from them. But it still stung, my heart still sank in my chest.   
Lucien pulled away enough to kiss me. Slowly, as if his mother and father were not standing mere feet away from us, waiting. As if no one else was there. When we stopped to breathe, he took my hands in his and looked up at me with what I could only describe as apprehension. But it was gone as quickly as I’d seen it.   
“Rhys, I…” There was a tenderness in his voice that I couldn’t quite place.   
“Yes, fox?” I asked, suddenly expectant. Hopeful, for what, I was not sure.   
But he hesitated, a blush creeping up on his skin. He looked over at his parents, giving them a nod. He looked back at Feyre and I with a crooked grin.   
“I’ll see you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing this, I didn't really think distance and all that through. I wanted to tackle so many things at once lol idk who I thought I was last summer ( seriously can't believe how long ago I wrote all this) but anyway... I really enjoyed it even if it went everywhere.


	28. 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of all the character focused chapters, this one is my favorite Lucien one. Obviously everyone outside of Helion and Lucien are made up and we have zero idea what the Day Court looks like or what his mother's name is but i'm quite content with this. I'll do my best to post the others sooner than later so AO3 is caught up with tumblr. <3

-Lucien-

I had been to the Day Court countless times since I’d become emissary for Tamlin. I had seen most of its palace. The gardens. Its people. I had visited the villages in the mountains, I’d gone hunting with the riders in the plains. But I had never walked through its streets as its people gathered to welcome me to their home with song and music, children laughing and playing, trying to get a look at ‘our High Lord’s son’ as others threw rose petals from their balconies.  
Half way through the city I saw Padmini standing with a garland of flowers in her hand, her attendants behind her. She smiled at me the way she smiled at Helion. At my mother.   
“Welcome home, Lucien,” she said as she placed the garland around my neck. She greeted Helion and my mother with eager hugs before she led us to the palace. The singing, the cheering- it didn’t stop the entire way.   
At the palace, before the open doors, stood two High Fae. Females. Their skin as deep and rich as Helion’s. They were smiling just as brightly, if not brighter, at my arrival. The younger one resembled Helion, even her eyes. Beneath her yellow veil, her long black hair flowed over her shoulder. The older one, as small as Madja but standing as proud as any High Lord held a silver plate in her hands. Her ebony veil was pinned to the low bun at the nape of her neck. Her hair was grey. Something about that made my heart swell with joy.   
Both females met us at the foot of the stairs. Padmini got down on one knee, bringing her hands to the older female’s feet before gently touching her forehead. When she stood, Helion and my mother did the same.   
I froze, unsure of how to greet them. I had never seen them before, but Helion had bowed for her. She had to be-  
“Lucien, this is my mother, Shreya,” Helion said as he threw an arm around my shoulder. Then he gave a sigh and waved his hand at the younger female. “My sister, Parineeti.”  
Parineeti glared at him before she looked at me and smiled.   
“Welcome home,” Shreya said, and as I went to kneel before her, she gently placed a hand on my shoulder. She gave me a smile as she bade me stand. I noticed the plate held a small flame, flowers and incense. There were tears in her eyes as she circled the plate before me. A blessing, I realized.   
Soon enough, we were inside the palace where more fae waited… Waited to actually see me. Saying my name and throwing flower petals. Smiling. Singing. All the way until we made it to the throne room- perhaps one of the most beautiful in all of Prythian.   
Helion led both my mother and I towards the dais where his golden throne waited. And at either side, its mirror image. In height. In the sunburst at the very top as if to say ‘this is where the sun rises, where it sets’. And with the way the sun shone into the room, the way it bounced off its mirrors, I could believe it. Shreya and Parineeti went to sit some feet away from the dais on a cushioned seat where a little gold table stood, covered in trays of drinks and food. I had a feeling that was where Feyre would enjoy being when I brought her here.  
“For my son,” Helion said loud enough for all to hear. He guided me towards the seat which put me at his right hand. My mother was beaming when she sat down to his left, confident. Happy. At home amongst them all. The throne was cool when I sat down, but it was comfortable. This place needed no magic to fight against nature. Helion welcomed the sun, welcomed the light and in return, the Day Court had no need for the glamours and the falsehoods that I’d come to know in Autumn.   
Music started up in the throne room, some fae danced as others began to file in line… bearing gifts.   
“I’d wanted to wait… To give you time to adjust, but mother would not hear it,” he said as he leaned over to me.   
“They hardly know me… Is this…” I had no word to explain. What had I done to deserve any of this? For a moment, looking at him was like looking in the mirror. What reason would Helion have to feel doubts?  
“They remember you, the emissary who treated them like his equal. And for that kind, considerate male to be my son… Well, their joy is tenfold.”  
I sighed. “I’m not used to this. Any of this.”  
“They are welcoming you home… Think of it as a very overdue birthday.”  
That made me laugh, and it seemed Helion needed that as much as I did. He relaxed a bit more in his seat and called the first guest forward.  
I was given more garlands of flowers. Bundles of silks, jewels. A child had brought me ‘the prettiest flower’ they could find, and I had it pinned to my tunic which made the little thing beam with joy. Some offered songs, music, poetry. Others, sweets and fruits. On and on this went until the room became a melody of song and dance. My mother pulled Helion off his throne to join them all. She belonged here. I saw it in how she smiled. She knew their songs, their dances.   
“Come along, nephew. You grew up without our customs, but now you have no excuse not to learn them.” Parineeti held her hand out to me.   
“You’re not going to make me sing, are you?”  
She laughed. “Gods, no. But mother might.”  
I looked over to where Shreya sat, clapping her hands. Parineeti laughed again.   
“I’m teasing. Come dance with us.”  
By the night’s end, I was grateful that my mother led me to the room prepared for me. I had been hugged and kissed within an inch of my life and Helion had teased his mother for it, earning a swat to the back of his head with her delicate sandal.   
“I’m certain you must be tired,” she said softly.   
“A little.”   
She smiled. “Mother wakes before the sun to walk to the temple for prayers. Sometimes I go with her, but today was a very long day. You, darling, can sleep to your heart’s content.”  
“Is it always so… lively?”  
She giggled as she reached for the door.   
“Most of the time. Helion likes to go out to his lands to take care of their petitions. Whenever he comes back, it’s always cause for celebration.” Whenever he comes back… He had left the Day Court once, and never returned. Fifty years, it had taken fifty years for us to be free.   
“And what do you do when he’s gone?”   
She giggled as she opened the door. I gasped at what I saw. It was so large, the townhouse could fit inside and still have room for more. The bed would fit Azriel and Feyre with their wings completely stretched out. And the windows- stained glass. Everything was rich in color, colors I had no name for.   
“Padmini and I take care of the finances of the palace as well as the whole of the Court itself. He likes it when I write the official letters he sends out from time to time. But I think it’s because he’s lazy.”  
I chuckled. I thought of Rhysand, watching me work with that stupid grin on his face. And Feyre, she would love the stained-glass windows. I could see her sitting on the floor, sketching while Rhys and I lazed about.   
“I also like to go swimming, which I hope to do with you soon. You’ll love the water gardens.”  
I could only nod as she led me to the closet. It was bigger than our bedroom. I smiled, Rhys would die happy in here, even if the clothing was anything but black.   
“I didn’t know you swam, mother.”  
She giggled. “I learned the first time I came here. But that was ages ago.”  
With a wave, I knew that subject was done for the night.   
“I haven’t seen the water gardens,” I admitted. Court matters had restricted me to the throne room of the palace, or the villa near the mountains. The villa was to him what the townhouse was for Rhysand. Except, Helion truly enjoyed his palace home.   
“If you see something you don’t like, let us know. I’ll have it replaced. You have to go see the clothiers. Between you and I,” she said, lowering her voice. “I go sit and watch them sew sometimes. I’ve been learning a few things here and there. I’m working on a little surprise for your father.”  
Her face turned red but I just smiled. She led me back out to the bedroom, telling me of a morning when Helion had been so hung over that she’d held court in his stead.   
“The poor bastard waltzed into the room to find I’d already handled everything on my own.”   
The pride on her face, the ease in which she spoke her mind… It tugged on my heart. I took her by the hand, perhaps too suddenly as she looked up at me with concern.   
“I know today was a bit… overwhelming.” She brought her free hand to my face and passed her thumb over my scars. The first time she’d seen me after… I’ll never forget how much she cried.  
“It’s not that…”   
“Rhysand and Feyre are more than welcome to come stay here. You know that.”  
I chuckled. “I know. It’s not that. I- You’re happy, mother. I’ve never seen you this happy.”  
She sighed and led me to the bed where we sat down. She held my hand in hers, and I noticed all the rings on her fingers. The many bangles she wore. Helion showered her with material wealth as well as affection. Dinner had been… interesting, to say the least.   
“I know that I was not… I was never the mother that you needed. I was weak… and afraid.”  
“I don’t blame you. Not for anything.”  
She shook her head. “Every year I told myself I’d reach out to Helion, to tell him about you. To help us get out. And every year, I didn’t. And you grew up right before my eyes.”  
“Mother…”  
“I didn’t protect you when I should have, Lucien.”  
I would have protested but I simply remained silent. She rested her head against my shoulder.   
“Being with Helion, having his child… that had been my dream. From the moment I met him, I knew that I’d risk everything for that dream… But it was not enough. Never enough to keep you safe.”  
“But you have that now. I’m here.”  
“I know.”  
A knock came to the door and soon enough, Helion was peering through.   
“There you are. I was beginning to think my mother had stolen you off to pray.”  
My mother laughed as she sat up straight.   
“Your mother’s prayers are what keep you alive, you brute.”  
He stepped into the room, laughing.   
“Hm… I beg to differ.”  
I grimaced, remembering what I’d overheard at dinner.   
“No talk about begging.”   
My mother flushed crimson as she rose to her feet. I did the same.   
“I think you have traumatized him enough for one night, my love,” my mother said as she took his hand. She kissed his cheek and then came to me and did the same. “Sleep well, my little fox.”  
Now I was blushing.   
“Goodnight, Lucien,” Helion said as he reached for her hand.   
“Good night.”   
*  
I woke up before sunrise. I had hardly slept, but I knew that I would not sleep anymore. Once I was dressed and my hair was braided, I stepped out of my room. The hallway was lit with fae light. As I roamed the halls, I noticed not one corner of the palace was in darkness. Strange, but I supposed that I’d been at the Night Court long enough to find comfort in darkness. I expected to find it everywhere. That at any moment, Rhys would step out of a shadow and come to annoy my soul.   
I sighed, my eyes on a tapestry but not actually seeing it. What I had nearly said to Rhys… I could not have left him with that weight on his shoulders. I wasn’t sure how I’d manage without them until the Summer Solstice, but I knew this was where I needed to be.   
I continued my aimless wandering until I heard the sound of someone screaming. I ran in that direction, ready for whatever I’d find. But I was not prepared for what I heard.   
I stood before a set of double doors and on the other side, I heard my mother. I heard weeping.   
“You’re safe, my love,” I heard my mother say. “The sun will be up soon, you’ll watch it with me, yes?”   
Helion said something I couldn’t understand.   
“There is no more darkness, Helion. We made it out.”  
I felt my chest grow heavy and I stumbled back. It made sense now… The candles. The fae lights. And yet, he had stood with me in darkness to fetch my mother. I ran the other way. I had no idea where I was until I skidded to a halt. I found myself face to face with Shreya. She eyed me from where she stood, holding her little silver tray in her hands.  
“Walk with me.”  
So I did. She led me through another hallway until we were going down the stairs and out another corridor that brought us outside. Even out here, fae light floated over us wherever a candle could not be lit.   
“My son has wounds that I cannot see. That I cannot heal.”  
The path we walked was not paved, but it was worn from constant use.   
“When we returned from the continent, your father put on such a display, I was foolish enough to believe he had left that hell unscathed. So that night, I made the mistake of ordering the candles to be put out that I might sleep. Helion had already gone to bed, what need had we for light?” She sighed. “How he knew the lights were gone, I will never know. But it was a mistake I will never make again. I could not survive seeing him suffer in that manner. Not again.”  
“I understand,” I said quietly. Rhysand had not been able to say it out loud, but I knew.   
“I know,” she said sadly. “I know.”   
We made it to the temple right before the sun began to rise. When she removed her slippers, I removed my shoes. She seemed pleased by that. I offered to light the candles. That made her smile.   
“It is fitting that my grandson has fire in his veins when the sun itself is all but flames. And it is that fire that lights our way in the shadows. But make no mistake, darkness is just as essential as the light. We cannot have one without the other.”  
She gave me a knowing smile, and I was reminded of Elain.   
“While I enjoy your company, I will be here a while. You may return to the palace, the cooks are no doubt preparing the morning meal and you need to eat.” She poked my side. And though it made me smile, I felt an ache in my chest. I couldn’t imagine walking back without her.   
“I believe I’d like to stay, if that’s alright.”  
Now she was on the verge of tears.   
“Come, let me show you how we worship the gods here…”


	29. 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I was trying to tie loose ends (imo) from ACOWAR and ACOFAS. Did I get in over my head? Maybe. but I love feyre and cas as a BroTP and feyre and Elain bonding. they deserve it

-Feyre-

Azriel, Cassian and Rhys stood over a table, looking at a map. Cassian, of the three, seemed the most upset. But I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. Rhys and Az had failed to mention the problems arising in the Illyrian camps. I understood why they’d done it. Especially since they were mere rumors, mostly, but rumors had caused my family so much pain…   
I cleared my throat as I stepped into the room. The three of them looked up, immediately their features softened. It made me blush.   
“We got a letter.” I held up the envelope in my hand. Rhysand’s eyes widened before he broke into a grin. Azriel offered me a small smile before he pulled Cas away.   
“Let’s go see what the fox had sent to our doors,” he said and Cas was all too glad to go.   
I went right up to Rhys and sat down on his lap. I was as giddy as a child on Solstice, carefully opening the envelope. It had gold wax with the Day Court seal.   
“He’s learning,” Rhys said with a smile. Lucien had been using his emissary’s seal- a dark green wax stamped with his initials.   
Rhys and Feyre, I miss you both terribly.   
I know that it has only been three weeks, but it feels like an eternity.   
Feyre- I’ve been wearing the nightclothes you sent every night since. Beware, Helion wants the same pair but in white. Everyone has sung praises of your art, love. Helion has had your painting of his palace hung up in his office.   
Grandmother reminds me of Amren, I suppose, for her appreciation of fine jewelry. You did very well, Rhysand. My aunt is just dying to meet you both. She reminds me of Morrigan, which is a welcoming comfort- seeing her in Night Court fashion was… well, let us say that she made quite the impression on some lords last night. I hear talk of marriage proposals. She would eviscerate them all.   
Rhys, you absolute prick- my grandmother was there when I received your gifts. Thank the gods that the others were so enthralled with theirs they did not ask what else was in the box. And I am sure you are laughing as you read this. Tell Feyre to kick your ass for me. I’d winnow over to do it myself but then I know I’d never leave.   
I’ve held court with Helion a few times now. It reminds me of home in a way. He treats everyone as if they were his family. Everyone says we look alike, especially now that I dress the way he does- sometimes. It is strange, but perhaps the closest thing to comfort than being completely bare. And do not ask me to wear it at home. I won’t have Rhys pouncing on me every second, although Feyre- you are no better. Gods, I miss you both.   
We’ve gone hiking together, even my mother joined us. I’ve never seen her in pants before. Do not be surprised if she asks to go on a “hunt” with you, Feyre. She’s taken up archery. I don’t know where she finds the time. When you’re here, we’ll go together- to the mountains. There are things I can’t even begin to describe without butchering them. I am fairly certain Feyre, my love, that you will find countless things to sketch and paint here. If Helion asks for a portrait, please deny him. He is as preposterous as Rhys.   
But I miss you. I still find it hard to sleep alone without you both. However, I will not have either of you sad nor considering leaving behind your duties. The formal court nonsense will be in Azriel’s hands shortly, news of the Mortal Lands- which is nothing new. Jurian is cross with me, but that is not important. Vassa is happy for me -us- surprised, but happy.   
Helion and I are going to the villa in a few days. It will be raining in the mountains and he plans on witnessing it firsthand. My mother is excited. She believes he and I will get a chance to get to know one another better.   
There will be guards there. Some wild beast he apparently raised since birth. We’ll be safe. I will not be able to write until I return. The rains will make the way dangerous. Please try to write before I go.   
I miss you.   
Lucien  
I read it again, practically hearing his voice as I did. I knew when he was laughing. When he was rolling his eyes. And the paper, it smelled like him, a detail that Rhys did not miss. He smiled, taking the letter from me and reading it quietly to himself once more.   
“I never thought I’d miss that bastard as much as I do,” Rhys said as he folded the letter and neatly returned it to the envelope. We’d add it to the other two letters we kept at home.   
I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck.   
“I never thought that I would see you missing him as much as you do. I’m usually the one pining over him.”  
“I do not pine.”  
“You wrote him a poem, Rhysand.”  
He feigned insult. “What of it? He liked it.”  
“I know. It’s utterly romantic.”  
Rhys sighed, leaning into me.   
“Can we just go? Right now?”  
“Did you finish whatever it was you three were discussing?”  
He groaned. “No.”  
“Then no, we can’t. Lucien would feel horrible about it. Besides, I promised Elain I’d help her with the garden at the townhouse.”  
“You? Gardening?”  
It was my turn to be insulted.   
“I can garden!”  
“My love, you let the flowers wilt. Lucien sent us beautiful flowers and they died under your care.”  
“I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to water them every day.”  
“He put it in a note.”  
“That I found after they died… at least you revived them. If you told him, Rhys, I swear I won’t kiss you for a week.”  
“A week?”  
Cassian and Az walked into the room just as Rhys had begun to pepper kisses across my neck. They were going to leave but I stopped them.   
“I was just going.”  
Rhys was whining as I left his side. I ignored him, going to greet my two favorite Illyrians before leaving.   
“He’ll be useless now,” Az teased, giving me a hug.   
“With enough talk about the camps, he’ll simmer down,” Cas added before he pressed a kiss to my cheek.   
“You both can fuck off,” Rhys said, slouching in his chair.   
“Little Rhysie misses his foxy boy,” Cas said in a terribly teasing tone, and I saw Rhys cross his arms. That was my cue to leave.   
I had just closed the door when I heard Cassian groan, cursing Rhys and his ‘stupid high lord powers’.  
*  
It was surprising to see Elain in a dress as thin and revealing as the one she wore now. It was blush pink, the sleeves shorter than anything she’d ever worn before. The fabric was long enough to hide the fact that she was bare foot, but it was so thin that her curves were visible. And the neckline… Mor would steal it from her.   
“It’s so hot today,” she said as I approached, wiping a hand across her brow. I sat beside her and noticed how she tried to pull the dress up a bit more.   
I was dressed in the usual Night Court fashion, except my top had no sleeves. She eyed my outfit with a bit of… regret?  
“Mor loaned me this. All of my gowns are too… They’re meant for colder weather.”  
I giggled, that explained it. “It looks lovely on you.”  
She blushed. “It’s so comfortable. But this neckline…”  
“Is just fine.”   
She gave me a grateful smile and in a very conspiratorial voice she said, “I might keep it.”  
“You should.”  
We shared a laugh, Elain pulling me towards her. Beneath the shade of the tree she and I lay back onto the grass.   
“You aren’t offended that I didn’t really mean for you to help with the garden?”  
“Not at all. I’d just ruin all the work you and Az have done.”  
She let out a sigh.   
“May I ask you something personal?”  
“Sure.”  
“After… Tamlin, how did you know you were ready to move on?”  
She said his name carefully, as if it were a curse she was afraid to speak. But it didn’t make me feel anything. No knife to the heart. Only a curiosity as to why my sister was asking.   
“I felt guilty at first. As if by flirting with Rhys I was betraying what we’d had. Except that it was Tamlin who betrayed that. And Rhys… he was always too good to me. Even when I was horrible. I hurt him so many times in the beginning… But he never let that stop him from being my friend.”  
Elain considered my words for a time.   
“When did you know that you cared for him?”  
“I think Under the Mountain. I didn’t want to believe it. But I cared for this stranger who told me secrets and helped me when no one else did.”  
“I mean, when you realized it was more?”  
I sat up then, bringing my knees to my chest. Elain followed suit, and began to twirl blades of grass between her fingers.   
“Starfall. The first time we spent it together. I knew I had been attracted to him. I knew that I wanted him… you know.”  
Elain blushed but nodded.   
“I had my doubts… But Rhys loved me, even as broken as I was… Still am. How could I not fall in love with him? Even if he had not been my mate, Rhys is just-” I found myself blushing.   
Thinking about me, darling?  
Fuck off.  
His laughter made me smile.   
“Can I tell you something?”  
“Of course.”  
“You and Nesta, you are my sisters. I’ve come to love Cassian and the twins, even Amren. Even Rhys. But it’s… different with Azriel. He’s the first real friend I’ve ever had. He sees me, Feyre.”  
“I know,” I said softly.   
“Grayson…” She paused. “I was no better than a porcelain doll. Like the ones mother kept in her tea room. I was everything a lady should be. But that person died inside the cauldron. I was someone else when I came out of it. And when Grayson finally saw me without the pretty lady’s mask… He hated me.”   
“That’s how it was with Tamlin.”  
There was a look of relief on her face. Because I understood.   
“Azriel understands me. Even the parts of me I still don’t really understand. But our shadows know each other. And it makes sense.”  
I raised a brow at that.   
“He could probably explain it better… But you know how he can just step out of a shadow?”  
I nodded.   
“Well. It’s happened. Accidently. Except once, that was on purpose but it was only because he was being so stubborn-”  
She stopped, as if remembering herself. I tried not to laugh.   
“He and I have many wounds that need to heal… But sometimes… I catch myself staring too long. Or when he walks me to my room, our hugs are a little too long. And on Starfall… Being so close to him the whole night was better than anything.”  
I reached out to hold her hand.   
“Nothing could make me happier.”  
She lowered her voice. “You don’t think it’s wrong?”  
“No. You deserve happiness. If it’s Azriel that is helping you find it, I know you both are in good hands.”  
She smiled. But then Elain looked up and I turned to find Nuala at the door. She held a stack of envelopes in her hands.   
“My Lady, forgive me for interrupting.”  
“It’s alright,” I said, giving Elain’s hand a squeeze before I stood up.   
Nuala let me take them from her and I felt everything spin.   
“Feyre, what’s wrong?” Elain asked. She had come to stand beside me.   
“Nesta.”  
*  
I sat at my desk, staring at the stack of envelopes in front of me. And at their side, Nesta’s bills, rather- the debt she’d accumulated in my name. I let out a long sigh, reaching for the iced tea that had long since become lukewarm. I drank some of it with a grimace, setting the cup aside. I brought my fingers to my temples and groaned. Why was this happening?   
Every letter Elain had sent Nesta had been unopened and returned. Letters written before Solstice. How could Nesta do this to Elain? Our sister was more herself than ever before, without the mating bond, without Graysen’s shadow lingering over her every thought- Elain was happy.   
And then her bills. The rent on that poor excuse of a home never changed. But what concerned me the most was the final bill for the food delivered to her home every week. Dated from a month ago. I had almost asked what the hell she was eating but then I saw my name on several tabs from restaurants and bars all over Velaris. Some I had never even been to. But now I knew why there had been such discretion in bringing these to me. I would send each of these patrons a gift in thanks, and in apology, in addition to what they were owed.   
Elain was leaning against the wall, drying her eyes with one of Rhysand’s handkerchiefs.   
“What did I do?” Elain asked.   
“You didn’t do anything, Elain. Nesta is… I don’t really know what is wrong with her. She won’t let us in. And this,” I said, motioning to the letters, “This is just cruel.”  
“Do you think I’ve offended her?”  
“Offended who?”  
I tensed as Cassian walked into my room. Elain looked at him and without a word, he quickly went to her side and held her in his arms. He looked at me, wanting answers. I raised a hand, asking for a moment.   
My love, do you know where Az is?  
Why? Feeling lonely? I could hear the smile in his voice.   
I sighed. Elain is very upset and I need to talk to Cassian. Alone.   
Soon enough, I turned in my chair to find the Shadowsinger casually waltzing into the room and Elain did her best to perk up, making Cassian feign insult.   
“I was wondering where everyone was,” Azriel said. Cassian and I noticed the way his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Elain in that dress.   
“How nice of you to join us,” Cas replied.   
Azriel’s hand brushed my shoulder as he went to greet Cassian and Elain.   
“Actually, I’m only here for Elain.”  
She blushed. Cassian looked even more offended, especially when Elain handed him the handkerchief. He tossed it on my desk and I tried not to laugh.   
“The builders at the new house are working on the greenhouse for Lucien’s Day Court flowers and wanted her input on some of the details.”  
She cleared her throat. “Of course.”  
After giving Cassian a hug, she came to me and kissed my cheek.   
“I know you’re behind this,” she whispered, “But thank you.”  
Az gave me a wink before he followed Elain out.   
“So what’s going on?”   
Cassian crossed his arms.   
“Where do I start?”  
He eyed my severely cluttered desk. “Start with the envelopes. What’s all this mess?”  
“Nesta had every letter Elain’s written to her returned. Unopened. Since before Solstice.”  
He said nothing but I saw the look in his eyes. I noticed how his jaw clenched.   
“Elain had hoped they were replies… But once she realized what it was… Well, she’d only just calmed down when you showed up.”  
I reached for the bills.   
“She’s canceled the food deliveries. Putting shit on our tab, in my name. And I can afford it. I don’t mind paying for anything she needs or wants but fuck, Cassian. Why does it have to be like this? We have all tried to give her work. Give her our time and attention… Every time we try to figure a way to be there for her, she shuts us out.”  
Maybe venting to Cassian was unwise, considering what he felt for her. What they’d been through together. But maybe he needed to know this. He got to her in ways none of us ever could.   
“I’m sorry, Cas. I shouldn’t have-”  
“It’s fine, Feyre.”   
He held out a hand and I handed the bills over to him. I watched as he looked through them, but there was no surprise there. If anything, those pages seemed to confirm something he had suspected or already known. He rolled his eyes at one point but continued. I knew he followed her home most nights, making sure she was alright. Cassian asked for a pen and I handed it over. He set them down on the desk and leaned over, placing a small mark near some things. He set the pen aside and looked over what he’d done.   
“I’m going up to the camps.”  
“Is everything okay?”  
He sighed. “Just those fucking rumors. Hoping to squash them before it becomes something bigger.”  
“Should I be worried?”  
“No. We have it under control.”  
I raised a brow.   
“If it becomes something worth worrying over, I will tell you myself.”  
“Okay.” I got to my feet and went to hug him, longer than usual. “I love you, Cas.”  
He kissed the top of my head.   
“If I’m late, save me dessert.”  
I rolled my eyes as he kissed my nose. When he was out the door, I went to put the bills away. Curiosity got the best of me, so I looked at what Cassian had marked. It took me a moment to understand what he had seen so quickly, but when I did, my heart sank.   
Every night that he had been with us, that he had not followed her home, Nesta had gone to the shittiest tavern in Velaris and put nothing but liquor on the tab.   
*  
I found Cassian on the roof, and with a curse, I pulled myself over. He eyed me as I made my way to sit beside him. His wing came to wrap around me, making me sit that much closer.   
“You’re an asshole,” I said.   
“You’re out of shape.”  
I glared at him and he laughed.   
“I saved you dessert.”  
He shrugged. “I just needed air.”  
I took his hand in mine and began to trace over the scars and callouses. He had been quiet- well, quiet for him, during dinner. He hadn’t even teased Azriel for how he tried not looking at Elain when she leaned over to talk to him. He had excused himself before dessert had even been served. And I had specifically asked for those cherry tarts he loved so much and he hadn’t even waited.   
“I have a question,” I said, turning his hand palm up.   
“Are you a witch now?”  
“Shut up.” I smiled, tracing over the lines and noticed more scars, as if he’d held a blade with his bare hands. And knowing him, he probably had.   
“Alright. Ask away.”  
“She’s my sister… But you’re my friend. My family, too.”  
“That’s not exactly a question. I believe it requires a little bit of doubt.”  
I rolled my eyes, making him smirk.   
“I need you to know that you tried more than any of us. More than I did.”  
He tensed. But his voice was soft.   
“You owe her nothing, Feyre. She already knows how I feel about the way she’s treated you.”  
“And what about how she treats you, Cas?”  
“I can handle it.” His voice was a little stronger now, as if nothing else would sway him.   
“You shouldn’t have to handle it. I love her, I want to help her. But dammit, Cas. Nothing about the way she treats you is right.”  
“I don’t deserve more than that.”  
There were a million things I wanted to say. I wanted to shake him. I wanted to scream at him that he did deserve more. That I loved him, that Rhys and Az and Mor loved him. Even Amren, though she’d deny it. Cassian was one of the most selfless people I’d ever known. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to see what we saw when we looked at him. But I knew that words could only do so much, especially if my sister had used her words like a knife.   
“Can I ask you something?”  
“You did.”  
I quickly passed two fingers over the membrane of his wing and he flinched. I couldn’t even describe the sound that he made, but it made me laugh.   
“You can’t do shit like that! Rhys will kill me!”  
“Don’t be a smart ass then.”  
“Ask,” he said, avoiding my eyes. I wouldn’t tell him that I saw him blush.   
“Is it true that you’d have married me if Rhys hadn’t?”  
“Now where did you hear such a thing?” I heard the playful tone in his voice.   
“Oddly enough, from Rhys.”  
Cassian chuckled. “I may or may not have said that, after several drinks.”  
“I may or may not have considered the idea, after several drinks.”  
He looked at me then, surprised. Confused.   
“Remember what you said to me? You and I have the same soul.”  
“I know.”  
I smirked. “So would you tell me that I didn’t deserve better? Even if better did not mean your brother?”  
He smiled because I’d gotten him.   
“You’re a piece of work.”  
“I’m living with a bunch of assholes. It rubs off on you.”  
Cassian started tickling me until I was laughing so hard I was almost crying.   
“What the hell are you two doing up there?”   
Cas and I looked down to see Mor standing with her hands on her hips.   
“Feyre was trying to get in my pants!”   
“Feyre what?”   
Now Rhys was outside and I laughed so hard I nearly slipped from the roof. Cassian gripped me by the waist, keeping me steady.   
“I said Feyre was going to help me pick out a pair of pants.”  
Rhys rolled his eyes and went to sit with Mor on the bench, the two of them chatting as if Cas and I weren’t on the roof, watching them.   
“Bastard,” Cassian muttered.   
“Want to go get dessert?”  
He nodded, but before I could move, he held me there against him.   
“Feyre… I would never tell you that. I would beat Rhys’ ass if he ever talked down to you.”  
“I know.”  
“But… I didn’t try hard enough for her. I should have. And I didn’t.”  
His hazel eyes searched mine and I reached out to touch his face.   
“We’ll figure it out. Together.”


	30. 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this was me wanting to tackle the whole Illyrian war band issue left unaddressed in ACOFAS. And planting the seed in a certain bat's head to an idea that came to fruition much later on. And I realllyyyyyy wanted to have them talk about Rhys's mom and sister. I hate that we never got their names or anything. So their names are also made up. I think I'll post the next one up right after because this was really emotional lol I think my aunt had just passed when I wrote this? or it was a week before? I don't remember. It was a bad year.

-Rhys- 

Cassian’s fist connected with the soldier’s jaw for the second time since I’d arrived. I was irritated. Tired. And the rain wasn’t helping. Cas grabbed him by the collar but I raised my hand.   
“That’s enough. He’s completed the Rite, we could be here all day throwing blows and he’d stay quiet.”  
Cas smirked, letting the soldier fall to the wet ground. Even though I was fairly certain my brother and I looked like wet dogs, the soldier saw only the High Lord of the Night Court and his Lord Commander. And as I looked into those brown eyes, I saw when he realized that one of us was missing. The one who had led us right to him. I can’t say that I smiled, but it was enough to have the soldier getting on his knees.   
“Not the Shadowsinger,” the solder begged. I hated it, the fear on his face. The smell of it. I hated how he clasped his hands together, as if tears and supplication would sway us.   
“Then talk,” Cassian demanded, making the soldier flinch.   
“Some of the lords… They meet at night near the sacred mountain. They’ve led their war-bands to believe you sent us out to die, revenge for… before. I’m sorry, my lord, I don’t know what they mean. But others, they want what Lord Devlon has, what…” He looked at Cassian who gave him a horrific smile before he looked to the ground. “They want to prove that he is not Enalius born-again. They want you three gone, my lord.”  
I regarded the wretch for a moment.   
“When do they meet again?” I asked.   
“Tonight.”  
“There’s a storm coming,” Cassian said, doubting the soldier’s words. But slipping into his mind was easier than pretending this weather did not bother me. He was far too young to know about how my brothers and I had been treated, and what we had done in retribution. But he was telling the truth.  
“You will return to your camp,” I said. “If you tell anyone that we were here, there will be nowhere to hide from the Shadowsinger.”  
He nodded so fast, I was surprised he hadn’t pissed himself.   
“Now.”   
He scrambled to his feet and ran off without another word.   
“Enalius,” Cas muttered under his breath, shaking his head.   
I winnowed us to where Azriel was, the bastard warm and dry inside the tent. Cassian began to strip out of his leathers, Az remaining where he was as he stoked the fire.   
“The storm is going to be ugly up here. For them to meet despite it means these aren’t mere rumors,” Azriel said.   
I nodded my agreement as I began to get out of my leathers and change into something dry. Cas didn’t even bother to put a shirt on once he’d slipped into some pants, sitting down in front of the fire with his hands as close as he could get without getting burned.   
“If we leave at sunset, we can get there before anyone else,” he continued.   
“And here I thought we were going home,” Cas complained.   
“Not today,” I said. I settled onto the cot and turning on my side to look at them. Az had put some distance between himself and the fire.   
“I’ve sent some scouts out there. And we have our soldiers in position should this go awry.”  
“We can handle some war-lords,” Cassian said.   
“I will leave nothing to chance,” Az replied. He ran his fingers through his hair, and that was when I noticed the braided leather cord wrapped around his wrist.   
Elain.   
I’m afraid we’re stranded here, my darling.   
I felt the jolt of surprise through our bond.   
All night?  
I will do my best to be home by the morning.   
It was quiet down the bond for a while. Cassian cooked lunch over the fire. Az communed with his shadows, no doubt telling him things the scouts had yet to find.  
By the cauldron, Rhysand. If you three are not careful, I will go there myself. A pause and then-  
“Az,” I said softly. My brother looked up at me, his shadows seemed to fade around him. “Elain will be here at sunrise if there’s no word from us.”  
Cassian snorted.   
“Feyre, too.”  
Cassian cleared his throat and returned to his cooking.   
Az seemed at a loss for words before he simply nodded. I noticed the tendrils of shadow that crept around his wrist, the way he seemed so lost in thought. But he wasn’t. He and Elain… My brother looked up at me, the shadow I saw now gone. That- that had been hers.   
“Shame the fox isn’t here,” Az said, a look on his face that told me he knew what I’d realized. “It would have been nice to see how he’d fare against the Illyrians.”  
“You say that as if you’re not one of us,” Cas said, earning Azriel’s icy glare.   
I sighed, sitting upright. “I won’t have Lucien subjected to this bullshit. I’m certain neither of you would want our lovely Archeron sisters trudging through the mud and rain to fight against some upstart assholes who should be grateful I’m not my father.”  
Cassian smirked, clearly biting his tongue on whatever he was going to say. Az shrugged.   
“Feyre’s been here. She’s fought at our side. Why should Lucien be any different?”  
I wanted to say something to piss him off, to wipe that stupid look off his face. But Azriel was right.   
“He’d complete the Rite,” I said, more to myself than them. “The bastard has it in him.”  
Cassian suddenly had a very far away look. Even Azriel noticed. Nothing good ever came from that look.  
“What are you thinking?” I asked.   
Cas shrugged and shook his head. “Nothing.”  
*  
The scouts never made it back. Az decided that we would go, even if we found nothing. We would find our soldiers. And the storm would make us invisible. Silent. No one would know we were coming.   
No one took to the skies, not in this weather. The lightening was far too great a risk for our wings which meant everyone was on foot tonight. Irritating, but convenient.   
“This reminds me of the Rite,” Cas said with a grin.   
“Let us hope it does not end that way,” I replied.   
We stood at the edge of the trees, looking at a tent far too close to the mountain than I liked. Any closer and it was enough to demand blood. I looked at Cas who gave me a nod. The other soldiers were far enough to remain undetected but close enough should we need them.   
Then I looked at Azriel. His shadows were darker than the night sky. Even when the lightning struck, it seemed to swallow up the light.   
“No one is there.” Only his eyes betrayed the calm in his voice.   
“What?”   
“Cassian, gather up our soldiers. Bring them here.”  
“Alright,” he said, before he disappeared into the trees.   
“You need to go home, Rhys.”  
“Why?”  
“I’ll explain later. Just go.”   
Azriel glared at me until I agreed.  
*  
I crossed my arms, leaning against the wall. Elain was sitting down, fumbling with the sash of her robe. No one made the strongest Illyrians in history look like chastised children the way Feyre did. Standing there, hands on her hips. They looked like they’d been tossed in the Sidra, but they were unharmed. Our carpet was the only victim in the room, thanks to their muddy boots and the drops of water that had now puddled at their feet.   
“You better have a damn good reason why I’ve had to sit here waiting for you all night.”  
“Darling, at least let the poor things bathe. They’ll catch a cold.”  
Elain tried not to laugh. Feyre turned around and glared at me.   
“And you, don’t even get me started on you.”  
“You don’t think Lucien would mind if I used his bathroom, right?” Cassian asked.  
Elain giggled, bringing a hand to her mouth. Feyre sighed, bringing her attention back to them.   
“Go wash up. We’ll be waiting.”  
There was a look in Azriel’s eyes that unsettled me as he walked passed Feyre but I couldn’t place it.   
My brothers and I ate our very late dinner in silence, Elain and Feyre sitting at the table if only because they waited for an explanation. Az helped Feyre clear the table while Cassian washed the dishes, leaving me to dry them. Elain walked out of the kitchen, and when we all sat down, she returned with a bottle of rum from the Summer Court.   
“I think you’ll need this,” she said softly, breaking the silence and making us all laugh. Az offered to get the glasses but she patted his shoulder, politely declining.   
“The little shit is spending the night in a cell,” Cassian said as he reached for the bottle and poured himself a very generous cup.   
“The information he gave us was true,” I said, graciously accepting the glass he gave me.   
“He is safer in a cell,” Azriel said calmly. “It was a set up.”  
Elain took the liberty of pouring herself a glass but gently pushed it towards Azriel. His smile was soft as he thanked her. He drank it all down and let out a long sigh.   
“I went into the tent. Three of our scouts were in there, as well as an Illyrian from one of those war bands. It was staged to like our scouts had killed him. But only a fool would fail to see that the three of them had been caught and brought here, each of them cut down by a much larger group. If Rhys had walked in there-”  
“His scent would have been all over the tent. They would have blamed it on him. But why?” Feyre asked.   
Elain placed her hand above Azriel’s, as if she knew exactly what he was going to say.   
“They are trying to brand Rhysand a tyrant. Cas and I as monsters out for revenge. I will never deny that we’ve gotten our hands dirty. But everyone who has done us wrong has become nothing but a thought.”  
He looked at Elain, as if he waited for her to back away. She closed her hand around his and Cassian directed our attention towards him instead.   
“We could easily rid ourselves of every war band that has given us problems. Down to their bloodline. But that would only fuel the rumors. So we’re stuck, needing their support while also weeding out the ones who are threatening the very fragile peace we’ve managed to have.”  
He poured himself another drink.   
“Devlon was pissed I woke him up but he’s more than ready to settle this problem.”  
“And our soldiers?” I asked, finally reaching for the bottle.   
“It now looks like we had a search party for our missing scouts, that is what the official reports will say.”  
Feyre looked at Azriel. “I’m sorry.”  
He shrugged. “It’s nice… that anyone would worry so much.”  
“You remind us of Isra,” Cassian said before he realized what he had spoken out loud. “Rhys, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be,” I said quietly, realizing why Az had looked at Feyre that way earlier. “Our mother’s name should be spoken more often.”  
I was going to pour myself another drink when I felt Feyre’s eyes on me. So, I got to my feet and walked towards her. She stood up and let me lead her away from the kitchen as Cassian began to tell Elain the story of how my mother had found him.   
I could still feel the dirt beneath my fingernails. The strain on my body as I dug and dug and dug. I could still smell the blood. The beginnings of decay. The balms meant to preserve the bodies as long as possible outside of ice. I’d made the graves big enough for me to carry them down myself and climb back out. Except that I didn’t. I sat in front of my sister’s casket, unable to bring myself to leave. I’d already laid our mother to rest. I had cried until I couldn’t shed another tear. I had cast wards on their caskets, in the soil itself. And I had shoveled the dirt back in, leaving me a weakened mess.   
Elise had been my world. She and my mother, the lights in our lives. She would make Cassian dance with her every night we were together. She was the reason he called me Rhysie- it had irked him that our names rhymed. And Azriel, with my mother’s permission, had been the one to give Elise her first tattoo. For luck. Those two would take to the skies together, for once our brother proud to be an Illyrian. Because of her. Because if his people- our people, had any chance to be like her, he would dare to dream of it.   
But she was gone.   
“Why them? Why not me? I don’t understand.” My voice was hoarse. My voice… I realized I was on my knees, my arms around Feyre who was holding me close to her. I realized that I’d let her see… Gods, I’d let her see.   
“It’s okay,” she whispered. I looked up at her to find her in tears. “I’m sorry, Rhys. I’m so sorry.”  
Sorry that she’d ever loved Tamlin. That she had believed the lies he had said about me, about the Night Court. Sorry that she had loved someone who had endangered my family, willingly. But Feyre wouldn’t let me apologize for what she’d seen, what she’d felt.   
Feyre slowly came to kneel in front of me, taking me by the hand.   
“Tell me about Elise,” she said.   
So I did.


	31. 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little light hearted chapter after that last one, as promised. lol

-Lucien-

“When you get married,” grandmother said, “Your wife will do this for you… In your case, I will have to teach Rhysand how it is done. The right way. Ellie can concern herself with Feyre, as is her right as your mother.”   
“They’ve only been together for months,” Helion said. “You can’t already be speaking of marriage.”  
“Sit still, Helion,” my mother said sternly, and he sighed. She was sewing his turban in a few places to hold it together for our journey to the villa.   
Grandmother pinched my cheek.   
“You look like a prince. Stand up, I need to give you something.”  
Helion snorted and my mother pulled on his ear. Grandmother rummaged through a little box on the table until she found what she was looking for. She approached me with five gold rings. Each different in size and shape. Every stone was either obsidian or diamonds and rubies. Three on my right, two on the left.   
“These belonged to your grandfather,” she said. “Don’t look at me that way. They were for you, before Helion was even of marrying age.”  
“Thank you,” I said quietly.   
“And don’t listen to your father. I know when marriage will come.”  
She shot him a glare and I never saw Helion look so defeated. It helped soothe the nerves I felt about what she was alluding to. Rhysand and Feyre… married to me.   
Once we made it outside, my mother fretted over the sash I wore over my tunic. She smoothed it out and let out a sigh.   
“Don’t forget, cover your face when you reach the dunes.”  
“I know.”  
“I’ve packed an extra waterskin, in case it takes a bit longer to arrive.”  
“Thank you, mother.”  
“And please be careful.”  
She hugged me tight, kissing my cheek before she went to bid Helion goodbye. I mounted my horse who seemed anxious to leave.   
“If you do anything stupid, I will know,” I heard her say to him.   
“I would not dream of angering you,” he replied.   
“Take care of our son.” The joy in her voice was unmistakable.   
“Hm… I still can’t believe we can say that.”  
“It’s a dream,” she said. “I love you.”  
“I love you,” he replied. “I’ll keep our son safe. I promise.”  
I didn’t realize there were tears in my eyes until I heard my name being called and I looked over to see my aunt coming to wish us farewell.   
The ride through the city had been slow with the people wishing us farewell. Outside of the city, we picked up the pace but not enough to tire out the horses. Helion pointed out little villages we passed by, memories of his antics when he had been my age. It was strange how similar he and I truly were, considering he had not raised me.   
And then came the sand dunes.   
Here, we covered our faces, leaving only our eyes visible. I’d ridden through here, only once, and thought of it with utter regret. To think I had tried to come between two of the most important people in my life filled me with repulsion. But Helion said nothing of it. Instead, I learned that the sand dunes nearly ran from one end of the Day Court to the other. It separated the valleys and grassy plains from the mountains.   
“I spent a few years living with the nomads that call this place home. You would have come here, too, to train. And to work. Even my sister was sent here.”  
“When do you get to go back home?”  
“When you’ve proven yourself worthy to lead. To care for others as you would your family. You must survive the scorching days, the terribly cold nights. The scorpions and snakes that find their way into your tent, or amongst your possessions if you’re not careful. Many, many things that could potentially threaten your life. But it’s worth it, in the end.”  
“How long were you here?”  
He chuckled. “Seven years.”  
“What did you do? To prove yourself?”  
“There is a city somewhere in the middle of all this nothingness. It is where merchants go to trade. Where travelers stop to rest. It is also a place of peace, neutral. But we had two problems at the time. The wells were dry and there were bandits stealing and inciting violence. So, I got rid of the bandits. Perhaps the easiest thing I’ve ever done. But the wells… We have many rivers, and the sea touches both ends of our lands.”  
“You built an irrigation system.”  
“Something like that. It wasn’t easy, especially where converting salt water into drinking water is concerned. But that was how I spent my last three years here.”  
By the time we reached the mountains, the sun was beginning its descent.  
“It’s all uphill from here,” Helion said as he dismounted. I followed suit.  
“I remember.”  
“We are good on time. The rain won’t start yet.”  
“Where are they going?” I asked, watching the guards lead their horses in the opposite direction.   
“There’s a small cabin close by. That is where they’ll be staying.”  
“You said-”  
“I know what I said. I also know that if you’d told your precious High Lord that we were going to be utterly alone, away from civilization, he would have come and ruined my plans.”  
I let out an aggravated sigh which only made Helion laugh.   
“We’re not far, but I would like to have the horses in the stable before the rain starts.”  
“I don’t remember coming this way.”  
He grinned. “Only your mother and I know this way. And now, you.”  
“Is this where you brought her… the first time?”  
“No… I brought her home. To my mother.”  
I was going to ask something else, but I thought better of it. So we continued on until we saw the walls that surrounded the villa. We walked around until we found the back entrance, where he unlocked the gate. From there, we went to the stables. Once the horses were comfortable, he and I carried our belongings towards the front door that he unlocked with two different keys. He set his pack on the floor, grinning like a fiend as I walked inside. There truly was no one else here.   
“Set your things over here for now. We have to open the windows and do a bit of dusting, but it should take no time at all.”  
He closed the door, locking it again. I was at a loss for words. But we worked together in silence, pulling the white sheets off the furniture, opening the shutters and letting the air in. Despite how grey it was outside, there was light enough that we did not need candles or fae light.   
“The last time you were here, I was celebrating my cousin’s engagement. But usually, this place is empty. My mother used to make us all come up here alone, to fend for ourselves whenever we pissed her off enough.”  
I helped him lay down two bed rolls on the floor in one of the bigger rooms upstairs, not out of necessity but because I needed something to distract myself from the thought of how much family he had lost. Family that I had never known and would never meet.   
“There is one bathroom down the hall. There is no test of patience like waiting for your sister to finish washing her hair.”  
I chuckled at that.   
Helion began to undress himself, opening one of the closets and disappearing into it. He emerged wearing a simple shirt and trousers, perhaps the most muted I had ever seen him. Except for all his jewelry.   
“I’m going downstairs to get started on dinner.”  
“You cook?”  
He looked amused.   
“Don’t you?”  
“I can skin and gut your kill, but I will not be responsible for what happens after.”  
He laughed, walking over to me and patting me on the shoulder.   
“Get comfortable. I’ll shout when the food is done.”  
“Thank you,” I said softly.   
I’d changed into something similar to what he wore before I went to sit down by the window. I pulled my bag towards my feet, rummaging through it until I found the envelope. Sealed in black wax and the Night Court’s insignia. Without even opening it, it had the faint scent of citrus and sea. The courier had arrived right after my grandmother had given us her blessing, and I was grateful she had taken her time.   
I opened it carefully, setting the envelope down on the little wooden table. I smiled, Feyre had started the letter this time. Her handwriting was not extravagant like Rhysand’s but every time I saw her writing, I saw the improvement. The fact that the entirety of this page was in her hand made me smile to the point my face hurt.   
Luce,   
This has been a very long, very tiring week. But I’ve been painting when I’m not busy with Court stuff. Elain and I are talking more than we’ve ever spoken my entire life. She’s in love with the flowers you sent me, and she’s planted them outside so I can see them every time I open the bedroom window.   
Mor hasn’t taken the little anklets off since they arrived. Azriel used the curved sword you sent in practice yesterday, and the surprise on his face was priceless. You might need to send one to Cassian… Speaking of him, he loves the shirt. I’m not sure if it’s the nearly sheer fabric or the color. Or the fact that no one could stop looking at him when we went to Rita’s. Amren stopped by once and when I asked her about your gift, she smiled. So I think it’s safe to say she liked it.   
Rhys won’t tell me what he sent you, but I promise I made him suffer for it. Well, in the ways you two like to suffer. I miss you. I dreamt that we were hunting and ended up catching a Suriel. It told us a story about a fox that got caught in a trap and a hunter came to set it free. I can’t remember anything else. But I woke up missing you.   
Cassian’s been tiring me out in the morning with training. I couldn’t even stretch my wings today. I think I’m going to sit in the tub until Rhys comes back. I don’t want to worry you, but things are… stressful. Which means I see less of Rhys and more of paperwork and meetings. I’ve had to meet with patrons across Velaris to pay them back, to apologize for my sister. They were nice about it, but I think if she weren’t my sister, it wouldn’t be that way.   
At least Elain is happy.   
I miss you so much. I hope you’re sleeping a little better. I’ll send something else when I know you’re back at the palace. Please be careful out there.   
I love you.

My clever fox,   
Forgive the haste in which I write you. Being a High Lord can be a real pain in the ass at the most inconvenient time. I’d rather be with you. Even if it meant being under the same roof as Helion without means of escape. Every moment I’m away from Feyre, I realize how much I miss you. And when we’re together, our thoughts are of you.   
While the summer sun goes against my sense of fashion, I have never been happier to welcome it if only because it brings me closer to the day that we are together again. But I am at peace, knowing that you are surrounded by a family that loves you… A people that love you… You deserve this, fox.   
I must make this short as Feyre just arrived and I intend on enjoying every second with her before I have to leave. I miss you.   
Eternally yours,  
Rhys  
PS: do not deny you are anticipating when we will put your gifts to good use. 

I rolled my eyes, folding the letters and returning them to the envelope. Rhys was a prick. And I missed him. And Feyre-  
Helion shouted nonsense and I sighed, putting the letter in my bag.   
We sat on little cushions on the floor, the low table covered in trays of food and our drinks.   
“You did all this by yourself?”   
“Is that so hard to believe?”   
His stupid smile made me laugh.   
“Mother made sure everyone of us knew how to take care of ourselves. She would not have a repeat of our father. The first time she handed him a broom, he didn’t even know what it was for,” he said, taking a sip of his drink. “She loved him, though. He couldn’t live without her.”  
“Were you close?”  
He set his cup down. “Father and I? I was the youngest of his sons. Spoiled me rotten.”  
“Youngest?”  
“There’d been a child, long before I was born. He did not survive infancy. And then there was my brother, Dev, he died before we’d even reached fighting age. Father died before the war with Hybern, and I’ve been High Lord ever since.”  
I looked down at my plate. “I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. He lived a long, happy life.”  
He offered me some dessert which I accepted. I felt terrible for asking. I would never shed a tear if Beron and his sons met their end… But to lose someone who loved you?   
“Come out with it,” he said, folding his hands together.   
“Did you have any other sisters?”  
Helion smiled. “Thank the Mother, she is the only one.”  
“You’re horrible.”  
Helion laughed. “She’s the biggest pain in my ass, but I would kill for her. Just as quickly as I’d put salt in her morning tea.”  
I smirked. “Surprised she hasn’t put a knife to your back.”  
“Don’t let the pretty gowns and veils fool you. She’s handed me my ass plenty of times.”  
That made me smile. I finally looked at my plate. They weren’t cake, nor anything I’d ever seen before. But they had to be some kind of fried dough, spiraled and covered in some kind of syrup.   
“Do you like it?”  
I nodded, which made him smile.   
“You look so surprised that I made any of this.”  
“High Lords and their sons tend to be pampered bastards.”  
“Not you.”  
“You can’t really enjoy eating from a silver spoon when someone’s trying to poison your food.”  
“Was there ever a time where they treated you well?”  
I shook my head. “No.”  
I saw that look in his eyes again. The one he got when someone mentioned Tamlin or Beron, or any of my mother’s other sons. But he had an impeccable control over his emotions, and just like that, it was gone.   
“I finally had the balls to ask her. To ask how she’d hidden the truth for so long.”  
“Good, because I still couldn’t do it.”  
We shared a laugh, which I was grateful for. Especially when he spoke again.   
“When you were perhaps… barely five years old, you’d managed to dispel a glamour all on your own. You’d been playing in the garden.”  
“It’s been in ruins for ages now.”  
He nodded. “Beron burned it all to the ground. Because Beron saw, but not enough to be sure. And even as young as you were, you knew that to be safe, to survive, you had to hide. Between that and the glamours and wards she placed on you, no one- not even me, knew a damn thing. And in leaving the Spring Court, you’ve not had to live with that fear and whatever hold you’ve had on your own power is gone.”  
It made me feel like a complete ass. I’d resented her for so long, believing she’d done nothing to keep me safe… and yet, she had. In the only way she could. Helion reached over and placed his hand over mine. The contact surprised me, but I didn’t pull away. I dared to look at him.   
“Don’t look so guilty, Lucien. There are so many things that could have been done differently, but the past is set. And we’re finally together, even if I’m several centuries late.”  
I laughed. “I’m not that old.”  
“It’s dawned on me that Rhysand is practically as old as I am. Should I be concerned?”  
“Only if you can’t keep up with him.”  
He smirked. “Come help this old bastard clean up before the rain starts.”  
I rolled my eyes, making him laugh.   
By the time we were finished, the sky looked like a bruise and the wind was picking up speed. The only true light we had was from the fireplace in the kitchen. Helion was by the window, looking out. I realized that the rest of the villa was shrouded in darkness.   
“Where are you going?” he asked when I’d made it to the archway.   
“To light the candles.”  
He was still looking outside.   
“It’s alright… I don’t… I don’t need that here.”  
He looked as if he were waiting for something. Hoping. And when it sounded like the sky had cracked open, I finally saw him smile.   
“Come on. The first rain of the season is good luck.”  
I eyed him incredulously but still followed him outside. Lightning struck far too close for comfort but it did not deter him. He did not stop until we were near the trees. His smile reminded me of Rhys, when he was about to do something he shouldn’t. But Helion said nothing. He looked away and whistled. Once, twice. Until a thunderous roar replied.   
I was not sure what I was expecting to see. But a large shadow above us both was not one of them. Helion looked up, grinning, arms wide to welcome it. And then he was on the ground, and all I saw were a pair of hazel eyes staring back at me. Helion was laughing, his hands in the beast’s mane.   
“Devi, my love,” Helion said and the beast looked down at him and licked the left side of his face. That was when I saw its body. It looked like a lion, except that its tail was pointed at the end. And it had wings. Feathered wings.   
Helion managed to get out from under her massive frame.   
“Lucien, this is Devi. Devi, this is my son. Not dinner, alright?”  
Devi’s hazel eyes were on me once more. I didn’t realize that I was as still as death until she was bumping her nose against my chest. Helion watched as I tentatively reached out to scratch under her chin. And she purred. Like a cat.   
“Her mother was dead when I found her. She had just given birth to a litter but she was the only one still breathing.”  
Devi licked my hand and it felt like sandpaper.   
“What is she?”  
“Chimera, maybe or manticore. Who knows? But, she can protect us better than any fae bastard with a sword. That I can promise you.”  
Thunder clapped once more, Devi completely unfazed. As the first drops of rain began to fall, she bumped her head against me before she went towards Helion. He grinned, clapping his hands to get her attention before he started to run, just as the rain began to fall harder. Devi chased him about, Helion laughing all the while.   
He had never seemed interested in worshiping the gods, going through the motions solely for his mother’s sake. But here, with no one watching, even with the oncoming darkness of night, he looked at peace. As if this rain were the answer to his prayers. Even when she tackled him into the mud, there was nothing but pure joy on his face. And when he looked at me, what I saw in his eyes, I would dare to call it love.


	32. 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a side dish of Elriel. Eventually I'll add all my Elriel fics here. I became smitten with them.

-Feyre-

Elain was a giggling mess as I buttoned up the back of her dress. It was perhaps as Night Court as I would ever see my sister. It was similar to the dress I’d worn the night Rhys and I had invited Lucien to dinner at the House all those months ago, except hers was not backless and wherever there was skin exposed, she’d had it altered to at least a sheer panel of fabric which somehow made it that more alluring.   
“You might just give Azriel a heart attack,” I said when I finished and we stared at her reflection in the mirror.  
“If he didn’t pass out yesterday, I think he’ll be fine,” she said as she began to fret over her hair. “You’d think they’d announce themselves when they arrive.”  
I snorted. Elain and I had been up on the patio sunbathing yesterday morning and when I realized all three males had finally come back from the Steppes, we’d run inside in our towels. Rhys could not have been happier, but Az…   
“I can’t believe you walked right up to him and said hello before disappearing into your room.”  
“It’s not like he was going to!”  
I helped her pin some of her hair back.  
“Elain Archeron, where is your modesty!”  
She laughed.   
“I must have lost it outside in the garden.”  
“Maybe Az found it and has it in his pocket.”  
“I’ll have to ask him for it, then.”  
Gods, this ease in which Elain and I could talk to one another… We had never had this. I hated that Nesta was missing out on it. On seeing Elain break free of her shell and doing things solely because they made her happy, not because they were expected of her. And my goal was to give Elain a night she would never forget.   
All eyes were on Elain when we made it downstairs, Cassian whistling as she walked by. Amren was quick to come admire the gold bracelet inlaid with pink stones while Rhys showered us both with compliments. Varian raised his glass at her from where he sat.   
When we sat down, Cassian was kind enough to bring us some wine.   
“Shame Az isn’t here for dinner,” Cas said with a sigh, making Rhys roll his eyes.   
“Feyre and I are going out today,” Elain declared. I noticed that she searched the room but did not find who she was looking for. If she was disappointed she didn’t say anything.   
“You’re all dressed up like that and you’re not even having dinner with us?” Cassian asked, genuinely surprised. Elain blushed.   
“No,” I said. Cassian looked disappointed.   
“But you and Rhys could walk us to where we’re going,” Elain kindly offered to which Cassian happily accepted.   
*  
“Have you ever been here before?” Rhys asked, looking at Elain as she shook her head.   
Cas had his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.   
“I’ve never been here before either,” he whispered.   
“Mor suggested it,” I replied and he sighed.   
“That explains it.”  
I poked his side as we approached the two fae standing before a set of double doors. Arm in arm, Rhys led Elain inside, Cas and I following. The owner of the venue greeted us personally before guiding us upstairs to the private area I had requested.   
“Feyre!” Elain exclaimed, letting go of Rhys to pull me away from Cas. She led me to a painting that hung on the wall.   
“So that’s where Mor put it,” I muttered, feeling my face get warm. It was a painting of Velaris from my point of view up at the House of Wind.   
“It is an honor to have your work here, my Lady,” the owner said.   
“Thank you,” was all I could manage to say. Elain laughed at me for it.   
Rhysand went to speak with the owner and soon, we were left to our own devices. We walked its gilded halls hand in hand, admiring the paintings and the chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. We’d had this once, even if I did not remember much of it. But what little good I’d had as a child, Elain was there.  
“What are you smiling about?” she asked as I held out my hand to continue on.   
“I like seeing you happy.”  
The sound of music grew louder the closer we got to the doors at the end of the hall.   
“It sounds like a ball,” Elain mused, her eyes sparkling with delight.   
Cassian and Rhys did us the honors of opening the doors for us.   
And it was better than I had imagined.   
Standing beneath a canopy of flowers and fae light was Azriel, who looked as if he had just finished decorating the room. My sister gasped, eyes wide. There were two long tables covered in trays of food, and a table solely for drinks. The quartet played from the dais on the far end of the room which was as large as a ball room. It was just as grand as the rest of the building, boasting a large chandelier and floor to ceiling windows that gave us a beautiful view of Velaris.   
“Feyre… What did you do?”  
“I may have let slip that tonight was very important.”  
Her eyes widened.  
“Just go to him,” I whispered, giving her a gentle nudge. As she made her way over, a smile blossomed on Azriel’s face that was so devastatingly beautiful I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to capture it perfectly.   
“What is all this?” she asked Azriel, bringing her hands to his chest as she admired the detail on his waist coat. He took her hands in his and kissed them.   
“Happy birthday,” he said softly.  
Her laughter was melodious.   
“Azriel… It’s beautiful.”  
Whatever he said to her was lost on me as everyone walked in, complimenting the room and how both Elain and Azriel were dressed.   
“Am I the only one who didn’t know about this?”  
Cassian wrapped an arm around me.   
“Elain didn’t know.”  
“I resent that.”  
I leaned into him.   
“You’ll forgive me.”  
“Really?”  
I nodded, watching Elain admire the flowers with Az. Mor looked in awe of the room and was chatting away with Amren while Varian approached them with drinks. Guests from all over arrived, those who had come to know Elain and wanted to share this night with us.   
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Cas. “Rhys is looking a little lonely.”  
Cassian laughed as I walked off to where Rhysand was standing, taking everything in.   
“You pulled it off,” he said with a smile.   
“With a lot of help.”  
“You look exquisite, Feyre.”  
I blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”  
His laughter warmed my heart. The way he looked at me never ceased to give me butterflies, to make me feel altogether vulnerable and safe.   
Elain danced with nearly everyone, even Rhysand. Those two did nothing but laugh the entire time, especially when they saw me watching. When Azriel swept her off her feet, quite literally, we all tried to pretend we weren’t watching them dance. But I had the feeling they saw no one else but each other.   
As the party began to wind down, we found Cassian handing Elain a small glass. She eyed him with a determination that reminded me of Nesta, of me. And she drank the whole thing and held the glass out for more.   
And so began their game.   
They tried racing one another back to the townhouse, but that ended with Cassian slipping and Elain stopping to laugh at him. Cassian goaded the rest of us into his little game, until we were all drunk. When Elain beat Cas in finishing her drink, we all applauded. Az was watching her with a little smile on his face, not as drunk as the rest of us, but enough to not care that we saw him smiling as he looked at her.   
When the time came for presents, she thanked us all individually as we passed them to her. A pair of earrings from Rhys, a set of gardening tools from Cas. Amren and Varian had given her flowers from the Summer Court to be sent to the greenhouse, which left her beaming.   
The room went still as Elain opened Azriel’s gift.  
“Azriel, this is too much.” She held up the little gold necklace by the blue stone that hung from it. Her eyes met his and then she was smiling as she rose to her feet. “Put it on for me.”  
Azriel went to stand behind her, and the way his fingers brushed across her skin reminded me of how Rhys used to be with me, in the beginning. I wasn’t sure why I remembered the first time he’d helped me into fighting leathers but when I looked at Rhys, he was grinning like the insufferable prick that he was. I rolled my eyes, before looking away to find the Elain hugging Az, leaving him blushing.   
And then came my gift.  
“Just once, Elain. If you hate it, I’ll give you the back up present.”  
“A back up present?” she asked, lifting the little top I’d had made for her. It was like every other Night Court outfit Rhys had ever given me, but hers was a deep blue, almost black. Little silver beads hung from the hem of the top. The pants had a silver chain that hung loose on the hips, both pant legs made of the sheer fabric I’d come to cherish in this summer heat. With a giggle, she took Cassian’s drink from his hand and finished it, excusing herself from the room.   
When she walked back, I think we all held our breath. These clothes, they were made for a figure like hers. She was blushing as she went to sit between Cassian and Mor again. She’d never shown this much skin before, but I suppose after our little incident yesterday, this was nothing.   
And then, Mor passed her a little pink bag, a bag I knew far too well thanks to Rhysand and Lucien. My sister peeked inside and turned red in the face.   
“I think I sent Az the matching set when we got here, but honestly, any of these three might have it on their dresser,” Mor said with a hiccup, pointing to Cassian and Rhys. “Whoever has it, make sure it makes its way to Azriel.”  
But Az didn’t even seem bothered, even as we all laughed. If anything, there was a light in his eyes that I had never seen before.   
“Az,” Elain said as she held up the scraps of lace long enough that I knew he was able to discern what they were, before she returned them to their bag. “I think I dropped my modesty outside in the garden. Feyre said you may have found it.”  
The room went quiet as their eyes met and if this was how Rhys and I made everyone else feel, I almost felt bad.   
“You left it on the desk in my office. I’d been waiting for you to come back so that I might return it,” he said so seriously that we all stared at him until he and Elain burst into laughter.   
By the end of the night, Az was passed out on the sofa, Elain curled up beside him. Mor was snoring and Rhys was stuck beneath his cousin who had rested her head on his lap.   
“I have to do one more thing, then I’ll come save you,” I whispered to him. He smiled, waving me off. He alone had helped me with this last part of the night. But he had felt his brother would not have accepted it from anyone else.   
I had expected to find Cassian passed out on the bed, but he was wide awake, eyeing me from where he stood, tying up his hair.   
“You finally get the room to yourself,” I said softly. He chuckled.   
“He’ll wake up and come push me off.”  
I walked in the room and made my way towards him. I knew I looked suspicious, especially with my hands behind my back.   
“I doubt it.”  
He raised a brow. “What are you up to?”   
“Well, I discovered something I felt that the Lord Commander needed to know.”  
His sudden seriousness nearly made me laugh.   
“I need you to know, Cassian, that you are by far one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. And I need you to know that I love you.”  
I held out the little box to him. He looked too stunned for words.   
“I can’t go back in time and grace your life with my presence every year,” I said, which finally made him laugh. “But I’m here now. And no one gets away with hiding their birthday from me. Ever.”  
“Feyre…”  
“I know it was a few days ago, but I hadn’t found anything that screamed your name at me.”  
“It’s usually a female doing that,” he said as he took the box from my hand.   
“Now you know why I never visit your house.”  
We both laughed. He undid the ribbon and set the lid aside.   
“What’s this?”  
“I’m not sure if it fits, but we can fix that if it doesn’t.”  
He held up the gold band, the obsidian stone glimmering in the fae light. It was simple, but there was something about it that told me he needed to have it.   
“No one’s ever given me anything like this.” His voice was nearly a whisper. Was he going to cry?  
“Try it on.”  
He let me slide the ring on his finger. It fit perfectly.   
“Thank you, Feyre. I don’t really know what to say.”  
“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that it matters. That you matter. That every year that we get to have you in our lives, is something worth celebrating.”  
I wasn’t expecting to see tears in his eyes. But there they were. I pulled him into a hug which made him laugh.   
“I love you, Feyre.”  
“I know,” I said with a laugh. “I love you, too.”  
“I forgive you, by the way.”  
I giggled. “Told you.”  
By the time I went downstairs to get Rhys, he was already asleep. He didn’t stir until I’d managed to move Mor to the other side.  
His eyes fell on me, red and glassy.   
“There you are,” he said. “My salvation.”  
Rhys got to his feet and chuckled when he almost lost his footing. Once he was ready to walk, I led him up the stairs, but he missed a step and pulled me down with him. We tried not to laugh, but then when I tried to stand up, Rhys pulled me to his lap. His kiss was greedy, and his wandering hands were going to get us in trouble.   
“Rhys,” I whispered. “We can’t have sex on the stairs.”  
“Why?” he asked as he kissed my neck.   
“Everyone is here.” He stopped, and I felt this sudden panic down the bond.   
“Not everyone,” he said quietly, looking at me with such sadness, I would have winnowed us right to the Day Court if I knew we’d make it there in one piece. “Lucien isn’t here.”  
I kissed Rhysand with as much fervor as he’d kissed me.  
“Lucien wouldn’t fuck you on the stairs in front of everyone. He’d wait till everyone was in their room.”  
“He would,” Rhys said with a big smile as I pulled him to his feet.   
“When he comes back home, we’ll have plenty of new stairwells you two can make use of. For now, we have the bed. Now walk.”  
*  
Being hungover was never enjoyable. It was even less so, walking into a small bar in the early hours of morning, wishing that I hadn’t made this arrangement. But I’d already walked out here and I had to get it over with.   
Nesta was sitting in the back, as she always did. She looked as bad as I felt. And yet, her eyes still held nothing but resentment when she saw me approach. I knew I probably still had Rhys’ scent all over me, but Lucien’s too, as I was wearing his shirt that I’d found at the bottom of the drawer. And when she sniffed at me when I neared the table, I almost saw red. I would never judge her for the males I knew left her apartment, the one I could scent on her now. It was none of my business, as long as no one hurt her, just like who I slept with was none of her business. Even if her gaze told me exactly what she thought of that.   
“I was beginning to think you’d make me walk to your house.”  
I sat down, reaching into my pocket to hand her the folded note for the rent. There might have been surprise in her eyes as she took it.   
“For this, you could have sent it with the courier.”  
“For what? So you could send it back without even bothering to read it?”  
I saw the anger in her eyes but I was too tired to let it unsettle me. I was hungry. And I wanted to go back home to be there when Elain woke up to find herself in Azriel’s arms on the sofa beneath the blanket Cassian had so kindly draped over them.   
“I don’t see how that was any of your concern.”  
“You missed her birthday.”   
“I had no reason to be there.”  
“You could have gone to the townhouse to see her.” I knew my voice was harsher than I had meant it to be. “You could have written a note. She misses you, Nesta.”  
“Your little party was all anyone talked about last night, I’m sure that her evening was perfect without me.”  
“You could not be more wrong.”  
She glared at me for a time.   
“Are we done?”  
“No,” I said. “The house is almost finished. We’re inviting everyone over once we’re settled in. I want you to be there.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re my sister. What other reason do I need to want you around?”  
She rose to her feet. She was wearing someone else’s shirt and a pair of pants that might have been mine once but it was stained with wine and Mother knew what else.   
“Forgive me for not wanting to be subject to the judgement of your family.”  
“You are my family, Nesta.”  
“Yes. The way mother was.”


	33. 33

-Rhys-

“I still don’t understand why I have to sit this out,” Cas said.   
“Because Andreas is the weakest link in this little problem of ours,” Az replied. “He is young. Power hungry. Violent. And absolutely careless.”  
“All the more reason for me to go!”  
“Cas,” I said softly, and both brothers looked at me. “You’re still guilty. Over the scouts we lost. We all are. You are the only one who can give peace to their families. You and Feyre can do what I can’t.”  
Cassian’s eyes lit up in surprise. “Feyre?”  
“She’s… restless. I’ve asked her and Elain to come stay with us for a few days.”  
Azriel looked at me wide eyed. He hadn’t known. But at this, Cassian seemed to relax a bit. I could see all the ideas now running through his mind.   
“Does she know?” Cas asked me. I shook my head.   
“We haven’t spoken today. She must still be asleep.” The thought of her resting, at peace. Not here, not dealing with any of this, warmed my heart.   
“Fuck- does this mean Az and I are sharing a room again?”  
Az chuckled. “You might need to sleep on the sofa.”  
Cassian looked so scandalized I had to laugh.   
“Why is Cas sleeping on the sofa?”   
We all turned to find Elain and Feyre walking into the cabin- which now explained the silence. Elain looked out of breath, her cheeks pink and her hair wind swept. She was wearing another one of her new summer dresses, completely inappropriate for the Illyrian Camps but perfect because Azriel looked stuck somewhere between going into hiding, or disappearing with Elain in tow. Especially when she looked at him and smiled.   
Feyre was in her leathers, a sight that never failed to amaze me.   
“I tried to convince Elain into one of these but she refused,” Feyre said as she came to me at once. I felt as if I was finally able to breathe.   
“Leather? In this heat?” She set her little bag on the table and went to say hello to my brothers.   
“You know,” Cas said as he crossed his arms, “I am not opposed to sleeping on the couch tonight.”  
“Az,” I said, “Why don’t you show Elain around?”  
He glared daggers at me before offering his arm to Elain. Except that she took his hand and asked him if this was where he had truly lived with us growing up.   
“Feyre mentioned some of it on the way here,” she said and then they were gone.   
“What are you two up to?” Feyre asked, undoing her windswept braid to run her fingers through it.   
“Giving Az shit,” Cassian replied.   
“I’m surprised you are still here,” she said as she went to sit on the table.   
“We were just coming to a decision on dealing with Andreas.”  
“Andreas?”  
“He is one of the Illyrian war lords. The dead soldier from one of the war bands? He was one of his. Az and Rhys are going to have a little chat with him today.”  
Feyre looked at me.   
“I promise. Just a chat.”  
She raised a brow. Cas went to stand beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder.   
“You and I are going to have a lot of fun today.”  
“Are we?”  
I had the feeling Cassian was going to make me regret keeping him out of this one…  
…Except that, when it came to Andreas, Azriel was right.   
“I believe you’re a bastard short.”   
I kept a mask of cool indifference, but inside, I knew that if Cassian were here… Andreas would not be able to utter another word. The others watched us all warily, especially Azriel. The look on his face was enough to terrify me.   
“Consider it a kindness,” I said and gave his camp a glance.   
“To what do I owe this kindness,” Andreas said sarcastically. Gods, Lucien would eviscerate this asshole with words alone.   
Az barely waved his hand before four of our own carried the wrapped body of the dead soldier we’d found.   
“We found one of yours amongst our dead,” he said. “He and our scouts were ambushed.”  
Andreas’ amusement faded only slightly. What lie would he try to feed us?  
“I’m not missing a scout.”  
I heard a growl. Someone was missing this soldier.   
“His name was Wyn, your messenger. We found this with his things.”  
Azriel held out the bloodied letter and Andreas came to retrieve it. Watching him read it was a delight in itself. After admitting that she had learned to copy their father’s script to try to handle his affairs, Elain had been all too willing to forge a fake letter of peace between us and Andreas. Azriel had produced old documents where Andreas had given reports or signed the rare treaty none of the war lords involved ever seemed to respect. She’d copied his signature so well his actual script looked fake.   
“Something wrong?” I asked.   
He wanted to deny the letter. He wanted to claim someone had forged his signature. But then, what excuse did he have? He had ill addressed Wyn’s whereabouts, giving no plausible reason for him to be missing. His mind was a mess.   
“Nothing. A shame that it came to this,” he said, waving someone forward. A female approached him, accepting the letter. She looked less warrior and more… One look in her mind and I knew she would be a better leader than this fool standing before me. Ceira, that was her name… Andreas’ wife.   
“I’ll tell his family,” she said softly, Andreas nodding his agreement. A look of sincere concern flashed through his eyes as he watched her walk away. Four of his soldiers came to relieve ours of Wyn’s body and I heard someone sob. Everyone’s attention was on us, especially as Azriel’s hand came to rest on Truth-Teller.   
“Why would anyone hurt him?” someone cried out. Others began to shout their agreement. Andreas could not get them to be quiet no matter how much he continued to raise his voice. Even when Ceira returned, standing his side- That was when I scented it.  
Without a word, I raised my hand. The silence was deafening.   
“Your lord was trying to keep peace amongst the war bands,” I said, despite the anger in his eyes. Or was that shame? “And there are some others who wish to dismantle that peace.”  
Andreas made a bullshit speech of asking them to be vigilant of our common enemy, as if he were not the one leading them all to their doom. But they ate it up, and for his sake, for Ceira’s sake- I hoped that he would live up to his promises.   
“My condolences to you and Wyn’s family,” I said as we prepared to leave. But Andreas stopped us.   
“What are you doing?” he asked, low enough that no one else could hear. The fear in his eyes was almost worthy of pity.   
“Giving a young bastard the chance to prove to these war lords he is more than what they believe him to be… That he might live long enough to welcome his first child into this world.”   
The look of regret on his face was genuine.   
“We’ll stay in touch,” I said before Az and I took to the skies without another word.   
*  
We found Feyre drying her hair when we walked into the cabin. Elain was sitting on the sofa, Cassian on the floor in front of her as she applied a balm on his shoulders. She blushed when she saw Azriel but continued on.   
“We had an eventful day,” was all he offered. My eyes immediately searched my mate for any hurt.   
“I’m fine.”  
“We had a lovely time, up until we went to pay Emerie a visit,” Elain said cheerfully.   
Feyre rolled her eyes. “Some assholes were giving her shit and Cas just had to play the hero.”  
Elain giggled. “It was Emerie that caught him off guard. Upset that he’d dared to defend her.”  
She gently patted his shoulders and my brother seemed to relax. He helped her up and around him.   
“I was just about to get started on dinner. Did you want to help?”   
“Let me go wash up,” Az said and walked off as Elain went to go wash her hands.   
“What crawled up his ass?” Cassian asked as he stood up and went to grab his shirt.   
“This is why you get your ass kicked, Cassian,” Feyre said with a smile. His aggravated sigh made me laugh. Then she looked at me. “Come on, High Lord, I have something for you.  
Once in our room, Feyre closed the door and wasted no time in undressing me. I was at a loss for words until she pushed me on the bed.   
“Turn over,” she said.   
“Is Lucien here?” I asked.  
“Don’t be a prick. But if that’s how you want it, I’m sure I can figure something out.”  
I laughed as I did as I was told. I was going to say something else but her hands were warm and whatever she was rubbing into my back was far too delicious to interrupt.   
“Elain really liked being around the Illyrian women- females. You know what I mean.”  
I nodded. I hadn’t realized how tired I was.   
“Other than that nonsense with Emerie… We didn’t have any issues today. Cassian is so good at comforting others, I don’t know how he can still walk around with a smile on his face after it.”  
I felt my eyes growing heavy.  
“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, paying extra attention to the knots in my shoulder blades.   
“I’ve missed you, too,” I managed to say.  
“Cassian and I are going to train with the females in the morning. I’m trying to convince Elain to join us, but she was smitten with some of the mothers and I won’t be surprised if we start seeing gardens sprouting about.”   
She was quiet for a time, continuing her ministrations. My eyes were growing heavy.   
“Falling asleep?”   
I tried to open my eyes. “Don’t stop, please.”   
She giggled. “I’m usually on my knees when you’re saying that.”  
“Let me sleep a while and I’ll make you regret that.”  
“We’ll see about that,” she said, bringing her hands lower.   
*  
Azriel seemed in better spirits at dinner, but I had a feeling it was because Elain was sitting next to him on the sofa. Every time she laughed, her hand fell on his thigh. And then there was the fact that she kept offering him the food on her plate and was basically feeding him the various dishes they’d prepared together.   
“I don’t know how Feyre is still awake,” Elain said, “Carrying me all this way.”  
“You’re as light as a feather,” Feyre said with a shrug.   
“That’s some very good progress,” Az said to her before he noticed Elain was getting up.   
“Dessert,” she announced to which Cassian, slouched on the floor, perked up at. The twins must have come when we were gone because the kitchen was stocked with food and Elain was taking several containers out of a large basket.   
Feyre left my side to bring our plate to the sink and my brothers followed after her. When I realized no one was coming back, I forced myself to my feet.   
Cassian was sitting on the counter, looking like he had found heaven in the bowl that Elain had handed him. Feyre was busy putting something together as Elain held a bowl and spoon in front of Azriel.   
“It’s cold,” he said as he accepted it.   
“It’s supposed to be… Try it. I have something else, if you don’t like it.”  
Feyre walked over to me as if plotting something wicked.   
“Death by chocolate,” she said.   
“This is how I want to die,” Cassian announced, mouth full of said dessert.   
“Why do I feel like we’re all participating in some sort of ritual?” I asked as my mate guided me to the table.   
“Because Elain and I have been craving chocolate all week and you three are going to oblige us.”  
Az and I both looked at one another suddenly. I thought of Andreas and Ceira. Of their child. Of the uncertainty and fear that plagued them. I thought of Feyre, writhing in unbearable pain that I couldn’t take away. If she and Elain… The panic that rose inside me was such that I lost my appetite.   
“Relax!” Feyre said. “I don’t expect it for another few months.”  
Elain just shrugged and busied herself with her own bowl of dessert. Azriel had been concerned for Feyre… I could not imagine how worried he’d become when the time came for Elain.   
Az walked over to her and they began to whisper to one another. I knew what he was asking. Elain pinched his cheek, making him blush.   
“I’m fine,” she said. “You would know if I wasn’t.”  
She took him by the hand, guiding him to the table where we all sat down together.   
*  
I couldn’t sleep. All I thought about was Ceira, about how vulnerable Andreas was. I was willing to become a monster for my family… What would I become to keep my child safe? I scrubbed at my face, letting out a sigh. Feyre rolled on her side, pulling the blanket along with her. I kissed her bare shoulder before I slipped out of bed and put on some pants. I needed air.   
As I stepped out into the hallway, I saw Azriel walking out of the room where Elain was sleeping. We both paused and just stared at one another until I closed my door and walked away.   
Cassian was sprawled out on the sofa as I walked passed, knowing Az was right behind me.   
Outside was dark, quiet.   
“Having a good night?” I asked playfully.  
“Don’t be a pig.”  
“You two could have been playing cards for all I know.”  
I laughed when he punched my arm.   
“It’s not like that… Not really.”  
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Az.” I knew since the night of her birthday they had been spending a lot more time together… alone. They’d had dinner together twice in the last week by themselves, and some nights I could hear them talking in the garden.   
He crossed his arms.   
“I was in love with your cousin for most of my life… It feels like I do.”   
Was. That made me happier than I would ever admit. Even if all he and Elain did was talk until the sun came up, he was opening his heart to someone who wouldn’t break it. Azriel was allowing himself to be vulnerable, something I had not seen him do since Elise.   
“You deserve to be happy.”  
“Mor said the same thing.”  
Now I was looking at him surprised.   
“A week before Elain’s birthday… Mor stopped by. Remember that one morning I was the last to get here?”  
I nodded.   
“It’s not like I didn’t know that Mor never wanted me like that. I’ve always known. I just wish that she had felt comfortable enough to tell me. All these years, carrying this weight because she was scared of hurting me.”  
“She loves you. Even if it wasn’t the way you did.”  
“I know, Rhys. I just wish I had been a better friend. It’s my fault that we’ve been… stuck.”  
“I think we all struggle with opening up to one another.”  
I wrapped an arm around his shoulder.   
“Tell me about Elain,” I said quietly.   
This time, his sigh was that of relief.   
“I don’t know, Rhys. She sees me. All of me and doesn’t go running. I can tell her anything. I’ve never had that before.”  
“I haven’t seen you smile like this… Not since Elise. And you deserve it.”  
I knew he didn’t truly believe it. Even with my cousin, he felt he deserved nothing but her rejection. Elise, however, she had been his world as much as she had been mine. She and my mother were able to bring the joy out of my brother in a way only Feyre and Elain could now accomplish. Az seemed surprised that I’d brought up my sister, but I imagined he was remembering her, too. But fondly.   
“She’s incredible, Rhys.”  
“So I take it Cassian has the couch to himself tonight?”  
He punched me in the ribs.  
“It’s not like that.”  
“I know. I know.” I raised my hand in surrender, laughing so hard I wasn’t surprised to see Elain soon after, opening the door. She closed her robe over her nightgown, a slight shiver passing through her.   
“What are you two doing outside?” she asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes.   
“Just catching air,” Az said.  
“Come back to bed.”  
Azriel gave me a smile, hurrying over to where she stood. Elain took him by the hand.   
“You two will catch a cold barefoot and shirtless outside. Honestly, how Feyre has dealt with you three all on her own all this time is beyond me,” I heard her say before she closed the door. Azriel might have apologized for making her worry, but I did my best to drown out the rest.   
I looked up at the stars, knowing things were far from perfect, but they were better than I could have ever hoped.


	34. 34

-Lucien-

 

Just outside of the royal suites, as everyone called them, there was a veranda that faced the private gardens meant solely for our family. It was spacious, with seating and little tables for us to relax. The sunsets from this view were like nothing I had ever seen before.

And then there was the swing.

I had questioned it at first, as beautiful as it was. Gilded in gold and glittering stones, and large enough that Rhys and Feyre could sit on it with me, as my mother and aunt did almost every night. They read books, leaning against each other, or shared a bit of gossip. It sat right in the center of the veranda. Rhys would be delighted with it, I knew, and I suppose that’s why I found myself finally making use of it.

Perhaps because of the sun, or the slow and steady back and forth of the swing, I was falling asleep instead of reading the book I’d brought with me.

“You look like the maidens in our ballads. Missing her lover, her beautiful long hair touching the floor as she-”

I sat up and glared at Helion who was trying his best not to laugh. He was leaning against the archway, arms crossed. There was a smile on his face.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked. I held up the book.

He walked onto the veranda and came to sit beside me, taking the book from my hand.

“You’ve read this twice already.”

That he knew of. I felt a bit embarrassed so I offered a cheap excuse.

“I don’t understand the others.”

“You can’t learn a new language overnight, Lucien.”

It was still… strange, to be spoken to so kindly. To be given respect and affection- freely. Helion gave without any expectation other than the joy it gave him to see his loved ones happy. And to think that I was now one of them… I sighed, laying back down.

“It’s Feyre’s favorite.”

Helion chuckled, setting the book down.

“You miss them.”

I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at me.

“Is there a reason why you three have remained apart all this time? Or is this some kind of denial of pleasure I’ve yet to discover?”

He laughed at his own stupid joke until I was smiling.

“You’re a pig.”

“I’m a romantic.”

I sighed. “I would disagree if I didn’t live here to see it.”

He chuckled, patting my hand.

“Come with me. I have to show you something.”

I groaned but still got up, leaving the book on the swing. He led me back inside the palace, where we walked around until we came to a set of stairs I had never noticed before. Up we went until we were looking at a door that appeared to be made of solid gold.

“I have to get you a key,” he muttered as he unlocked the door. I was going to ask what was in there but the words died on my tongue. I was staring at a dragon’s hoard.

“Close your mouth, something might fly in it.”

I scowled but he ignored it, closing the door behind me.

“Mother has been on my ass about coming up here but it didn’t feel right. Not yet.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I wanted your advice. And I didn’t think you’d be inclined to give me it until now.”

I followed him quietly around open chests full of gold coins. A table with nothing but raw emeralds and rubies. Two walls were nothing but what looks like tiny drawers, reminding me of the banks in the continent. Every one of them required a key to open. We passed statues of the gods dressed in real clothes and adorned with gold and gems. There was a chair that had accumulated silks that were heavier than a sword because of the gold sewn into them.

“Those are for your future wife,” he said with a grin. “We will have to make some adjustments for Rhysand.”

I set the silks back down.

At the end of the room, he opened another door. And here, every shelf displayed jewelry so utterly beautiful, I knew that if I brought Amren here, she would never leave.

“I know that my mother can be a bit… Overwhelming. But if the day comes that you truly wish to marry Feyre and Rhysand, it would mean a great deal to us if you chose their rings from this room.”

I was at a loss for words as I looked at every glimmering gem, how would I even choose?

“But… That’s nothing you should rush into.”

I looked at him, noticing the way in which he was looking at a row of rings in front of him. Some were of gold, some of silver, others of a pretty rose gold. Every gem was different, each of them beautiful. But it was the marquise cut ruby set in gold that caught my eye.

“That one,” I whispered. Helion carefully picked it up and admired it for a time. Then he chuckled.

“I’ve been going back to that one for weeks.”

“I think she’d love it.”

“A mating bond, though not as rare as we believe them to be, is special. But to _marry_ someone because you choose to, I believe that is far more rare.”

I felt a knot in my throat as his words brought me to think of Rhysand and Feyre. We had gone against what fate had planned… We had chosen one another.

“She would have married you, you know. All those years ago.”

Helion reached into his pocket and pulled a little box out. He set the ring inside it.

“Gods, the night we met, she was wearing this black dress... I’ll spare you the details. We kept walking around one another, pretending we weren’t paying the other any attention.” He chuckled. “She walked right up to me and wanted to know if I planned on asking her to dance before the next century.”

I laughed. Helion ran his fingers through his hair.

“And then her parents sold her off to that asshole. She gave him children… And I was certain she knew about me; my reputation has never been a secret. I wondered if she was disgusted by me. If she hated me for never coming back for her. But how could I have come back for someone who was already promised to another?

“And then the war came. I was consumed by this dread that she wasn’t safe. That I had to find her… And I did. It was brutal, what I did to protect her. But I’d do it again. For her. She was terrified, and I thought it was because of what I’d done. But, blood and all, Ellie ran into my arms. I’d never felt so relieved in my life.”

“And that’s when it started,” I said more to myself.

“I brought her back here. My mother had cried when she saw me, covered in gore and this frightened thing at my side. I had expected my mother to kick my ass and force me to return your mother to that… bastard. But my mother knew, the way she always knows everything, who Ellie was. What she was to me. Even if I was too fucking blind to see it.”

“When did you realize it?”

“When she left… It was like I’d been carved from the inside, completely hollow. Even if I enjoyed it, no matter who left my bed in the morning, it never felt enough. I never felt right until she was with me again. Even if we had hours. Minutes. And I wasted all these years…”

I wasn’t sure what to say at first. But I understood.

“She’ll marry you now. If you ask her.”

“I know,” he said softly. “But all of my dreams, they’re finally reality. And it’s terrifying.”

Something violet caught my eye, but when I focused on it, it was blue. My heart might have stopped.

“Oddly enough,” I managed to say, “I feel the same way.”

*

My mother looked like a living goddess. She had always been beautiful, but happiness seemed to make her shine. She wore her hair loose tonight. Grandmother had pinned some of it back with a silver comb, boasting butterflies made of sapphires to match the blue of her outfit. My aunt was reading a book by the fireplace, using her yellow veil to ignore us as Grandmother talked of auspicious times, asking if I’d consider staying a little longer because of it.

“We’ve kept him long enough,” Helion said, even if I noticed a bit of sadness in his tone.

“Would you come stay with us?” I asked her, surprising them all, even my aunt who looked up from her book. Helion was shaking his head from where he sat, but only because his mother couldn’t see.

“At the Night Court?”

I nodded. “Not the Hewn City, but in our actual home.”

“The House of Wind is beautiful,” my mother said softly.

Grandmother eyed me for a moment before she smiled.

“I’ll consider it.”

“Does your mate still live with you?” Parineeti asked and both Grandmother and Helion shot her a glare. She waved them off.

“Yes,” I said. “We get along well enough. And Feyre would never part with her family.”

Even Nesta. Her letters worried me, but I would not speak of that.

“That’s lovely that she would cherish her sister,” she said, looking at Helion all the while.

My mother giggled. “She had no one to pester when you were away.”

“Ellie!”

“Which reminds me, dear,” my mother said, ignoring Parineeti’s glare, “I’ve got something for you.”

Helion watched my mother get up and leave the room, looking puzzled. He looked at me for answers and I shrugged- I had no idea what she was up to. When she returned, she went to sit with him again, setting the folded silk on her lap.

“It isn’t perfect,” she said as she held it up for him. “But with Solstice coming up, I thought-”

“You made this?”

She nodded. It was the kind of tunic I’d seen many of the lords wear during ceremonies and special events held at court.

“It’s beautiful, Ellie,” he said as he took it from her, completely awestruck.

“Now you have no excuse to walk around baring your chest like you do every Solstice,” my aunt said which made my mother laugh.

“I’ll wear it. I promise,” he said to my mother, giving her a quick, chaste kiss before he set the tunic down beside him. “I have something for you, too.”

“Really?”

He nodded, taking her by the hand as he helped her to her feet. He bade us follow him as he led my mother outside until we were at the water gardens. We were met with music and dancing, with tables covered in food and fae light overhead.  

“What are we celebrating?” my mother asked with a smile.

“Why, you, of course.”

She rolled her eyes, but was all too happy to join the others dancing. Grandmother went to sit down, completely content in simply watching.

“Why are you not dancing?” she asked as I sat down beside her.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

She raised a brow, her gaze never leaving my parents. I twisted the rings on my fingers, watching my mother… my father- I saw their smiles, the way they looked at one another. I saw myself, dancing with Feyre. With Rhys. Seeing them look at me the way my parents looked at each other. Could I dare to even dream of such a thing?

“Grandmother… If it came to that, me marrying Rhysand and Feyre, would we have your blessing?”

She looked at me incredulously at first, as if she could not believe what she was hearing. But then a smile blossomed on her face, and in her eyes I saw hope.

“Not if, child. When.”

Before I could say another word, there was a round of applause. Grandmother and I looked to find Helion kissing my mother, nothing we had never seen before, except that the others were giving them space. Far too much space.

And then he went down on one knee, and I heard my grandmother gasp. I wasn’t sure who let out a sob as he pulled the little box from his pocket, opening it to reveal the ring we had chosen together.

“Aurelie,” he said, stopping as he tried to compose himself. “I’ve been imagining this moment far longer than I care to admit.”

My mother let out a nervous laugh, looking down at him with tears in her eyes.

“But I found no words to describe the fear of waking up and this being a dream. I’ve lived with regret, even now that you’ve accepted me as your mate, I regret not fighting for you. And I’ve learned the hard way that there is no life worth living if you are not in it. At my side.”

“Are you asking me to marry you, Helion?” she whispered, a playful smile on her face.

“Yes,” he said. He was blushing.  

“Yes, my love. A thousand times, yes.”

Helion let out a sigh of relief, as if there had been any chance of her saying no. She held out her left hand to him, earning a laugh from the others. When Helion slid the ring onto her finger, she was beaming. Then he stood up, taking her into his arms. There were tears in their eyes as they kissed. Laughter when my aunt came to admire the ring, to tease Helion for his inability to actually ask such a ‘simple question’, as she put it.

Grandmother was crying when they both came to ask her for their blessing, as if they did not already have it. When I congratulated him on his ridiculous proposal, my mother looked at us, silently demanding an answer to our obvious conspiring.

“I helped him pick the ring,” I said softly and my mother wrapped her arms around me.  

“Thank you,” she whispered before reaching out and pulling Helion into our embrace. Mother kissed my cheek before she kissed Helion, smiling as she stepped away, just looking at us. “We’re a family.”

I looked at Helion who was trying his best not to cry. I threw my arm around his shoulder.

“Indeed, we are,” I said.

Padmini came to steal my mother away, wanting her to show off the ring and discuss what flavor she wanted the cake to be. Helion chuckled, shaking his head, but I knew that nothing would make him happier tonight. Especially when I saw the look on my grandmother’s face.

“Mother, where are you going?” Helion asked as Grandmother stood up and began to walk away.

“I have a wedding to plan. Have you not heard me speak at all today?”


	35. 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I didn't mean to take so long to update. But life has been busyyyyyy. However, it's summer break and I'll have more time on my hands to finish the fic (Tumblr is wayyyy ahead of AO3 in regards to chapters if anyone doesn't wanna wait). I'm contemplating doing a Nessian fic based off this one. But we'll see. I'm such Elriel trash it's not even funny. But anyway, I can't thank yall enough for the sweet words and encouragement on here and on tumblr about this fic. I had never imagined it being this massive. I've never written anything like this (outside of my own published stuff and the book I've been working on forever). So I'll add a few more chapters while I've got a free moment. Happy Friday yall!

-Feyre-

 

I was not sure what to look at first. The hundreds of red roses scattered across my living room, or my mate, staring at a letter in absolute shock. I knew that only Lucien would do something as grandiose as this, with he and Rhys outdoing one another each week- but what could Luce have written to leave Rhys in such a state?

Elain walked in, bringing me from my thoughts.

“I’m back for more,” she said cheerfully.

“More?”

“I cleared the entry way.”

I grimaced. “Thank you.”

My sister looked at Rhysand and gave a sympathetic smile.

“Why don’t you go read your letter? These will be perfect for the rose garden at the new house.”

“Thank you,” I said, bringing my hand to my chest. She rolled her eyes, waving me off as I carefully walked towards Rhys.

“My love,” I said as I tried not to knock over a bouquet. “Can we go outside?”

He looked up at me as if he’d just noticed I was there.

“I want to go outside.”

He blinked a few times. “Oh. Of course, darling.”

I decided a walk along the Sidra was a good idea.  Rhysand put the letter in his pocket before he took my hand and together, we made our way out of the townhouse.

We were greeted by everyone we walked by, Rhys putting on a mask of absolute calm. So I walked us farther down the Sidra, where there would be less chance of anyone seeing us. Where he could put that mask away.

“Lucien really outdid himself this week,” I said as I playfully bumped into him.

“We’ll have an entire valley growing from our living room,” he said with a soft chuckle.

“Did we get a letter?”

Rhys nodded.

“What did he say?”

Rhys sighed, pulling the letter out and handing it to me.

 

_Rhys and Feyre, I miss you both terribly._

_It did nothing but rain at the villa. The first day after we’d arrived, we were forced to remain indoors.  Drunk off moonshine he made himself, we played a card game I’ve no doubt he learned at some tavern- but it was lively. I believe Cassian would enjoy it. I learned the next morning what it was to care after one’s father… As strange as it is. I think my cooking made it worse, but my mother was right in the end. He and I needed this._

_Be that as it may, my father is a child, so we were out in the rain once he recovered. We made camp high up in the mountains and I was reminded of you, Feyre. However, I had food and proper attire for such climates. Perhaps we three can go away together, I may have thought of something._

_Can you believe there are only mere days that separate us? _

_Now, I know the roses were a bit much, but I have the best news. Helion has asked my mother to marry her. Grandmother said tradition dictates they wait for an auspicious time. That time being the Summer Solstice. I know that this is sudden but my mother and I- we have no family but you- Rhys, Feyre. And it would mean a great deal to us both to have you with us, to represent our family for the ceremonies that will take place._

_I’m being fitted for new clothes for the wedding, so I must stop writing before I miss the courier._

_With all my love,_

_Lucien_

_PS: The wedding will last a week. The formal invitation comes tomorrow, if this arrived to you in time. With it, Helion’s gifts to you both. Everyone at home will be receiving their invitation as well. _

“A wedding!” I let out a childish squeal. An entire week- with Lucien. With our family. But Rhys did not look happy. “What is it?”

He sighed and I could feel the anxiety through our bond as if it were my own.

“He wants us to be there as his family.”

“We are his family, Rhysand.”

“I know that, darling. But…”

He ran his fingers through his hair. I felt that familiar chill down our bond, the uncertainty that came with the memories that still haunted us both.

“You don’t think you’re good enough to be there.” It wasn’t a question.

“Under the Mountain… Helion is all that’s left. His uncles, cousins. Every male in his family- gone. And I was there. I did nothing.”

“You saved us all as the best you could, Rhys. Helion knows that. You are his friend, he doesn’t hold Amarantha’s actions against you.”

“And what of his mother?”

“She will learn of what you did to keep her son alive. She will learn of how you saved Lucien, without even knowing him. Because of you, Rhys- Helion’s mother and sister were able to come home.”

“I didn’t break the curse,” he said with shaken breath.

“I couldn’t have,” I whispered, “If you hadn’t saved me first.”

He avoided my gaze, even as I came to embrace him.

“The High Lord of the Night Court, standing at the future Lady of the Day Court’s side. I can already see Beron rolling on the ground, foaming at the mouth.”

Rhys chuckled, bringing his arms around me.

“And think of how happy Lucien will be to see us. We’ll get to spend a whole week with him. No work. Nothing but us, together. With our family.”

“ _Our_ family.”

I smiled. “Yes. _Ours_.”

He kissed me.

“There is something else,” he said softly.

“What is it?”

He reached into his pocket, placing something cold in my hand.

“The house is finished.”

*

Months ago, when construction had begun on the house, all I had thought of was Rhys and I. Of the child we would one day have. A home with a nursery, with room for our family as it continued to grow. And looking at it now, it was exactly what I had wanted, everything I’d never let myself dream of. And it felt _wrong_.

The key was warm in my hand. I hadn’t moved from where I stood, standing outside of the front door. Our house, it was ready. And it was no longer a dream, but our reality. We could move in at any moment- I knew that if Rhys simply thought it, everything would be in its place inside.

But I didn’t want that. Maybe it was my human heart, or maybe because some part of me wanted to make up for all I’d never had- but I wanted to pack our things together. I wanted us to decide what went where, together. I wanted to find Rhys and Lucien asleep in one of the rooms after carrying everything inside. I wanted Lucien to-

I felt something tug at my heart.

“Rhys?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “He isn’t here.”

“We can wait for him.”

I looked up at Rhys, not finding disappointment. But relief. We could not make this house a home without Lucien.

Rhys went to stand behind me, placing his hands on my waist. 

“Can you picture it? Lucien and I carrying the bed upstairs while you tell us what a terrible job we’re doing?” he asked, making me laugh even as tears lined my eyes.

“I’m sure I’ll find you two busy with _other_ things instead of actually unpacking.”

He kissed my shoulder. “There are many wicked, filthy things I wish to do to both of you in every room of this house.”

I rolled my eyes.

“But… To see it for the first time, I need him here.”

I leaned back into him. “Me too.”

“To choose what stays, what comes with us- I need him here.”

“Do you think he’ll like the curtains in our bedroom?”

I felt Rhysand’s laugh as much as I heard it. And it made me smile.

“Rhysand?”

“Oh, how you wound me, darling!”

“Please,” I said with a roll of my eyes. I turned around, Rhys never taking his hands off me. He was grinning.

“A thought for a thought?”

I nodded, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

“I think the fox will love the curtains,” he said as I smacked his arm. He laughed. “It’s only the truth, darling.”

“I’m trying to be serious.”

He cleared his throat, mischief still lingering in those beautiful eyes.

“You’re a prick.”

He kissed me. “If Lucien were here, you wouldn’t be complaining about pricks.”

I laughed. “No. I wouldn’t be.”

I placed my hands on his chest, relishing in the feel of his beating heart. That sound, I would never take it for granted. And Lucien- gods, I would never take his love for granted again.

“I’m in love with Lucien.”

Rhys regarded me for a moment, bringing one hand to my face.

“Was that your thought?” he whispered. I nodded.

“Have you told him?”

“I would never say something so important in a letter.”

He smiled. “Are our little chats not important?”

“You write me nothing but filth when you’re supposed to be working.”

“But you love it.”

I sighed. “I love you, Rhys.”

He chuckled, pressing me against him.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“We should go see the greenhouse, though,” I said. “Elain wants to give me the grand tour.”

The garden was Elain’s space. It didn’t feel wrong to be here without Luce. Of course, his presence would have made it infinitely better. But even Rhys seemed more relieved as we walked away from the house and out back towards the garden.

And that was where we found her, wiping her hands against her skirt. Azriel was carrying a rather heavy looking bag of Mother knew what while Elain pointed to where she wanted it. His white shirt clung to his skin, and Elain had dirt smeared across one side of her face and on her dress.

“There you are!” Elain exclaimed, happily coming to steal me away from Rhys.

Az chuckled as he set the bag down, taking a little knife to open it.

“Don’t even think about it,” Rhys said as he went to greet his brother.

Elain rolled her eyes and guided me through the gardens, all of this was her work. Every plant, every tree, every flower- she had chosen. And as the greenhouse came in to view…  

“It looks like a glass palace,” I said in awe. The last time I’d seen it, it had merely been a foundation of stone. It was enormous.

“Now, I know I told you that I’d keep it simple. But there was so much space to work with.”

“Is there a zoo in there?”

She giggled, opening the door. There was a little table with chairs to one side, surrounded by the Day Court flowers Lucien had sent us. I could already picture us having tea on chilly winter mornings here, reading books… I could even paint here.

In the middle of the room was a long pool of water where lilies floated and above hung flowers and plants that would eventually spill over their pot if they had not started to already. She walked me around, showing me how she kept the flowers separate from the fruits, vegetables and herbs. She stopped at the sink to wash her hands and face, using that moment to show me the cabinets Azriel had built around it for her to store her things.

“I only have some soap and an extra dress in there, just in case. I’ll eventually fill it up with my tools.”

I handed her the towel that was hanging from a small hook. She smiled.

“It’s beautiful, Elain.”

She blushed. “Rhys gave me complete control over it and I may have gotten carried away.”

“No. This is amazing…” My eyes fell on a spiral set of stairs.

“Oh! Up there. I was thinking about… the boys,” she waved her hand. “There are more delicate flowers up there as well as a small landing outside. We’ve made it into a sort of balcony.”

“Is it wise to allow Illyrian babies to fly into your glass house?”

She laughed. “I’m quite sure I have a switch around here somewhere.”

Her face turned red but she took my hand and led me up to the second level supported by the beams below wrapped in vines. Beautiful, but far too hot for my liking. Elain looked completely at peace with it, even as sweaty and rosy cheeked as she was.

She let go of my hand to open the glass doors and the breeze was more than welcome. There was a bench and a chair, a large portfolio with pages almost bursting from it atop a little table.

“I was going over a few things when Az got here. I needed him to help with the fertilizer.”

I only nodded, watching her take a seat. She patted the space beside her before she began to organize the pages.

“I was a bit nervous, wondering if the trouble in the camps would keep everyone apart… For the wedding, I mean. But Az said things are stable enough that he can afford to get away for a few days.”

“Andreas breaking ties with the other war lords has dealt them a heavy blow.”

She nodded. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“So am I.”

“Lucien must be beside himself. I was losing sleep over a few nights-” She was blushing again.

“Really?” I playfully nudged into her. She giggled.

“I’ve gotten used to it,” she replied, feigning an air of haughtiness that made us both laugh. “Even if he gave Cas a hard time after my birthday, I assure you he could not have been happier.”

“Gotten used to it, hm?”

“I mean, I made a bit of a fuss over his wings at first… But I’ve grown used to that extra warmth at night. He’ll be very useful during winter.”

I laughed so hard I was almost cackling.

“Didn’t you and Rhys have a hard time the first night you shared a bed?”

I snorted. “The only thing harder than Rhys was the bed we slept on.”

Elain was crimson now.

“We didn’t do anything,” I said. “Not… really.”

She cleared her throat. “I’m sure I understand.”

I leaned into her. “Have you put Mor’s birthday present to use yet?”

“No!” she yelled and then lowered her voice. “No. But I do know he kept _his_ , what she got him, I mean. I just don’t know if he wants something more than just sharing a bed and talking until we fall asleep.”

“Do you?”

She was smiling. “Maybe.”

I grinned, earning a playful swat from her.

“Mor wasted her money. He comes to bed with almost nothing on! I’ve had to stop using blankets to sleep. It’s like sleeping within a furnace.”

“Have you kissed?”

She shook her head, lowering her voice again. “I noticed a new scar on his wing, but he hadn’t mentioned getting hurt. So, I didn’t really think much of it when I went to touch it.”

“Was he asleep?” Gods, it was so hard not to smile.

She nodded, covering her mouth with her hand. “He made this sound… I might have changed the nature of whatever he was dreaming.”

I deserved it when Elain nearly shoved me off the bench because I started laughing.

“Does he know?”

She shook her head.

“Their wings are so sensitive it’s almost pathetic.”

“I was going to say something but then I don’t know if he’d be embarrassed. He was quite flustered when he woke up.”

“Elain, you’re going to kill me-”

Just as my ass hit the floor, Azriel and Rhys stepped out onto the landing. They looked at me, laughing to the point of tears, and Elain, sitting with her arms crossed.

“I forget my own strength,” she said and didn’t look one bit guilty.

I resumed my seat beside my sister, and we both started to laugh… Until we saw the look that Rhysand shared with Az.

“Cassian is usually here when you two are planning to do something stupid,” I said.

“No one is planning anything, darling.” He threw an arm over Azriel’s shoulder, bringing his gaze to my sister. “Elain, would you be up for a little stroll down the river?”

Before I could protest, my sister shrugged. “I’d be delighted.”


	36. 36

-Rhys-

 

To say that I was nervous was an understatement. I’d taken hours to bathe and get dressed, realizing I’d not cut my hair since Starfall. My curls were unruly no matter what I tried, giving up only when Feyre needed help with her own.

If Feyre was nervous, there was no evidence of it save for how she played with the end of her braid. The gold pins I had carefully placed down her plaits glimmered in the sun as we walked through the city’s streets, following Padmini who had come to greet us at the gate. There had been the offer of a carriage, but I wanted to walk. I _needed_ to walk.

I twisted the rings on my fingers, gold to match the designs sewn into the black tunic made especially for today. I’d put it on and taken it off to try something else far more times than I’d ever admit. Feyre eyed me knowingly. Butterflies, as Feyre liked to call them, seemed to flitter inside me. I was moments from seeing Lucien for the first time since Starfall. Not weeks. Not days. Moments.  

“Stop worrying,” Feyre whispered as we began to reach the road that led to the palace.

I offered her a smile but my stomach was a mess. The thought of who I am putting any stain on how his new-found family treated him gnawed at my soul. My thoughts fluctuated between confidence and self-doubt. I continued to question my clothes. My hair. I looked at Feyre in her black silks, trimmed in gold to match my clothes… She’d changed into it at the last minute. She claimed it was the most proper of all the gowns and silks Helion had given her, but I knew it was her way of getting me to take my mind off of everything as it happened to be the most complicated of all the gowns to pin in place.

Feyre and Padmini were lost in conversation, discussing what to expect the next few days. I saw the palace coming in to view. I could hear the singing and laughter, so many fae working together to prepare the palace for what I assumed would be one of the grandest weddings the Day Court would see since his parents’ wedding ages ago. Feyre insisted she would never change the way we had done things, but I saw how she admired everything Padmini pointed at. I had denied her this-

“Rhys!”

I stopped walking. We’d already made it to the palace. And Lucien… Lucien was running towards us. Towards _me_. I hadn’t realized I’d met him half way until we were flush against one another, my lips finding his. Our arms around one another. I had not realized what it was I had been hoping for when he had left, what I was trying to understand in his absence until now. I let out a shaken breath when we pulled away to breathe, my eyes beginning to sting.

“High Lord,” he said softly. Gods, I had missed his voice.

“Fox.”

He gave me a crooked smile before he brought his arms around me again, holding me tight. I heard him sigh, relaxing against me as I wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his scent. Listening to his heart race. I had missed him, as much as I had missed Feyre when-

His lips were on mine once more and whatever I had been thinking about was lost to thoughts of him. Of all that I wished to ask him, of all that I wished to share with him. When we pulled apart to breathe, I took him all in. Noticing the little braid amidst his tousled hair, deepened in color by the sun. His skin had darkened some, too. He was beautiful. Breathtaking.

Lucien’s hand found its way to my hair, the fox smirking as he ran his fingers through it.

“I see the High Lord of the Night Court has been neglecting his duties.”

“What might that be?” I asked with a smirk.

“Being the most arrogant and polished lord in all of Prythian.” I heard Feyre snort.

I chuckled and he continued to mess with my hair.

“You look like trouble,” he said.

“Oh?”

“And you know how I cannot resist getting myself into a bind,” he said, his hand coming to rest at the base of my neck before he intertwined his fingers in my hair and tugged on it.

Feyre’s laughter brought us out of our daze. I could see it in her eyes… How much she loved me. How much she loved Lucien.

Lucien kissed me again before he lifted her up in his arms, spinning her around before he kissed her. When he set her down on her feet, he held her against him, whispering to her before he kissed her forehead. Then he kissed the tears that fell from her eyes.

Her smile was wicked and bright as she said, “Speaking of binds, if we don’t get inside we may find ourselves in one we may not enjoy.”

Lucien laughed, scooping Feyre up in his arms once more. He had no intention of setting her down, following after Padmini who was doing her best not to laugh.

“Are you truly going to carry me inside?” she asked, taking his braid in her hand and tugging on it.

“Of course.”

She giggled. “How gallant.”

Lucien looked my way, giving me a smile. There was a promise in that smile, and something else that left me breathless.

Lucien did not set Feyre down until we were just outside of the sitting room where Helion and his family were gathered. He fell to one knee, making sure her pins were in place before he adjusted her gold belt with absolute reverence. When he rose to his feet, he gave her a kiss.

“Perfect,” he said, taking her by the hand. And then he looked my way, holding the other out for me. _Perfect_ \- I heard his thought loud and clear as if he had said it himself.

Just as Padmini opened the doors, I took his hand, our fingers intertwined. Just as she announced us, Lucien kissed me. He was grinning when we walked into the room, all eyes on us.

Helion stood to the right of the room with two females at his side. To my surprise, he did not wear white. The High Lord was in a deep crimson tunic paired with black trousers. Aurelie stood on the other side, two chairs empty at her side. She was dressed in green like her son, her sash and skirts the same blue of his pants. Bangles and heavy earrings adorned her, golden chains with various gems glittered at her neck. Where Helion and Lucien wore their hair loose, Aurelie’s braid was adorned with flowers. The resemblance between father and son was so incredible, I still couldn’t believe I’d never noticed.

Lucien led us to his mother, letting us go only to embrace her. He let her go with a kiss to her temple before taking his place between his parents. Aurelie at once pulled Feyre into her arms and covered her face in kisses.

“You look beautiful,” she said before her eyes found mine. “And look at you.”

Aurelie came to press a kiss to my cheek before tousling my hair.

“So handsome.”

I felt my face get hot, especially when Lucien winked at me.

Helion came to shake my hand, pulling me in for a hug.

“Rhysand, Feyre,” Helion said with a smile. “Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to my mother, Shreya, and my sister, Parineeti.” Both females gave a bow of their heads, Feyre and I returned the gesture. His mother was a tiny thing, dressed as elegantly as Aurelie in purple and golds. His sister shared his amber eyes, her black hair pulled in a braid that reached her hips. She wore orange, forcing the gaze back to her, and something about her made me think she’d get along very well with Morrigan.

“I’ve not seen you since you were a child,” Shreya said with a smile.

“I’m honored to meet you, properly,” I replied, feeling like an idiot. Parineeti giggled, looking over at Lucien. Her nephew. He only gave her a knowing smile that left my heart racing.

Helion motioned for us all to sit as servants brought in drinks and sweets to share. He seemed just as nervous as I was.

“My son has a habit of doing whatever he likes, no matter the consequence,” Shreya said, leaning over to pinch his cheek. “However, I have loved Aurelie since the moment she arrived.”

Aurelie blushed.

“Mother…” Helion looked as though he wished the earth would swallow him whole.

Lucien snorted and Shreya’s eyes fell on him. He might have straightened in his seat but his grandmother- my heart felt tight in my chest. Lucien had a _grandmother_. And she looked at him the way my mother had once looked at me, at my brothers.

“Look at my precious boy,” she said, and Lucien blushed. “So well spoken and kind. He walks me every morning to the temple for my prayers. Even lights the candles with that fire of his.”

“You’ve been doing that alone all your life, mama,” Parineeti whispered rather loudly and Shreya waved her off.

“And just like his father, he has everyone gawking at him. Even if he pays no one any mind.”

“Grandmother was in the continent,” Lucien said rather quickly to Feyre in an attempt to change the subject. Feyre graciously tried not to laugh at him. “She brought back paintings you would love.”

Shreya seemed thrilled to discuss her time at the continent, even if living fifty years without knowledge of her son’s well-being had nearly killed her. Helion had sent them overseas the moment Amarantha had returned with her false peace. And when she had summoned us all Under the Mountain, he had left his Court to Padmini. His cousin, the way Mor was mine. Feyre answered their questions about the Mortal Lands. She gave a very brief description of how she had grown up, brief enough that Shreya simply thanked the gods for sending the Curse Breaker to us all.

And then Parineeti asked Feyre how a relationship with Lucien and I worked… She would get along perfectly with Cassian. Shreya gaped at her.   

“What? I refuse to be the only person in this room following tradition.” She said the word as if it were poison.

“Rhysand has some very pretty friends,” Helion muttered to his sister and Shreya swatted his arm.

“It’s alright, mother,” Aurelie said softly. “Helion has to wait a week. That is punishment enough.”

Lucien slouched in his chair, visibly uncomfortable at what his mother implied. Shreya laughed until she started coughing. Feyre poked my side.

“See… You had nothing to worry about,” she whispered before she pressed a kiss to my cheek.

Feyre and I presented Helion and his family with gifts on Aurelie’s behalf, as her family would have done. After sharing a meal, we joined them at the temple within the palace where Helion and Aurelie were blessed and prayers were said well into the night. Only then were we separated; Feyre was whisked away by Aurelie as Lucien led me to where the males would be residing for the week.

I had barely shut the door to his bedroom before Lucien had pulled me into his arms and kissed me fervently. I was laughing when we pulled away to breathe.

“I’ve missed you, High Lord.”

“I missed you, too.”

I felt his excitement before he’d even taken my hand. “Come see.”

His room could fit the townhouse and still have room to spare. The gauzy drapes that hung from the canopy bed billowed in the breeze that came through the large, open windows.

“I’ve never seen a sunrise like the ones they have here,” he said and with a laugh walked over to a set of double doors. “I think you’ll like this.”

It was a closet as big as our bedroom back home. And it was full of clothing and shoes, even an area where jewelry was kept.

“The bathtub, Rhysand,” he exclaimed and led me in another direction. But I stopped him, Lucien turning to look at me confused. I sighed and he pulled me into his arms.

“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “Seeing you so happy… I have no words to describe it.”

“Well, I’m happier now that you and Feyre are here. It’s a damn shame she’s on the complete other side of the palace. Traditions…” He rolled his eyes.

“The Day Court suits you,” I said softly. I touched his face, tracing over that scar.  

“So does the Night Court.”

I smiled. “I’ve missed you terribly, fox.”

He turned slightly to kiss my palm. Then Lucien reached out to touch my face before he ran his fingers through my hair.

“Come on, let me show you the bathtub… It fits your wings. Feyre’s too.”

That wicked gleam in his eyes was all the encouragement I needed.

*

The sun was shining on my face, disrupting my sleep. Sleep that I desperately needed. I wanted to turn away but I realized I was being held and only then did I open my eyes. My heart fluttered. Lucien was here. Holding me against him. And I felt… safe.

“It took me some time to get used to it,” Lucien said, his sleepiness evident in his voice.

“Does Helion not believe in drapes?” I asked. Lucien laughed.

“I have drapes.”

Lucien pressed a kiss to my shoulder, then my neck. I turned enough that I could kiss him, but I did not.

“They’re useless.”

“Were you always so cranky in the morning?” he asked, grinning before he brought his lips to mine, his hand now roaming across my chest. Lower.

“Lately… yes.”

He chuckled, bringing his attention back to my neck.

“Marking your territory?” I teased.

He did not reply as a quick knock came to the door. He had not even answered before Feyre waltzed right in, carrying a tray of breakfast. She used her foot to close the door behind her before she made her way to the dresser, depositing the tray there. Lucien and I sat up, and the way he smiled at her… gods, it was just mesmerizing.

“Good morning,” she said. Lucien climbed out of bed, not bothering to put on any clothes before he went to properly greet her. His kiss left her blushing.

“Let me find my pants,” he said softly and earned a swat on his backside, making him laugh.

After I kissed Feyre good morning, I joined Lucien in the closet where we quickly dressed before going to sit with Feyre on the little table by an open window. It was low, with pillows all around it for sitting. But Lucien pulled Feyre onto his lap, an arm around her waist before he tugged on my hand to sit next to him.

“I’ve missed you, Feyre.”

She kissed his cheek. “I missed you too.”

He leaned over to grab the bowl of fruit. “I propose we never do this to ourselves. Ever again.”

“I agree,” I said, making him smile. Feyre nodded her head before she took the bowl from him.

“You deserved to be with your family, Luce.”

“You are my family, too,” he said before he looked at me. “Both of you.”

I gave him a smile, even if I felt my heart in my throat. I knew right then that I wanted to wake up to Feyre and Lucien every day… For the rest of my life.

*

We could hear laughter and music as we approached Helion’s rooms, and we were let in before we had even knocked. Cassian was naked from the waist up, his arms covered in intricate brown designs. He sat with Helion who was waiting for his mendhi to dry. He had wanted the other males to participate, even if all we did was sit with him and talk.

“It’s about time,” Helion said. The other males in the room laughed. “Come sit, Paro has been waiting for you.”

I sat down, rolling up the sleeve to the only arm that bore no mark. Lucien pulled his shirt off and sat between his father and I.

“For fuck sake,” Helion said and Cassian barked a laugh.

“I told you.”

I laughed. “Already started with the bets?”

“Not me,” Cassian said, trying not to laugh. “Azriel.”

As the others arrived, sweets were passed around. Paro had finished and moved on to Kallias who looked ready to hide under one of the cushions. Azriel, to my surprise, looked far more comfortable than the High Lord of Winter.

“Aurelie will have my name somewhere in her mendhi design,” Helion said wistfully. “I have to find it.”

Lucien let out a sound of disgust.

“You’ve absolutely no shame,” Lucien hissed but there was no anger in his expression.

“You’re the lucky bastard,” Helion replied. “You and Rhys get to figure out where Feyre has your names on-”

With his free hand, Lucien chucked a colorful pillow at Helion’s head. The High Lord laughed.

“That’s just as bad as sleeping with my friends,” he muttered. Cassian snorted.

“They’re friends now,” Helion replied. “Thick as thieves.”

“All the same,” Lucien muttered.

I noticed that Lucien’s right arm was beginning to look a lot like my left, his hand like Feyre’s.

“Wait until Feyre sees,” I said softly to him. Lucien smiled and leaned over to kiss me.

“Hey! It’s my wedding,” Helion whined but Lucien rolled his eyes.

“Amren had to stand outside of the door,” Varian said with a laugh.

“She’s my mate.”

“And you told all of us that custom dictates you stay away from her until all of this is over,” Tarquin said, relaxing against the cushions. “You asked us to keep an eye on you.”

“Amren also promised she’d join us males if she had to,” Varian added. Helion groaned.

“If you’d just followed tradition, Helion, you’d be with her right now. Instead of here, with us,” Thesan teased.

Helion simply sighed.

“We chose the ceremonies that wouldn’t remind her of what she no longer had.” What Helion no longer had. His uncles, cousins. All gone. And Aurelie… She had lost so much to Beron, to war.

For a moment, we were silent, save for the music that played.

“At least you invited us,” Cassian said with snap. Helion looked at my brother with gratitude.  “ _Some_ people like to do things in secret.”

“We were in the middle of war!” I snapped back.

Everyone laughed.

“You owe us a wedding.” Everyone looked at Azriel, surprised he had even said a word.

I found myself looking at Lucien, and we both blushed and quickly looked away.

We spent the rest of the day and afternoon dancing and laughing at one another. And at some point after dinner, Helion snuck away from us and we all went after him. All of his palace was decorated in flowers, something out of a dream. I chose to walk, putting space between myself and the others, taking in the sight of this palace at night. The way the candles glowed and the music and laughter I heard all around me.

And then I felt someone take my hand and pull me into a hallway.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to get over here,” Lucien said with a smile.

“Have you really been standing here waiting?”

He rolled his eyes.

“He’s drunk. I’m not chasing after him again.”

I laughed. “Az will get him.”

Lucien nodded. I closed the space between us, bringing a hand to either side of his face before I kissed him. Gods, I’d missed him. Missed this.

He was smiling when we stopped to breathe.

“I didn’t get a chance to ask you last night… Did you get my flowers?”

I nodded.

“Elain has added them to the greenhouse. And what of my gift?”

He chuckled. “You’re a bastard, Rhys.”

I laughed. “What did you think?”

“You are insufferable.”

“I doubt you’ll be saying that when Feyre and I-”

A loud bang interrupted us, and we walked out of the hall to find Helion on the stone floor, laughing. I looked up and all of them; Feyre, Mor, Elain and Viviane staring from the second floor. Cresseida joined them which meant Amren was with Aurelie. I grimaced. Someone had tossed the High Lord of the Day Court over the rail.

And then a snowball hit Viviane in the face and she shrieked, sending another one back to Kallias who was howling as he ran off.

“Well… so much for holding tradition,” Lucien muttered as it seemed all of the palace joined in. Chasing one another and throwing something yellow at each other.

“What is that?”

Lucien smirked. “You will be very glad you wear black.”

And then he was running, and I went after him. I would have caught up to him had I not found Feyre and Viviane smearing that something yellow on Helion’s face, chest and arms. He was laughing, digging his hand into the bowl in Viviane’s hands and smeared it on Feyre’s hair.

He must have felt me staring because his eyes met mine. Before I could speak, Feyre and Viviane spun on their heels and I had the good sense to turn the other way. But I bumped into Azriel.

“Helion interrupted their ceremony,” Az said. “So now we’re all paying for it.”

Soon enough, everyone was covered head to toe in the turmeric paste, as Azriel had quickly explained. Typically, only the married females participated in this, but Helion never followed rules. Azriel and I had managed to evade everyone… Until Aurelie found us.


	37. 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, I didn't realize how long it's been since I updated on here. 
> 
> Since I plan on writing a Nessian fic to go along with this one, I've had to change the way I end this so it's had me a bit stumped for a while. But I promise I'm finishing it lol 
> 
> Tumblr is still chapters ahead of here if anyone wants to check it out. It's super nice to hear from AO3 folks on tumblr <3 y'all are so sweet 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update! It was one of my favorites to write. I'll do my best to add more chapters up soon.

-Lucien-

 

I was just getting out of the shower when a knock came to my bedroom door. I wrapped a towel around my waist. I already knew who it was and I eagerly made my way to answer.

I tried not to laugh. Rhys was standing there, his black clothes smeared yellow and his hair… Gods, his hair was plastered all to one side and his entire face was yellow.

“Don’t,” he said as he walked in and I bit my lip. He closed the door and I couldn’t hold it in. I snorted. Rhys looked back at me and sighed, a smile blossoming on his face.

“Your mother is… very competitive.”

I laughed, Rhys joining me as he walked towards the bathroom. I didn’t tell him that he was leaving yellow foot prints in his wake. I pulled my towel off and tossed it on the floor, doing my best to wipe it away. They’d faded before he made it to the bathroom at least.

He was peeling his clothes off, the shower already running. I leaned against the doorway, crossing my arms. He used his shirt to wipe off the bulk of the paste from his face before he tossed it aside and disappeared behind the stained-glass wall of the shower.

“It’s part of a ceremony for the bride, sometimes with the groom. They claim it’s good for the skin and the hair, among other things.”

“Should I be offended your mother assaulted Azriel and I?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

I snorted. “She must think you were in dire need of it.”

Rhysand poked his head out, staring at me incredulously. It was hard not to laugh when his hair was all wet and the turmeric was still in it.

“I’m only teasing,” I said, raising my hands in surrender. Rhys resumed his shower and I decided to join him. I cursed when the water touched my skin, cold as ice. He grinned and I rolled my eyes, making him turn around so I could wash his hair.

“My mother is very fond of you, Rhys,” I said softly, smiling when I heard his sigh as I massaged his scalp. “That ceremony… It’s a blessing of sorts.”

“In what way?” he asked.

“It’s like blessing their union. Warding off evil, at least that was how it was explained to me. And symbolically, it cleanses the soul before starting the new chapter of their life.”  

I felt him still. I rinsed his hair and then gave his backside a swat before I stepped out. His laugh eased some of my worry. Was it too soon to speak of such things?

I was already in bed when Rhys finally came out of the bathroom. He was drying his hair, wearing only black pants he must have brought from home. I smiled at him, earning a blush. The most powerful High Lord in all history, blushing.

“Your mother may just have to do this more often,” he said as he crawled into bed beside me. I chuckled.

“Are you sure?”

He motioned at his face as if that were answer enough. I laughed.

“Rhys, you always look like that.” Perfect. Beautiful.

He scowled before I leaned over to kiss him. I mussed up his curls. _Gods, I love you_. Rhys’ eyes widened… And I realized he’d heard my thoughts. I let out a sigh.

“I love you, Rhys.” He remained still, mouth slightly parted as he just stared at me as if in a trance.  “Close your mouth,” I teased, “lest something fly in it.”

That made him smile, his eyes alight.

“Say it again.” His voice was a whisper.

This time, I brought my hands to either side of his face.

“Rhysand, I am in love with you.”

Tears began to line his eyes as he closed them.

“No one’s ever said it first…” His voice was so quiet that I wasn’t sure that he had meant to say it out loud.

“You and I are incapable of catching Suriel,” I replied just as quietly. He opened his eyes, a smile blossoming on his lips.

“I love _you_ , Lucien.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

“You love me.”

“Fox… I can’t imagine my life without you. This time apart has to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever put myself through.” He laughed, and it felt like I could breathe again.

“I almost said it, that morning I left. But I was afraid I’d be adding to your burdens.”

“Why would you ever think that?”

I shrugged, feeling my face get hot. He took my hands in his.

“There are still days where I think I will wake up and Feyre will be in Spring. With Tamlin. And I will be in the House of Wind, completely alone.”

That broke my heart.

“And you, Lucien, if I were to discover this was all a dream…”

I kissed him.

“It’s not, Rhys. It’s not a dream.”

It was not a dream, but it felt like one. A damned good one. Every morning, Feyre woke us up with breakfast, already dressed for the ceremonies that awaited us. There never seemed to be enough time to be with her. To pull her into empty hallways, Rhys and I devouring her with kisses.

When I was not with them, I was with my grandmother and my aunt, who went over my role in every ceremony. I earned a pinch to the cheek when I pronounced a word properly, a kiss when I didn’t need a reminder. And every night, we shared dinner with my family. It was surreal to sit amongst Rhysand’s Court, and my father’s… but it felt right. As if the two were always meant to be together.

I looked at Rhys and Feyre, sitting across from me with Elain and Azriel, the four of them talking with my parents and grandmother. My aunt chimed in every now and then, but Cassian’s stupid jokes occupied her attention. Amren said something that made Mor laugh.

All I could do was smile.

When Feyre’s eyes met mine, my heart raced faster, as it always did. Ever since Rhys and I told her what we’d admitted to one another… I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so radiant. So happy. And tonight, she looked… perfect. Her hair was down, over one shoulder. She wore blue, the silver of her gown glittering under the fae light. And then she smiled, blushing. She turned to Rhys and whispered to him, bringing his attention to me. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before… To love two people so much… and at once.

“One would think it was you three getting married,” Mor said with a laugh, poking my side.

I threw my arm around her shoulder and smiled.

“Now, now, Mor. I wouldn’t want to steal my father’s spotlight.”

She leaned into me. “You’re right… Besides, we would need time to figure a way to mix traditions of both courts.”

“And convince Rhys to wear red,” Cassian chimed in and Rhys rolled his eyes.

“Why would he not wear red?” Grandmother asked and everyone at the table, even Elain, spoke out at once about his attire, Rhys looking as if he wished to disappear.

Grandmother’s words ended the debate. “It’s tradition.”

*

Tradition would have had Helion leading a procession of sorts to my mother’s house. But, they shared the same roof. So instead, they would meet each other in the throne room, where the sun would fall on them beneath the canopy of flowers made for the ceremony.

I cried at the sight of my mother, standing outside of the room she had shared with Feyre and the others all week. She was a vision in crimson and gold, wearing more jewelry than I thought was even possible, but it was the smile on her face that did me in. It was seeing Rhys and Feyre try to kneel before my mother, but she stopped them, covering them in kisses. It was seeing Elain, my mate- tether or not, standing with my mother, with Feyre- smiling.

“Let’s save some tears for the ceremony,” my mother said with a laugh, pulling me into a hug before I lead her away. Music and singing followed us all through the palace. Rose petals fell from above and all I could do was smile.  

Beneath the canopy of flowers, I placed my mother’s hand into Helion’s, reciting the words as I had been taught- to ask him not to fail her. Helion looked at me with pride, reciting the promise to love and care for my mother- words I knew in my soul he would live by.

As they sat down before the sacred fire, Grandmother helped me present my parents with the rice they threw in the fire. The rose water I poured over their hands.

I went to sit beside Rhys, feeling my heart in my throat. In a matter of days, our dreams had come true. My mother had her mate, and now, her husband. And I… I had a true family to call my own.

My mother and father recited their vows to one another and as hard as I tried to look at my mother in her deep crimson dress, at Helion in the very tunic she had made him, my gaze kept falling on Feyre. Her eyes were on my parents, watching them in such a way that I knew she had already saw the painting in her mind, already had a name for it. When tears fell from her eyes, my aunt playfully pinched her side, bringing her to look at me. One day, this would be our future. And at that thought, my face heated and I looked away.

Parineeti tied the end of my mother’s veil to Helion’s sash as he took my mother’s hand. They would walk seven times around the sacred fire; my mother would lead the way for the first four steps, with Helion leading her for the final three. My mother was crying, a smile on her face that brought me to tears. I could picture us, Rhys and I, doing this. I’d know my father’s language by then, and I’d teach it to Rhys and Feyre.

But the sound of laughter and cheers took me from my thoughts. The priest was sighing as Helion took my mother in his arms and kissed her. Grandmother was in tears, smiling as she watched her son lift up his bride and carry her away.

I stood and helped Rhys to his feet.

“I hope you’re rested,” I said. “This is going to last all night.”

Rhysand laughed. “Challenge accepted.”

*

I brushed a curl away from Rhys’ eyes, making him smile. We lounged on pillows on the floor as the celebrations continued around us. My father was busy goading Kallias into dancing while Viviane watched with delight.  

“Look at her,” Rhys said, his eyes on Feyre. She was following my aunt’s movements as the dancing had changed to what was native to the Day court. She was beaming. “I kept thinking of seeing her dressed like your mother… Like a bride.”

“As was I.” In Day or Night Court dress, I didn’t care. Feyre would be perfect.

“We never… It didn’t happen the way she deserves.”

I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m sure that she doesn’t see it that way.”

“But did you see the way she was looking at-”

My mother approached us and held out her hand.

“Rhysand, darling, would you dance with me?”

He gave her a grin that made me roll my eyes as he rose to his feet to join her.

Feyre was panting when she finally came to sit down beside me.

“Cassian has got nothing on your aunt,” she said with a laugh.

“We should get him to try to keep up with her.”

She gave me a smile. “We should.”

I kissed her nose. Feyre reached over to take my glass from the little table. She drank it down and sighed.

“This is wonderful. I’ve never… Well, this is a first.”

I took the glass from her hand and set it back down.

“The first of many.”

She raised a brow at that.

“Walk with me?” I asked. I’d danced with my mother. My father. I’d fulfilled every role I was required to do. A moment away with the woman I loved wouldn’t hurt.

We didn’t go far, I could still see everyone dancing beneath the large, open tent in the gardens. I could even hear my father’s laughter from where we stood. Feyre leaned back against a tree, giggling as a peacock walked passed.

“It’s magical here,” she said.

“All of Prythian is magic.”

She giggled again. “No. Not like this.”

I slowly closed the space between us, bringing a hand on either side of her.

“It’s just… real. Like the Night Court. Nothing is forced. It’s beautiful.”

I smiled.

“You look beautiful.”

She blushed, bringing a hand to my chest.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too.”

She shook her head, her fingers trailing down until they rested right below my heart.

“I’m in love with you, Lucien. I didn’t think it was possible… to love anyone this way. Both of you- but I do.”

Everything went quiet, save for the birds singing. The whisper of the summer breeze. All that existed was Feyre, with those blue grey eyes looking into mine. That beautiful smile on her face, one that I never thought I would see- not for me.

I leaned in to kiss her. She got on her tip toes, the anklets jingling with the movement. Her bangles brushed up against my skin as she brought her arms around my neck. She giggled when my hands traveled down her sides until I was touching the bare skin above her skirt.

“This was the best Summer Solstice I’ve ever had,” I whispered before I kissed her again.

“The day isn’t over yet.” Her smile was mischievous.

When we returned, Azriel asked Feyre for a dance. Rhys was busy talking with Kallias and Thesan. And Elain… She was walking towards me. She looked beautiful in pink. Her hair was pinned into a low knot at the nape of her neck. And just like her sister, she was covered in jewels.

“Dance with me?” she asked softly.

“Of course.”

The music was slower, evoking a sense of intimacy in the room. It was a relief to no longer feel any pain at her side. And a relief to see her look at me without her smile fading away.

“Thank you for inviting us,” she said at last.

“You’re welcome,” I replied, feeling like an idiot.

Her laughter was soft. I spun her around, earning another laugh. She brought her hand to my chest as we resumed our dancing, my hand resting on her waist.

“Where there are shadows, there is fire,” she whispered. “You remember that, don’t you?”

I nodded. I had never been able to make any sense of her words. I had never asked.

“And where there is fire, there is light.”

Her knowing smile was contagious.

“You’ve found your light… Haven’t you?”

We were merely swaying now, and I looked around until my eyes fell on Rhys and Feyre who were now dancing together. I found myself smiling. It finally made sense.

“They don’t need anything else but you,” she said as we stopped moving. She smiled, taking my hands in hers, and giving them a squeeze before she walked away. I brought a hand over my pocket, sighing with relief when I felt the two small boxes there, hidden by a glamour.


	38. 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! So here's more feyrhycien cheesiness. I've updated on tumblr as well for anyone following this fic there. I am so sorry this is taking so long to complete. I am soooo grateful for your patience and your encouraging words. you're the best<3

-Feyre-

 

“We may need another closet,” Lucien mused, standing with his arms crossed as he looked between our shared closet and the pile of clothes from the Day Court on our bed. Rhys chuckled from where he lay beside said pile. “Rhys, what about the apartment?”

Rhysand laughed, Lucien flipped him off. I went to stand beside him, bringing a hand to his back.

“We could just put it in a box,” I said, bringing Lucien to look at me with a raised brow.

“There’s no room for boxes.”

I did my best not to laugh. We hadn’t told him yet. I took Lucien’s hand, guiding him to the bed to sit beside Rhys who graciously shoved the mountain of clothes aside.

“What is it?” he asked, not letting go of my hand.

“Rhys and I… Well, the house is finished.”

Lucien looked at Rhys who nodded.

“ _The_ house.”

Lucien smiled. “When? That’s wonderful.”

“While you were away,” I said.

“Then what are you two still doing here? Or did Rhys already fill the closets there with endless shades of black clothing?”

Rhys laughed, giving Lucien a kiss.

“Nonsense. Not until I know which closet is yours.”

“I-”

“We were waiting for you to come home,” I said, my face getting hot. “I don’t even know what our bedroom looks like yet.”

Lucien looked at us both incredulously before it dawned on him that we were serious.

“Luce, we can’t make it a home without you,” I said to him.

“Shall we go look at our house?” Rhys asked him, holding out the keys.

*

I looked at Lucien as Rhys unlocked the front door of the house. He was dressed in one of those sheer white tunics, similar to the one he’d sent to Cassian. His hair was down, the way he’d worn it ever since we came back from the Day Court. When he caught me staring, I blushed.  

Rhys opened the door and held it for us, beckoning us inside.

“Welcome home, darlings,” Rhys said.

I gasped.

It was enormous. We three walked hand in hand, going into every room. We could even walk up the stairs together. The windows let in so much light, I knew that I could paint just about anywhere in the house. We saw the rooms that would eventually be bedrooms for our family. The bathrooms. Sitting rooms and offices for us to work in and keep that work away from our bedroom.

Our bedroom was in its own wing, with a beautiful sitting area just outside the double doors that led to it. Rhys urged me to be the one to open the doors.

“Mother’s tits,” I whispered, making them both laugh.

I slowly walked around, looking at the ceiling. The walls. The windows. Everything was absolutely perfect. The closet could probably fit everything, but knowing Rhys, we’d be using another one here. Lucien and Rhys were occupied by the window, looking out at the view of the gardens and lands outside.

“This is perfect,” I said and walked to the opposite end of the room. I ran my hand over the mantle of the fireplace, imagining our winters here. Comfortable chairs, bookcases filled to the brim.

“What do you think about putting chairs here?” I asked, and both of them looked at me.

“Where are we putting the bed?” Rhys asked as they walked over to me.

I shrugged. “Lucien, where should we put the bed?”

“I guess there, in the middle. Rhys isn’t too fond of sunshine in his face in the morning.”

He was smiling, especially when Rhys scoffed.

“We have one more room to see,” I said.

They walked with an arm around one another as I led them to one of the few other doors in our wing. I had to wipe the palms of my hands against my powder blue skirt. There were butterflies in my stomach. I stopped in front of the door and felt my face get hot.

“This was something Rhys and I had planned… ages ago,” I said, putting my hand on the doorknob. “But I’ve asked for a few adjustments.”

They followed me in to the room, just as opulent as the rest of the house. I went to the windows and opened them, letting in the summer breeze. When I turned around, Rhys was in tears.

“This was Rhysand’s gift to me,” I said to Lucien. “A house with a nursery.”

Lucien merely nodded, looking around. I imagined he was trying to picture it.

“But this isn’t the only one,” I added. That brought both of them to look at me in a way that made me want to laugh. “Come on.”

The room beside it was another room, twin to the other.

“I hope I’m not being presumptuous,” I said as we walked inside. I stopped to look at them both, these two insufferable fae bastards that I loved so much. “Rhys and I have been trying… for a child, I mean. And now that you’re with us, maybe one day… we will, too. Not that we have to. I know we haven’t talked about any of this but at least if we decide to, we don’t have to tear into the house again. And I know that this is very sudden with asking you to move in with us and now this but-”

Lucien was kissing me before I could even finish my words. His hands cupped my face.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing me once more. Then he looked at Rhys, reaching out for him. “And you, High Lord, I love you.”

“I love you, fox,” Rhys said giving him a kiss before he pulled me into his arms, kissing me in a way that made my knees weak. I giggled, turning to kiss Lucien…

…Only to find him on one knee, holding out a small box with a ring inside. It had a blue stone that looked violet where light touched. It was like starlight. It was a _ring_ and he was- I had to remember to breathe.

“I never did get around to giving you the moon on a string,” he said. “I hope this will suffice.”

I think I might’ve sobbed. Then he reached in his other pocket, holding out a similar box with another ring studded with the same stone and this one, this one he held out to Rhys.

“Feyre… Rhys… There is nothing I want more than this- Whatever the future holds, I want it to be at your side. To have you as my husband and my wife…” He paused, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. “Will you marry me?”

Before I could even say anything, Rhys chuckled, reaching into his pocket to hold out a little black box. He opened it, a ring similar to the ones in Lucien’s hands.

“Does this answer your question?” Rhys asked, smiling as tears lined his eyes. Lucien laughed as he began to cry, then he turned to look at me.

“Feyre?”

I nodded, words failing me as he rose to his feet.

“I’ve just realized that I didn’t think this through,” Lucien said as he held the ring to my finger.

“We’ll figure it out later,” I replied and once the ring was snug against the ring Rhys had given me, I kissed Lucien, holding him by the collar of his tunic.

“I love you, Luce,” I said as we parted. “And this ring… It’s perfect.”

As I admired my ring, Lucien and Rhys exchanged theirs as they smiled like children on Solstice. My heart felt ready to burst from my chest and I began to cry.

“Feyre, darling,” Rhys said, “What’s wrong?”

They were both fussing over me and I laughed.

“I’m just really happy,” I said, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. When I had first met them both, I had never thought they’d mean so much. That I would ever be capable of loving anyone this strongly or that anyone would love me this way. I’d faced so many dangers, so many fears with them at my side. And now, we’d be starting this new chapter of our lives- together.


	39. 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I know it's been forever. I'm the worst. But I'm finally getting close to finishing this fic FOR REAL this time lol Tumblr is all caught up and so I'll get everything on here asap so everyone's on the same page. I have to also bring over my Feyrhycien Mob AU here. When I start the Nessian fic, I'll make sure to update here and tumblr at the same time so we're not having months between updates across sites. Anyway, thank you to everyone who reads and messages me, to those who've found me on tumblr and support me there too. You guys are the best <3

-Rhys-

 

Feyre looked like a dream. She wore a loose tunic from the Day Court the color of the sky with sand colored trousers. She wore her hair up, the way she did when she painted, to show off the heavy earrings Lucien had given her. Helion and Aurelie had sent us our engagement clothes, but they were far too opulent for today. Not only were we showing our family the house, we were celebrating our engagement together. The official celebration was weeks away, to be split between the Night and Day Courts. Lucien in turn, wore something similar, his hair down save for the little braid he knew Feyre like so much.

Elain and Azriel were the first to arrive. We gathered in the study, Elain and Feyre going off to sip wine together on the sofa. Cassian arrived soon after, holding two bottles of Summer Court rum. Mor and Amren arrived last, and our family was completely together.

At Amren’s insistence, we showed them the house first. Cassian claimed the room at the complete opposite end of the house.

“I don’t want to hear any of you at night,” he said, jumping onto the bed. We took a while with the bedrooms, Amren wanting the room with the view of the lake and Mor happy with the room beside Cassian’s, which left Elain and Azriel. Even Nesta had a room here, but I had a feeling it would remain unoccupied for the time being. Feyre showed Elain the room with a view of the gardens, everyone left in absolute surprise when Elain called Az over to look.

“Is this alright?”

“Whatever you want,” he replied. Elain smiled.

“We’ll have this one,” she said, happily taking his hand and pulling him to the door that led to the balcony.

After a few drinks outside, we showed them the rest of the house. Elain was giddy when she saw the nurseries, part of me expecting her to see something of our future. But she said nothing of the sort. We saved our bedroom for last, the bed still unmade. Cassian snorted at the sight.

We were all heading for the green house when a knock came on the front door. We all knew who it was, we all shared the same expression. Without a word, Cassian continued to walk away. Lucien, to my relief, offered to follow after him.

“You made it,” Feyre said cheerfully. I saw how badly she wanted to embrace her sister, but opted to hold the door for her instead. Elain stood beside Azriel, smiling. But she was smiling because Azriel was whispering something to her while Nesta walked in.

“I almost forgot,” Nesta said. “But lucky me, your invitation just appeared on my dresser this morning.”

Feyre looked at me and I shook my head.

“We were about to go outside,” Feyre said, “But I’ll show you around the house.”

Nesta snorted. “Is this what you people consider a house?”

I bit my tongue, choosing to smile instead. The hellos were clipped, almost forced between us all.

“Feyre, I’ll bring everyone to the greenhouse. It is my project after all,” Elain said sweetly. She waited until they were all walking away to stop and turn to look at Nesta. “You can come too, if you want.”

Nesta stood there, trying and failing at not showing how much that hurt.

Feyre led Nesta around the house, showing her the two rooms Nesta could choose from.

“Elain is with Azriel now?” Nesta asked, a thought not meant to be said out loud.

“That’s for her to say,” Feyre replied.

Nesta didn’t choose a room.

We didn’t show her our bedroom or the nurseries, we didn’t even go to that side of the house. The only time she had anything nice to say was when we walked around the library. But once she made to sit on one of the cushioned seats, she looked down at herself, as if realizing the state of dress she was in and decided against it.

Feyre smiled, even through the indirect insults. Even though Nesta reeked of liquor and her clothes were filthy. Even when she asked Nesta if she would like to stay for dinner, to celebrate our engagement and Nesta simply stared at her as if she had just noticed Feyre had been there the entire time.

“Think about it on the way to the greenhouse,” she said and led the way outside. Cassian knew we were coming, he’d let me through his mental shields. He was aware of everything and decided he was staying.

Elain and Cassian were already getting into one of their games, Mor in complete delight at the sight of them. Amren was busy admiring Lucien’s ring. Azriel was no where to be found when we walked in, everyone looking our way.

“Elain built this,” Feyre said proudly.

“Of course, she did,” Nesta said, looking at Elain who was standing close to Cassian, holding a cup in her hands. Cassian had the bottle.

A tap sounded from behind us and Az outside, smiling. He opened the door and the twins carried a three-tier cake, all white with gold moons and suns all about, the patterns close to our tattoos.

“Since you two denied us all your first wedding, we figured we would take advantage of the second,” he said as the twins set the cake on the little table.

“Are those… diamonds?” Amren asked, leaving Lucien’s side to get a closer look at the glimmering gems amidst the gold suns.

Lucien and Feyre both pulled me towards the cake as everyone gathered around. Despite how long we’d been living together, Feyre was still surprised when a long table appeared, complete with chairs and an entire meal laid out for us all. There was even music.  

Everyone sat down to eat, the conversation focused on that cake. Nesta joined us at the table, to my surprise, sitting between Mor and Amren as Cassian had taken his place between Lucien and Az. Feyre told the others how Lucien had asked us, how I had asked him… She was smiling, Lucien looking at her in absolute adoration.

“Have we decided on a date?” Mor asked. Feyre looked at us both but it was Lucien who answered.

“We have to wait for the priest in the Day Court. My parents just happened to get engaged rather close to an auspicious time.”

“Wonderful! This gives me more time to find something perfect to wear,” Mor said. “What colors are you wearing?”

“On which day?” Lucien asked, making Mor grin.

“Rhys, does this mean you will finally wear something that isn’t black?” Amren asked with a teasing smile.

“That remains to be seen,” I replied, reaching for my glass of wine.

After we ate, it was time to cut the cake. The three of us were given knives and were told which layer of the cake to cut. Feyre had the top, Lucien the middle and I was left with the bottom layer. Cassian made a remark about it which left Feyre blushing.

“Here you go,” Feyre said, giving Elain the first piece of cake.

And once everyone had cake, even Nesta, Lucien came to feed me cake from his plate which was fine until he smeared frosting on my face. He grinned, even when I returned the favor. We shared a kiss, laughing at one another until my attention was diverted when Elain made a strange sound, her face twisted in confusion.

“What is it?” Az asked.

Elain reached for the napkin and brought it to her mouth. And once she’d wiped it clean, Elain held up a simple gold ring.

“Did someone lose this?” she asked innocently, but my brothers and I laughed. Feyre elbowed me.

“Whoever finds the ring,” Mor said, “Is usually the next one to get married.”

“Oh.” Elain blushed and looked at Az.

“It’s just silly superstition,” Az said to her but she handed him the ring. It took him a moment, but Azriel put the ring on her right ring finger. She smiled.

“It’s nice.”

 “Are you sure?”

Elain nodded. “It matches perfectly with my birthday present.”

Mor went still until Elain touched the necklace she wore practically every day. Everyone laughed, except Nesta, who had no idea what Mor had given Elain on her birthday. Feyre came to help us clean our faces of frosting, but not before she made it much worse.

We left the greenhouse to explore the gardens with the sun beginning to fall. Fae light began to glow all about, everyone complimenting Elain on the flowers. It had taken longer than I expected, but Elain tried to engage Nesta in conversation, earning short replies in return.

“Az helped me with it,” she said as we all walked beneath a canopy wrapped in ivy.

“Az seems to be helping you with a great many things,” Nesta replied, reaching out to brush her fingers over the ivy.

“What does that mean?”

“I suppose I should be happy you’ve come to your senses and forgotten about Grayson. But are men any different from Illyrian bastards?”

Everyone stopped walking. Az wasn’t upset… he actually looked at Elain, wary of how she was going to respond.

“Leave her alone,” Feyre said. “She’s done nothing for you to behave this way.”

“You’re one to talk,” Nesta spat, looking between me and Lucien, the disgust was evident.

“I know you’re unhappy, but that is not fair,” Elain said softly, but something was… off. I couldn’t place it.

Nesta’s laugh was cold. No one said a word, not because we did not want to, but because when Feyre had mentioned her sister might come today, she’d asked us not to. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Elain, though and when her brown eyes met mine, I was surprised to suddenly know her thoughts. Elain was… _angry_.

“You don’t know anything,” Nesta said.

“Leave her alone,” Feyre said again.

“What’s it like, Feyre, being with your sister’s mate and-”

“Do _not_ finish that sentence,” I said, everyone looking at me now. Only Elain looked relieved. “You will regret it.”

“My only regret is coming here.”

“Then leave,” Elain said. “I don’t know why any of us want to share our happiness with you just so you can spit on it.”

Elain should have slapped her, I imagine it would have hurt less.

“I am finally happy, Nesta, and I can’t even share that with you. I’m in love, really in love and I couldn’t tell you about any of it. But _you_ did that to us. If you don’t want anything to do with Feyre and I, leave. No one is going to bother you anymore.”

Nesta’s tear filled eyes actually looked towards Cassian, as if he’d defend her. As if he would speak. But Cassian said nothing, his face betrayed no emotion. Even his eyes, they looked at Nesta and there was nothing. So she left, no one saying a word even after she’d disappeared from view.

I looked at Elain who was standing proud, defiant.

“Well,” she said with a sigh. “We have one more surprise for the night.”

“Care to repeat what you said before?” Mor said, going over to link her arm in Elain’s.

Azriel smirked, and it felt like everyone could breathe.

“This can’t be a surprise, can it?” Elain asked, leading us down the path.

“Who said it first?” Mor asked. Azriel was actually blushing now, Cassian finally looking like himself again as he went to pat Az on the back.

“I did,” she began and continued walking. I made my way to Feyre and Lucien, the two of them still reeling from Nesta’s little outburst.

“Darlings,” I said, the two of them looking up at me.

“Where did everyone go?” Lucien asked.

“They’re continuing our engagement party without us, it seems,” I replied. I gave them both a kiss. “Elain promised us one more surprise. Shall we?”

I wasn’t surprised when Feyre came and wrapped her arms around me. Lucien joined us, which made Feyre giggle. 

“It won’t always be that way,” I whispered.

“How do you know?” she asked.

“If _I_ can find happiness, one day… somehow, she will, too,” I replied, surprising myself because I believed it.


	40. 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update has a bit of smut. Kink? Kind of? Court of Nightmares shenanigans. It's been months since I posted this on tumblr and I'm still lol o.O So if you're not into that, don't read after their little party is over- there's a star * in case you aren't sure.

-Lucien-

 

The Court of Nightmares was the last place I ever imagined celebrating our engagement, but here I was, dressed in a black and gold tunic, similar to Rhysand’s. Feyre was walking ahead of us, her black gown revealing enough skin to show the tattoo she shared with Azriel. Rhys and I walked arm in arm with Elain and Az behind us. This was Elain’s first time down here and she was far more excited than I would ever expect someone to be. But then, she was standing in place of Mor who was busy planning the celebration in Velaris and Cassian who was away in the mountains with Nesta.

Feyre had cried the moment Nesta had left the house and it had only gotten worse the day Cassian stopped by to say they were leaving. I supposed that any excuse to leave the house was a good idea, even if it was coming here.

“You learned,” Rhys said the moment we entered the room. There were now three obsidian thrones on the dais. I heard Elain snort behind me.

Mercifully, Keir had a smile plastered on his face and graciously welcomed us all. For today, Rhys sat in the middle, with Feyre at his right and I at his left. Az did not go to the stairs as he usually did, instead, he guided Elain to the desserts. Amren went after the champagne.

 _This Court is yours_ , Rhys had told me that very morning. I was grateful he was holding my hand- it dawned on me that I sat on a throne that _belonged_ to me. Rhys kissed my hand, looking at his court with amusement in his eyes. With his free hand, he beckoned them to begin.

Keir and his wife were the first to approach us with gifts. I noticed Rhys glance over at Az, if only for show, and the Shadowsinger gave a nod. They truly were giving us something. Feyre got up from her throne and walked down the steps to accept them.

“You have our gratitude,” she said and waited for them to give her a bow and walk away to return to her throne to sit.

“We’ll keep those in my room here,” he said as Feyre showed us the silky black dress for her and two of the same trousers for Rhys and I. Feyre snorted and a servant arrived to take them to their High Lord’s chambers.

Feyre decided to remain seated on the stairs after tiring of the back and forth. Rhys and I ended up joining her, lounging about with glasses of wine. Nightclothes, jewelry, gold and someone very audaciously handed Feyre a black box and quickly scurried off. She lifted the lid and turned red in the face.

“ _That’s_ coming home,” Rhys said as he peered inside. It was a black, lacy thing meant for Feyre who set the box beside her before giving Rhys a kiss. He smiled, looking at me. Stunning, this male was absolutely stunning.

“We are not sure how to address you,” a lord said timidly as his wife held a carefully wrapped box. I wasn’t really sure either.

“Lucien is fine,” I said, accepting the gift.

“Luc-” he began and then looked at Rhys. “My Lord Lucien.” He gave a bow and walked off, his wife following close behind. 

It was a black tunic, similar to the ones Rhysand always wore. Rhys inspected it and I had to smirk.

“Don’t you dare,” I said, taking it from him. “You’re enormous. You’ll ruin it.”

Rhys laughed, throwing an arm around me.  

After a time, Rhys and I followed Feyre to the drinks. To our surprise, Rhys addressed the room. The silence was deafening.

“I wish to express my gratitude to you all,” he said. “For this lovely evening, and the gifts… Whoever sent Feyre that rather lovely corset I wish to personally-”

Feyre smacked his arm, making him laugh… Making everyone laugh. He kissed her, and then me, before he spoke again.

“The wedding is not for some time… But Lucien is every bit your High Lord, as Feyre is your High Lady. And it means a great deal that you all have given us such a wonderful evening.”

The shock was palpable. We three had talked about it, what marrying one another would mean. I knew that the idea of a High Lady was still too farfetched for some, but two High Lords? It was unheard of. Part of me wondered what Tamlin would think about it. I would dare write to Eris to know how Beron reacted. Imagining the High Lord of Autumn throwing a tantrum seemed to ease my nerves at how the Court of Nightmares would receive the news.

I wasn’t sure what surprised me more, that no one spoke against it or that Rhys called for a dance and dragged Feyre and I along with him.

We took turns dancing with one another until somehow, Azriel and I were left. Elain was dancing with Rhys, and Feyre had manage to coax Amren to dance with her. I put an arm behind my back and held out my other hand.

“Honor me with a dance?” I said and the Shadowsinger laughed.

“How could I deny you?” he replied.

We danced around the others, Azriel proving himself to be an utterly graceful dancer.

“I have never known this court to be so… lively,” he said to me.

“Could have fooled me.”

“Whatever it is you’re doing, it is changing things for the better. I might just steal you away to the Steppes with me.”

“And what of Rhys?” I asked.

“I’ll leave Cassian here to keep him company.”

We both laughed.

“I know we speak in jest, but truly, if there is ever anything I can help with, all you have to do is ask.”

Azriel considered me for a moment before he actually spun me around.

“You know, fox, I just might.”

*

After the celebration was over, way passed midnight, Azriel and Elain went home. Amren chose to stay here as a drunk Rhys guided us through the dark to his bedroom. She was going to stay in a room at the end of the hall, close to the entrance of Rhysand’s personal quarters.

“I fucking hate it here,” Rhys said as he walked inside; the room had been cleaned. There were fresh sheets on the bed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” Feyre asked although she was taking off her shoes. I closed the door.

“No,” he said as he crawled onto the bed, lying on his stomach. “Not yet.”

“It is a sign of good faith,” I said. “They should see you more often.”

Rhys made a whiny sound.

“Lucien, we musn’t upset the poor baby,” Feyre said, teasing. She walked around the room, opening drawers and closets, before standing in front of the rather large mirror beside the dresser.

“Forgive me, High Lord,” I said with a smile.

I joined Feyre by the mirror, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Help me out of this,” she said softly.

“Gladly.”

Feyre looked at me through the mirror as I stood behind her. I tugged on her hair before bringing it over her shoulder. The dress was simple enough to remove, but I still took my time with it. I was more focused on where my hands were rather than taking it off. Her little sighs and the way her heart raced was worth it. I turned her around, bringing my hands to her back.

“Finally,” she said as I undressed her. She wasted no time in doing away with my clothes. “It feels like we’re not supposed to do this here.”

“Makes it that much better, doesn’t it?”

Feyre laughed and took my hand, guiding me to the bed where Rhys lay, a sleepy smile on his face. We began to undress him, taking our time. Making him laugh.

“This reminds me of that dream I had,” he said to me, a crooked smile on his face.

“You never did tell me what happened,” I said as I undid the laces of his pants and began to tug them down.

“I interrupted them once,” he said wistfully. “But in the dream, it was you, fox, that answered the door.”

I raised a brow, looking over at Feyre who was blushing.

“You invited me in and when Feyre started taking off my clothes, you joined her.”

“Did I?”

Rhys laughed.

“It was wonderful,” he said, reaching out to touch my face. I leaned over to kiss him, smiling when his other hand found its way to my back and he held me close against him. When we stopped to breathe, Rhys was grinning.

“What else?” I asked. Rhys moved so that I was on my back and he held himself over me.

“Shall I show you?” he asked.

The look in his eyes left me speechless. I could only nod. When he left my side, I propped myself on my elbows. “Where are you going?”

Rhys kissed Feyre in such a way that I almost didn’t care that he’d left me like this. He whispered something to her and she nodded, laying down on her side, facing me. Rhys lay behind her, giving me a smile before he tilted her head back enough to leave her neck exposed… For me.

Feyre twined her fingers in my hair as I went to kiss her neck. I wasn’t sure why I remembered the morning after Calanmai, the way Tamlin had bit her, and how foolish I’d been to laugh it off. But as I brought a hand between her legs, I gently grazed her neck with my teeth, putting that memory behind me. She inhaled sharply. I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth in-

“Do it,” she managed to say. “I want you to.”

I pulled away to look at her. Rhys caressed her thigh before bringing her leg over his.

“Go on, fox,” Rhys said as he readied himself to take her from behind. “Feyre wants you to… I want you to.”

My mouth went dry. Feyre reached for me as Rhys entered her, slowly. She smiled, biting her bottom lip as Rhys moved at a slow pace. I brought my hand between her legs again. Gods, those little sounds she made…

With my other hand, I took her by the hair, kissing her neck once more. I paused when I felt her pulse and then I bit her. Mother above the sound she made then. I heard Rhys curse as I licked over the small hurt and bit her again.

We continued like this until Feyre was spent, so sensitive that the faintest of touches had her trembling. While she recovered, Rhys pushed me on my back and twined his fingers in my hair, grazing my scalp with his nails. He grinned before kissing me.

“Shall we put some of my gift to use tonight?” he asked. I laughed as Rhys reached out into nothing until he had a long strip of black satin in his hand. “Do you want to do the honors?”

I breathed in sharply and shook my head. Gently I pried him off me and I sat down. I smiled when I saw Feyre watching us with a sleepy smile. I turned to face him and held out my wrists.

“You’re the High Lord,” I said, noting the glint in Rhysand’s eyes. “Prove it to me.”


	41. 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Homage to greek mythology and the hades and Persephone myth that mirrors Feyre and Rhys, and tbh the rest of the Inner Circle. You'll see.

-Feyre-

 The sun was setting when Cassian arrived at the townhouse, a stupid grin on his face as he came to sweep me off my feet.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said and kissed my forehead before putting me down.

“Not late. But you are not walking me down the aisle in that,” I said, motioning at his fighting leathers.

“You’re not dressed yet.”

I shrugged. Neither Rhysand or Lucien had seen the dress. Only Elain and Cassian knew what it looked like. What color it was. A color very rarely seen in our home. Our court, for that matter.

“Are you nervous?” Cassian teased and I shoved him away from me.

“Go bathe. I’m going to see if Elain needs help.”

Elain was putting earrings on when I walked into her room. She smiled at me from the mirror.

“You’re not dressed?” she asked.

“I…” I was nervous. So nervous. “Would you help me with it?”

Elain turned around. She looked stunning in the lilac gown she wore. It was form fitting, but the skirt gave room for dancing. Her hair was curled and kept down.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

*

I stared at myself in the mirror, in disbelief at my own reflection. The lace bodice was open in the back to show off my tattoos, and a rather modest neckline- for me, anyway. No sleeves, showing off the tattoos on my hands and forearms. The lace flowed over onto the tulle skirt. The patterns were similar to the tattoos we shared, a detail I hadn’t noticed until this morning.

“Wow.”

I turned to see Cassian at the door. I hadn’t even heard him knock. He was grinning as he walked into the room. I let out a sigh. He was wearing grey and he looked incredibly handsome. He laughed when I said as much.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear white,” Cassian said.

“That’s because I don’t.”

“You look beautiful,” he said as he put an arm around me.

“Thank you.”

“Mor is putting her shoes on. We should be ready to go soon.”

I could only nod.

Mor was dressed exactly like Elain, down to the hair style. She was in tears when she saw me and hugged me tight. It was pointless to fight back the tears.  I was marrying Lucien. Rhys and I were renewing our vows. And I was wearing white.

“Are you ready?” Mor asked me, tenderly touching my face, tears still lining her eyes.

“No,” I said with a laugh. “Let’s go.”

Elain and Mor took turns kissing my face and hugging me tight before they stepped out of the front door, leaving me with Cassian. I accepted his outstretched hand, interlacing our fingers. My best friend, my very heart and soul- I couldn’t think of anyone else better suited to walk with, to bring me to the loves of my life, waiting for me. I looked up at him and smiled, closing my eyes when he leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead.

We stepped out of the townhouse and I had to stop and breathe. Flowers and ribbon of lavender and white were wrapped around every gate, every fence. Wreaths hung from every door. Cassian walked me through it all, flower petals strewn all about the ground. The music drifted along the cool summer breeze. Autumn would be upon us soon.

I started to cry once I saw our people lined on either side of the street. They were crying, smiling. Some were singing along to the music. Others threw flower petals before Mor and Elain walked by them. It wasn’t much farther, I knew, and it was an effort not to hurry. But I was glad I let Cassian guide my steps.

Because the pavilion built for our ceremony came in to view. It stood near the Sidra, Rhysand’s favorite view in all of Velaris. Elain and Mor stopped by the steps where Amren and Az already were, and turned to face us. Cassian kissed my forehead before he went to stand with them. I didn’t see Lucien yet… But Rhys. Gods, Rhys was wearing _white_. He stood with his hands behind his back, a smile on his face that brought me to tears. Silver and gold thread lined the collar of his shirt, and when he made to help me up the steps, I saw tiny diamonds amidst the whorls of silver and gold at the end of his sleeves.

“Feyre, darling,” he said quietly as I ascended the steps. The love, the pride and joy down our bond was like nothing I had ever felt before. He put some space between us and just drank me in. “Exquisite, utterly exquisite.”

I smiled. “You look beautiful, Rhys. Perfect.”

He kissed my hand just as I saw movement in the corner of my eye. We turned, both of us in tears as we saw Lucien walking towards us, his mother and father walking with him. Lucien grinned when he saw us, his eyes widening at Rhysand. Then he chuckled as his parents embraced him before Lucien came to join us. As Rhys and Lucien shared a quiet moment together, our family joined us on the pavilion as the rest of Velaris stood all around; from the bridges to the balconies, I even spied some children sitting in trees.

Rhys and I renewed our marriage vows, smiling the entire time. And when it came to the vows I swore when I became High Lady, Lucien joined me. A High Lord in every right. Once our vows were complete, Lucien was beaming when he rolled up his right sleeve, the tattoo there identical to mine and Rhysand’s.

We said our marriage vows to one another, the three of us holding hands. We laughed when we felt the sting in our sides, an addition to the tattoo we already shared. And by the way they looked at me, I knew they were looking forward to seeing what it looked like. Together.

Once we were declared husbands and wife, everyone was laughing with us as Rhys and Lucien practically held me between them so they could kiss. I started to cry again when Lucien kissed me. He was my _husband_. I shrieked when Lucien lifted me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest to take Rhysand’s hand. Together, they walked out into Velaris, leading our family, our people along the Sidra until we were in the Rainbow. It was alive with music and light, seemingly endless tables of food and drinks.

I grabbed a bowl of fruit as Lucien and Rhys went to sit down, the two of them lost in one another. I grabbed a knife and approached the table but remained standing. The music seemed to soften, the conversations ceasing all around us. Only Rhys and Lucien seemed surprised but then, I had Az to thank for making sure everyone knew what I had planned. I looked at him and smiled, earning a blush from the Shadowsinger.

“Before I do anything,” I said, blushing at the way my voice shook, “I wish to thank every one of you for accepting Lucien and I… for celebrating not only our swearing in as High Lord and Lady, but our marriage to Rhys as well.

“I came across a story one morning in the library… something written by mortals. It told of a goddess of spring stolen away by the god of the underworld… At face value, he was a villain. Feared by the gods and mortals alike,” I said, looking at Rhys who was already in tears. “But… this fearsome god was kind. Just. He ruled the underworld with the god of death, the goddess of magic and crossroads, the fates, and the god of darkness.

“And here, this goddess of spring came to make her home. Because she was not merely a goddess of spring. But a bringer of chaos, of destruction. The dead feared her and her husband, the god of the underworld, worshipped her as she worshipped him. Their love was blessed by the goddess of love, because he was no villain. No monster. They were meant for one another the way Rhysand was meant for me. She found her place amongst those gods of the underworld as I found my home here with all of you.”

I looked at Rhys, smiling.

“Did you know before she married the King of the Underworld, the god of the sun had loved her?”

He and Lucien laughed at this, though Rhys was crying.

“But unlike this goddess of spring, I have them both… Lucien, though the Cauldron did not make us mates, I chose you. Rhys and I chose you, making our own fate at your side. And because of this, before our family and Court… I wish to share this with you.”

Both Rhys and Lucien watched as I held out a pomegranate to them.

“This was what the god of the underworld gave his bride of spring, that no one could ever force her to leave his side. And she ate of this by her own will, because she chose him. Even if the fates had tied their souls together, she chose him as I choose you both.”

I don’t think there was a dry eye as Lucien and Rhys joined me. I kissed them both before cutting the pomegranate in half. I set the knife down and held out both halves to them. Rhys brushed his fingers against mine as he took his half, and through our bond I felt love, surprise, gratitude, pride and so many things at once tears stung my eyes. Lucien accepted his, a pensive look on his face. Nevertheless, he and Rhys bit into the pomegranate at the same time before offering what was left to me. I let out a nervous laugh, taking a step towards them. Rhys was grinning as he fed the fruit to me, and after Lucien did the same, he kissed the corners of my mouth.

The sound of applause and Cassian making filthy remarks was distant as Lucien kissed me, leaving me weak in the knees. Rhys wasted no time in pulling me against him, kissing me with the same hunger as Lucien had. They left me dizzy, catching my breath as they kissed one another.

After everyone had eaten and drunk to their hearts’ content, we cut the massive wedding cake my sister had made with the twins. Cassian had helped, I came to learn, Mor winnowing him back and forth from the Steppes to Velaris every moment he could spare in the days it had taken them to make it. I made a point to dance with him before anyone else, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach as everyone watched.

“Mortal girls would dance with their father,” I whispered as we swayed from side to side. “At least that’s what I heard.”

He chuckled. “Do they dance with their husbands?”

I eyed my husbands, the two of them whispering to each other- filth, no doubt.

“I would think so.”

He spun me around, others joining in on the dance.

“I’m happy for you, Feyre,” he said softly.

“It means the world to me that you’re here,” I said, earning a kiss to the forehead.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

Azriel cut in, Cassian going off to where Rhys and Lucien sat. I laughed when he made himself comfortable on Rhysand’s lap and asked Lucien for a dance.

“Thank you,” I said to Az.

“It was nothing.”

“All the same,” I said. “I left you and Elain a little thank you gift at the house. Cassian is going to stay at the townhouse tonight.”

“Did you?” He was smirking.

“I think you’ll like it.”

“Cassian staying somewhere else tonight is gift enough.”

I laughed, bringing Az to smile.

*

Our bedroom in the House of Wind was lit by candlelight. We three had been quiet on the way here, acknowledging the candles that had guided the way from the balcony, through the House and the stairs with quiet smiles. Our bed was covered in rose petals and there was a very familiar bottle of wine on the nightstand with three little glasses beside it.

“Didn’t I give that to you last winter?” Lucien asked and we laughed.

“It’s the last one,” Rhys replied.

“Is it?”

“We drank the first one during Solstice,” I said. “You and Rhys finished the second one-”

“I did no such thing,” Rhys said, feigning insult. “He finished it. I got drunk with Azriel.”

“We’ve been married all but a few hours and you’re already pointing fingers at me,” Lucien said, a hand over his chest. Rhys laughed, pulled Lucien into his arms and covering him in kisses.

“The two of you are insufferable,” I said, walking over to the nightstand. I opened the bottle and before I could even pour myself a glass, the two of them were behind me, looking over my shoulder.

“Can I help you?” I asked, forgetting the glass and taking a drink straight from the bottle. Lucien took the bottle from my hands and took a drink as Rhys wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asked and I laughed.

“Yes… Have I told you how beautiful you look in white?”

Lucien joined us.

“I must agree with Feyre.”

When I turned to look at him, I found Rhys blushing.

“I love it so much, I almost don’t want to take it off.”

“You cruel, wicked thing.”

“I’m cruel?” I teased. “I guess I’ll just go see what my tattoo looks like all by myself.”

I laughed as the both of them covered me in kisses. Lucien spun me around so that my back was to him as Rhys kissed me. I felt his hands roam over my back before he began to undo the very few buttons at the neck. Rhys was busy removing the pins in my hair. I giggled when they shared the task of undressing me. Between laughter and kisses and teasing, they were standing in their undershorts and looking at me as if they’d never seen me before. I was wearing a scrap of lace that left nothing to the imagination, a garter that held up the stockings and nothing else. When neither of them spoke, I took them both by the hand and led them to the mirror.

Around the sun and moon we shared were the same whorls on our arms. Delicate lines that followed the same design at first glance, but were actually our names.

“It’s perfect,” I said, leaning against Rhys.

“What do you think of our Illyrian tattoos now, fox?” Rhys asked and Lucien chuckled.

“I love them.”

“Truly?”

“Do I have to complete the Rite to get the others?”

I laughed at the look on Rhysand’s face.

“Would you leave us so soon?” Rhys asked.

“Who says we can’t stay with him? You lived with your mother.”

“It’s our wedding night. Why think of the Rite at all?”

“I plan on honoring every part of you,” Lucien said teasingly.

“And you’d start there?”

“No,” Lucien said, leading us to the bed. “I thought we’d start here.”


	42. 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was fun to write. Also because I can't get enough of Feyre and Elain being super close sisters. Or Elriel, for that matter. Happy Azriel is the best kind of Azriel.

-Rhys-

I loved Lucien. With my entire heart and soul. I would move mountains for him, kill for him. I would do anything for him… and yet-

“Just for a few days,” Lucien said, his smile my undoing. And he knew this.

“It would be nice. Just the three of us before the ceremonies in Day,” Feyre added. I slouched in my chair, bringing a hand to my temple.

“Is this what you truly want?” I asked.

“It is.”

I let out a sigh and had to smile when Lucien made himself comfortable on my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck.

“I promise you will not regret this,” he said, covering my face in kisses. When Feyre joined him, I laughed.

“What am I going to do with the two of you?”

“Make us happy,” Feyre responded.

*

But it was not, in fact, just the three of us.

It appeared that all of Illyria had decided to be part of the supposed _intimate_ , _small_ celebration to honor Lucien and Feyre. Cassian and Azriel were already there when we arrived. Elain took Feyre by the hand and the two quickly rushed off as Lucien and I were led to sit before a great fire. All of the warlords were present, even Andras and his wife- their child asleep in her arms. Food was being cooked over open flame as drums and guitar were played.

Lucien and I were given black vests embroidered in gold and red to wear over our shirts, the sight of them something I had not seen in ages. These were a groom’s garments. Part of it, anyway. Cassian and Az sat on either side of Lucien and I, taking up the seats where I thought Elain and Feyre would be.

We were given mead to drink, and the look on Lucien’s face made me laugh. It was disgusting.

“I haven’t had to drink this shit since the Rite,” I said with a grimace. Lucien tried it again and was grateful when plates of meat and bread were placed before us.

“Am I supposed to eat all of this?” Lucien asked and I laughed, throwing an arm over his shoulder.

“Not alone. This is for us,” I said.

“It’s so you two can keep up with Feyre tonight,” Cassian whispered to Lucien, laughing when I reached around Luce and shoved him. “What? Two husbands means more work!”

Lucien shoved him this time.

Azriel had remained quiet and reserved through all of it, even as the warlords and their spouses or lovers came to pay respects. I did notice how he perked up when Lucien inquired after Feyre and Elain, but Cassian promised that the bride usually remained with the other females until it was time for the actual wedding ceremony.

“There’s no ceremony, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Cassian teased. I rolled my eyes.

Another round of mead had just been passed around when Elain and Feyre returned to us- the both of them in traditional Illyrian dress. Elain, unmarried, wore a black blouse beneath a jacket with gold and red adornment. A black sash around the waist, the skirts not quite reaching her ankles to show the lace trim of her underdress. Feyre’s dress was the same, but instead of black, her blouse was white. Red around the waist. White skirts and red lace. Both of them wore their hair in a crown braid with red ribbon interwoven through the plaits. Azriel and I no doubt shared the same expression on our faces, damn Cassian’s smug grin to hell. They approached our table and sat across from us, sharing a conspiratorial smile.

“Sorry we’re late,” Elain said, blushing as she looked at Azriel. “This was not easy to get into.”

Feyre looked at Lucien, then at me and grinned.

“At least we know they’ll have fun trying to get us out of it,” she said to her sister her laughed. Az was trying not to grin. When he caught me looking he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said to me before pushed his drink to Elain. “Try this.”

*

Lucien and I held hands as Feyre and Elain led us to where we would stay for the night. The two were giggling, whispering to one another about us and about Azriel who was somewhere behind us. The bastard was tight lipped about Elain’s teasing tonight but they were sharing a tent near ours. That was answer enough.

“I feel bad that Cassian isn’t here,” Lucien said softly.

“I don’t think he feels that way,” I said and heard Azriel snort.

“Trust me, fox,” Az said, “Cassian wants to be nowhere near us right now.”

Azriel walked on ahead of us and Elain shrieked when he lifted her up from behind. He turned on his heel as he carried her in his arms and grinned.

“You’re Illyrian, I take it you know your husbandly duties tonight.”

“Bailing out on us already?” I teased.

“Goodnight,” Az called out and turned around, carrying Elain to their tent. Feyre waited for us just outside of ours, her face flushed pink.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Feyre asked me and I sighed.

“I did… More than I expected to.”

Feyre smiled, and made to step inside but I took her by the wrist. She laughed as I took her up in my arms. Lucien held back the heavy fabric of the tent’s entrance to allow us through. There was a fire going and furs all about the floor. Our bed was low and covered in pillows. A little wooden table boasted a pitcher of water and three glasses. I set Feyre down and kissed her softly before I turned my attentions on Lucien. I reached out for him and he came to stand with us.

“How long have you two been planning this?” I asked.

“We will never tell,” Feyre said coyly.

“Did you like it? Truly?” Lucien asked.

“I loved it. And I love you,” I said, cupping his face with both hands before I kissed him. “Look at you both… dressed like an Illyrian bride and groom.”

Feyre cleared her throat.

“Someone needs to help their Illyrian bride out of these clothes. I won’t be surprised if Elain fell asleep waiting for Az to undo all these gods-damned laces.” 

*

When I opened my eyes, Lucien was getting dressed. I would have gone right back to sleep had I not noticed _what_ he was putting on. Mindful of Feyre, I slid out of the bed, making sure the heavy blankets covered her. I bit down a curse as I rushed to find my clothes, the tent cold despite the fire.

“What are you doing awake?” Lucien whispered.

“Where are you off to?” I whispered back and Lucien sighed. He tied his hair back before approaching me.

“Cassian starts training soon,” Lucien said softly.

“And?”

“And I’m going to train.”

“On our wedding night?”

Lucien chuckled, kissing my cheek.

“Our wedding night already passed. And I told you, I plan on honoring every part of you, Rhys.”

Lucien made to walk away but I took him by the wrist, bringing him to look at me.

“What are you doing, Luce?”

He placed his hand over mine and gently pushed it away.

“Just training. I swear.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do the Rite. Not yet. And you’re my husband-”

Lucien very audaciously placed a finger over my mouth, forcing me to be silent.

“I’m not doing the Rite. Trust me. I already asked and Cassian said no one would dare attack me which would make it all pointless.”

“You asked?” That bastard hadn’t told me Lucien had asked anything of the sort.

“Yes. And don’t be mad at him. I asked him not to tell you.”

I sighed.

“I just want to train.”

“Alright… Just-” I pulled him into my arms and Lucien laughed, hugging me back.

“I love you so much Rhys.”

“I love you, Luce.”

With one more kiss and a playful wink, Lucien left.

*

Azriel and Elain joined us for breakfast, Az dressed casually for once. Elain removed her coat, remaining in her sweater and leggings, reminding me of Feyre. The sisters seemed to have coordinated their outfits today. They had gone to sit together by the fire, speaking so low even I couldn’t hear them.

I noticed the little bottle near Azriel’s plate, very similar to the one Lucien drank every morning, and the one I’d stopped drinking when Feyre and I decided to begin trying. He chugged it down and set the bottle beside his drink, trying his best not to show how disgusted he was by the taste.

“Shut up,” Az murmured, looking right at me.

“I haven’t said a thing.”

“You’re thinking it.”

“Are you daemati now?”

Azriel brought his attention back to his food.

“Elain and I have to go,” Feyre announced. I saw her pull her sister along with her. Az and I barely got a word out before they stepped outside. We shared a look and Az shrugged. But then I heard Feyre shrieking and then let out a curse. Elain had most likely hit her. Az was smiling then. He laughed when I pushed him by the shoulder.

“Shut up,” he repeated.

“What? Can’t I be happy for you?”

“Yes,” he said with a resigned sigh.

“First time?”

“No. Not really.”

When I raised a brow, he chuckled.

“There were things she wanted to try before-” he stopped as if he hadn’t meant to speak. He was actually blushing. I leaned forward, resting my chin on my fist.

“For once, Az. Let yourself gloat. I’ve made you and Cassian suffer since Feyre and I were stuck in that stupid inn. It’s only fair. And look at how you blush.”

Az shoved me, nearly making me hit the table. He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair as I righted myself.

“I won’t tell you,” he began and before I could protest, he continued. “But Elain said Grayson was boring. She hadn’t understood all the fuss.”

“And now she does?”

Az simply grinned.


	43. 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most recent update on Tumblr this week. There will be 2 more chapters/updates to this fic before I end it to begin the Nessian fic. It's not ending how I expected, but it's ending in a way that even if I wasn't writing the Nessian fic, I would be happy with it. From now on, to the best of my ability, I will update on Tumblr and here so everyone is on the same page. I'll also be putting my Feyrhycien Mob Au fic here. Anyway, thank you guys for being patient and always being so encouraging. Every time I get a message in my inbox about this story it just makes my whole day.

-Lucien-

The sun cast a golden glow over the veranda and I might have forgotten how to breathe the moment I saw Feyre sitting on the swing. I wasn’t sure I would ever get over seeing her in Day Court garments. The green silk that went over her shoulder, long enough for her to wear it over her braided hair like a veil. Bangles and rings, so many necklaces, the heavy earrings. The sindoor between the part in her hair. Her feet peeked through her orange skirts enough that I could see the beads glimmering from the anklets she wore.

My wife.

I was certain no one had gotten married as many times as we had but… Feyre Archeron was my wife. And it was as if she’d heard my thoughts and looked my way, a smile blossoming on her face. She pat the space beside her, the movement causing her bangles to jingle. And when I sat down, I brought my arms around her, making her laugh.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” I asked playfully.

“Observing… I don’t think one hundred years is enough to capture every corner of this place,” she said wistfully. “I love it, Lucien.”

“I suppose I should buy you paint then,” I said and kissed her nose.

“What are _you_ doing out here?” she asked.

“Enjoying the view.”

Feyre rolled her eyes, playfully hitting my chest.

“There is somewhere I want to take you and Rhys before we go home, actually.”

“Really? And where is our darling husband? He’s been quiet all day.”

“He went with my father out into the city… There were a few things I needed and he offered to get.”

“Hm…”

“Walk with me?” I asked and she gave me a nod. I helped her to her feet and didn’t let go of her hand as I led her down the stairs to the gardens. I named the flowers, Feyre repeating them quietly to herself. We stopped to watch the fish swim in the pond, to admire the birds that sang in the trees. To our mutual delight, Rhys managed to find us. Seeing him in Day Court clothes still surprised me. He’d worn crimson on our wedding day, and a different color everyday since. I knew both my mother and grandmother played a role in it at first, but I had the feeling he was using it as an excuse. Today, he wore cobalt blue and purple.

“I believe we are all set for our excursion,” he said as he greeted us both.

“Where are we going?” Feyre asked.

“We might need a change in clothes,” Rhys said softly, as if speaking to himself.

“Already?” Feyre said playfully. “I love seeing you in color.”

Rhys smiled. “I wouldn’t want to ruin these… But fret not, darling, I bought clothes specifically for this little venture.”

Our little venture was over a day’s ride from my father’s palace and passed the villa. The horses were left in the stables with the small group of soldiers and servants my grandmother had insisted we bring with us. But we weren’t staying there. I led my husband and wife high up into the mountains where we bathed in the river and ate over open fire. We didn’t make it to our campsite until nightfall, but the effect was still the same.

Feyre and Rhys had stopped moving, looking up at the ruin in amazement. “It might have been a fortress or a palace once,” I said softly. “Come on, let me show you.”

They followed me through the archways, and down a long hall that led out into an inner courtyard. What was left of a fountain stood at the center. Stone benches covered in vines and grass, tree roots breaking through the stone. We crossed the courtyard and I led them to a set of double doors that had managed to survive, even if the gold and gems were long gone- the evidence of their existence was still etched in stone.

“Was this a throne room?” Feyre asked, almost breathless.

“I believe so,” I answered as we entered the great all. Pillars in various states of ruin still stood. It was much like Helion’s throne room. The windows that now had no glass. The metal discs on the walls and pillars perhaps held mirrors once to reflect the sun. But we didn’t stop here.

I led them out through an archway behind the dais where the throne would have sat. I opened my hand and summoned a small flame as we walked through the dark for a time. There was a stair well that led to what had once been the bedchambers. Most of the rooms still had the furniture, rusted metals and rotted wood. Gold glimmering beneath dirt and vines. “This one,” I said and pushed the heavy door to reveal a room where a tree grew right through it. The branches tore into the ceiling, vines and flowers were everywhere. The bed was still standing, even if the mattress was gone. There was a mirror, shattered, on one wall. There were drapes on the wall opposite the door that were so brittle I knew if I touched them they’d turn to dust. But beyond them… It was a balcony that gave view to the entirety of the ruin. The mountainside and the dunes beyond.

“It isn’t going to rain tonight,” I said as I put the flame out and set my pack down. “I wouldn’t mind sleeping out here.”

I turned to find Rhys and Feyre still standing just below the archway of the balcony. They were both in a state of disbelief.

“We can sleep inside, if this is too much-” I began but Feyre was on me before I knew what was happening. She wrapped her arms tight around me.

“Too much! Lucien, this is… This is… I’ve never seen anything like this before.” She let me go and went to the balustrade and peered over as Rhys came to give me a kiss.

“I’ve never seen anything like this in all my days,” he said. “And you and Helion just… found this?”

I rubbed the back of my neck.

“Well… He knew it was here, but I was the one who came to look at it,” I said and saw the look on his face. “But Devi was with me. So it was fine.”

“Your father’s cat?”

I laughed.

“You’ll meet her tomorrow. You’ll see.”

Rhys scowled but started to smile once I covered his face in kisses.

“We should rest. I have much I wish to show you tomorrow.”

With our turbans and jackets off, we three changed into more comfortable clothes to sleep in. Feyre wrapped her veil around her shoulders and sat down before a gap in the balustrade with her sketchbook while Rhys and I lay three bedrolls on the ground. Then we draped a blanket over them all and tossed the small pillows we’d brought with us. Rhys braided my hair before he crawled onto our ‘bed’ for the night. I felt the moment he put a barrier around us, even as he yawned and curled up on his side.

“You look like a lazy cat,” I said as I put the blanket over him. Rhys merely smiled. I got up and walked over to sit beside Feyre. She was busy with her sketch of her view from where she sat. I didn’t say anything, merely put an arm around her waist and was content to wait for her.

When Feyre finished, her fingertips and the sides of her hands were silvery gray. She closed the book and set it aside, leaning into me. “I need another sketchbook,” she said softly.

“I’ll get you another.”

“And pencils?”

I chuckled, kissing her temple. “Anything you need, my love.”

“Hm… I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what I need now?”

“Hm?”

Feyre took my hand and grabbed her sketchbook before we got to our feet and went to where Rhys lay, already asleep. She put her sketchbook in her pack and sat down in the middle, patting the space beside her. When I sat with her, she lay down on her side, her back facing me. I lay behind her and put an arm over her middle.

“Remember all those nights we spent just like this?” she whispered. I held her a little closer.

“I won’t ever forget.”

She giggled, putting her arms over mine.

“It was… I’m glad I had that time with you, Luce. I know it was terrifying but I couldn’t have survived without you.”

I breathed her in, closing my eyes.

“I love you, Feyre,” I said, grateful that I could say it. “And Rhys… Although he’s sleeping.”

“He knows…,” she assured me. “And I love you.”

*

We spent the morning exploring the ruin, finding relics Helion needed to know about. It was part of his history- my history. We picked fruit off the trees that grew in an overgrown garden I knew Elain would set to rights if she came here. There was a room as big as our bedroom in the lakefront house that might have been indoor pools of water once. The tile was cracked and missing pieces but I could see it, somehow, what it would have looked like. There was an enormous cauldron in the middle of the courtyard where the kitchens were, rusted and cracked. The moment I saw it tried to stop them from walking out there but they persisted, going a bit pale at the sight.

“We could bathe in there,” Rhys said at last.

“It’s rusted,” Feyre said with a sniff.

I chuckled, letting out a sigh. “I’ll have the entire place restored, my darling husband. We’ll bathe in your cauldron if that’s what will make you happy.”

Rhysand’s smile left me breathless.

It was around noon when I heard the familiar growl overhead, trying not to laugh at how Rhys and Feyre reacted.

“What was that?” Rhys asked.

“Helion’s cat,” I replied and whistled, rushing towards the courtyard. I whistled again and Devi answered, tackling me to the ground. She licked my face and seemed content when I scratched under her chin. “I want to introduce you to my husband and wife.”

Devi rubbed her face against mine before stepping on me and walking off. I got to my feet, wincing a bit. Said husband and wife were still standing there in shock.

“Devi, that is Rhys- my husband. He is not your lunch,” I said, grinning as Rhys laughed nervously. “And that beautiful angel at his side is Feyre, my wife.”

Devi circled them before sniffing Rhys. She let out a huff and bumped her nose against Feyre’s middle and purred. Feyre laughed and ran her fingers over Devi’s furry face.

“Oh, you’re a good girl, aren’t you?” she said in a very sweet voice.

“That’s the cat?” Rhys asked as Devi nuzzled against Feyre.

“Isn’t she a dear?”

Feyre slowly sank to the ground and Devi playfully nudged her before resting her head on Feyre’s lap.

“She likes you,” I mused and Feyre let out a contented sigh.

“And I like her.”

*

Devi liked Feyre a bit too much for _my_ liking. Every time I tried to get near her, even to hold her hand, she growled at me. Rhys laughed every time, as the beast barely batted an eye at him. Even now, Feyre lay on the bed we’d made, Devi curled up at her feet, her tail swishing from side to side.

“You know,” Feyre said softly, “Mortals would say that their pets would know when one was with child before anyone else, suddenly becoming aggressive with any male that came near the mother.”

Rhys and I seemed to forget how to breathe.

“Maybe one day, this one will figure it out first… She probably can tell I’m not going to be feeling so well soon.”

I made to ask what that meant but Rhys grimaced, and I understood. The thought of Feyre being in any kind of pain, especially _that_ kind, terrified me. How could I take it away? Make it easier to deal with?

“I will feed you both to her if you start fussing,” she threatened before bursting into laughter.

When Rhys and I joined Feyre on the bed, Devi growled but settled down once Feyre pulled me into her arms. Rhys was curled up behind Feyre, already closing his eyes.

“Can you picture it?” Rhys asked sleepily. “Tiny versions of you and me chasing Feyre about.”

Feyre giggled. “I hope one of them as your hair, Luce. Imagine?”

“I’m still trying to grasp the fact that you’d want children with me,” I admitted, bringing them both to look at me.

“I think one with each of you would be just… darling,” Feyre said with a smile. She put a hand on my cheek. “But there is no rush. We have forever with each other.”

I nodded.

“I want to keep you to myself for a few years,” she added. “Let’s enjoy being newlyweds before we think about children.”

“Helion is going to be an irritating grandfather,” Rhys said and we laughed.

“Cassian and Az will be the best uncles,” Feyre said.

“You know… I think Amren will surprise us,” I said and the two of them looked at me in disbelief. “She won’t spoil them rotten like Mor will. But I think she’ll be the most affectionate of them all.”

“Don’t say that to her face. I do not wish to become a widower so soon,” Rhys said with a yawn.

I rolled on to my back, looking up at the night sky. I heard Rhysand’s breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep. Devi’s tail had stopped its swishing. But Feyre was still awake. She put her hand over my chest, and I placed my hand over hers.

“There is no rush… You can change your mind about it. All of it,” she said softly. “But I want you to know that you deserve every happiness that this life gives you. Any child would be lucky to have you as their father.”


End file.
